Drowning in the Stupid

I seem to be overrun with what I like to call the "Stupid" lately.  It's not that I feel that I'm so overly intelligent...far from it in fact.  It's that my life right now is inundated with people who seem desperate to prove to me how stupid they are.  Be it friends on Facebook who post links to "educational" sites written by morons,  to car drivers around me who change lanes into me, all the way to CNN reporters lamenting the suffering of teenage rapists, my head is just spinning from all the moronic activities around me.

It's so bad right now that I've caught myself wondering if the aluminum foil hat the crazy people wear to keep the aliens out may actually work to cut down on the Stupid seeping into my brain.  In fact, I bet that's what the purpose was the whole time.  I certainly can believe that we are in more danger of stupid people than an alien race that's intelligent enough to grasp the complexities of intergalactic space travel but still have their nefarious plans of mind control thwarted by a thin sheet of a metallic element.

So don't be so quick to judge.  Think it over a bit.  I haven't made the hat yet.  But that's because all I have is the Aussie aluminium and not the good American aluminum.  Once I get some I'm going to make it and see if it works.  I'm getting desperate.  I have to do something to shield my poor brain from everything that is sucking intelligent thought from it.

Right now though, marauding aliens are preferable to the particular brand of the Stupid I am battling.  Yes, bring me probing aliens rather than the Pre-teen Maximus Stupidus.  Far, far less painful.

This morning Connor was desperate to do a chore for some money. However she didn't want a chore that involved real work so she settled for searching the house for dirty cups and plates.  They would only be found in the living room and Teddy's room.   So not really a lot of effort, her kind of work.  She came to tell me that she found the girls' touch in Teddy's room.  Since he has a touch and iphone she didn't understand why hers and Tessi's touch would be there.  She really wasn't trying to rat him out, she was just genuinely confused.

I thanked her for giving me the touch and sent her on her way because I knew damn well why the touch was there.  I sat and counted to 75 before I got my mind back enough to form sentences.  Once I counted to 200 and still could only stutter.  I would classify this event as a medium rage point on my chart of Things Mom Loses Her Ever-loving Mind Over.

Here's why I knew what the touch was doing being in Himself's room.

I have always banned the internet in bedrooms.  I really don't want the kids to have unfettered access to the great unknown.  There is a centrally located  kids computer that they know I can see what they are doing.  They do have Touch's, access to my beloved iPad and Teddy has his iPhone.  Just not in their rooms.  Teddy keeps "forgetting" and taking his phone into his room.  I put forgetting in parenthesis because only an idiot would believe that it wasn't on purpose.  Teddy keeps doing it because at twelve, he is convinced I am an idiot.

Last week when Teddy came home sick I told him to leave his phone on the pool table and he didn't.   He took it into his room and watching gaming videos on YouTube   I caught him and said from now on he could only have his phone as he was walking out the door to school and then he had to return it to me on his way in the door.  I pointed out that the only damn reason he had a phone was for MY peace of mind.  Also, I pointed out that I don't want it in his room.

Duly chastised, we went about our merry way.  Now he is deprived of his access to awesomeness since he doesn't have a large data plan and he knows if he maxes out his limit we won't buy him anymore.  The only place he can watch his videos is at home.

So what does Captain Genius do?  He knows that I have his phone with me at night and I also have his touch so of course, he takes his sisters'.

But does he put it back in the morning so no one knows?

Of course not.  He forgets and leaves it on his bed where anyone who walks in can see it.  On top of that he doesn't know to clear the history so I can see everything he's watched on YouTube or looked up on Safari or Chrome.  By the way, that is a GOOD case of the Stupid....I'm very glad he doesn't know to do that yet.  So everyone Shhhhhhh, mum's the word.  Ixnay on the alkingtay about the istoryhay.

But the other Stupid, ohhhhh, that I need to end.  Sneaking the touch into his room?  He can use the kids computer.  He wasn't even looking up bad stuff.  He searched for and watched gaming videos.  He wasn't even watching the games I don't like!   What the Hell?!!!!  There was nothing wrong with what he did other than it was in his room.  Why hide it?

My eye has been twitching all day because more than anything I am annoyed with how stupid he was about it.  Sure it was dumb to take it into his room but then leave it so anyone can find it?  If you are going to be dishonest and deceptive at least do it behind peoples back so they don't know!

No, he has to be overwhelmed with the Stupid, that has to be it.  It must be beyond his control.  Almost like a cloud that descends upon him and he can't see his way out of it.   It's an ethereal being that envelopes him and prevents intelligent thought from seeping into his skull.  Yes, that must be it.  It has to be.

Because if it's not... If his brain is so addled that he doesn't understand that he is fooling no one I truly fear for his safety.  Not just from his ability to stop himself from walking into walls but from me snapping and flicking his head to death.

I'm headed out to the shops now to buy champers and foil.  I can't wait anymore for the good stuff to arrive, will work with the Aussie aluminium.  When you see me walking around with my hat just remember, it's ok.  I'm in a better place now, being shielded from the Stupid.  If you are nice to me, maybe I'll make you one too.