Keeping in mind that I never make a bet when there's a chance I might lose......I have to say that I'm pretty confident a person could search the whole of the Internet and not find another sentence with those two names in it.
I'm not necessarily proud of that fact but it is what my life has come down to right now. A choice between The Godfather and Twilight. If my daughter or I were any other people, I would be shocked. Since it's us, meh....that's our life.
The other night The Tencza Taxi service was in full swing traveling to other homes to pick up and drop of kids and do an AFL training run. Of course it goes without saying that we were late. I find that being late adds that extra special adrenaline rush I need to help me push through the pain and herd kids to various activities. Bike riders use EPO, I use tardiness.
Teddy and one of his best mates were talking about the movies I had just lent them. Specifically, the movie The Godfather. Teddy's friend had read Mario Puzzo's book and we both agreed that it was much more violent than the movie. Not to say that the movie wasn't fantastic, obviously it was, but the violence was much more intense in the book.
My lovely daughter Connor is sitting next to the boy and at the tender age of nine is trying desperately to act seventeen. These means that she is desperate to distance herself from her babyish sister and prove that she can hang with the older kids. She's tall enough to considered a Year 6 after all. To her that means she should be treated as such. Also, she has known Teddy's friend for years and now that he is a HIGH SCHOOL BOY, he's a bit on the cute side. The only strike against him is that he's friends with Teddy. I think though, she's hoping to cure him of that.
I didn't realize though, that Connor was paying attention to our conversation about The Godfather.
WARNING!
This is the point in the story that you should mark as the beginning of the end of normal. I really should have known she was listening and that something was about to happen. The problem with spiking your system with adrenaline all the time is that your other senses tend to suffer. Speeding down the highway, racing to get to training on time, trying not get hit by a tired driver in rush hour traffic and carrying on two different conversations is not the ideal way to keep your mind sharp and on the look out for potential verbal landmines.
Connor was sitting in the back seat biding her time. I see that now. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I heard the grinding sound of the gears working in her skull. The cute boy likes the book maybe she will too. She barges in the conversation and begs to read The Godfather. Obviously, this will cement her position at the big kids table.
Riiiiggight. Miss Animal Lover is going to read about severed horse heads and diners in restaurants being shot and killed while they eat. I'm sure she will be able to distance herself from the story enough not to sob every time she sees another horse or burst out in hysterics every time we head out to then RSL to eat. Whatever. No way I'm going to let this happen.
No, no. Unfortunately for Connor and her attempts to impress the hottie sitting next to her, Evil Troll Mom said "no way Chica." It's more about me than her though. I am not emotionally ready to handle the psychotic mood swings reading this book will cause for months...if not years. I kiboshed The Godfather.
Not to be thwarted though, Connor immediately countered with asking to be allowed to read Twilight. Connor is a master manipulator and when she sees an opportunity so she grabs it. She knows perfectly well that I have a hard time denying books to be read. Toys and TV shows? No problem. I can deny them easily. But books? Sigh....it's a weakness. I've put off picking up my medicine prescriptions to pay for new books. My kids know this and act accordingly.
But Twilight? Really? We leap from mobsters to vampires?
The sad truth is that really isn't all that shocking in our little corner of the universe. Our segues have never been straight direct lines from points A to B. We sort of saunter from A around to Q back to F and loop around until we accidentally land on B. It works for us, what can I say? Still, even I was curious that she launched into the world of glittery vampires.
I asked her what made her about about Twilight and it turns out the culprit is her friend in the neighborhood telling her how fantastic and romantic the story is and that Edward is soooooooo cute. Great, I'm now having to have literary prose compete with the young girl "He's so dreamy" interest. I'm dead.
To be honest I'm caught a little off guard here. I wasn't expecting this girly teen angst until....well...at least the teens. She's NINE. How can she possible be ready to pine longingly for pale moody boys?
I accept honestly that part of my denial is my abject hatred of these books. I am 100% on Team George Takei with this one. These books are horrific. Anyone with 117 years of life experience who has the hots for a seventeen year old is a pedophile. It's that simple in my book. The last book was the most tolerable in my mind but I threw my hands up in disgust over the big lead up to the battle that ended up not happening. I read them all and then wished for my life back.
That being said, they were obviously not written for me. Not my age, not my interests and....well, not anything about me. Perhaps they are ok for a nine year old girl. Still not sure.
My plan now is to do the mature thing and avoid the topic as long as I possibly can. Sure, I know she never forgets anything but I'm hoping this will be the exception. Avoidance and denial, that's my plan!
Until of course she does remember and then I suppose I will let her read them. IT's books for God's sake!! How do I say no to that?!?!?! But ONLY if she lets me point out every time I think something stupid happens. I'm hoping by chapter two I'll have annoyed her enough to put it down.
Maybe I should have been on Team Godfather. At least Michael Corleone knew what to do when someone messed with his family. Sure as hell he didn't hide out in high school and he most assuredly did not glitter.
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