Looking Beyond the Headlines

Because I am a tech geek I am never too far from my iPad and phone. Sad sure, but but you never know when you will need to have immediate access to important news or even more pressing; Words with Friends. I woke up briefly around 4 am and checked ABC news to see if the world imploded during the night. I saw an article called "Newtown Shooter Had Sensory Processing Disorder" 

Here is the link:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/newtown-shooter-adam-lanza-sensory-processing-disorder-controversial/story?id=18532645

Immediately I became angry. Yet again a story about this kid's apparent Autism diagnosis and a desperate attempt to say that this is why he murdered all those people. Another revolting effort to pull it away from the fact that he had unfettered access to assault weapons and was severely mentally ill.

I have read at least 15 different news stories since December pointing out that the shooter had Autism and then more specifically Asperger's.  How he was a loner and how he sought out solitude and of course played violent video games. Society needs to blame something tangible for this tragedy, I get that.  Hell I want to know why he did it, if for no other reason that I want to make sure it never happens again.  I just we wish a bit more common sense and less sensationalism would be used PRIOR to passing judgment.

Side Note:  I would like to quickly explain my opinions about violent video games.  I do not believe they are the cause of society's ills.  They are a form of entertainment.  HOWEVER there are games that are conceived, designed and written for adults.  The hard core, intense graphics depicting gore and violence should not be viewed by children, in my opinion.  I believe that each game should be thoroughly vetted and reviewed by parents for EACH child.  My son can handle games such as the HALO series and historical war simulators.  My daughters can not.  

That is not a sexism thing by the way.  I just know and understand their limits.  As much as my son would like to play some of the more hard core games (Call of Duty, Far Cry and the like) I do not allow them in my home because I believe he is too young to process the imagery and understand that it is fantasy.  Adults have every right to make that decision for themselves.  

If I can add more of my opinion...Adam Lanza did not murder because of video games, but I do question the judgement to allow him to play them when he had shown such extreme anti-social behavior.  That would have not been my choice. However, I refuse to go so far as to lay blame on the games.  I dare say these crimes would have occurred even if Xbox and Playstation had been banned.

Back to my story.

So I began stewing.  I decided that I would write a scathing blog post about conservatively run news outlets and their sad, pitiful need to draw attention away from gun control and blame a poor group of misunderstood kids who can't defend themselves.  Niiiiice. Well enough is enough, you rat bags are going to hear from me! I am not misunderstood and my voice works quite well thank you.  No one has ever said that I couldn't defend myself.

Obviously this is hitting startlingly close to home to me because my two girls have Autism, one with the Aspergers label.  That same daughter also has Sensory Integration Disorder, known as SID. She cannot handle the feeling of cold.  Until 2 years ago she despised the water and light touches on her skin. She used to sob hysterically when she got wet. 

I remember the first time she got in a pool. Memorial Day weekend 2005.  She had the most adorable blue swimsuit with a pretty tiny fish on the front.It was during my try to steer away from pink phase.  There was a white ruffle around her waist with a few sequins inside. She loved to rub the ruffle and make oooohhh sounds when the sunlight hit the sequins. Miss Thang saw the pool, pointed and grunted to go in.  She didn't know what it was…it’s just that Teddy was in it so she had to be in it too. I swooped her up and sat her down in the pool to wait as we set the pool up. As the pool was still empty she was happy and smiling. We began to fill the pool with water and I dug my camera out. I took several pictures of her.  Just was the water began to touch her and the smile started to shift to something else. 

Here are the pictures I took that day. I had the first one in a frame for a while.  I thought it was nothing more than yet another adorable glimpse of her.  The second one I filed away as yet another picture of her crying.  We had so many of them after all.  Later on, when the diagnosis was given to us and we learned that she was in pain...I took it down and now every time I see them, I cry. 

Here is the face of a child suffering from Sensory Integration Disorder.

Certain noises like vacuum cleaners, concerts and unusual electronic sounds (the TV shutting off do to power outage) will send her into a sobbing fit.  Not once did she ever fly into a rage because of her sensory issues. Not once. And believe me she used to have many, many rages. But they were never caused by water touching her or because of me hoovering the floor.  

Pain and fear. Those are the emotions brought out by SID.  Surely, any decent human being can understand my ire at reading over and over about how Autism and SID were the “real” causes of the recent horror.  Well.  If they didn't, by God they were after I was done writing my missive.  I started planning my indignant response to the article and wondered if I could actually release fire from my fingertips as I typed. 

  

I woke up again two hours later and started the day. After the daily fight with Connor about not eating her fruit at school and digging out a pair of clean socks for Tessi I sat down to read the article. I wanted to get some quotes to copy in my scathing rebuke of the writer's premise that all delayed kids are evil and about to release the hounds of hell upon society.  

Imagine my surprise as I read the article and found credible, non-Jenny McCarthy related, sources stating that Autism and SID are NOT linked to violence. The article was about a television show produced by and aired on PBS. Hardly a front for lunatic conservative right fringe.

One doctor was also quoted as saying, " There is insufficient data....we don't know who diagnosed him" 

Wait....intelligent thought? 

Holding off on judgement until all evidence is gathered? 

I hardly recognize it.

"You have no idea what it was like at home" quite possibly the most accurate sentence ever written down.

I began to see that my rant was going to have to be altered a bit.  Truth can have that affect upon you.  

Well, at least it should.

I am really interested in watching this program and will try to find it online. I still wish the writers didn't use sensational journalism and partial information in their headlines.  I do understand the philosophy about attention grabbing and that you have less than 5 seconds to grab a reader's interest.  However since many people never bother to read the articles and claim their knowledge from just headlines (Yes, thank you USA News and the birth of sound bite journalism) all they see is that a large scale murderer has the same impairment as my beautiful daughter.  Since I've had some asses come up to me and ask if I worry about my girls "snapping like that" yeah, you people are impacting my life with your words.

Autism. Understand it before you blame it.

Dyslexia....

....because Autism times two kids, Sensory Integration Disorder, debilitating anxiety, food allergies, pre-teen mood mood swings, an international move and being away from all your family wasn't enough for one family.  We now add Dyslexia to our laundry list of maladies.

Eh, much like having more kids in the house, what the Hell is one more?  As I talked to the doctor today and listed why I thought my little girl has this issue he lamented, "Sadly, knowing about won't make the living with it any easier"  I snorted a bit and he thought I was agreeing with him.  Get serious. I've spent almost 7 years in and out of doctors and therapists offices, thousands of hours searching online at Google University for anything that will make our lives better.  I know that the next 11-15 years of getting the girls through school are going to be mind-numbingly difficult. 

Finding out we have Dyslexia is like finding out there's a rash with a fever.  We're already sick here Mate, what the Hell is one more symptom.

I'm actually relieved.  I've known for a while that something was "off" with Tessi and her reading.  I couldn't put my finger on what exactly the problem was but as she's been growing up the problems have been more pronounced.  Now she's noticing there's a problem and it's just feeding her anger and that is never a good idea.  Tessi handles rage about as well as I handle sleep deprivation...it gets ugly, very quickly. 

However now I have something to grab onto and run with, so to speak.  We meet with the pediatrician in 2 weeks and get a plan of attack, hopefully.  I'm looking into pediatric occupational ophthalmologists, Dyslexia support groups, the school reading support teacher; whatever I need to.  This part is always the scariest with a new diagnosis - learning what to do.  When you get the Autism label you usually need a few weeks to get your head around the horrible word.  It was a full month before I could say it out loud without crying.  Then learning who you had to talk to, what therapies there were to try, deciphering the language of doctors, support groups, therapists and technicians.  You can have all the educational degrees in the world but in that beginning bit you are as lost as Kindy the first day of school.  Not to mention trying to breathe while under the enveloping veil of the death of your dreams for your child and the birth of the terror about their future that doesn't ever really go away.

But I'm not throwing up tonight.  I'm not laying my head on the table sobbing and begging for it to be over, not this time.  If we hadn't endured the last 7 years I very well might be.  I might be consumed with terror worrying about her having problems learning to read and therefore not being able to finish school on her terms.  Instead I'm realizing that my little girl's brain is playing tricks with her and I have to help her learn fight back.  That doesn't even sound that hard.  Oh, I know that there will be many, many hard days ahead and Tessi will have to work her hardest to retrain her brain, eyes, whatever she needs to do in order to survive.  But at least we know what is going on.  She's been fighting for years to be normal and like everyone else; at this point we really don't know any other way.

So bring on another degree from Google Uni!  If I keep this up I'll have more degrees than Ted and I'll be much less a snob about it.  Ok, maybe not.

Changing Job Title but Keeping Job Description

A few weeks back I said that I had finally defined my job. A mission statement if you will.

I reject your reality and I substitute my own.  I stole it from Adam Savage from Mythbusters.  Proudly so I might add.

I think it sums up a lot of what I've been doing the last 11 1/2 years. A toddlers reality is pitching a fit in the store to get a toy, I reject this reality by thumping  a tush or ignore and move on. My daughter at 6 is still pulling the same crap because in sense of self-development she still is a toddler -another joy of Autism, you get to have a 2 year old for YEARS!!!, for her I use the latter technique. I say that because while the darling expert parents insist that all these brats pretending to be Autistic just need a good ass-kicking, sadly it doesn't work that way. I know, it's a shock you people are wrong, what with all your years in early childhood education, but there it is. Sorry, learn to live with disappointment.

The next reality to be crushed is the little girl "bitch" movement that sadly is starting earlier and earlier with our daughters. My girls will pick on someone to make themselves feel better and I crush that reality by demanding apologies, saying same crap to them and ask how they like and of course the classic, "You can't make of her shoes because you are all wearing the same black death school shoes...you twit". In a loving caring kind of way of course. It's awful to watch and I LOATHE gender stereotyping but it's true.  Girls, even the nicest, sweetest ones will turn on each other like feral harpies looking for a slow painful kill.  And they'll do it over jewelry and hair bows.  Several of my mom friends and I are on constant patrol for Bitchygirlitus and work with each other and sometimes the teachers against the girls and crush their plans.

Now onto my current reality rejecting job. The crushing of coolness and awesomeness. It is Connors reality that at 7 she knows she must own and wear strapless dresses. This I have compromised and have only partially crushed. Yes, I caved and made the dress but she can only wear it around the house. That way it can constantly fall to her waist in relative obscurity. She feels adult and fashion forward and I feel like I've done my part to keep away the pedophiles.  The other coolness I crush is Teddy's self perceived awesomeness.   Arrogance doesn't really accurately describe his behavior.  I'm starting to believe that he believes he would walk on water but right now he doesn't feel like doing all the exercise.  He thinks he is too evolved to do chores and speak to his sisters in a civil tone. I crush that reality do my best "the Lord Giveth and Mom Taketh away" spiel.  It's a pretty good spiel.  I can't stand uppity prats so it's fairly easy to come up with ways to torment them.  Hell, I've been doing THAT JOB since I was a teen.

But enough about job titles descriptions.  I am slowly learning that my actual title of MOTHER is changing and I can't seem to do anything about it.  If I was in a paying job I would at least have the recourse of filing a complaint with HR or more subtly talk to my boss about the change in my title and or duties.  Now my job title is being altered by the people who work for me.  This is a shift in management dynamics that I never knew was an option.  I know a lot of companies are doing the whole, "We are all equal on the same team nonsense" but in the end, NO ONE is telling the boss to change their title to SUCKY BOSS....at least not to their faces.  See I've gone from MOTHER to BAD MOTHER.  By that I'm not talking about the piddling, "I don't like my mother, she makes me eat veggies"  No, no.  I'm talking about the, "My mother is a bad person.  She hates me and it's her or me and I chose me"  The writing on the wall in my house is that Teddy is in terrible torment because of the oppressive rule of the MAN.

That last statement should be WOMAN I know but the historical context of the MAN just was too good to pass up.  I say, let's take a little poetic license, live Life on the edge and be done with it but hey, maybe you want to add to my list of crappy things I've done today.  That's cool.  The list is growing longer by the minute.

Back to our story.  By oppression I mean he is completely disheartened and downtrodden by my insane insistence that he stop trying to argue with his 6-year old, mildly Autistic sister as he does with his peers and me.  He thinks those last two terms are synonymous but that's part of that reality crushing gig I have going right now.  It's a work in progress.  Teddy actually thinks that it's reasonable for him to tell his sister to "Stop being a slacker" and "hang up more clothes on the line" even though he is 1. A good foot taller than her and she can't reach the line like he can and 2.  Because of her glasses she can't see as well as he can, certainly not rows and rows of thin clothes line and 3.  He needs to hang up the damn clothes too.  For me to actually insist on telling the both of them to knock it off and hang up the damn clothes before I find more chores for BOTH of them to do is blatant favoritism towards his cunning sister and an obvious attempt on my part to extract free slave labor from his sensitive hands.

If that isn't enough I had the gall to suggest that if he slammed one more thing or rolled his eyes or flipped up his shoulders I would keep finding chores for him to do.  The Hell never ends.  Then dear God, I did it.  I ACTUALLY saw him answer yes when I asked, "Is anyone still planning on being crappy to each other?" and I sent him outside to sweep the leaves off of the steps .  Then, the bitch I am, I went outside and declared publicly, where everyone in the world could hear the shame, that he continued with this crap that was fine with me I'll find chores for him to do all damn day so we didn't have to be around each other.

What.the.Hell.is.going.on.here? Truly it is a world gone mad.  Hmmm, that's actually what BOTH Teddy and I keep saying.

What I find most amusing and no, there isn't a lot, is that what I'm doing isn't really that different.  I've always been an pain in the kids' asses....collectively speaking.  I have always expected certain things and come crushing down down like the fist of God when the expectations haven't been met.  Hello?  Is he new?  When have I EVER let him get away with being an ass to me?  I'm the mom who tore him a new asshole in front of half the school when he was 7 and he tried to run away from me and make me chase him down the street.  I destroyed his soul that day,  I did it publicly and I was happy to do it.   About 6 months ago I overheard a friend of his ask him why he didn't have Minecraft yet.  Teddy replied that I had said no.  The friend said, "Just keep asking her, she'll cave"  - yes he did.  He really said that.  I heard Teddy snort and whisper, "Are you crazy, you know what she's like"  and yes, I AM LIKE THAT.  Nag me for crap I've already said no to?  I'll get it for everyone else in the family BUT you.   I'm the one one who just a few weeks ago froze his computer, xbox and tv privileges and laughed at him while I did it.

However now, doing the exact same things has given him the authority to think me even more monstrous, more evil.  OK...well...I'm afraid Teddy, my darling Love that it is you or me and I chose me.  See, if I don't spend the next few years being the enemy from Hell for you I'm afraid that you are going to turn into the arrogant, megalomaniac, snot-nosed, "The World Owes Me" and "all should kneel before Zod" type of jerk that no normal person can stand.  I can't handle a lifetime of that.Apparently we get to have you back in a few years.  I've heard several moms say the kid you have as a child returns as an adult if you can survive the teen years.

7 1/2 more years to go.  Until then my darling, ask not for whom the bitch tolls, the bitch tolls for thee.


I wonder if John Donne was a bad parent too...

An Update for the Basketball Problem

Since so many people responded to my plea for help about the young boy on Tessi's basketball team I felt I should post a bit of an update.

I did send an email to my friends whose girls on the team.  Both reacted not only kinder than I anticipated but exactly in kind with the Aussie "fair go" feeling that I have come to love.  Both moms responded that I shouldn't approach the little boys mum, she should enjoy her happiness as long as possible.  Were there ways they could help?  Since it was obvious this was a case of a child needing some extra help, rather than extra parenting, both ladies jumped on board full force asking how best to help out.

They humble me.

We had our first practice session this morning and it was great.  Instead of this glaring "US" vs "THEM" feeling it was about what it should be - teaching all the kids to do as well as they could on the team.  We decided to teach the kids to stick their hands out in a "low 5" position when he come by trying to bang into them.  This way he gets his sensory fix (the need for contact to get his bearings) and the other kids are a part of helping with that without getting body checked into the ground.  To help with

To help with the frustration caused by changing baskets we are going to have 1 parent stand at the end underneath the basket holding a red card.  If the child gets the ball and starts charging down the court and no red card, they are to turn around and head for the other basket.  That's really for all the kids, not our AS kid.

We talked about rules about subbing on the court.  Every child has to come out at least 2 times to let a team mate play and if they whine, cry or ignore the coach they are off for 2 rotations.

We are going to practice in the uniforms so all the kids can see their team mates and learn to recognize them and then not steal the ball from their own team.

At the end of today's practice the mom of the little boy gushed with all the effort put into making this work for the kids.

It's the best I've felt in a long time about working with kids with extra needs.

This feeling isn't permanent, there will be many tales of woe with this team.  There's nothing easy about any aspect of life on the Spectrum.  However, it least there is hope.  Some days the worst part about living on the Spectrum is that there is no hope.  Well, not today.  Not with the 6 and 7 year old Screen Shots.

I'm so proud to be a part of this group.  Thank you.

I'm Afriad I'm Becomming One of THOSE People

I have a problem.  I'm in between two groups of people and I have to make a decision as to what to do and I really don't know how to handle it.

Tessi is on a basketball team of 7 and 8 year old girls and boys.  She has 2 of her super BFF's on her team and not one kid knows the first thing about basketball.  That's ok.  They are all out their doing really silly stuff but they are having fun.  Some of the time anyway.  A lot of the time, no....they are not having fun.  There in lies the problem.

Two of the boys are aggressive.  They are both constantly banging into each other, pushing and shoving. They push and shove everyone else, regardless of ball position or floor position or well, anything.  The ref whistles and they will run down the court with the ball long after the whistle has been blown, taking time away from the game to set back up.  They will not leave the court when time to sub out and they take the ball out of the hands of their teammates.  Neither boy seems even aware any one else at all, kids or adults.

Both boys are on the Autistic Spectrum.  I know this because yesterday I recognized one of them.

When I realized the boy was familiar I looked to the sidelines and sure enough, I saw his mother.  A very sweet lady I met at Lifestart, an early intervention service here in Australia that I took both Connor and Tessi to.  Tessi was in a group with this little boy.  I remember him well.  I walked over and started chatting to the mom and she remembered me and was excited to see me.  She was thrilled to hear that both my girls were in mainstream schools and elated to see her boy and Tessi reunited on the team.  She said that her son was doing well at St. Lucy's - a local private school for kids with special needs.  She went on and on about how she had been worried that he couldn't do basketball because he didn't know the rules but none of the kids knew them so it was ok, right?  She was so happy...her son...on a regular team.  The glee, relief and pride.  It was all there on her face.  The other little boy, another boy from Lifestart and from St. Lucy's.  They are friends.  Or at least they understand that they recognize each other and neither one yells when they hit each other.

How do I tell this proud mother that the other kids on the team and a few of the parents want her son beaten to a bloody pulp? Right now everyone just thinks they are ill-mannered, rude little monsters.  They have no idea that the boys have special needs. They don't know he has problems regulating his emotions and he has no idea about the differences between appropriate behavior and not.  He can't discern between being ok to take the ball from one kid but not the other.  He NEEDS to feel the contact of banging into people because it's how he keeps in sync with his surroundings.  Just the fact that he is able to participate in a mainstream game is bordering on miraculous.

Why am I in the middle?  Just announce to the other teammates that the boys need extra help or go to the mom and tell her that the parents are about to revolt?  It's not the simple.

My girls have always held a dubious place on the Autistic Spectrum.  Because they are mild when we would go to groups and therapies other people would look at us like we really shouldn't be there.  I used to comment that I felt we weren't Black enough for them.  Meaning that the other parents looked at each other with this, "This is our club, why is SHE here?"  No one was blatantly rude, but the condescension, ooph, that was present.  It would be supremely annoying to try and get help for our problems only to hear from other parents that they wished they had it so good.  Now my girls are in a mainstream school and can participate in some activities, but we all worked hard for that, it wasn't easy. It still isn't easy.

Now I feel like my girls are "passing" for normal.  I do not hide that they are Autistic, NEVER.  I say it upfront to parents when I feel they need to know.  If they don't need to know than I don't tell them.  Acting this way now has me feel like I'm with the cool kids looking down on the different kid.  And it shames me.

I don't want to be that person.  That parent that acts like they've forgotten what it's like when other kids stare at your kids and wonder what the Hell is wrong. That parent that doesn't remember getting glares from other parents with the, "Do you even know how to discipline your child" look.  I am always watchful for kids reactions to things and I try to act understanding until I find out the situation.  I remember every scornful look I've ever received.  Every glare, every pitiful look.  I have all the pictures I took of the girls to help make visual cue cards for them.  I can see every look of disappointment on Teddy's face when we said we couldn't' do some activity because the girls couldn't handle it. 

I haven't forgotten a God Damn thing.

But where is the balance?  Don't kids deserve to just play a game without being afraid of being pummeled for no reason?  Doesn't a child who has worked for YEARS deserve a chance to play a simple game?

I will talk to the mother.  I don't want her to be blindsided by people she doesn't know.  I will take my daughter's close friends parents aside and talk to them.  I don't know the answer.  I'm pretty sure it's one of those situations where someone is going to end up crying and it will be adult.  I'm positive I will be one of those adults but still not sure which side I'll be crying for.

Problem or Not

An old dear friend contacted me the other day because she was concerned about her son.  He's quite young and his teacher mentioned that she was concerned he was on the Spectrum.  I was happy to talk to her because well, I feel I have to.  I knew nothing when we started on our journey and if I could help her in any way then by God, I would.  After a few rounds of email it seems in my ever humble opinion, that the carer is really pulling this out of her butt.  That being said, a major carer has raised a concern and I believe that should be respected so my friend is taking her little one to the dr.

That really has gotten me to thinking.  Which is of course good and inherently dangerous.  Where is the line drawn between whinning about every possible thing a toddler does and being aggressive and advocating for your child's care?

Autism is in the news almost daily now.  That is a good thing.  It is.  So many children have just been labeled mentally retarded, slow, dim-witted or the all-encompassing, "Bad" yet they have managable issues.  When we got our diagnosis I was stunned by the  dozens of  indicators Autism mentioned because I thought they were normal toddler pain in the ass things.  Tantrumming, refusal to eat, inability to share, difficulty grasping pencils and scissors.  The scissors question used to crack me up.  At 17 and 18 months for Connor and Tessi I was asked if they could use scissors correctly.  I responded the same way every time, "How the Hell would I know?  You think I'm stupid enough to let them hold scissors?"  But all of this was very important but in levels and degrees.  All kids throw hissy fits.  That's normal.  Throwing a hissy fit for hours is not.  Refusing to eat is normal.  Eating things only of one type of texture (all puddings or creams, or nothing cold) is not.  Not sharing toys is normal.  Not understanding that there are other creatures in the room who are just like you is not.

But none of this is instinctual!  June Cleaver woudn't have had the first buggering clue what to do if the Beav was Autistic.  Who the Hell knows if a behavior is normal or excessive?  For Christ's sake, at that time I had 3 children under the age of 7, the last two were 13 months apart, my husband was working 12 hour days and we had just moved 5 hours away from our family and friends.  The first 2 years of Tessi's life are an absolute blur.  That's with the normal stuff.  Throw in diagnosing 2 toddlers with Autism and well....I honestly didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground.

Knowing what I went through I usually explode into unprintable obscenities when I hear some jackass complain about all the Autism and kids were allowed be kids when we were young and the best one....the kid would be fine if you'd just discipline them.  That one...ooooh, I've got a few stories about dealing with assholes who were dumb enough to say that in front of me.  Just me people, if there was anyone in the planet who wanted to be able to solve my girls problems with a couple whacks on the bottom and a few more time outs, it was me.  Listening to these people pontificate about the demise of society because so many kids were being labeled Autistic as if it's such a great club to be included in.  "Ooooh, see Lauren!  Her son just got his dsm iv criteria met!  He's on the Spectrum! Wow, can you imagine the celebrating tonight?  There won't be a goat safe for miles!!  Damn, I wish I could get one for my kid!"  Yeah, what-freakin-ever.  You can have mine.  We have two.

No one just goes out and gets a diagnosis.  No, no, no.  Your loser neighbor who sits all day watching her stories and hasn't seen the inside of her kitchen for a year and her kids run around beating animals with sticks does not count.  She didn't get a diagnosis.  She watched Jerry Springer or Montel and heard the fancy word and is using it.  You know how you can tell?  'Cause she hasn't been asking you and everyone else, "Something just seems odd, I can't put my finger on it.  Did your child do "name weird behavior" or you mean your child doesn't sit and bang his head over and over"  Those people are jumping on bandwagons.  They aren't ever caught crying because their kids has been kicking them in the leg for 4 hours no matter what you do to stop them.  And you know what, for every 1 of them there are 50 at least, real cases of Austism.  You can't call your dr and ask for a refill of your blood pressure meds and oh, by the way, can I get you to type a letter saying Miss Thang is on the Autistic Spectrum."  It's months of appointments with several EXPENSIVE therapists, drs and clinicians before you get that bad boy.  So if you're hearing about a kid going through treatment for Spectrum related issues - they freakin need it.

However, if I'm honest, there is another side.  The side my friend presented to me.  Her child's teacher raised a concern that he might be on the Spectrum.  He's a loner.    He's still engaged in Parallel Play.  That's really it.  Really?  This gets a conference with a parent?  A 2-year old prefers to play alone at school rather than with friends?  He has excellent, developing speech, he sits and plays longer than 30 seconds, he interacts with his twin sister very well and does communicate with the teachers and his parents.  THIS?

What?  As my friend was describing the symptoms all I could do was compare mine at the same age.  Speech?  Connor maxed out at 5 words and then lost all but 1 of them.  Connor and Tessi both could have someone call their names from 2 feet away and they would ignore them.  Tantrums?  Christ....Tessi would follow me from room to room so she could kick me.

But what is my friend to do?  Go to the dr.  Yes, I know.  I don't think the boy is in danger either.  But then again, I avoided med school like the plague.  A person responsible for providing a large amount of his care has raised a concern.  I'll willing to bet money it's pointless, but so my friend can sleep at night without wondering if she's done enough I say go to the dr.

Sadly, with Autism it's really better to have people a bit jumpy and examining the absurd.  If the hairs are prickling on the back of your neck...then go.  Don't say, "I think my child has Autism"  Say, "Something is strange.  I don't know what."  If your dr laughs at your or tells you to unclench, then you are at the wrong dr.  You can get a free evaluation from ECI - Early Childhood Intervention in the US.  In Australia you can get a gp referral to an evaluation center.  The closet one to me is in Chatswood, but they are all over.

Get it checked out.  THEN we can come up with jokes about what the hell was the teacher thinking.

Well, well, well

So the study that came out and said that Autism was links to MMR immunization shots was done under flawed conditions.  The paper that printed it, The Lancet, had to retract it.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/02/02/lancet.retraction.autism/index.html?hpt=T1

My, my, my.  So Autim isn't caused by the shots.  I'm going to refrain from my usual tirades and just say this, "NOW CAN WE ALL STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AND FIND OUT WHAT DOES CAUSE IT?!

It would be nice if ONCE, just ONCE I could enjoy my daughters without having to scrutinize their every action and wonder how I need to teach them to do things the "right way"  I do this so they can survive childhood and not be traumatized by other children for being different.  I would LOVE to only have to explain something one time because even at 5 1/2  Connor needs constant repetition for even the simplest of concepts to sink in.

So please, now can we all just get along?  Let's fight the problem; not each other.

Manic Mondays

Here we are....the second week of school holidays. So far no one has called the cops on me...at least as far as I know, there may be a backlog. So I'm calling it good. Just took Tessi to school and Teddy and Connor are fighting over...as God as my witness, I have no idea. I just here yelling and I'm tuning it out. I'm going to wait until actually bleeding starts before I do anything. I'm not even 1/2 through my 2nd cup of tea for God's sake....no jury would convict.

Today we are meeting with Connor's pediatrician. In OZ you only see the pediatrician for serious things...everything else is done by a gp. Today I want to talk to the dr about Connor and her anxiety issues. I'm trying to get her looked at by Children's Westmeade Development Center, as suggested by her Kindy teacher. I would swear on my limited knowledge of Autism that Connor has Asperger's. This should be impossible since she started with a profound speech delay. But everything about her screams Asperger's. Inappropriate emotions, savant-like memory of the obscure and inane and zero memory of what the rest of us perceive as important.

I'm hoping to find some more insight into this insane affliction. 4 years of living in the Spectrum really hasn't taught me all I need to know. In fact, not even close. One of my favorite pearls of wisdom about all of this, "Something may be a definate sign of Autism; unless it isn't" I love that one. Meaning that lining up toys all in a row can be a massive red flag for Autism; unless of course your child just likes to line things up...then it isn't a sign. No wonder so many of us parents go barking mad.

So we'll see what Dr. Cohen says today. If anything. He may just tell me to unclench and relax. Oh so helpful. Another pearl of wisdom people have for parents of Autistics. Please do me one favor, those of you who do NOT have a loved one on the Spectrum. If only just today, if you meet someone who's child is Autistic, do NOT tell them to relax, that everything will be alright. As helpful as you think you are being; you really are being the opposite. We don't get to relax. We have to on guard all the time, watchful for new signs and symptoms to start therapy for and have to constantly explain our child's odd behavior and try to plan for the future. You see, for your children at ages 5 and 4, they still have boundless options. Mine do not. Mine already have limits and the more I do now...at a young age...the more of a chance they have in the future to exceed those limits.

Well, that turned out to be more of a rant than I was planning. Must be the cold medicine and the fighting over...sigh...still don't know what that was all about. If I'm honest though, I really don't want to know.