An Evening of Quiet

Ted took the kids and went to a friends party.  I suppose that's all I need to write.  I doubt highly there's a single person who reads this and knows me can't understand what that entails for me.  I'm just so exhusted right now...I know who isn't, but over the weekends I just step back at leave it all to Ted.  Not fair I know but I can't think of what else to do.

Connor is too much right now.  I'm really seeing that.  At least too much for me.  Sooo, tomorrow starts a great search for some activities for Madam.  Maybe if I get her mind off of Kindy ending and being scared about change I can get her to tone down a bit.  Did find out who her new teacher is and while I'm not 100% sure what I think...at least it's a name I can start throwing out to her.  It's a start.

I realized last night part of why I was so upset about Connor turning her daily tirade on Teddy.  I'm supposed to protect my children.  What do I do when I have to protect my children from my children?  If someone lays into Teddy it's simple...I stop them.  Always have, I know what to do and I do it.  But when the aggressor is Connor...what am I supposed to do?  Connor's not a monster.  She's terrified about her world around her and has no real way of telling us...at least not in a manner that the rest of us can understand.  But she's vicious and relentless..2 qualities which combined are too much for Teddy.  Hell, they're too much for me.
I can't stop Connor in the way I need to protect Teddy.  I can't continue to be Connor's whipping post either. 

I've taken to reading some blogs written by adults with Asperger's.  Some of it's pretty brutal.  Such bluntness, such critisizm, such...I don't know the right words...disquieting perhaps?  My daughter is a member of a community that I know nothing about...honestly, one in which I am vocally not welcome.  Sadly, when reading their thoughts, I'm not sure I want to be.

Yet, I have to find a way.  I can't handle the thought of Connor living her life separated from her family.  She maybe different..I dunno, maybe she is fine and we're different...but we are family...there has to be some way.  I don't want her grown up feeling like the world is plotting against her, that she is "owed" something and everything would be fine if we all just did things her way.

Jesus...reading that does make me wonder if she is fine and I'm the one with the problem.