I have issues with insects. Well, I'm not really sure issues is the right word. I hate them. Always have. My dad is a major bug lover so I can only imagine the massive disappointment it is for him to have such an avid and vocal bug hater for a daughter. Such is life though, we can't always get what we want.
For me bugs are either gross, annoying or downright terrifying. Moving from the Northeastern US to Texas was a real eye-opener for me. I encountered more weird bugs and crazy looking things than I ever thought it possible they could exist. Then I moved to Australia. A place that Evolution said, "Nah, nevermind. Even I can't figure out what to change you into so I'm just going to take off" There are things here that are simply insane. Either in size, color or just weirdness. I spend a great deal of my waking moments wondering, "What the Hell is that and how long do I have to live?"
As you can guess, bugs are big part of my conscientiousness. I bitch about them constantly. There I said it. Now people can't complain about my whinging if I own up to it right? No, they can but it was worth a shot. I bring this up because I do blame a lot of my problems on bugs. I blame my heart palpitations, my sore throats from screaming, the pain in my head from all headaches and I blame the large scar on my leg caused by last year's sick tick bite.
However this morning, I'm blaming my children's crazy behavior on a bug. Normally even I wouldn't do that. They've earned the right to take responsibility for their own stupid-ass actions but no, today, I blame this moth.
I saw this moth up high in my kitchen curtains the other day. I made Teddy climb up on the counter to see what it was - yes, he is my personal canary in the mine - and low and behold it's a blue moth. Now I'm not afraid of moth's, they are classified as simply annoying to me. This one was blue though, something I'd never seen so I posted a picture on Facebook because this weird stuff still gets me. This morning I noticed though that Mr. Moth is now an Ex-Moth. Note following picture.
It seems he didn't notice the BIG ASS spider web web 6 inches from where he was resting and flew into it and Madam Spider got her some breckie....Circle of Life. No tears on my part, one less bug in the universe. As Agnostic Front used to say on their whirlwind metal music tours, "Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out"
I mention to the kids that the blue moth has bit it. No big deal, right. Nope, this is when the Hell begins. Connor comments that it's not blue. It's orange. Both Teddy and I turn to look at it. No, it's blue. "NO!!!" Connor insists, it's orange!!! Then Teddy fires back that she's blind and doesn't know what she's talking about. I, with a bit more tact, state humbly that the moth is in fact, blue. Connor yells, "No, from my distance, it's ORANGE!" Meaning, I assume from her perspective, but I haven't had any tea yet so I could be wrong. Teddy takes this moment to lay straight back, on top of Connor, forcing her to fall back to keep boy cooties from touching her. He does this, again with the assumption to look at the moth from her "distance"
This is when it all snowballs straight to the fiery pits of Hell. Connor kicks Teddy in the back for touching her, Teddy yells at her for being stupid about the moth and for kicking him. I point out that he was laying on her and with a Tessi worthy snarl he turns to me and spits out, "I.wasn't.on.her. I.was.over.her" Tessi starts laughing, Connor is glowering. I blink heavily and spit back with more venom, "I'm.looking.right.at.you. You're.laying.on.her.right.now. DUMBASS" He storms out, Tessi is laughing uncontrollably now. She gets up and says, "Mommy, you know how you decorate our chairs on our birthdays? Well, you know how Connor got to pick the colors for her chair? I want light blue and light green." Great, now I have to hunt the shops this morning for light blue and light green crepe paper, on top of making 25 cupcakes, a cake, wrap presents, 4 loads of laundry. No problem.
I turned to Connor and said, "YOU! I blame you for this. Every other year it didn't matter what color crepe paper I used and now I have to take custom orders!" I would like to mention that this was a joke. She was laughing....and then stopped. The sobbing started and she ran from the table shouting, "YOU HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This all happened before 7:02 this morning.
All because of a dead Australian blue bug...and 3 crazy kids.
