Being a child of the seventies I have watched a fair amount of TV. Alright, a LOT of TV. I grew up watching wholesome (because it was the only thing on) family entertainment. Well, at least what passed my mother's eyes as wholesome. I only watched Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley and Brady Bunch behind her back because she hated those shows. I saw All in the Family, Soap, MASH, Masterpiece Theatre, Monty Python, Battlestar Gallactica, Star Trek, and re-runs of the the classics, Leave it to Beaver, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie and some other shows in black and white, I just can't remember. Hmmm, maybe that list of shows does explain a bit about my personality.
It's true, what you see does influence you. Watching those shows I saw family life portrayed in ways that were hideously NOT like my life. One would think that would have taught me that TV is not reality but no. Instead I grew up hoping to have that idyllic setting in my house. At least that's what I think I did. I have no conscience memory of pining for this Utopian lifestyle but I think I must have. I mean why else would my reality drive me so damn crazy if I wasn't secretly wishing for a better way. If I knew and understood that in reality kids are psychotic - especially in the morning, wouldn't I have accepted years ago that it will not be any different?
No. Obviously, deep seated in the recesses of my mind there was a message implanted that gets triggered like the sleeper agents in Battlestar Gallactica, the new one, not the old one. Yes! That's it. Messages get turned on and off in my brain telling me that families don't have to act like this and if I keep struggling like the stupid spawning salmon I will achieve the goal..the Harmonious Family. That must be it. There is no other possible rational explanation for me to keep trudging along trying to correct this insane destructive behavior and instead embrace it and just try to keep the house standing. It's TVs fault. Whew. What a load off of my mind.
So tomorrow when Teddy and Connor start sniping at each other 30 seconds after waking I will just sip my tea. 10 minutes later when they are still going at it I will casually play on my phone. I'll do that instead of what I did today which was snapping, "Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph you two! Stop talking to each other. Don't look at each other, don't stand near each other, don't touch each other, DO NOTHING!!" See that got me nothing because not 2 minutes later Teddy starting griping at Connor for dropping the bread bag on the floor and Connor retaliated by yelling back. See, I would have saved myself the aggravation if I had just accepted the futility of it all.
This is liberating.
The next time Tessi starts sobbing because Connor never lets her talk instead of me replying, "Pot, meet Kettle, nice of you two to meet" Now the sarcasm is funny but it doesn't help. Because deep inside I'm hoping that Tessi will some day realize, "Hey, does she mean that I do that too?" Of course she won't. And why? Because life is nothing like TV. Real kids don't learn life lessons in 22 minutes. It takes YEARS, if ever. Right now, I'm voting on never. I've had Teddy in my life for 11 1/2 years and after all this time he still doesn't understand that whatever he does I will find out about it and I will get angry when he gets caught. He honestly believes he can fool me. Teddy is utterly baffled when I know that when he's been sent to his room to clean and 20 minutes later he stumbles out and it looks the same I know that he hasn't done anything. I'm not exaggerating. He stood there yesterday seething with anger when I told him I knew he was lying about cleaning. He could not imagine how I had figured it out. But now I see what my mistake was...it was when I yelled threatened and argued with him. Now I know that watching happy TV families has led me to believe that when you tell someone to clean their room they will do it. What I should have done was walked in, seen the filth and tell him to try again. When he starts to sputter that he has been cleaning I will just use the Air Horn app on my phone. Then I will say, try again and walk out. Rinse, lather, repeat.
See, no yelling. I accept that he's going to lie and I get to use my iPhone in a fun way. This could work. I have a constant battle with sore throats and headaches. Maybe implementing this acceptance of lunacy will help me cut down on that. Just walking around the house tripping on Littlest Pet Shop pieces, the Nerf bullets and more Barbie shoes than Mattel ever meant one household to have I see that all my yelling and cajoling have not helped. Because I have been searching for that Norman Rockwell picture of the life I've ended up with physical pain and a near permanent eye-twitch.
So join in with me people. It's time to lower your standards. When you feel the need to ask, "Are you out of your mind?" Remember the answer is yes. It's them, not us. Accept the lunacy and ride the wave of stupidity. You will have to remind them flush the toilet 4 years after they've started using it. They will pour milk into the bowl until it overflows for no other reason than they can. Your two oldest children will get into a screaming match with each other over who has to turn the TV off AND then glare at you and say they weren't fighting. As sure as death and taxes these are the absolute truths of life with kids.
Save your sanity people. Speak softly and carry the Air Horn App. And watch TV about psychopaths. THAT'S reality TV.
An American family living in Australia. While we all speak English here, I wouldn't say we all speak the same language.
Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts
Monday, May 7, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Parenting Styles Differ
I'm not sure if it's an Aussie thing or just me. I say that because one of the friends I'm thinking about is English. See! I was nice and didn't call her a Limey or a Pom, progress!! That and she's a Helluva lot taller than me. My point is that there isn't a consistency on parenting philosophies across a single plain. It's all over the plain. So I'm not sure if it's just not the American way of doing things or that everyone here is plotting to make me look like more of a hag than I really am to my kids.
When it comes to movies, tv and video games and what parents let their kids watch or play I'm constantly astounded by the differences. Teddy is 11 and despite my best efforts loves his shoot-em up, kill fuzzy bunny games and obnoxious humor. In fact, when he first saw the cover for Portal 2 he immediately wrote it off because it didn't look like anything died. Of course since one of his cool friends showed it to him it's one of his favorite games - but that's another post in and of itself. Teddy loves his death and mayhem and this is with me nixing all the really cool Call of Duty, Halo, Modern Warfare and Skyrim games. To soothe those needs he does what any decent kid does and goes behind my back to friend's houses with way cooler moms and plays them there. Every couple of months or so I make him stop and say in front of witnesses, "Yes, I understand that killing human beings is wrong. There are better ways of solving problems than blowing people or zombies heads off and the saying is not 'Speak Softly and carry a large AK-47'" That way I can safely testify in court that I had reasonable assurances that he would not go postal and start shooting people from the top of the Sydney Opera House some day.
Don't judge me. You take what you can get.
When it comes to movies there are a whole slew of awesome movies I haven't let him see it.
Music-I let him hear some swearing. Yes, I DID put Monty Python Sings on his iPod. I have since come to regret that as Teddy has accidentally taught Connor the first verse to "Sit on My Face" But there just some very cool music out there that it's just criminal not to listen to. I have drawn the line at the South Park Movie soundtrack. I REALLY don't need him to accidentally teach Tessi the Uncle song. I will have to physically kill him.
But with my friends and their kids, some have no trouble at all with the hard core games but balk at swearing. Some completely cut out everything even slightly violent but then have Mel Brooks and Monty Python movie nights.
Back in Texas I was the shocking one. I said damn a lot and WOW I got some looks from some people. Double entendres are the bread and butter of my humor and 8 outta 10 times the second meaning is going to be obscene or insulting. I live and breathe to annoy and piss people off...I leave that to Ted...but if I'm honest, it does amuse the Hell out me most times.
But here in Australia? I've learned that many times I'm the prude of the room. Which let me tell you, is a wee bit shocking. I know for a fact my name is on at least 3 different prayer lists praying that God doesn't just smite my ass for the things I say. That's for just what I say...I actually do censor myself sometimes. Back home I know people that have their kids only watch Veggie Tales (no, I'm not knocking the show, I just think more than one show is a good thing, Backyardigans rocked!) but here? I'm overprotective because I voiced an objection because Teddy was shown a British tv show called Bottom and yes, it was everything you'd ever think a British tv show called Bottom would be.
Teddy has seen more movies and shows that I never would have even thought to let a kid watch and it's by people who are way more moral than I am. It's odd to see. I remember showing 2 of my girlfriends the movie Dogma. I warned them ahead of time that it was very controversial in the States and some scenes were really shocking. At the end of the movie both turned to me and asked what was shocking? Really? What was controversial about DOGMA? Gee, I don't know. But nope, didn't notice anything. Same friend let her young daughter watch the first season of True Blood, just covering her eyes during the more risque themes. She said no to the second season because that got a little intense. I heavily screen Teddy's viewing of The Big Bang Theory because while it does have the best writing on tv ever, there are still some phrases I don't want him learning while sitting next to me on the couch. He needs to go out and learn it from his buddies like a decent person.
I just typed the sentence Connor and Tessi are easier to manage but then I had to delete it. I banned the Disney Channel for everything except Phineas and Ferb because they were getting interested in all the pre-teen and teen shows. Banned because of constant message of sdults are idiots, best way to get what you want is go around their backs, lie to get your way and yes, you deserve all the latest and greatest. Whatever. They come with those traits built in, I've spent their childhood trying to wring it out of their necks, I sure as hell don't have to let them watch and get instructions on how to keep doing it. Nickelodeon is on my radar too. That damn iCarly....
So is it a cultural thing or am I prudish control freak? I'm really not a prude.....the rest....no comment.
When it comes to movies, tv and video games and what parents let their kids watch or play I'm constantly astounded by the differences. Teddy is 11 and despite my best efforts loves his shoot-em up, kill fuzzy bunny games and obnoxious humor. In fact, when he first saw the cover for Portal 2 he immediately wrote it off because it didn't look like anything died. Of course since one of his cool friends showed it to him it's one of his favorite games - but that's another post in and of itself. Teddy loves his death and mayhem and this is with me nixing all the really cool Call of Duty, Halo, Modern Warfare and Skyrim games. To soothe those needs he does what any decent kid does and goes behind my back to friend's houses with way cooler moms and plays them there. Every couple of months or so I make him stop and say in front of witnesses, "Yes, I understand that killing human beings is wrong. There are better ways of solving problems than blowing people or zombies heads off and the saying is not 'Speak Softly and carry a large AK-47'" That way I can safely testify in court that I had reasonable assurances that he would not go postal and start shooting people from the top of the Sydney Opera House some day.
Don't judge me. You take what you can get.
When it comes to movies there are a whole slew of awesome movies I haven't let him see it.
- A Fish Called Wanda
- Blazing Saddles
- Kevin Smith movies
- Animal House
- Any of the Jason/Chuckie/Freddy Krueger genre
- Any Monty Python movies -tv shows are ok.
- Elvis Movies
Music-I let him hear some swearing. Yes, I DID put Monty Python Sings on his iPod. I have since come to regret that as Teddy has accidentally taught Connor the first verse to "Sit on My Face" But there just some very cool music out there that it's just criminal not to listen to. I have drawn the line at the South Park Movie soundtrack. I REALLY don't need him to accidentally teach Tessi the Uncle song. I will have to physically kill him.
But with my friends and their kids, some have no trouble at all with the hard core games but balk at swearing. Some completely cut out everything even slightly violent but then have Mel Brooks and Monty Python movie nights.
Back in Texas I was the shocking one. I said damn a lot and WOW I got some looks from some people. Double entendres are the bread and butter of my humor and 8 outta 10 times the second meaning is going to be obscene or insulting. I live and breathe to annoy and piss people off...I leave that to Ted...but if I'm honest, it does amuse the Hell out me most times.
But here in Australia? I've learned that many times I'm the prude of the room. Which let me tell you, is a wee bit shocking. I know for a fact my name is on at least 3 different prayer lists praying that God doesn't just smite my ass for the things I say. That's for just what I say...I actually do censor myself sometimes. Back home I know people that have their kids only watch Veggie Tales (no, I'm not knocking the show, I just think more than one show is a good thing, Backyardigans rocked!) but here? I'm overprotective because I voiced an objection because Teddy was shown a British tv show called Bottom and yes, it was everything you'd ever think a British tv show called Bottom would be.
Teddy has seen more movies and shows that I never would have even thought to let a kid watch and it's by people who are way more moral than I am. It's odd to see. I remember showing 2 of my girlfriends the movie Dogma. I warned them ahead of time that it was very controversial in the States and some scenes were really shocking. At the end of the movie both turned to me and asked what was shocking? Really? What was controversial about DOGMA? Gee, I don't know. But nope, didn't notice anything. Same friend let her young daughter watch the first season of True Blood, just covering her eyes during the more risque themes. She said no to the second season because that got a little intense. I heavily screen Teddy's viewing of The Big Bang Theory because while it does have the best writing on tv ever, there are still some phrases I don't want him learning while sitting next to me on the couch. He needs to go out and learn it from his buddies like a decent person.
I just typed the sentence Connor and Tessi are easier to manage but then I had to delete it. I banned the Disney Channel for everything except Phineas and Ferb because they were getting interested in all the pre-teen and teen shows. Banned because of constant message of sdults are idiots, best way to get what you want is go around their backs, lie to get your way and yes, you deserve all the latest and greatest. Whatever. They come with those traits built in, I've spent their childhood trying to wring it out of their necks, I sure as hell don't have to let them watch and get instructions on how to keep doing it. Nickelodeon is on my radar too. That damn iCarly....
So is it a cultural thing or am I prudish control freak? I'm really not a prude.....the rest....no comment.
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