Things Not to Wake up to On a Monday Morning

I'm not a morning person.  I don't mean that I have a hard time waking up, I mean I HATE waking up and I hate anyone who wakes me up.  It's in my genetic makeup I think.  My mother wasn't a morning person, even though my father was.  In fact, I remember her telling me that when they were first married she thought she would have to kill him, because he was "so damn cheerful"  Instead my mother decided to take a hit for love and every morning woke up 30 minutes before my dad so she could get her coffee and a cigarette in so she didn't drown "the simple son of a bitch in his corn flakes" - her words not mine.  She decided to do this one morning after she made him eggs for breakfast and his hap-hap-happiness made her lean over the table and stab the yolks on his plate and storm off.  The females in my family could get rather pissy about things.

So it's nothing personal.  For the most part I can't even see who it is trying to get my attention in the morning so it could be my kids, my husband, Mother Theresa or Ed McMahon with the Publisher's Clearing House check, I still hate them and am trying to use my mind powers to make their heads explode.  Don't panic though, so far I've failed miserably at using my telekinesis powers to force unwelcome sleep disturbers to have their heads go up in a fire ball so you should be clear.  But I'll tell ya, it hasn't failed from the lack of effort on my part. The good news is that by the time my mind registers that can't use my mind to incinerate someones head  and I start to turn to find a baseball bat I usually have woken up enough to remember that it's bad to kill people and that I probably shouldn't do that.  Also, pretty much everyone knows to stay out of arms reach of me...well, MY arm's reach any way.

This morning began as all school mornings do in my house, me desperately trying to ignore the bellowing cat demanding food and ignoring the girls fighting about....oh Hell, I have no idea what they were arguing about.  They were in their rooms screaming at each other through their connecting bathroom so I just enjoyed the simple pleasure of them NOT being in the same room with me.  Giving up the ghost,  I stumble out of bed and head into the bathroom.  On the way I trip over the damn cat as Monty has given up any pretense of meowing for food and was out-and-out trying to trip my ass into his food container.  Lovely cat.  Next time I catch him sleeping peacefully I'm going to put a lizard on his nose.  Well, I would if I'd actually touch the lizard, but the idea amuses me.

There's a banging at the door and the female offspring charge in.  I'm awake enough to remember that I'm related to them so I don't start my full on frontal assault.  I do remind them that they should wait until I say, "Come in" before entering but in all honesty, none of us are listening right now.  That's when Tessi demands that I go to her room and look at the black thing that cut a hole in her sheet.  Hmmmmm, this is an usual demand so I try to wake up a bit more and counter, "Um, wait....is it alive?"  In Australia this is a crucial piece of information and depending on it's answer my plan of attack will alter dramatically.  "No, no Mummy, that's silly.  It just ate a hole in the sheet and bit me during the night.  But it's not alive"  Riiiighht.  Being an avid fan of Doctor Who, that statement did NOTHING to ease my mind.  At all.  I know perfectly well to be shit-scared of inanimate objects that may or may not bite.

So I went to her room and saw this.

My daughter's electric blanket bunched up under her sheet and burned a hole in the sheet during the night.  That's what "bit" her. 

I don't care how much you hate mornings, how hard it is for you to wake up, even if you've had no sleep for a week....seeing a real fire hazard and a threat of serious harm and even death so close to your baby's little body....you will wake the HELL up.  As I was standing there it dawned on me how close this was to being bad.  She could have been horribly burned or killed.  Fire is so quick and so deadly.  If it ignited she would have been dead before I woke up...even if I did wake up like a normal person.

But it didn't.  There was no fire and she didn't even have a red mark.  This was one of those moments that occur a thousand times in a person's life.  Something horrible almost happens but in the end nothing bad occurs.  You can choose to learn from them or you can ignore them.  Many times I do ignore them.  Usually because of lack of time, money or usually just there is no  realization of the seriousness of the matter.  However this time, I'm going to go with learn from this moment and make sure that this morning is as bad it's going to get.

 Tessi had no idea how much danger she was in. I told her the electric blanket did it but that it was OK.  She wasn't even phased by it.  In fact her biggest concern was that her sheet was ripped and she wanted to know when she was getting a new one...also would the new one be cute and not that horrible blue color.  Also, she wanted to make sure that Connor DID NOT get a new one.  Only her.

I got her rainbow polka dots...hope it's OK.