Baby's First Con

Sometimes something so devious happens all you can do is enjoy the show.

My girls' birthdays are in May and June. The one-two punch of birthday fever. I usually buy my little fashionistas a new outfit as a present. Connor got her assortment of clothes and accessories but I found out a month later that I missed a major desire of hers. Tessi got her clothes and boots. Boots are apparently the only thing Connor has ever wanted. Or more accurately she's always wanted them from the first second Tessi opened the box.

Connor has been suffering with her bootless feet for a few months now. Occasionally I've heard her justify her actions in a fight with Tessi by saying, "it's ok, cause you got the boots" Apparently, those are some damn fine boots.  I had no idea.  But then again, being the bad mother I am, I don't really care.  As much as my middle child may vehemently disagree I don't owe her fine footwear.  If she has to suffer this brutal Sydney winter of 18/60 degrees with simply socks and sneakers, so be it.  Life isn't fair...

Moving on, now it's a few months later and we are gearing up for the school's Education Week concerts.  Each class performs either a musical number or a play.  They dress up in fancy costumes and it's great fun for the kids.  I'm been hunting down Teddy's costumes for a few weeks, just found out that Tessi is the lead in hers (Jeez, that's another blog post in and of itself) and Connor has been bringing home bits and pieces of info about hers, no word on costumes.   Apparently they are doing some sort of rap; have no idea about what.  Alright, I'm up to my neck in bear and gruffelo costumes and helping get Tessi's entire class fitted, I don't really think about Connor's.

Now, here's when I should admit that I have a slight tendency to go a tiny bit overboard with costumes.  Halloween, dress up, plays, parades, whatever...I go a bit loony.  I sew a ton a crap, I buy the right accessories, I travel to 5 different stores to get the exact right shade of green thread.  I once spent 2 hours on the computer searching for the right Apollo 11 patches to print and sew onto to Teddy's costume when he played Buzz Aldrin.  I searched in 3 stores once for the perfect fabric to make Connor a zebra costume, then I hit 2 different op-shops until I found the khaki shirt Teddy needed so he could dress up as the hunter that shots the zebra.  I literally sewed my finger to to Connor's skirt with the sewing machine as I was trying to get the elastic in the waist.  I stopped, pulled the needle back up, swore, kept on sewing.

In short, I'm out of my buggering mind.  I know that.  It's ok.  I'm fine owning that crazy.  Most people around me accept it.  A few shaking heads but really if someone isn't shaking their head in confusion at me I don't know how to act.  What I was not aware however was how easily my neurosis could be taken advantage of by an eight year old.

Yesterday Connor got in the car after school sighing that the class had to dress up as cartoon super heroes.  Hmm, that sound like fun.  "Yea," she said, "All my friends are dressing up as Wonder Woman, Bat Girl, Spider Girl.  But I don't want to do that.  I want to be different"  Really?  Connor, Miss do anything to fit in with her friends, God Forbid any one see that there is anything different about her - SHE wants to be different.  Hmm, ok.  I'm driving, trying to drown out Tessi reading "The Gruffelo" so I'll go with it.  Connor then announces that she is going to be Black Widow. 

Alrighty.  I can work with this!  During the run of the Avengers here I was pretty vocal of my love for Black Widow.  Finally a female character in a action movie that kicks ass, doesn't need help, isn't wearing 4 inch heals and has boobs the size of basketballs.  Natural of course.

Black Widow.  Cool, my daughter wants to be an independent woman who can take of herself and everyone around her.  I'm thrilled.  Immediately I start planning the outfit.  I rule out the black catsuit.  Sure, it's awesome but not practical.  Too expensive for one-time wear.  I will get a long sleeved button down black shirt and black leggings.  Yes, this will work.  My brain continues to spin, no longer hearing anything about Tessi's weird bear-like creature and his fears and morph straight ahead into authentic costume design.  I an hear Connor chanting in the back, "Black Widow is cool.  She's a real hero, she doesn't need any guy to save her"  It's just feeding the fire in my blood.  Hey!  I know it!  She's an Avenger, I'll put a large red letter "A" on her chest.  Wait a minute...a large Scarlet "A" on my daughter's chest.  No, I will not be doing that.  I read Hawthorne, I know what happens to Hester....Maybe I'll put it on her back.  Yes, that will do. 

Ok we're almost home buy now and I have the outfit planned.  I need the shirt, pants and what else?  Yes, boots she needs boots.  Nice flat, no stupid high heel, sensible ass-kicking boots.

Did you notice that?  Connor has just gotten me to say she needs boots.  You know, for the costume.  Not because she wants them.  No, no.  The costume needs the boots to be authentic.

I fell hook, line and sinker for her cunning plan.  She didn't give a rat's ass about Black Widow but she KNEW how much I liked the character and how much I'd want to make sure she looked as much like her as possible.  "Yes, Mommy, I would love to get the catsuit but that's too much money to spend on something just to wear once.  I think the shirt and leggings are perfect.  I'll need boots too, don't you think?"

Now as someone who appreciates a good con I am applauding not only her sheer tenacity, but her patience at pulling it off.  She planned this.  Choose her words carefully; timing the delivery so I would be off guard in the car.  She played me like a violin and it was brilliantly done. Now she could have been Bat Girl but there was no guarantee on boots.  Now by combining my interest (ahem, ridiculous obsession) in  accurate costume design with my joy at my girl not wanting to be one of these fake token female heroes she cemented her chances of success.This is the first step in the 12 steps of playing the system to win as far as I'm concerned.  She will need this skill to overcome the truly stupid people she will encounter in her adult like.

As a parent it is more than a little terrifying to realize how much she's been paying attention and learning how to manipulate me.  She has been stewing on these damn boots for months.  Connor has been covertly paying attention to my likes and dislikes and actively concocted a plan to ensure that she would win.  This is only the first step towards a future teeming with ways and means to drive me totally insane.  I will have to wear mirrors on my shoulders so I can watch my back with this one.

Well played, Madam.  Well played.