Telltale Signs of Age

 I'm pretty sure I got old the other day.  No...I'm sure.  It's been a long time in coming but I've finally figured the meaning of Life and at what point you stop being young and what point you become old.  Before you roll your eyes and mutter that you aren't here for a self help book let me explain.  This has nothing to do with my birthday being last week.  Trust me, very little that occurs on my birthday is actually about my birthday.  Nor does it have to do with that weird nagging pain in I get in my hands when I try to hold a needle too long or try to manipulate my wood working tools.  Oddly enough it has nothing to do with my son turning to me and ask me how I feel being so close to death.

The true epiphany came on Saturday when I took Teddy to see The Hunger Games.  Nope, you're wrong there too.  It's not about it being a teen movie in a theater filled with loud annoying teens.  Nope.  It was the seats.  I had comfy seats.  When I bought the tickets a week before the only showing available was the spiffy Vmax seats.  $20 a pop.  I was pissed but I wanted to see the movie and the regular seats were $15 so really, was it that much?

When we arrived the lights were still on 'cause I was so eager for my "having a life" to start we got to the theater 30 minutes early.  Teddy and I juggled our ridiculously expensive beverages and snacks and headed down the isle.  Now Australia has assigned seating in their theaters.  I'm not sure why.  It doesn't stop anyone from sitting wherever the Hell they want and half the time you have to say, "Excuse me Mate, you're in my seat"  Only though if the theater is 1/2 way full.  Anything less than you're considered the ass for making a big deal about seats.  No manual to learn that one.  Had to find that gem out the hard way.

But we were in luck and no one was in our seats and when we sat down I knew immediately there was a profound difference.  The seats were larger than normal, in a boxy modern shape that's popular now for the in home theaters.  Not that I have one, but I do see them in magazines.  The seats were made out of a very soft and supple genuine Naugahyde that was a dream to sit on. There was a built in cup holder in between all seats, even the end one had it's own.  No more fighting for the right to put your drink next to you!  Then if that wasn't enough right in front of each cup holder was a very tiny light.  Not so bright as to interfere with the movie experience but just enough to allow you to rest your drink down quickly, quietly and comfortably without accidentally missing the hole and putting the entire drink in your neighbors lap.  Oh the decadence. 

I was just a quivering mess.  I could not believe our good fortune.  Who knew such luxury was just a few dollars away?  Why have they been hiding this?  Advertising people!  It's a great way to let the public know what's going one.  I turned to Teddy with real tears in my eyes, "Oh Honey, we could get these seats again the next time we come out to the movies!"  Then he looked at me oddly.  Well, I shouldn't say oddly because it's really not odd for him to give me that look.  "It's just a seat Mom"  then followed with unspoken, yet very loud, "You dumb ass"

That's when I knew.  I had willingly extra for comfort.  The experience wasn't enough.  I had to be comfortable in order to enjoy the entire event. 

That's what old people do.

When I was a junior in college my 2 girlfriends and I drove 13 hours to Daytona and spent a week in a hotel with 3 guys we knew(a little bit, we went to school with them)  and had a Helluva good time at Spring Break.    It was a hotel in that a person owned a building with lots of rooms and all the rooms had a side room with a toilet and a shower and there was a TV near the beds and people gave him money to let them stay there.  I hope there was some sort of inspection process when it was built but I wouldn't testify to it in court.  I think there was a window.  But that was a great trip in my memory and I loved it.  Not one extra cent spent on comfort.  All extra cash when to the daily beer allotment.

Last week I booked a holiday in Melbourne and I refused to get a cabin smaller than 3 bedrooms.  I am NOT sharing with either the girls or the boys....I need my space and an entire bed to myself.  I don't care what it costs.  I paid extra for comfort.

That's what old people do.

When I was 27 I bought this gorgeous gray suit for work.  It had a short jacket and a very long skirt.  I bought a pair of gray strappy sandals that matched perfectly.  They didn't match anything else I owned.  When I wore them the sandals would cut out strips of flesh all over my feet.  When I stumbled out to my car at the end of the day I had to pee the straps off before I could slide the shoe off and then had to go straight home and put my feet up for a few hours.  I had to force myself to only wear it every 2 weeks...I loved that outfit. 

I just bought myself another pair sandals because the last ones are too dirty and disgusting to wear anymore because I wear them every day.  So expensive here in Australia I have to by them on Ebay in the US.  Bought only for comfort.  I have no idea if it matches anything I wear.  I can not handle even tiniest amount of foot pain.

That's what old people do.

I've finally accepted it.  Even though I've been to Metallica concerts, I can still out swear most people around me and I'm the one who taught Teddy and his friend how to use their elbows to stop a drive to the basket....I am now old.  I'm willing to pay extra for my comfort.

So go ahead and make your jokes.  I'll be sitting in my amazing fake leather seats with my comfy shoes.  Leave me alone.