Satan's To do List

So endeth one of worst parenting weeks of my life.  This past week reads like a diary Satan's to-do list.  I'm starting this off with a diet coke or tea spit take warning.  Not because I'm confidant in my humor but I suspect the sheer horror of the amount of Hell this week will be shocking.

Satan's Calendar of Events:

Monday - Ted and I drive the girls to piano and basketball, which is tricky since they both start at 5.  While in on our way I get a phone call telling me that Tessi's game has been moved to 5:45.  The mom offers for me to drop off Tessi to her and she'll take her so Ted and I can get to piano on time.  Great!  Never been to her house so I get her address 19 whateverthename and we drive straight there.  Only the house doesn't look right.  The gate is padlocked and there's a dog and I know they don't have a dog.  I can't call her back as her number was blocked.  So we turn around and race off to piano.  I start calling everyone I can think of who has her number and then I remembered that she too has an iPhone and email her to call me.  Turns out I'm an idiot and her house number is 99.  Ok, no problem, drop Connor off, head back and first house we find is 99A.  Then 99B.  Which is it?  I refuse to call again but we're in luck, one more house and we're at 99.  Also, I'm sporting a massive sinus headache and holding my head together with my fingers.

That night I went to the school P & C meeting which lasted to 10 because of arguing over parking 0 got to speak to the mayor.  WOOO HOO. and heated discussions about offering ethics classes in school. I ended up volunteering to help start up and run the class at our school.  WTH?  How did that happen?

Doesn't sound too bad right?  Just a little stuff up and run around.  Not really worth mentioning.

Tuesday - 5 minutes before we leave for school Teddy announces that his teacher can see me right after school. I've been trying to meet with her so while I wish I had more notice, I figure I'll make it work.  Now I'm taking my kids and 2 others to see the stupid Star Wars in 3 damn D movie at 4:20 so I race around getting snacks and dinner made for the kids to eat in the movie since I know I won't have time after school.  This is of course after I spend almost 2 hours in the car taking Teddy's cricket bat back to the store to turn it in to be repaired.  No biggie.  No problem, I don't mind.

Except when I get to school one mom asks if I could take her daughter too.  Yes I had offered but it was late notice and I had snacks and drinks for 5.  But no matter, will make it work.  I tell the kids to come up to top quad and not muck around while I meet with the teacher.  Only I get to the teacher's room and she's in another meeting.  See she sent a note home with Teddy which he never gave me.  He decided that I was too busy on Monday and without telling either of us scheduled the meeting for Tuesday.  Yes, there were words said about that to him.  None of them pretty.

Then at the movie.  Jesus God.  The 2 boys sat by them selves, the 4 girls off by themselves and me guarding the door.  The girls lost their ever loving mind.  Seriously GONE.  They spilled popcorn, soda and candy all over the floor.  Someone took marshmellows and ground them into the seats and stairs.  They ran up and down the isles.  They yelled and carried on disrupting the theatre.  After the movie Connor's glasses went flipping off into the seats and were GONE we held up the next showing 10 minutes trying to find them while the manager of the theater was yelling at me for the mess.  I yelled at the girls, "I once took 6 three year old boys to the movie and they behaved better than you!"  Then had to tell their mothers, who were in a state of shock that the girls did this. 

I took one my pretty colored pills, had some champers and went to bed at 7:00 that night.


Wednesday- I learned that I had messed up Teddy's chance to sit for the Selective High School Entrance exam.  Badly.  I had 2 days to get the principal of Teddy's school to agree to sign the appeal form, and I have to write a letter explaining why I'm a dumb ass and too stupid to read a website correctly.  Lovely.  While this is spinning in my head I head off to school to pick up kids, including an extra one and take the girls to gymnastics.  Only as I'm waiting for Teddy to show up Tessi and her friend ditch me.  They are gone.  So I have to walk around the school screaming their names to find them.  When I did find them they were playing hopscotch so I gave them Hell for leaving me.  As we're walking back Tessi's friend held onto her new wishing stone and said, "I wish Cecelia wouldn't be rude"  Yep.  And me being me, I LOST MY MIND.    So many tears later we end up at gymnastics, I tell her dad and he's horrified.  He hives her Hell and yes, more tears.

Didn't take pills but did drink a LOT of cheap french champers.  A LOT.  Again, in bed early.


Thursday - Am in serious funk.  I can not believe I've screwed up Teddy's chance at getting into selective school. I should mention also that it's the anniversary of my friend's suicide and I am feeling very down about that.  I can not believe such a sweet and nice girl I adore called me rude and then I get txt from her mother apologizing that my feelings were hurt and they would following up with her and her behavior.  I took this as Sonia was upset with me, thinking I keeping tabs on her parenting.  This led to some frantic texting and one long phone call to get us both on track again.  That's when I learned that her little girl thought the word rude mean cross or angry.  Sigh...I made a little girl cry because she wished I wouldn't be angry.  Any puppies around I can kick?

Race into school to learn that principal and Teddy's teacher are bending over backwards to help get application ready.  Serious effort people.  Really in awe of them.   Principal mentions that she's sorry but I'll have to drive app to dept. office.  When I agree she says, "Oh what a good mum!"  I just looked at her and said, "I've made 6 kids cry this week and only 3 were mine"  There was a giggle in the staff room and mutterings of offering me a job there.  As Ted said when I relayed the story, "Making kids cry is a feature, not a bug to teachers"


Friday - I drive the application to Bankstown.  Now if anyone in Sydney had any idea how to draw an accurate map this would not be a problem.  However since it seems to be a sick joke to make sure only the most convoluted, inaccurate pictures are displayed in maps here I drove around quite a bit. 

TIP to map makers! - It helps if the same name on a street in a map is the same one on the sign along the road.  Also building numbers being sequential is a plus.

I finally get there and deliver my package of pleading.  I wrote a very nice, "Yes, I am a dumb ass and you owe me nothing, but dear God PLEASE let him take the test" letter.  The lady who read the letter actually chortled a little bit.  That's fine, I would have prostrated myself on the floor in front of her chanting, "Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa" if it would have helped.  Something must have been good because they accepted the app and on Mar. 15th Teddy can fail the test to get into the schools!   At least this way his future is on him and not me.

So that was my week.  I don't know if there is any alcohol left in Dan Murphy's.  I'm spending part of today building some furniture.  It's an Ikea hack so not creative but will involve heavy duty glue and power tools so there's a real element of danger.  I'm going to spend some time tomorrow planning some goals for the week.

Goal #1 - Only make children I've given birth to cry.
Goal #2 - No more Star Wars 3 damn D movies
Goal #3 -  Take control of my schedule away from Satan and Teddy
Goal #4 - Stay up beyond 7:30 two nights this week.

Goals are important but it's a good idea not to set the bar too high.