Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve now.  Everything is wrapped and under the tree and we're about to head off to bed.  I hope the holidays...whatever you celebrate, bring you peace and happiness.  If not that...at least a new iPod.

Love and happiness to you all.  Merry Christmas from way Down Under.....

Wine Recommendation

I owe my life to a Houghton Quill Pinot Noir Chardonnay sparkling wine this evening.  I thought I would recommend it to you all.  Here's why...

At about 3:15ish my son's friend, visiting from Wales took him to bowling.  The boys haven't seen each other in almost 2 years.  I pomised Jacob's parents that we would be home waiting, whenever they returned.  Julie thought they would be back in about 2 hours.  No problem, it's hot.  I didn't want to go anywhere.  I had spent 2 hours grocery shopping this morning with crazed Christmas shoppers, I was done.

At about 4:30 I notice that Tessi has a red line in the corner of her eye.  Normally this wouldn't phase me as Tessi is...well...Tessi.  However, I know this red line.  This red line has been the bane of my exsistence for a few weeks.  It's ring worm.  I know it because we've been battling it with Monty and several of us in the family for 2 weeks.  Honestly, I don't know how Monty has anything alive on him with all the pills, creams and twice weekly baths with basicially a turpentine substance but it's hearty stuff and now it's hit Tessi.

Now, I do know what to do.  I have the cream but I'm concerned because it's RIGHT in the crease of her eye and I'm not sure if I can give her the over the counter medicine I have.  So, I call the pharmacist (pharmacists are WAY cooler in Australia by the way, they are like a dr - light.  It's pretty aweseme, most of the imte) However today, the chemist says, no go...anything near the eye I should go to the dr.  Ok, I call my madly busy dr's office and first the gal at the phone tries to put me off but when she hears my tale of woe she says to bring Tessi in NOW and she' ll work me in.

Ok-ey.  I can't call Julie.  I don't have a number for her so I can't be sure Teddy has someplace to go.  I call my friend Penny and concoct a convelouted plan for me to take Connor to her and have her grab Teddy but as I'm leaving I see my neighbor Sue is home from work so she agrees to grab Teddy when Julie brings him home and I decide to just keep Connor with me as we race to the drs, of course on my way I go to the bowling alley in case I can see them.  Which of course I can't, so now Connor is in a real tizzy over the noise and confusion of the bowling alley.

Get to the dr's and wait 30 min only to hear that the dr is stumped too.  Lovely.  He can't find any anti-fungal med for the eye but it must be treated as it could contaminate the eyelid and really cause damage.  He instructs me to use the over-the-coutner medicine only I should be careful, if it gets in her eye I'll blind her.  Ok, so no pressure.  Not like Tessi is known for random, unexpected crying hissy fits that could wash the medicine into her eye.  No problem.  In the hands of a mere mortal this might be a problem but I am in fact, me...so No Worries.

At this point, Julie has returned Teddy to my house and found my note and called me in a panic. The lovely woman wants to stay and help even though she's an hour away from where she's spending the night.  God bless her.  She's a lovely soul.  I assure her that all's well and to send Teddy to the neighbor house - Sue's expecting him.  I race home with the girls and of course...Teddy is annoyed that I got home sooner than expected.

By this time it's 6:45 and I'm NOT cooking.  I order pizza.  Only there's a glich in the system and it won't let me order online so I have to call and for that I get charged an extra $4 a pizza, even though it's THEIR COMPUTERS PROGRAMMING ERROR.  STINKIN PROGRAMMERS!!!!  YOU'RE USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter, we got paid yesterday so I don't mind throwing money away.  Pizza arrives, only had to referr 3 fights while waiting.  Sat down to eat and Teddy decides THAT'S a good time to ask if Santa is real.  I blow it off until the girls go to bed and after my friend calls to ask about Tessi and I have to warn her to watch for ringworm signs in her kids as she watched mine today.  She LOVES me right now.

After the girls go to bed I brace myself for the talk with Teddy, cause Ted is still out at his corporate kegger so it's up to me to destroy Teddy's childhood and explain Santa to him.  He's fine,  Hell, he just wanted to make sure he still gets presents.  We comiserate the end of an era with a few reditions of "Eye of the Tiger" and "Living On a Prayer" on Guitar Hero.

It's then I that I found this lovely bottle of sparkling wine.  Most of the way through it and I can unclench my teeth again.  It has a lovely bouquet.  Not pretentious at all.  I highly recommend it.  In fact, I insist on it.

I Hate Technology

If I had a sense of humor right now I would see the irony in someone who is using a computer to write a blog lamenting the woes of modern technology.  Like I said, IF I had a sense of humor right now.

I have my friend Penny's kids coming over to join 2 of my cherubs today.  In an effort to entertain I planned to make snowflakes.  I wanted to print out different cool patterns but apparently my computer has decided the my printer's USB cable is sooooo passe.  I didn't know this was even a possibility.  I've unplugged and plugged, rebooted and sworn and shook cables around but it's no go.  The printer is yesterday's news.  Yep, this is sooooo what I need today.

Sigh....no rest for the wicked I suppose.

An Evening of Quiet

Ted took the kids and went to a friends party.  I suppose that's all I need to write.  I doubt highly there's a single person who reads this and knows me can't understand what that entails for me.  I'm just so exhusted right now...I know who isn't, but over the weekends I just step back at leave it all to Ted.  Not fair I know but I can't think of what else to do.

Connor is too much right now.  I'm really seeing that.  At least too much for me.  Sooo, tomorrow starts a great search for some activities for Madam.  Maybe if I get her mind off of Kindy ending and being scared about change I can get her to tone down a bit.  Did find out who her new teacher is and while I'm not 100% sure what I think...at least it's a name I can start throwing out to her.  It's a start.

I realized last night part of why I was so upset about Connor turning her daily tirade on Teddy.  I'm supposed to protect my children.  What do I do when I have to protect my children from my children?  If someone lays into Teddy it's simple...I stop them.  Always have, I know what to do and I do it.  But when the aggressor is Connor...what am I supposed to do?  Connor's not a monster.  She's terrified about her world around her and has no real way of telling us...at least not in a manner that the rest of us can understand.  But she's vicious and relentless..2 qualities which combined are too much for Teddy.  Hell, they're too much for me.
I can't stop Connor in the way I need to protect Teddy.  I can't continue to be Connor's whipping post either. 

I've taken to reading some blogs written by adults with Asperger's.  Some of it's pretty brutal.  Such bluntness, such critisizm, such...I don't know the right words...disquieting perhaps?  My daughter is a member of a community that I know nothing about...honestly, one in which I am vocally not welcome.  Sadly, when reading their thoughts, I'm not sure I want to be.

Yet, I have to find a way.  I can't handle the thought of Connor living her life separated from her family.  She maybe different..I dunno, maybe she is fine and we're different...but we are family...there has to be some way.  I don't want her grown up feeling like the world is plotting against her, that she is "owed" something and everything would be fine if we all just did things her way.

Jesus...reading that does make me wonder if she is fine and I'm the one with the problem.

Posting #112

I can't title the posting what I would like to because my father and mother and father-in-law read this and I can't have them know I use that kind of language.

Connor is in rare form today and for once it's not going after me.  Sadly, she's going after Teddy.  I have to say, I really feel bad for Teddy but he is really taking one for the team today.  Today is the first day of school holidays and Connor is overwhelmed by the change of leaving Kindergarden, not being in school, having Christmas coming, knowing she's going into Year One and it's tearing her off her rocker.  Every time Teddy  brushes past her she falls apart in hysterics sobbing about how he's done it on purpose and how he's always hitting and hurting her.

It's all nonsense.  Teddy has never teed off and hit her and I give him full credit for it because she really has earned it today.  Connor has to learn the difference between small infractions and large, huge problems.  To her, they are all they same.  I had a psychologist tell me just yesterday how lucky we are to know this about Connor now - so we have time to teach her all of this before it gets rough.  I shudder when I think that because NOW is pretty rough.  Her sobbing and hysteria is so draining.

I just had a long talk with Teddy to calm him down as he's finally cracked and crying.  He's 9 and he can't figure out why his sister hates him  so much...and then loves him so much.  I said, "I'm an adult and I know why...and it still hurts.  There's no way in this world you should understand.  The truth is Teddy, Autism, no matter how severe or mild, simply sucks"

If you know someone with an Autistic person in your life, please, don't tell them it'll get better...just hold their hand and tell them it's ok to be tired and they are not a bad person for wishing things were different.  Sometimes even 5 minutes of knowing you're not a bad person can make all the difference in the world.

Now I get to go and spend some time with Connor...who has already forgotten what happened...and try to teach her how she's supposed to act and try to get her brother to still try and love her.  He does, he just doesn't know it right now.

I'm Not a People Person.

Not that this is a surprise to anyone.  I mean seriously, when have I ever been sociable Sally?     ...but I'm slowly realizing that I'm becoming more like Ted and truly hating my fellow man.  Nothing and I mean nothing, brings out that feeling like holiday time.  It's not a cliche and I'm not jumping on any bandwagon, I'm seriously noticing what a bunch of twits there are around the world and for some reason, they all shop at Westfield in Hornsby.

From asses who have the split the difference between the lines when entering the parking lot so we all have to wait for them to pick a line to people who live in terror of reaching wind blowing speeds of 5 mph.  Seriously, if the car scares you that much, take the train. 

I think people just take leave of their senses this time of the year.  No, you can't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look for God-knows what.  Especially now because there are more of us trying to past you and get done before we snap and kill someone.   Don't do it.  I don't even care which side of the aisle anymore...just PICK ONE!  And yes, if you don't, I WILL move your cart out the way.  I DON'T NEED your permission.  Wanna start with me?  I argue with a 9, 5 and 4-year old every.stinking.day.  Trust me, you don't have a prayer.

Don't argue with the kid at the checkout that the stores have it cheaper.  He doesn't care.  I don't care.  None of us care.  Take it to customer service.  They dont' care either but at least they'll pretend.  Cashiers, I'm sure you're nice but spare me your life story.  I don't mean the people you see every week and develop a rapor with...I mean the cashier you've never seen before in your life who carries on about how her manager has messed with her schedule and she HAS to be off to go see her boyfriend's show.  I promise you, I don't care.  I'm sure your manager doesn't care either because, honestly, drummer's girlfriends trying to sneak out of work early aren't exactly uncommon.  Hell, MY MOTHER knew people who did that.  Seriously, if you're on par with my mom...sorry...you just ain't counter culture.

All of this is of course going on with loud and fairly lame Christmas music in the background.  So Ho, Ho, Ho and leave me alone.

Unless of course you're Tessi.  Tessi who had to dress like a rainbow fairy and even while she was an obnoxious 4-year old, she was still cute and she stopped total strangers to twirl her rainbow skirt for.  And I have to give the strangers credit.  Not one threw her a look...everyone commented on how well her skirt twirled and how beautiful she looked.  Merry Christmas Tessi.  You make a beautiful fairy.

I Wonder What a Good Mother Would Do?

Teddy and Connor are in the kitchen fighting while they make sandwiches and packing lunches.  This is fine.  At least the lunches are being made.  However, I just overheard Teddy yelling at Connor apparently about some sandwiches that fell and are now on the floor.  No one bothered to pick them up and it seems that Sasha has either eaten them or simply licked the jam off.

Now they are arguing about whether or not new sandwiches even need to be made...let alone who is going to do them.  As my stomach is sitting here churning with nausea at the thought of Connor eating a dog-licked jam sandwich a part of me wonders - well, should I let them settle it or should I step in?

See it's crap like this that gets mothers into trouble.  If I step in too much then I'm the dreaded "helicopter" parent.  If I stand back too much I'm neglecting them.  Also, if I step in too much fighting with Connor my head spins and I trip over myself  getting the pretty yellow pills and a cold compress for the heartbeat over my eye.

Sigh...so either way I'm sunk. 

Wait a minute!  Teddy has come in to ask about what else to put in the lunch and SHOCK he threw out the sandwiches!!!!  He even gave me an odd look when I asked!  As if it was obvious that one throws out sandwiches that the dog has licked!!!  You have no idea how impressive this is.  This comes from a boy that for entertainment follows the dog and cat around in hopes that one of them will sneeze on him.  One of his Christmas presents is a snot making kit.  Seriously...this is big. 

So apparently somewhere, somehow at some point in time I managed to convey to Teddy that there is a level of grossness too high.  Dare I say it...is this my June Cleaver moment??!!  Is this the moment I've been waiting for that allows me to think that perhaps, I'm not the Joan Crawford of mothers?  I think I'm dizzy now.

Ahhh, they're fighting again and I can head the dog sneezing on Teddy.  Life is back to normal.  Whew.  Don't think I could have handled all that positive thought.

The Great Quest

In searching for a toy car that goes with a specific toy car carrier so I can give the damn thing away I have just found the following:
1.The poker table top that Ted and I have been searching months for
2.A box of baby toys that I had saved for reasons that can no longer be remembered
3. A lamp and lampshade with an American plug
4. A Minnesota Vikings bowling ball
5. 435 empty boxes - Saved obviously for when diligently put anything away
6. A box of my brother-in-laws books.  They are going to the trash TODAY

Suspiciously absent...my marbles.  Sadly, I think they are long gone.

It's Christmas Time, I Surrender

It's the most wonderful time of year.  I play that song a lot now because otherwise I might forget that.  Of course, I also play "The Chanukkah Song", Bob & Doug's "12 Days of Christmas" and of course, "I Am Santa Clause"   We all have our own ideas of the perfect Christmas music.

In between furiously tyring to buy presents for realities overseas, and darling husband and wonderful children, I'm getting presents for teachers, making a few of them, organizing craft days in 2 different classes - in one class I'm setting up 3-4 crafts, reading up toy area and getting rid of toys so we can make room for MORE toys, ctrying to sucker people into helping with thlass  crafts, setting up parent teacher dinners and organizing class gifts, decorating our house, coercing children to write Christmas cards to friends, ignoring that I should be doing the same.    Wrapping presents while chasing down money from people to pay for class gift, finding costume accessories for Carols Night performance, stopping parents inadvertantly from telling teacher about surprise present and arguing about Year 3's having to make a social statement at a performance instead of just having a laugh.

On top of that are my regular duties - eruptions of the piles a laundry, making of lunches - today finding out there's no ham for sandwiches, grocery shopping, children fighting mediator, dog and kitten mediator, planning of meals while husband is working death hours, trying to keep house clean for weekly house showing, 2 different days of swim lessons, cricket training, homework, dishes, trying not to kill children for screaming at me, chasing down damn dog as she runs for freedom and planning holiday events to plan.

Yep, a Merry Damn Christmas to you too.

Time Really is Man's Invention...

....because women...especially mothers...don't really need anything that measures time. Our days are long and jam packed whether or not we know what time it is.

Friday began in the normal fashion. Woke up a bit before 6am and got up and let Monty out of Teddy's room and locked him in my room so I can let Sasha out of her crate so she doesn't eat him. It's these gestures that make me PETA spokesperson of the year. Anyway, off to read email in peace to find out if the world exploded during the night.

In my email I learned that the Canteen was short a helper so I sent a response offering a hours worth of help with Tessi in tow. Then I have get the kids up and start breakfast. By starting breakfast I mean actually telling them to eat. By telling them to eat I mean, "Go to the table. Eat your breakfast. No eat now. Sit down. Eat" I say this every damn morning. Then around 8am my neighbors kids show up. My neighbor just went back to work so I'm walking her kids to school too. Not a problem but that means I have to make some breakfast for them and yell at them to not mess up the girls room...again. Re-checkemail only to be shocked and learn that my offer of help was accepted. Apparently pesky rules regarding work in the Canteen with preschoolers will be pushed aside on the busy Friday afternoon when short on help.

We get to school. Go off to Canteen. As I am Mother of the Year I gave Tessi a paddle pop (chocolate ice cream popsicle) at 9:30 in the morning so I can help prep the food for cooking. Sigh...it went as well as could be expected but Tessi was never one to sit an color calmly. Tanya, the Canteen Manager, was a good sport but we all spent more time diverting Tessi rather than cooking.

Then off to Penny's as I haven't seen her in a while and let the girls play. She takes her hubby to the train only to return with her oldest son who is sick. So much for either of our afternoons. I run to the shops while she stays with the children and then I stay with her son while she takes the girls to choir and then switches off the different kids to different activities and then back home for me to watch the remaining children while Penny does some quick grocery shopping.

After that Teddy and I head home. He's annoyed because we're leaving his friends house and I'm annoyed because it's hot and I've gotten nothing done for the the house showing I have tomorrow and the Thanksgiving dinner for which we're making the turkey. Then Teddy gets an invite to go swimming and then the girls come home. The first fight comes about 10 seconds after the front door opens; obviously. Then we order pizza, drive to get it and then wait for Ted to come home. Then I spend the evening ignoring the fighting and calling friends and settling potentially hurt feelings and continuing tomorrows plans.

Now I sit here and type this while watching, "Sense and Sensibility", drinking wine and ignoring the cleaning up that needs to be done before 2 different 8 am cricket games, one damn turkey to be cooked and of course, the laundry...the never ending laundry.

The sad part is that while today was busy - it was not insanely busy. This is the life of a mother. See what I mean, time truly has no meaning. I get up - and I spend the day putting out fires and not all of them are metaphoric ones. Sometimes I wonder why I wear a watch. Really, does it matter what time it is?

How were your Holidays?

Any time you go away on a vacation, or holiday as it is in Australia, inveribly when you come home some asks you, "How was it? or Did you get a break" This is always difficult for me to answer because I find if I'm too truthful the person asking gets disappointed or if I lie then I'm sure we both know I'm not being honest. However, let's be realistic. I went almost 3 hours away to a cabin in a caravan park with my husband and 3 children. The kids shared a room with 2 sets of bunk beds so every night, 1 had to sleep on the bottom bunk. Do YOU think I had a restful time?

Not to say there weren't some really great moments. There were. Teddy got surfing lessons and had a blast. All 3 kids loved playing on the beach. Sand castles, shell collections, wave chasing, swimming - yes it was great. Tessi actually swam with her face under water! Phenominal! Connor went into the water and while wearing a swim vest (Thank God for Penny for lending them to us!) she was able to swim by her self...meaning away from me...actually more than 5 feet away from me! Loved that part.

But, a quiet, restful, relaxing vacation? Be serious. We drove for 3 hours with 3 kids sitting right next to each other...TOUCHING EACH OTHER. The first argument came before we had gotten the car turned around in the driveway. The last one was as we were pulling up in front of the cabin. Never underestimate kids abilities to fight. There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that children will not fight over. My kids will fight over trash. I pop Panadol (Tylenol) like M&M's.

I marvel sometimes at how some parents do it. I see lots of parents who are not as frazzled as I am and I wonder how that's possible. I hope against hope that they are just drunk and good at hiding it. I just don't see how rational people can be sober and raise kids. The logic is just astounding sometimes. Connor yells at me that the pool is ugly, that she hates her dress, that I picked out the wrong shoes and that the hot chocolate is too hot. Then she turns to me and asks me to do something for her. Um,

Hel-lo? I'd cut my fingers off with your hair clips before I'd do something else for you! If I tell her this then the sobbing starts about how mean I am to her. This is where my stress blinking really comes in handy. As she's standing in front of me bellowing at me I start blinking really hard and she disappears for a second or two at a time. What I need is some sort of stress deafness. Maybe I'll start practicing walking around with my fingers in my ears. I keep stealing Connor's ear plugs from her but she keeps taking them back.

It was a good break in the routine, I'll say that. The kids really did love the pool and I have learned that the life vest may be my savior for taking the kids to the pool. I've never been brave enough to take all 3 kids to the pool myself but now I think I'll be able to go. That will help a lot as Ted is now working a million hours a week and the heat is climbing. So it was a learning holiday as well. But restful? I think not.

Only My Kids

Tomorrow we're going to 6 days and 5 nights at the beach. We're staying at a caravan park in a cabin that is a 1 minute walk from the beach, it has 2 pools, a game room, jumping pillow, is next to a farm where the kids can feed the chickens, has an on-site surf lessons school and boogie board and boat rentals. We're going on a dolphin watching cruise, may hit the local waterpark and if the worst happens and it rains - up the road is an indoor aquatic center. Sorry, centre.

Are my children happy right now? No. Teddy is annoyed because he's missing a birthday party he was invited to (he doesn't even like the kid) and OzKick. A sporting thing that apparently involves kicking. Connor isn't happy because she wants to have the fruit loops NOW and I said they were for the holidays and Tessi is crying...well, in all fairness, Tessi is always crying.

As I look out the window at them - they are outside fighting with the neigbor kids I am imagining squishing them between my fingers. Just like Dave Foley on "Kids in the Hall" - I wish they had a skit for the sound.

Time for a Vote

Just found Teddy's shoes...the ones he left at Will's house. They were in a bag that he had taken swimming the other day. Which means he not only didn't leave them at Will's house, he took them to Alexander and Oscar's house and took them to the pool. So his whole, "I've been going without shoes for days" mantra is complete and total crap. They were here the entire time.

As soon as I have a regular heartbeat again and the eye twitch goes to a slight throb do I

A) Kill him loudly and publically at school in front of all of his friends
B) Fill his shoes with all his Bakugan and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fling them into the ocean on Thursday
C) Mention to all the girls in his class that he has a picture of them under his pillow
D) Count the remaining 67.50 hours until we leave and tack on another 8 hours until they are in bed and I'm on the porch of the cabin with a glass of wine in my hand and start a bet until he actually needs shoes again?

Really, Who Can Make This Crap Up?

Yesterday began with me noticing that my fan wasn't blowing cold air in my face. This was due to a power outage. I should have walked out of the house then and gone to a hotel. That way there could have been room service and clean sheets for the day.

No instead I got up and began the day. Got Tessi and Connor to school but kept Teddy so he could go to the dr's. He started Singular again 2 weeks ago and the dr wanted to check on him to make sure he wasn't having and side affects. No problem, I was going to race him back to school and dash to ceramics, race back and take Monty to Connor's school for News Day and spend the evening yelling at the kids.

We make plans and God laughs. Or in my case, falls to the floor in uproarious laughter; pointing and getting the angels to stamp on my head.

The dr said that Teddy was doing well with the medicine but his white-coated tongue and englarged glands meant that he had some sort of mild flu and he needed to stay home and rest. Both Teddy and I looked at each other in shock as neither of us knew he was sick. I thought he was a miserable pain in the ass on Sunday because he had slept over at a mate's the night before and had gone swimming before he came home. That and the rest of us were cleaning and he didnt' want to do that. The dr also had a lovely time trying to make me feel bad for not noticing that Teddy's tongue was what. Um Hel-lo? He's 9 - I don't check his tongue. God knows where it's been.

So home we go and there goes my plans for the day.

Pick up the girls in the late afternoon and that's when things really went to Hell. It was supposed to be 40 degrees yesterday. I had several people point out how lucky we were that it wasn't - I think it only it 38. Yes, I'm brimming with gratitude right now. As I'm cooking dinner, the power goes out. Of course. Sadly, I had already started and since it's a gas stove, I was able to finish it. Time rolls on and we go outside to eat as now it's REALLY stinkin' hot. Survive dinner...yes, we survive it here, and then Ted gets home. It turns out that the power is out because a huge tree has fallen over on the power lines up by the school and NO ONE has power. Ted is worried because he knows what an ungodly, miserable, harpie from-Hell monster I become when it's hot and the power's out so he suggests that we find other accomodations for the night.

So we did. Our friend Sally very graciously took us, the dog and the kitten into her home. Her home that has 2 kids, 2 cats and 1 dog and only air-conditioning on the top floor. Her home with one child who has just broken his arm and is still in the, "Mom, can you exhale for me? No! You didn't do it right, get me a pillow" stage. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and fully understand that now she screens her calls from me.

As we're entering the house, Sasha and Squeak (Sal's cat) exchange interspecies pleasantries, scare my kitten who had managed to work out a way to open the carrier bag he was in and the 3 of them when screaming out the front door. Sadly, I followed. Rounded up my animals, got Monty back in the bag, Sasha outside with Solly (Sals' dog) and then, the thunder began. Both Solly and Sasha are scared to death of thunder so Solly had to be brought in which scared the Hell out of Connor who wouldn't go upstairs so she sat on the arm of the couch and kept bumping Will's broken arm. Teddy was walking around to get away from Connor and managed to find the 1 piece of broken glass left from an accident a few days ago and proceeded to bleed everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere. He went between being perfectly fine and ripping and tearing around the house; therefore bleeding everywhere to feeling too injured to move and just bleeding on the floor. At least we managed to keep him out of the bedrooms upstairs as Sally had just gotten new carpet and I think she would have stabbed my eyes out if he bled on it. As it was, she and Ted spent a lot of time following me around while I mopped up the blood, "Here, you need more wine"

Let's see, what was next. Ahhh, the crowning jewel. At Sally's I learned that Teddy's big huge field trip coming up on Wed was actually Tuesday, you know, the next day. So I had brought the wrong uniform - needed the sports one. Sasha is becomming unglued so it was decided that I would take Sasha home and crate her during the storm and get Teddy's uniform. As I drove home I could see the work crews working furiously on the trees and the power lines - man - that is hard work. Thank you by the way. Your efforts are appreciated. Sorry also for having to listen to me scream and swear like that as I turned onto my street and saw that we had power.

Yep, the power was back on. We went through all of that for about 3 hours of the power being off. Dropped dog off, called Sally and said I was turning around. Dead silence greeted me as I walked in as the kids were boiling over with rage because we were now not spending the night. As soon as I spoke Tessi's head swung around like Reagan in The Exorcist and then the real screaming began.

Got everyone home eventually and finally into bed. Had to get Teddy to school by 7:15 this morning after we learned that he left his sneakers at Will's house...3 days ago. He didn't think to mention this fact. Not even when he was at Will's house last night and could have grabbed them. I found an old pair that hadn't survived a washing and told him to wear them until his feet fell off at the ankles.

Is it any wonder that I'm having a hard time finding a tv show to watch? How can I possibly find anything more creative, far-fetched and unique than what is my own life.? I'm leaving for the beach in 2 days. As of right now...I'm not coming back. And I don't like the beach. That should tell you something.

Whiney Children Plus Tired Mother =

Chaos and Carnage.


Come on, did you expect anything else? At cricket training tonight Connor lost her thongs. In America they are known as flip flops but here, much to my chagrin, thongs. Anyway, she lost them because she took them off and didn't look for them. I have to state that because to mere mortals it would seem obvious that was how they were lost. I mean aliens didn't come take them off her feet - yes, I asked.

Anyway, the point of this story comes when I cracked and I looked for them. Yes I did because Connor couldn't find them. In all fairness how could she? They were not hanging around Caitlyn's neck or on top of the playscape or even hidden around Tom's shoulders. See, those were all the places Connor was looking, anywhere BUT on the ground where they were.

Here's the kicker. As I was yelling at her for not looking, she LAUGHED....she actually LAUGHED at me. A rational person would have known that with Connor and her inability to read social cues that she had no idea that laughing at that time was the incorrect thing to do. A rational person would know that. Since I however am anything but rational I sent her to sit in the car before I snapped and killed her in front of everyone.

The kids are playing with Monty now and I am staying far, very far away from them. I think it's better this way. When I can say Connor's name without grinding my teeth to powder I will leave my sanctuary and put them to bed. I figure they'll be down by midnight.

In the End, John Lee Hooker was Right

"I Need Some Money" - truer words were never spoken. To be able to buy a crappy fixerupper house we need at LEAST $50K in the bank, another $40K for a new car that will separate the kids (third row is MANDATORY) I'll be honest, I'm eying that ipod iTouch like no one's business and would a little plastic surgery be so wrong?

Apparently. Alrighty then. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and look for some sort of gainful employment. My skill set is useless here. For some reason Australia is INSISTING on not basing there legal system on the one used in America so my paralegal skills are worth bubkis. Plus I have to be home to take the kids to and from school every work day. Plus I need to be available for swim lessons, cricket training, after school events and of course, stay home with 10 minutes warning in case any one of 3 children are sick.

What do you think? Prime Minister right? CEO of Hasbro? Editor of Cosmopolitan? No problems getting some sort of fun job that pays at least $60K a year. Yep. I'll go start buying my work clothes now.

Nice try anyway. Off to do laundry and medicate angry kitty and keep curious and annoyed dog away from said kitty.

Red Sun at Night; Salior Delight. Red Sun at Dawn; Salior Take Warn.

Ok, what does that mean for red air? In Sydney today we all woke up to a red/orange sky. It was a lot like that cheesy Schwarzenegger movie about living on Mars. The color is surreal. Driving on the street the blue traffic lights look turquoise.

It seems that we had a serious wind storm last night after the rain. Very serious and it has blown dust out from waaaayyyy out yonder into the coastal region. So we wake up with the red dawn. The schools are keeping all the kids inside today. The air smells like the inside of a closet, an OLD closet. I'm taking this a cue that I should not do laundry and hang it outside as I really don't need to wash the red dust off.

Will keep everyone posted if this turns out to be worse than I think it is now.

Gonna Pay for This One...

It's 3:15 am and I've been up for over 2 hours. The death cold/flu/plague/seasonal allergies that has a grip on me woke me up to remind that my throat hurt and that my eyes are watery. Lovely, Now, I can't sleep. I've done nothing to prep for school tomorrow so it's 3 kids off to 2 different schools, make lunches, do bank books, Connor's home reader, doing the girls' hair and I think I left a load of laundry in the washer.

Nice. Can't even crawl back to bed after drop off because I need to help a friend. No Judie, don't even tell me never mind, I'm showing up. I'll be whinning and generally annoying but I'll be there.

I'm thinking I'll go back to bed now and wake up at 6. Maybe if I'm lucky I can force myself to be in a good mood. I doubt it, but I hope. Good news is that Teddy's birthday is this week. My little man is going to be 9. That doesn't seem possible. Of course, if doesn't lose some of his attitude and grossness, he may not make it to 9. It's a day by day challenge around here. I may have to do a daily recap - just a simple, "He Lived" at 8pm. Maybe Teddy is the original "The Boy who lived," I hope he is, then maybe he could use some magic to send away my cold.

So much for the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave

I just read an article in the Sydney paper today that just chapped my hide completely. Apparently there is a movie about Charles Darwin that is not going to be picked up by American movie theaters not because it's a crap film; no, no, because it's too controversial. Apparently a movie depicting Charles Darwin's life is just too shocking for most Americans because only 39% believe in Evolution. I wonder if the polls interviewed anyone OUTSIDE the Bible Belt states.

There is a website - don't bother, I'm not giving them press here, that discusses and rates films for their Christian audience. Fair enough, I think it's fine to have your own views; however they have the audacity to imply that Darwin's theories regarding evolution are somehow a direct link to Hitler's attempt to butcher an entire group of people. Yep, according to these folks, Darwin gave Hitler food for thought and that let to his atrocities.

Apparently it's websites and groups like these nut jobs who are persuading the theaters not to run this movie. They'll buy crap like, "Dude, Where's My Car, "Starship Troopers" and "Hannah Montana," but a biography about an important historical figure - whether you agree with him or not; you have to concede he was significant, this film gets pushed back.

What a bunch of lame asses. I am disgusted that people like this get to run the show for everyone. So much for free thought. If you're part of the majority Christian group it's all good, hell you can even claim to be a persecuted minority. For the rest of us, we have to sit and lump it and "tolerate" your backwards opinions otherwise we get labeled as persecutors.

So just when I think it's good to be in the States I get reminded of why I wanted to move to Australia. Not even sure I want to see the film. Doesn't matter, at least I get to decide, for myself. Just like I USED to be able to do back home. Shame you. Shame on all of you who allow this nonsense.

Ah-Choooo

Sick for a solid month now. Yep, a month. I've got some sort of cold/flu/allergies/swine flu/schistosomiosis thing that is reapidly sucking the will to live right out of me. Every couple of days a fever comes out, the sore throat, cough, body aches and it just repeats. Now I have this eye gunk thing happening that's either pink eye or allergies to the new spring. I give up. I've been pouring every drug down my throat that's nothing legal left to try. Tomorrow after cricket I may go out and score my first hit of crack.

Hey, don't judge me. My laundry room is exploding, there are clothes on the line from days ago. The dishes in the sink? I think most are from today - I remember doing some washing up earlier but I can't be sure if that was today or 3 days ago. Cooking dinner? Ha, ha, ha. You're funny. Tonight we had the ever entertaining and nutritious cold cereal. Take Sasha to the dog park? Fun-ny! Now I'm just opening the front door and only slightly hoping she comes back. Of course that is doing WONDERS for my campaign to get a kitten. Ted is really confidant about my abilities to care for yet another living creature right now. If he would count the dust bunnies as living creatures my stats would be WAY up.

It's 7:51pm on a Friday night. Ted's out gallivanting around and I'm counting the seconds until 8:30 when I can finally get Teddy down and I can crawl off to bed. We have an 8am cricket game tomorrow. The first of the season. I'm so not ready. I plan on sleeping through the game. Considering how exciting cricket is...Under 9's cricket nonetheless this should not be that difficult.

Time for Another Parenting Award

Connor is still breathing. Yep, that's it. I get an award for allowing her to continue to breathe. Not that imppressive you mutter? Well, obviously you either have no children or you simply have not met Connor. Regardless, the fact that this child breathes is a true marvel and when other parents find out I will be lauded as the Second Coming of Greatness...or something like that.

I went to bed early (shock, I know) but this time I went because I'm sick. Ted had an important corporate basketball game so I put the kids to bed and while under the influence of cold medicine that was enough of a feat that I simply went to bed. At some point in the middle of the night Connor barged in my room and wanted to know if it was time to get up. I couldn't even turn over to check the time, I just croaked, "No! Go back to bed!" I think I threw in a "damnit" but I'm not sure. It was really good cold medicine. She stormed back out, muttering how much she loved me...or hate me, I'm not sure. Anyway, about 5:30 - I know this because this time when I opened my eyes, I was facing the clock, it began. "I WANT MY BREAKFAST! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY" Lather, rinse, repeat.

I dragged myself out of bed and out my room and kicked in her door. "WHAT are you DOING?" I shouted in a hoarse whisper, didn't want to wake Tessi. Connor starts crying and telling me her tummy is rumbling and wants her breakfast. Of course Tessi bolts up. I suggested that she lay back down and I will get her breakfast at a more civilized hour. Of course I phrased this in a most unpleasant, very non-June Cleaver-like manner. I'm sure there were some threats of bodily harm and permanent removal of Barbie dolls and burning of dress-ups. Again, I'm not really sure as the cold medicine was helping me to see the Grateful Dead dancing bears floating on the ceiling. No matter, when I left, Connor was still sobbing and I was passed out again in a few minutes.

At 6:15 I dragged myself out of bed, opened the girls room and said, "Alright you can get up now" Then I went and released the hound and let her outside. Hmmm, no girls. Odd. Got Sasha back inside and now Tessi was crawling out, literally. She likes to pretend to be a baby pussy cat first in the morning. Don't ask. We've decided to think it's cute. Still no Connor. I went into the kitchen to brew my first cup of courage and then Madame pops out. She had fallen asleep. Grrr. What does she want for breakfast? "I want nothing. I'm not hungry," she cries at me. Offended that I was annoyed at her.

She's breathing Ladies and Gentlemen. Still alive. I'm still waiting another 15 minutes before I do her hair because I'm still concerned that I might strangle her with the hair bow.

The other day a friend asked how I was doing and I responded, "I'm a SAHM with 3 kids and a dog" Her response? A very sad, "Ohhhh" Yeah. That's how I am. Just mail my award to me, I'm too tired to make it to the ceremony.

Shakespere was Wrong...

Don't kill all the lawyers, get the weathermen, forecasters, meteorologists or whatever they want to be called now. How the Hell does anyone with an IQ over 80 look at a computer weather prediction program and get high of 27 and windy (which is the mid 80's) and end up with 17 ( mid 60's) and rainy?
I sent two children to school in summer uniforms today and hung out 3 loads of laundry. Thank you twits, I hope you choke on my wet laundry. When I spend an hour tonight listening to Connor sob at me about how cold she was today I will be thinking of you.

A Wii Game Not for the Masses

I just read an article about a Wii game called, "House of the Dead -Overkill" Mainly I skip info about games like this because there isn't a chance in Hell it'll be played on my Wii anyway. But this was on the Sydney Morning Herald and I thought I'd just glance at it. Apparently a parent bought the game, with it's MA+ warning and was shocked that it was really profane and inappropriate for his teenager who normally is ok with this stuff. So I guess it should have come with an extra label, "No, this one is REALLY MA+, we're serious!"

I understand being caught unaware if you're not into gaming and you didn't expect to see blood and gore on a Strawberry Shortcake game but come on. Give me a break. This game comes with a damn corpse on the cover. What did this guy think the game was going to be, Monopoly? Use your head. Don't pull the, "But the rating system didn't warn me, I've played other games with that warning and it was ok" It's a generic label meant to loosely inform, it can not, tell you what you need to know in order to make a correct decision for your family. It's people like you, the whiners about labels that force us ALL to have to go the extra mile to get things. We get labels, warnings, games behind special counters that you have to have permission to buy. If YOU had looked into it first and YOU knew what you were buying then the rest of us wouldn't have to go through so much hassle.

Parents, we are NOT on the same side as our children. You do NOT need to be their friend. They have enough friends and so do you. I consider it a badge of HONOR that my son is pissed at me right now because I will not let him take his "Rise of Nations game online"; he can only play it on the computer and not hook up with his friends until I can determine how safe the online community is for him. In fact he and his mates are all walking around, muttering about "Ted's damn mother" - I smile with pride.

Do some research. There is a miracle invention called the Internet. Really, it's kind of spiffy. Google the name of the game BEFORE you buy it and see what reviews are of it. For Christ's sake, you can look at screen shots of the games online and SEE if your precious angel can see images of bodies climbing in and out of tombs before you buy the game and then return it in a huff.

Quick! A chance to Blog!

I'm here! At the computer, nothing else to do, nowhere to go just yet and all alone. A perfect chance for me to sit and share my reflections of life with the masses. Obviously, now would be a good time to have some reflections. Perhaps even just a small musing? Apparently not.

Sigh...writer's block and nothing to say. Can any of us stand another rant about Teddy? That kid is totally off his tree by the way, he's not going to be happy until I'm completely nuts too. Connor? She's a 5 year old female, 'nuff said. Tessi? Yeah, she's still Tessi. Last night we had friends over and at the end of the evening she stood in the doorway and yelled outside, "You need to leave NOW!" Yep, that's my girl.

Today I'm off to enjoy some sans kinder time. I'm going to a ceramics class. Apparently one can be a talentless fop and still be taught to do something creative with paint. I can sew, scrapbook, quilt a bit and other crafts of that ilk but paint? Not so much. The woman running the class assurred me that she "makes the talentless talented" but we'll see. If nothing else I'll be out of the house and will not have to be concerned with the latest happenings of Miley Cyrus - whom Connor has just figured out is Hannah Montana. Nor will I have to hear one.more.stinking.word about "Rise of Nations", which apparently Teddy wants more than the ability to breathe.

Wish me luck! Let's hope it doesn't look too much like Picasso's stuff.

All Princess All the Time

>Wow. Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes. Do I really have to explain this one? Didn't think so. The Disney Machine is a forced to be reckoned with, that's for sure. These people are masters, absolute masters at getting people to part with their money.

My friend Penny and I took our girls to see the Princess show and the girls were in their element. The girls are both dressed as Belle although Connor refused to wear the crenalin underneath so the dress screams of “barmaid” to me, but she was happy. We participated in the face painting and nail polish as they were the only free things there. I'm still in awe of what Australians are willing to pay this stuff. This stuff is expensive in the States but here. Yikes!!!

The girls loved seeing Ariel, of course, who doesn't? No one liked seeing the dragon and Malificent from Sleeping Beauty but all was forgiven when Cinderella appeared. Mulan also did a performance wmade Connor happy as that's one of her favorites and isn't as popular as the Holy Trinity: Ariel, Belle and Cinderella.

I didn't get too many shots inside the theatre; too busy handing out popcorn. But back at the car Tinkerbelle and the other princesses heard that the mean mommies didn't stop at the incredibly overpriced merchandising stalls after the show and left bags of toys and lollies for the girls. All 3 loved getting the dolls and read along CD's but honestly, I think they were more thrilled with the lollies and chocolates. Take that Disney!

The princesses left a bag of kit kats for the mommies too...unfortunately no wine. Next year we're bringing a flask.

Why, why, WHY

does my twit son not understand that hiding apples he doesn't want to eat in his backpack does not work? Getting ready for school to start tomorrow and I just dug out 4, count 'em, FOUR damn apples in his bag from 3 weeks ago!!!!!!!!!!! One is so rotten my fingers just went through it to the core. Still scrubbing my fingers.

All I need to know I really did learn in Kindergarden. BOYS ARE GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Think We May Have a Winner....

Just dropped Tessi off at preschool and soon will be taking Connor to dance camp and then Teddy to CSI camp. Dare I say it? I will be child-free. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Sorry, was that outloud? I have to go to Connor's camp early to watch their show so in essence, it's just a few hours but I don't care. I can go to any store I want, I can go home, I can stand in the middle of the street and cry if I want! No one shouting, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

And there was much rejoicing.

Rejoicing also because I'm also going to pick the new Wii game Wii Sports Resort today. I wasn't going to buy it because of the obvious Nintendo price gauging...$50 in US but $100-$125 in Australia but good 'ole Toys R Us has come through with $70. That I can live with...sort of. It's still a LOT of money but the entertainment for the masses should balance it. That I and I WANT TO PLAY IT! It has jet ski for God's sake.

I'm off to start the day! Whooo Hooo!!

Technology Is Amazing

Right now, as I type this blog, I am educating myself. I am listening to an audiobook on the computer while I waste time writing my blog. Outstanding. New and inventive ways to waste while enriching my mind. Well, it would be enriched if the book had some sort of academic merit. But the point is that if I CHOOSE to I can become intellectual again.

I have the technology.....

Manic Mondays

Here we are....the second week of school holidays. So far no one has called the cops on me...at least as far as I know, there may be a backlog. So I'm calling it good. Just took Tessi to school and Teddy and Connor are fighting over...as God as my witness, I have no idea. I just here yelling and I'm tuning it out. I'm going to wait until actually bleeding starts before I do anything. I'm not even 1/2 through my 2nd cup of tea for God's sake....no jury would convict.

Today we are meeting with Connor's pediatrician. In OZ you only see the pediatrician for serious things...everything else is done by a gp. Today I want to talk to the dr about Connor and her anxiety issues. I'm trying to get her looked at by Children's Westmeade Development Center, as suggested by her Kindy teacher. I would swear on my limited knowledge of Autism that Connor has Asperger's. This should be impossible since she started with a profound speech delay. But everything about her screams Asperger's. Inappropriate emotions, savant-like memory of the obscure and inane and zero memory of what the rest of us perceive as important.

I'm hoping to find some more insight into this insane affliction. 4 years of living in the Spectrum really hasn't taught me all I need to know. In fact, not even close. One of my favorite pearls of wisdom about all of this, "Something may be a definate sign of Autism; unless it isn't" I love that one. Meaning that lining up toys all in a row can be a massive red flag for Autism; unless of course your child just likes to line things up...then it isn't a sign. No wonder so many of us parents go barking mad.

So we'll see what Dr. Cohen says today. If anything. He may just tell me to unclench and relax. Oh so helpful. Another pearl of wisdom people have for parents of Autistics. Please do me one favor, those of you who do NOT have a loved one on the Spectrum. If only just today, if you meet someone who's child is Autistic, do NOT tell them to relax, that everything will be alright. As helpful as you think you are being; you really are being the opposite. We don't get to relax. We have to on guard all the time, watchful for new signs and symptoms to start therapy for and have to constantly explain our child's odd behavior and try to plan for the future. You see, for your children at ages 5 and 4, they still have boundless options. Mine do not. Mine already have limits and the more I do now...at a young age...the more of a chance they have in the future to exceed those limits.

Well, that turned out to be more of a rant than I was planning. Must be the cold medicine and the fighting over...sigh...still don't know what that was all about. If I'm honest though, I really don't want to know.

Rugger Died Yesterday

Sara sent me a frantic message to contact her this morning. She didn't want to tell me by email. Rugger has been sick for a long time. She and Trip did everything they could. I don't even know what they spent trying to save this poor dog but they tried. Finally the vet said enough. Rugger was put to sleep yesterday to stop her pain. She was 11 years old. I'm grateful to them for having the courage to not allow that beautiful creature to suffer.

Ted and I adopted Rugger when she was 3 months old. She had already lived in the shelter for 1 1/2 months and was so timid. The lady who introduced us said she never saw that dog go up to anyone. We laughed, just assuming that she would say anything to get the dog a home. We sat on the floor and she came right up to me and put her snout on my shoulder. That was it. She was ours. The girl at the counter was writing it all up and said that she was all black. Ted piped up, 'All Black? She's an All Black? She's a rugby player!" And Rugger came home with us.

Turns out the woman was right, Rugger hated everyone, but us. She was afraid of her own shadow. It wasn't until Teddy was born 2 years later that Rugger came around and became a great kids dog. She was the most ball obsessed animal I ever encountered. Chip came over once and threw the ball up the stairs for the entire time of a football game...over 3 hours and Rugger ran for it every time.

Sadly, we lost Rugger when we moved to Australia because of Ted's idiot company and a dishonest vet technician. But our neighbors Sara and Trip stepped up and took her in. I felt so guilty about losing Rugger, I thought I might lose my mind, but it helped knowing that she was with a great family. Sara and Trip made a beautiful life for her and I know she was a happy dog.

Rugger could be the biggest pain in the ass around but she loved us all and was desperate to please. I will miss her.

Rugger came to us because some human was irresponsible with her or her parents. Please, stop the cycle. Spay or neuter your pets. There are too many animals lying alone in shelters right now. Your dog does not NEED to have at least one litter of puppies. There are too many. Grow up, take care of your dog now.

Another Day in the Trenches

I suppose really, this is what motherhood is....a kind of a battlefront. Each day I wake up, survey the damage of the field, prioritize resources, rouse the troops, deploy, battle the day on multiple front lines, in variably retreat and recoup and then rest a bit and plan for another attack. Sounds good but we'll never get anywhere until the government gives me real defense funding.

Anyway, here we are again. Took kids to Darling Harbour yesterday and went to Wild Life World. Not too bad. A couple issues with crying and whining, not all from me. By far the funniest moment was when Tessi asked to go stand by a wall and I THOUGHT look at a empty outback exhibit. Turns out she didn't see the glass wall and BOOM hit it full force with her forehead. She wanted to sit on the pretty red rocks. It took everything I had not to fall apart laughing. She was so mad that she refused to sit on the wombat statue for a picture. I'm sorry, I'm aware this makes me a bad mother, but man was that funny.

We came home exhausted, as you do and now of course, I'm sick. Nothing serious, just a cold with a huge dose of laryngitis. Should make the kids happy as I don't have a sound over a course whisper. Fortunately I have one in preschool and one in a cricket camp. That will help.

Good news, found out that Damn Dog is not now a ferocious killer. Well she is, just not a danger to humans. The vet called last night and talked to Ted. Apparently the unfortunate guinea pig massacre has no bearing on her status as a kids dog. He's known many a dog of Sasha's breed to be perfect for kids and family yet be on wanted posters for rodents and the like. Still thinking of changing her name to Cujo. It just seems to work.

Off to rouse the troops. I wonder if Patton ever had laryngitis?

What is Etiquette Regarding Your Dog Killing Animals?

Just curious. Not like I need to know or anything. Nope, not me. But however, if I did need to know what to do if, oh I don't know, my dog kills a friend's guinea pig. I mean, what does Emily Post say about a friend being willing to watch your dog at her place and within 5 minutes of being there said dog charges out the back yard, rips open the guinea pig hutch, drags a poor rodent out and shakes it to death...all in front of the sobbing little girl who owns the animal? Is there a card for that? Is there anything socially acceptable to do other than drowning myself in a bucket of water on her front porch?

Nahhh, I didn't think so either. Yep, Sasha pulled a good one on Saturday. Killed my friend's daughter's pet. Nice one. Pip doesn't want me replace the guinea pig either. Trying desperately to replace the hutch (there are 2 other guinea pigs left...apparently Sasha is slow) but she's fighting me on that one too. She really doesn't want me to be upset about this. Not sure how not to be. I mean come, what kind of whack job dog does this? Oh yeah, MY dog, that's right. Googled "dog kills guinea pig" and found a LOT of hits so apparently this is not uncommon. Still feel awful though. Reminds me of watching my dog get hit and killed by a car when I was 6...ah yes, good times. Apparently Pip's daughter is alright. Cried for a bit and is beyond it. Much healthier mentally this kid is than I am.

Am trying to decide if we should change Sasha's name to Killer, Bundy or Cujo. Cujo has a nice ring to it.

Oh God, I'm really not good at this macabre humor. Everyone else around me is making jokes and I just feel so damn guilty. Sigh...next pet is going to be an imaginary one. I swear it.

Why Can't Parenting Be Fun?

Or should I say disciplining children? I mean why do I have to sit and listen to shrieks upon shrieks upon shrieks just because Connor has decided that she's going to teach me a lesson? She's been crying since last night; ever since I had she needed to eat her veggies. By veggies I mean two kernals of corn. She went to bed early, she's had no breakfast this morning, she's lost her canteen order, she's sitting in the hall while her siblings play game and she is determined to win.

I offered a compromise, eat one kernal and her response that she think it would be more fair for her to not eat the corn and to get her canteen order today. So by fair I'm guessing she's shooting for a total win. Not exactly the compromise I had in mine. In 30 minutes she will be Mrs. Kayes' problem. Kindergarden teachers deserve combat pay.

To All of Those Who are Sick With Laughter...

...I mean sick with concern over the cake baking incident.

I don't know what the Hell I was thinking when I was pouring the oil. I got done and suddenly thought, man, I don't remember EVER using that much oil in a cake mix before. Then I thought, "Maybe it's an Aussie thing" Then I remembered that it was one of the mixes that Ted brought over so it was a regular cake.

Yes, I did bake it. There was a little batter left over so I also baked a very small cake to taste. Yes it did form a solid-like substance. Definitely solid. Almost a gelatinous form. I gave it to the kids to try. No, I wasn't going to try it myself first. They wolfed it down and asked for more. But to be fair unless I said it was broccoli cake they would do that. Not seeing kids drop over I knew it was safe to try so I did as they say, give it a go. Not bad but a decidedly odd texture.

So I'm going to use to make birthday boy's cake. I took the big cake and froze it so I could get it ready to frost in a few days. He said he didn't want a whole lot of cake this year so as the ever-dutiful wife I am humbly compliant.

Daddy's Girl

If ever there was any doubt whose Connor's father is...this should kill it. Connor had to get new glasses...our last effort at avoiding surgery and what does she pick? The purple ones. Blunt about it too. "I'm picking purple because it's my daddy's favorite color" Yep, Daddy's girl. Always has been too.

Cake Baking Query

So, just because I'm curious, not because I have first hand experience or anything....how bad is it to put 1 1/3 cups of oil into cake batter when it turns out the very, very, very small print actually said 1/3 cup of oil?

One could hope that it means that the cake will be very, very moist. One could also hope that the cake would still become something scientists would agree could be classified as a solid. One could also hope for the Easter Bunny to tag team with Santa and drop off $50 million in non-traceable cash.

Bugger.

I hate cooking, I really do.

When I Hit the Lottery, Send the First Check Here...

http://www.southernoceanlodge.com.au/

Just click on this link and you'll see why. It's 11pm and I've just been woken up to help with Tessi. She's thrown up all over everything and now after the washing machine has been started, I am now awake. Of course. Sasha, who has been doing so well on be house trained, just blew her first evening out of the crate by of course, going potty on the floor. So here I am, in the computer room, surfing for paradise.

Well, I'm not sure if this is it...but it's pretty damn close. The Southern Ocean Lodge is on Kangaroo Island, which is off of the Australian southern coast line, just near Adelaide. For my American friends - on the bottom, right in the middle. This place is just amazing to me. I am not a beach person but this is how I would love to watch the ocean. No sand in my swimsuit, no stepping on jellyfish, no worrying about sharks and no freezing water. Just a comfy couch, next to a roaring fire and the view of a lifetime.

Of course at $3600 a night these pictures are about as close as I'm going to get. They do offer a 4 night package which would only be $5200 and you do get a complimentary bottle of champagne. I know, I can't even justify it to myself in my dreams. But it is certainly pretty to look at...and dream through the computer.

Sigh...do the kids really need to go to college?

Why Does He Force Me to Kill Him?

I just posted on Facebook a long list of the odd looking and smelling things I just removed from Teddy's room. I'm not going to list it again here because I'm so annoyed now I'm afraid that posting it again will force me to go up to school now to kill him rather than wait until after wards.

But for the love of God, why, why, WHY does he does this?! How can he NOT know that I will find rotting apples in his room? Who doesn't know that? Other than my son? I don't even want to give him a chance to explain. I swear if I tell him what I found I'll hear, "Oh, you found that, huh? I wondered what that smell was." Or worse.."Something smells bad in my room? Hm, I didn't know that."

That's it. I quit for the day. I think a foot massage is in order. Got to get primed before I kick his little tush home.

Must Remember to Blog

New mantra. Must remember to blog. hmmmmm Must remember to blog. hmmmmmm

We'll see how that goes. It would help if I had something interesting to say other than the latest twitisms of my children. Yes, I did just make that word up and no, you can't use it.

Will work harder on blogging. After I get the house cleaned, do the laundry, train the dog not to steal and eat rolls of toilet paper (please, don't ask), get Teddy to remember to either change his socks more often then every 24 hours or to put on socks just before he leaves for school, get Connor's hair done to her satisfaction and convince Tessi she doesn't have to start planning for her birthday party...in 11 months. Yeah, after all of that.

Maybe I'll just start copying Cathy cartoons here....either that or Baby Blues.

$62 to Learn She has a Cold.

Plus I got a lecture on how fever is good for the body and how over the counter decongestants and antihistamines are counter-productive and should not be used.

Great. Tessi has a fever of 102 (39) for 3 days, hacking cough that's getting worse, not eating and by her standards lethargic but I get the new mom treatment. Honestly. I have 3 children. I know that fevers are good and I have NEVER complained about a child that was lethargic. Hell, I've begged for them. This guy wasn't our regular dr but he could see that her chart was very light...only about 3 visits in over 2 years and again, she's the youngest of 3. Come on. Give me a break.

So stay home, drink liquids and take panadol (tylenol) At least he could have offered me the token cough syrup that makes them sleep. That's too much to ask?

And the Troll Mommy of the Year Award Goes to...

Yep ME!!!!!!!!! Whooo Hooooo!!! I don't even know who to thank first for this honor! What was it that finally tipped me over my compete tors you ask? Well I manage to get not 1, not 2 but ALL 3 children sobbing in the car on the way to McDonald's to buy them ice cream! I even threatened that no crying child would receive ice cream and that STILL wasn't enough to get them to stop! Oh yes, Ladies and Gentlemen....I am that good. Not many people can make children cry while driving them to get ice cream. All you moms out there who whine about having your children hate you. Please, step back. You are mere pretenders to the throne.

As you can guess, I am in a daze right now. Honestly, I thought I was doing a nice thing. How was I supposed to know that Tessi (who has been sick at home for 2 days with a fever) would throw a Mega Block Cinderella swan at Connor and split her lip open and then fall to the ground sobbing because Connor didn't say, "That's ok" when she said sorry? How was I supposed to know that Tessi would get made at Teddy for teasing me in the car by saying I was mean and start to sob? Then again maybe I should have known that Teddy would lean over to Connor and whisper, "You're weird" and then look SHOCKED when she started to cry. However NO ONE could have planned that we would see Delaney (Connor's BFF) and Kassie walking down the street and when I rolled down the window to see if they needed a lift (it's pouring rain) that Connor would scream out the window, "We're going to McDonald's because my sister hit me in the lip and it's bleeding and my brother called me weird" and that of course made Teddy burst into tears because Connor just told all of Normanhurst what happened.

As I'm trying to plan how best to drive the car into the medium at top speed to cut down on the crying noise I made the mistake of pointing out to Teddy that he did, in fact, call his sister weird. As you would guess that made him cry more. I just pulled the car over and waited for the sobbing to cease. In the end we did get ice cream....manly because I wanted it and because I really didn't want to go home yet.

Connor has just informed me that she is now happy about the swan flinging incident because now her tooth is loose and the tooth fairy will be coming soon. It's not but hey, if it stops some crying I have no problem perpetuating the lie. Now If I can just Ted that all the pain will go away as soon as I get a spa vacation somewhere then yes, Life will be complete.

Sick Days are No Fun

Even knowing that being home sick will bring no joy to his life, Teddy is home. So, he must be sick. I'm not one of those cool moms...if you're sick, you're in bed, no tv, no DS, no computer. In short...it sucks. A lot. Teddy started catching a cold yesterday and this morning woke up feverish and miserable. His education week concert is tomorrow so I figured keep him home today loaded up on drugs and maybe he'll be ok tomorrow.

I saw a friend at school, still had to take Connor in, who also has sick children. The one who wasn't sick was trying to convince that she was. Explained how I do things and both looked horror struck. Poor sick Teddy looked up at them with the, "Can I go to your house?" look. See, they get a free day. Home sick and you can do whatever you want. It's party time. Then again, her kids all like her and mine are actively plotting to drive me insane. She's a good mom. I'm a troll. That's cool. I'm ok with being the troll. Being the cool mom is overrated anyway.

I'm not totally heartless. I'll make cheese melts for lunch for him...he really likes those. And in the afternoon he can watch a little tv or but computer time. But not a lot. If I lose a child-free day; it has to cost someone something.

New Parenting Moment

I'm really annoyed at Teddy right now. I mean really. He accused me this morning of lying to him. What did I lie about? Well, last night I said we'd have pasta for dinner and when he got home from rugby we had tacos. I said I couldn't find the pasta so I made tacos. This was all while I was having a killer sinus headache.

This morning he opens the pantry and low and behold there is the pasta. We were just all joking about the best way to score more food from me while I'm working the canteen at school today. Next thing I know he's calling me a liar and that there was pasta there all the time. He was honestly angry with me for lying about the pasta. Only I didn't, I couldn't find it in the pantry and Ted last night dug it out for me and put it where I could find it.

When did we leave the point where he loved me unconditionally and believed in me 100% and move to the point where I'm a liar and hoarding the pasta? Honestly, this is one of those sad moments for me. Obviously I still love him but I feel that there is now a little divide between us that wasn't there before.

I'm soooooo not giving him any freebies at the canteen today unless he says, "I love you Mommy Darling" in front of his friends.

Things that Damn Dog Eats

I really didn't want a puppy. I believe I've mentioned that before. Sasha, the 5 year old puppy, has reached new levels of absurdity in her eating.
Apples - she jumped up and grabbed an apple that Teddy was dangling in front of her ran back to her crate and snarfed it down...core and all.
Cupcakes in ice cream cones - hit the motherload with this one. Popped up on the counter and found tray with cupcakes going to Connor's class party and very daintily ripped out 2 of them and snarfed them down before anyone was the wiser. Yes, I know dogs can't eat chocolate. Easy there PETA....I'm doing my best to keep it away from her.
Cricket training ball - fortunately it's made of sturdy stuff and I was able to rescue it before she really went to town.
Rolls - any random hot dog rolls, hamburger rolls, dinner rolls.
Cinderella dress shoes - self explanatory
LEGOS - again, you can figure this one out.
Barbie Pediatrician doll - ripped the legs off and spit the bits all over...making a statement?
Hair Bows, Hairbands, etc...again, I think you can figure that out
Any cardboard she can find. Wrappers to things, boxes she rips up
Water, soda, fabric softener bottles - ooooh, these are winners to her. Walks around with them in her mouth before sitting down and ripping them to shreds.
Kids expensive school water bottles - Anything we pay extra for seems to be very yummy.
Egg Shells - Yeah, that one surprised me too. She went into the trash and pulled them out and I found what was left in her crate.
Connor's underwear - So far it's only Connor's; not sure why she's playing favorites.
Socks - All manner and form of socks but especially the tasty $8 a pair school socks of Teddy's. Personally, I think Teddy is feeding her these ones.
Oh, and her dog food. Go figure.

What she doesn't like -
Leftover tea leaves from my cups of tea. I knocked the strainer off the counter and they spilled all over the floor and Damns Dog trotted up happily, gave a sniff, and walked off.
And that's it. She eats EVERYTHING ELSE.

At least she's cute...that's why she still breathes...

Here's The Party Girl

It's a week later and I finally have put some pictures here. Sorry. It's been a LONG week. Connor turned 5 on Saturday and we had 17 girls over for a party. WHEW! Mercifully I have yet again made friends with someone with an amazingly marketable skill and my friend Kassie ran and dance class party. It was amazing. Connor and Tessi had a blast and Teddy ran for the hills to a friends house. Which was a massive disappointment to the little blonde twin girls who were there because they are in love with him.

Connor was the belle of the ball and had an amazing time. I made the dresses that she, Tessi, Kassie's daugher and Connor's BFF Delaney and Zoe's wore. It was such a girl fest it wasn't even funny. Don't even ask how loud the screaming was when Connor opened the High School Musical CD...dear God - there are cats that can't screetch that loud. God help us during the teen years......

Inherent Failing in the System...

The problem with "manning up" and having an amazingly constructive day is that the next day is bound to be less constructive and therefore disappointing. Yesterday I had Tessi with me all day. Do I need to list what I got done? 2 kids to school, Tessi's swim lesson, read up 1/3 of one room, picked up kids from school, argued, drove to rugby practice, argued again, drove home had dinner and went to bed right after the girls. Not exactly the uber day I had before.
Today isn't shaping up much better. I have SO much a I have to do and I'm really in danger of stuffing everything up.
Grrrrr. I never wanted to be a super mom. Right now I'd settle for a marginally passing one.

To be Blunt...I Rule.

It's amazing what 10 hours of continuous sleep and a day with no children can do for you and your abilities to do things. Waking up at 6:50 am (yes, Friends, that IS sleeping in) I managed to feed and water 3 kids and a dog. I had a 20 minute argument with Connor about letting me do her hair, set out hers and Teddy's lunches for THEM to pack in their backpacks. Only told Teddy 4 times to put his shoes on and helped Connor fill out her News Day slip. Get 3 children to different schools.
Then the work began. I went to the shops, sent my cell phone back to be repaired, bought food to make for dinner, had a chat with neighbors MIL who is very nice and very lonely, shopped for remaining goody bag fillers for Connor's party and drove home.
Did 3 loads of laundry and hung them. Yes, they're still on the line...stuff it..I'm on a roll. Then I worked on the 4th dress I have to make and now I'm within 1 hours work of having all 4 princess/dance dresses done for the party. I baked one of the cakes needed for Connor's dance floor cake. Then I rearranged the living room and moved 3 book cases - including two 7 footers onto opposite walls and cleaned and swept the room. Then I went and picked up 3 children from 2 different schools and for I grilled chicken and sun-dried tomatoes on the GRILL (I NEVER do this) and had dinner and even got the kids to eat a bite...then fed them cabonossi...again stuff it...at least they ate something and I was by myself because Ted had to work late. I have the second cake in the oven and it should be done in 10 minutes. I have 30 minutes until the girls go to bed, another 30 after that until Teddy is down and then I may colapse on the floor in a messy heap.
But at least I can say I did SOMETHING today.