I have a college education, a post-graduate certification and I have been a stay-at-home-mother for two months shy of thirteen years. Many would think I should have skipped college since all I do is take care of kids. Since they are morons I ignore them. Well, not so much as ignore but mutter, "Dumb Ass" and walk away from them.
Personally I think education begets education. My children will see someday (as soon as they stop snarling at me and fighting with each other) that I went to school, therefore so should they. I treasure learning and they should too. I'm hoping I can show them that they should always want to learn. And that learning takes place in many, many places. I may not be in school right now for example, however, I would not say that I'm not learning anything.
What most people don't understand is how educational staying at home with children can be. Being trapped in close proximity these last two weeks of school holidays I have had dedicated time to study them. Really look closely at them and look for meaning in their words and actions. This was no Jane Goodall level of study, as I wasn't crazy enough to let myself be assimilated by the kids in their native environment. Yet, I was able to step back and notice quite a few pearls of information being bandied about. Looking closer, I believe I can see how what I have learned can be used for education in the more traditional forms of study.
Mathematics
Infinite Numbers: There is an infinite number of times the word mommy /mummy can be said in a single conversation. Here's an example of a conversation I had a few days ago.
Tessi: Mummy?
Me: Yes?
Tessi: Did you know...Mummy?
Me: Yes, Tessi, I am listening, Did I know what?
Tessi: Oh, sorry Mummy, I thought you were listening to someone else.
Me: We're alone in the car Sweetie.
Tessi, I know that Mummy! Did you know that I fell over at Bailey's party?
Me: The one from a few days go? No I didn't know.
Tessi: Um, Mummy?
Me: Still here Babe.
Tessi: Well maybe you didn't hear about it because I didn't cry Mummy.
Me: Your not crying is something that I would like to hear about.
Tessi: Mummy?
Me: Tessi?
Tessi: No, Mummy, I meant I didn't cry a lot.
Multiplication:
Solve this word problem. How many pairs of matched socks does one family have ready for school after mother has done laundry for days?
The number of missing socks does not divide evenly into the number of paired socks bought. You must multiply this number by at least 8 to get the correct number of socks. This is because you have to factor in the number of single socks that come off during the night and get stuck in between the loft bed and the fall.
Also you have to account for the Attitude Fairy blessing your son and having him decide that matching socks is the Man's desire to hold him back. He will wear whatever sock he wants, whenever he wants. This action ensures that all socks are single socks when they arrive in the laundry...if they even get there. Don't forget to account for the occasional sock that end up in and out of Damn Dog's digestive system.
Factor in all these variables and you will arrive at the conclusion that the number of paired socks available on a school day is zero. Trust me, it's always zero.
English:
Grammar:
My children's sentence structure varies upon the situation at hand. As English as a very complicated language it must be understood that different scenarios call for different speaking styles. In their world, all are correct, depending on the proper usage. For example:
Aware that they are in trouble but not sure why: "No....possibly...I thought I would do...I mean say that.....sometimes."
Oblivious to fact they are in trouble: "Sure, that was EPIC!"
Trolling for treats: "Mummy... um, yeah...did you know...um, well, I think you are the best! Also, can I have that?"
Angry Younger Kids: "(He/She/It) hurtmeanditwasonpurposeand(he/
Angry Teen: "Grunt!"
Answering questions while playing video games: "(Ignore, ignore)What? Me? Sure, yes, I mean no...What?"
Vocabulary:
Good: Epic
Really wonderful: Super Epic
Agreement: KK
Bad: Lame
Excited surprise: OMG
Anything I say: Blah Blah
Science:
Similar to the world science community there are several warring theories in our house.
Ted: Gooey, gurgling, pulsating, vomiting explosions, and dirt...lots of dirt. It's all good.
Tessi: Nature is beautiful, we must save it all. Unless it's ugly...then kill it with fire.
Connor: Kill it all with fire.
Interpersonal Communication:
Greetings:
Teddy and friend: Head nod, exchange of revolting nickname, utterance of disgusting sound and punch.
Connor and friend: high pitched squeal, exchange of "OMG, Can you believe....or You don't know!" Possible jumping and running off to plot in secret.
Tessi and friend: high pitched squealing combined with jumping and hugging. All in one motion.
Disagreeing with Me:
Teddy: Sullen silence. Occasional "whatever" mutterings may eek out of his mouth. Is able to repeat begrudgingly, "Yes, I understand."
Connor: "No, it's actually this (whatever her opinion is), you're wrong. I read so I know about things."
Tessi: Cry.
Disagreeing with friend:
Teddy: MMA try-outs. Then it's over. No one remembers what problem was.
Connor: High pitched wail followed by, "Whatever" Fight lasts for days...weeks even.
Tessi: Cry. Then it's over. No one remembers what problem was.
Sadly I would say that our History lessons are sadly lacking. This is evident by no one realizing that I am in fact serious when I say clean, put away or stop doing something. Clearly they need some sort of Cliff Notes version of Ancient History to help them remember past consequences for actions. I'm considering printing out signs that say, "Stop whatever you are thinking of doing. Is it worth Mom cutting you?"
There it is. Continuing Education for Adults but at home. Who feels smarter just from reading all of that? Personally I have to say that while I don't feel smarter, I do feel a bit more enlightened.
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