Connorism

Yesterday was a rough day. I screwed up my appointments and scheduled things too close together because Teddy was sick on Monday and we had to skip things. So yesterday, a friend came and walked Teddy to school so I could take the girls to Hornsby. There we went to Connor's OT, 5 minutes to walk 2 blocks and then Tessi's speech therapy, then swim lessons. It was hectic to say the least.

But as we were racing across one street poor Tessi fell. I was holding her hand so I held on tight and swooped her back up and kept walking. She was fine, just scared herself. But Connor started commenting on how Tessi fell. After the 4th time of, "Tessi, fell down, didn't she Mommy?" I finally got her unstuck out of the loop. Then Connor got quiet and said, "Tessi fell, but I didn't say JESUS!"......right as a group of grandmas were passing us by. Damnit...or should I say Jesus. I got a few looks, but mainly a couple of smiles.

Thank you Connor. I applaud your restraint.

Photo Journalism Attempt

Yesterday I thought I'd take a few pictures of the kids as we were walking to school. I wanted to paint a picture of our wet life. At least that's what I thought. It ended up more of a, "Mommy, stop taking stinkin' pictures, it's cold" motif.

Anyway, this is us leaving our house and heading up the driveway. We live in what's called a battleaxe. Our house is directly behind another house so we have no yard on the street. I don't particularly care for this way of land development, but it's very popular here in Sydney.

You can see that the kids are bundled up...gearing for the snow...I mean drought...I mean rain.

Morally "Flexible"

Talking about the great Sydney snowfall and having some Texan friends remind me of the heat got me to thinking last night...dangerous I know.

Today is July 30th. If we were back home we would be about 1/3 through the fun Texas summer. Now usually as August starts, I become angry, really, really angry. It's too hot, all the time and I have had it. It doesn't cool of at night so it's either damn hot or hot every stinkin' moment I'm awake. Not good for the moods. This would go on until the first cold snap. In North Texas that could be the end of October, in San Antonio, well towards the end of November.

Also by this time I'm checkin' weather reports daily for rain. As shocking as this may be to my Aussie friends, it just doesn't rain in Texas. Seriously, I didn't own raincoats (save the really cool one Teddy had with fake bugs on the pockets that my MIL bought), gumboots (rainboots), or umbrellas. So I would scour the news for any hopes that it might, just might rain.

This brings me to my morally flexible moment. Hurricane Dolly that just hit? I used to LIVE for hurricane reports. Not that I could ever enjoy someone getting hurt or dying but I would lovingly track the hurricane as it drifted west across the Gulf. Why? After all everywhere I ever lived in Texas was too far inland to get hit by the storm. Well, the really, really big ones would send rain storms for hundreds of miles. I used to sit and say,"We could rebuild Galveston, if it hits there we might get rain for 2 days!"

But I don't have to do that anymore. Trust me, there's no praying for rain coming from me. Maybe now the Texas coast can be saved from my wrath over the heat. Stay cool everyone back home, only 3-4 months to go.

Wanna Cause a Fight?

Here is a sure fire way to start a fight...every time. Buy one daughter a Little Mermaid II pinball game for Gameboy. Just one...that's the secret. Then give said daughter the game because you're checking the mailbox coming back from taking son to school and just want to check one last time before you pile into the car to head to the shops. Then explain to daughter that she can hold the game but we won't be going inside to get brother's Gameboy until AFTER we get back from shops.

The fight you ask? Have 2nd daughter hear all of this and obviously forget that she is a new converstion to the Disney Faithful and she wants to know where HER Ariel game is. She can't maneuver the game system, she has no idea how to play video games but by Christ...she wants her game.

She stopped screaming when we pulled up to the end of our street. This was ONLY because I managed to get Connor to let Tessi hold the game cartridge for 4.5 seconds. Then they'd switch. In a 7 minute car ride they switched the game at least 12 times. Tessi is finally sleeping. I think I may fall asleep on the couch myself. Connor can't be bothered. She's inheritated Teddy's devotion to the gaming machine. I need to check to see if she's still breathing before I lay down.

Weather Update: No Snow, but it is Droughting

Sigh...it's droughting again. Not a little bit, but a pouring straight down drought. And it's cold, very cold. Teddy just woke up and says he's feeling better so now it's a jaunt to school with him and the girls in the rain. Hoo Boy, good times. What I'll have to do is layer everyone up, put coats on and then put their raincoats over them. Picture pink and blue Stay-Puff marshmellow men walking to school. I'll try to get a picture, actually it is a little funny.

No, It's Not Snowing in Sydney

My in-laws just called asking if if was snowing here. Ummmm, no. In fact, it's going to be 14 for a high today (that's about 58 degrees) Apparently it's all over NBC that it's snowing in Sydney for the first time in over 100 years. Um, no it isn't. Then I see there are some reports that it actually isn't snow, but a fair amount of hail in some parts. That may be, but no snow, I swear to God. You just don't get snow in a place this warm.

It's a little humorous that this is all over the US news whereas here in Australia, not a peep. The Sydney Morning Herald has NOTHING about snow, hail or whatever on the website.

I'll keep everyone updated though, if it does snow I will shreik outloud. Teddy will be beyond furious if it does though - he'll have to stay inside and that will chap his little hide.

Oh Stewardess! I Speak Jive.

Ted just called on his way to the train after the conference with Teddy's teacher. Apparently he's doing very well. In fact last year when we arrived because Teddy skipped the end of Kindergarden and the 1st half of Year 1 he was put in special reading classes to help him catch up. Now, he's not only out of those classes, he's one of the better readers in his class! Well done Teddy!!!

The funny part is that Teddy is now apparently bi-lingual. No, I don't mean the occasional words in Spanish I throw out to him, he speaks American. His teacher had to ask him what Americans call nappies because she couldn't remember so Teddy translated it to diapers. I guess there are a couple of words Teddy had to translate for her. Also, he's having a little difficulty learning measurements. Since we don't speak Metric at home that's messing him up a bit. I know it's a little difficult in the beginning when learning 2 languages but when he gets older it'll be handy being able to speak multiple languages. Maybe he can get a job as a translator!

The Twitch is Back

Teddy came home early from school on Friday and has been feeling blah all weekend. This morning, the fever is back so he's home from school. No big deal except we had an early parent teacher conference this morning with his teacher that I made special arrangements to make. Ted is on his way there now, w/o me. Then this afternoon Teddy was supposed to have physio, which I now have to cancel. Followed by Tessi's speech therapy which I have to try and reschedule or cancel. I was supposed to go to the insurance office to get back some of the money we've been POURING into dr's, hospital and physio visits and go to the shops to make a lay-by (layaway) payment on Christmas presents. All shot to Hell. So now, my eye is twitching again. That's how I know that I am really stressed.

Teddy is pretty annoyed too. You see, I am NOT one of the cool moms when you're home sick. No tv, no playstation, stay in bed and read a book if you're bored. Teddy hates, hates, HATES this. Truth be told I don't care for it either but it's my way of making sure you don't stay home just for fun.

Sigh....I really don't know how I'm going to manage all of this. I think I may have to blow it all off and try to do something fun. At least that's what I want to do. Don't think I'll really do it, but I can dream.

Aussie's Just Don't Know From Mexican Food

I'm a just little speechless right now. I've just bought some tortillas, which cost more than $4 for 10 tortillas (grrrr) and on the back are instructions for making a burrito. Seriously, they printed pictures of how to fold the tortilla to make a proper burrito. I had to scan it in to show all of you.

I realize that if you are not familiar with a food instructions are helpful. Not to mention that the only real Hispanic influence here is Dora the Explorer but burrito folding instructions? Come on, be serious.

Just a little giggle for me for the day.

So You Think You Can Dance?

Last night before I went out to dinner I started playing some music for Teddy trying to find some songs he might like. After all, I told him that no child of mine was ever going to leave my house without knowing who B.B. King is and that is just that. I started playing the music and Connor and Tessi started dancing. Really dancing as hard as they can while shouting, "I'm shaking my booty!" Then Tessi, shouts, "I'm shaking my BUTT!" This morning I put the music on again to help us get in the mood to clean....yeah...I do need help with that. Here is Connor dancing to "Mustang Sally" Tessi was too engrossed in her book but Connor definitely was working it. Enjoy!

Uh Oh, I Have Sinned...I have Put Myself Before Rugby

My girlfriend called last night with extra tickets to tonight's Bledisoe Cup for Ted & Teddy. An ever holy rugby game. Really it's a big one. They are expecting some 85,000 fans at the stadium for this sucker. However I have plans. Once a month, really every 6 weeks or so, I go out to dinner with some moms I met at Connor's therapy group last year. Some lovely ladies who understand what it's like to parent an Autistic child. We go out to a nice restaurant, without children order expensive food and decadent desserts and talk about things without screaming children. Of course my night out is tonight.

Ted was great about it. Said he really didn't want to go because it's cold and he doesn't want to be around all those people. But a part of me feels bad. I know Teddy would have fun and it is rugby for God's sake, it's Ted's dream. Since he doesn't have daily influx of Minnesota Vikings anymore this is his fix. Then I start really beating myself up. A better mother would have cancelled her plans. I bet June Cleaver would have not only cancelled plans, she would have knitted special scarves for the game. Yep, she would have done it.

Then I remember that June was a fictional damn tv character and they '50's perfect time period that everyone keeps pining for NEVER ACTUALLY EXISTED! Sorry boys, you have a good evening in, Mama's GOING OUT!

Thank you Judie for the offer of the tickets. It was great of you to think of us. You are an awesome friend.

My Son Became a GUY Yesterday

Yep, a GUY. Right before my eyes. Yesterday we went to Physio and Malcolm was working on his arm. By the way, in Australia this is pronounced MAH-sage, heavy emphasis on the MAH, rather than mah-SAGE. It's a little weird when you first hear it and VERY weird when you hear your son say it.

But Malcolm is working away, and it does hurt a bit, so Teddy is wincing a bit. To take his mind off it we start talking about how Malcolm loves to torture 7 year old boys. Ha, ha, ha. Now, we're in an open room, the tables are separated by curtains, only no one has the curtains pulled. VERY OPEN. So Malcolm and I start teasing Teddy some more about what great fun it is going after the 7 year olds. Teddy yells out, "Oiy! (yeah, they say that here too) I think you guys should torture 38 year olds!"

That's right, my son just shrieked out my age to the entire room! Me being me, I sputtered, "Oh, I KNOW you did NOT just shout my age out for this whole room to hear!" Which of course he did, again! Trying not to squeeze the life out of his ankle, that was as far as I could reach on him, I said, "Boy, you'd better get smarter or else you'll NEVER get a girl" Malcolm, the turncoat said, "Oiy...I have a girl, you're better off without one!" Then a huge man vs. women argument erupted in the room amongst the 5 or 6 of us there. With Teddy smiling all the way.

I told Ted the story last night and laughed about Teddy being a dumb ass but secretly I know he was saying, "That's my boy!!!!!!" Yeah, like I need a paternity test with this one.

T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 CHILD FREE

Alrighty...it's 8:13 in the morning and Teddy is grousing that his throat hurts. We just took the girls to school and oddly enough his throat doesn't hurt enough to stop him from playing the playstation. Sooo, keep your fingers crossed...I may in fact, be CHILD FREE for the first time in 17 days. Of course, I'll be spending the first hour volunteering in Teddy's classroom - but after that....WHEEEEEEEEEEE! I am off the hook until 2:55!

I'm supposed to go over to my friends house and possibly, just possibly finish up my quilt today. Oh man, that would be so wonderful! Of course, I've already started the second one, a minor faux paus but no matter, I'm in the home stretch.

Future Rugby God

Here he is Ladies and Gentlemen....future prop for the Waratah's... Teddy Tencza. This picture was taken 5 days after he broke his arm and ended his rugby career for the season.

Not willing to quit we're signing up for Cricket this Saturday . Let's hope the arm is in good enough shape to survive the Cricket season. At least long enough so that I figure out what the Hell Cricket is. That may take a while.

Paid $65 to Learn....

...that Teddy has a virus. Ok, I can live with that. I mean, he's sick, a fever for 4 days, I needed to check. What drives me BATTY is that this dr - a new one to us, assumes that I am a moron.

She goes into GREAT detail about how virus' can affect different people different ways and that it may be the same virus that is making all of us sick. Do I care? No. Tessi and Connor are screaming and carrying on in the corner of the room, fighting over toys. I need to know what's wrong, do I get a script or not, what do I do at home and when do I need to bring him back? THAT'S IT! I don't need a lecture on what virus causes what or how the immune system can be affected or not. Then she starts on the "a fever is the body's way of fighting an infection, so it isn't necessary to kill it right away" I say that I know that, that I am just jumpy because of our family history with febrile seizures, including Teddy's. Now she goes on about after age 5 we don't have to worry about that. Slowly, in between shoving Tessi into the far corner so she can sit by herself and telling Connor not to waive the wombat in her face, I tell her that I had them until 6th grade and my grandmother had them into her 60's and the one that Teddy had was unusually long - about 20 minutes.

Obviously, considering the precarious situation with the girls, the need for us to leave is apparent so....she starts flippin' grilling me about Grandma's seizures, what were they, what did they look like and what about me, how long were mine, am I sure Teddy's was 20 minutes? yadi, yadi, yadi.

At this point I am ready to kill. Tessi, Connor or the doctor. I don't care. I'm going out in a blaze of glory and I'm taking them all with me. Then she goes on about how Teddy doesn't need medicated lozenges for his throat - lollies will do. This of course perks Teddy up tremendously as he now in under doctor orders to eat candy. Then she throws out, "Now I wouldn't do that with these 2" - pointing at the girls, "Obviously they are a little too hyper to sit with lollies" I was too pissed off to even answer her. Maybe if she didn't drag out a 10 minute examination to 20 minutes I wouldn't have run out of time to force a 3 and 4 year old to be quiet.

I'm glad Teddy isn't seriously sick. I'm glad he's going to be fine. I'm glad that his last recorded fever was at 4:40 this morning so if I can keep him fever-free the rest of the day HE'S GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW. As for Tessi I told her she behaved terribly at the dr's so when we came home I made her go straight to bed. Really it's the safest place...for both of us...for her to be. No I'm off to do more laundry and drink tea, lots and lots of tea.

And Today is Supposed to be the First Day Back at School

...yet it isn't. Normanhurst Public students are getting ready to head back today after a long 2 weeks off. But not Teddy. Teddy is sick. I thought yesterday he was starting to get better but when he starting feeling freezing cold and wanted to take a nap during his physiotherapy session yesterday- not the relaxing massaging session, nope, the strenuous workout session. I suspected the fever had returned. Come home to yes indeed, 101.8 and we have a winner. So no first day back for Teddy today. And as he knows, if you're too sick to go to school you're too sick for tv, playstation or DS. He's still sleeping right now, at 7:30 in the morning, even though the girls have been up for an hour screaming.

It's day 4 of a fever so a dr's visit may be in order. It's been more than 6 weeks now that at least one person has been deathly ill in this family. I think this may be a record...if it isn't, I would humbly like to concede the title to the winner and end the competition. I really, really, really think I'm close to hearing the voices and go barking mad. Check the Sydney Morning Herald for reports of Crazy Yank going off the deep end - I don't think I've heard the phrase, "Going Postal here" - I may have to introduce it.

Belfast is Calling!

I got a call from Ireland on Saturday. I know this makes me geeky, but I just think it's SOOOO cool that now I know someone who lives in Ireland...well, Northern Ireland anyway.

Actually, the call wasn't even for me. It was Jacob calling for Teddy. He's staying in Ireland at his great grandmother's house until their things arrive and then they are moving to Wales. Wow. That was us last year. Moving everything and everyone across the world. As I was talking to Jacob's mom all the memories came rushing back about our move and whew...didn't miss them at all. That time was so unbelievably difficult for us. I don't want to go through that again any time soon.

Good luck to Jacob's family, I wish you well. I hope your settling in time is smoother and easier than ours and that you feel good about things soon. Take care! Teddy misses Jacob more than I can describe.

Keep an Eye on the Wackos

Apparently there is a radio jock in the States on AM radio with a program that is saying that Autism is a crock. That it's kids who's parents don't give them a crack when they act up. I'm not going to say his name, well, because it's just what this asshole wants. I bet he has his minions scour the web looking for every time his name is mentioned. So he won't find it here.

But I will say this one thing...then I will work hard to forget that this moron breathes. I wish to God he was right. I wish, more than anything it was my lack of parenting that makes my daughters lives so difficult and their future so uncertain. I wish it was my fault every time Connor gets "stuck" on a phrase and repeats herself 10, 12 times until I can get her to break the pattern. That if I was more like June Cleaver I would be able to help her remember where her brother is 5 minutes after we take him to school. I hope against hope that when Tessi is in Minute 46 of a screaming meltdown over nothing that I could simply pop her on the butt and have her "toe the line" Sadly, it doesn't work that way. Autism affects so many children in so many ways that imbeciles like this radio guy think they "know" that it must be a hoax.

Personally, I'm glad there are jackasses like this guy in the public eye. At least I can see this one. I know who he is and I can raise my children to look at him and laugh. Point out how easy it is to have no talent, nothing important to say and to be morally bereft and still make a living. Maybe I shouldn't be so worried about Connor and Tessi, Hell if this guy can get paid to work ANYONE can. The dangerous thing is that his listeners may not be wise enough to see what a twit he is. I'm waiting for the flurry of emails from well-meaning friends who want to point out to me that , "See, this guy says it's so, it must be true" or my favorite, "Any child would behave the same as Connor or Tessi, it's just the age" They don't live day in and day out in my world so they can say my children are fine, just "acting up" but if they had to live 24 hours in my shoes...well, let's just say...I wouldn't wish that on them...not even that asshole on the radio.

So there's my rant for the day. For those of you who recognize who I'm talking about, please do a little research on your own...don't take my word...actually look at what is going on in the world for all Autistics...before you decide to agree or disagree with him. For myself...this is the last I intend to write about him. People like him do not deserve a second thought. I'd rather write more about my beautiful children, they are worth more than anything in the world.

Yea Verily, and there was Much Rejoicing!

We've done it! A 40 minutes car ride, 10 minute walk to the arena, 20 minute wait in line for a face painting, ridiculously over priced Disney merchandising and a very scary Ursala and Tessi was a typical 3 year old....but we did it!

Connor did fantastic. She didn't want her ear plugs but after surviving seeing Ursala and then having to endure a huge croc during Peter Pan she gave up and got the plugs and had no trouble with the loud noises. Tessi...well...she's 3, OK? She did well until the food ran out, then she lost her shoe (we found it thank God) and her evil troll mom wouldn't leave as soon as Ariel left the ice. She had a bit of a meltdown, but no worse than a lot of the other kids there. I pulled out the obscenely priced Ariel doll we picked out during intermission and she got better, very, very quickly. I don't think that doll has left her hand since. It's now about 3 hours later.

The Disney war machine is alive and well though...what they were charging for merchandise was unreal. As far as show goes, it was nice, but not as big a theatrical production as I would have expected from a Disney show. But all in all, it was a good time and since Connor did so well I told her we could go see Dora in October. There's another Disney show coming in 2009 - a total princess show. I'm hoping it comes in January so my MIL and SIL can come too - Now THAT would be something for us to all go to.

No CVS or Walgreens in Australia

Still sick. This just will not die. I have the death cough and just feel blah. Starting to lose my mind. One of the big annoyances is that here you can't call the dr, say you're still sick and have them call in another prescription to the pharmacy. First of all, the pharmacy is called the chemist shop here. But the pharmacist is still called a pharmacist..but I digress. In order to get more medicine I have to make another appointment, get seen again and then get another script. They won't even call it in for me. I got lucky yesterday I guess. My dr got lab results back - umm, 2 days later...that said the one infection (yes, I have 2 different ones right now) is resistant to the antibiotic I've been taken. So she called me to tell me she would leave a script at the counter for me to come in and get this morning. This is of course to be done while taking the girls to school and Teddy to physio. 'Cause I got all the time in the world.

It's things like this that makes me miss home. I miss 24 hour pharmacies and calling the dr's office to have them call in a script and having me just go pick it up. I love Australia, I really do. But I miss the immediacy of things sometimes.

That's my whine...er um..post for the day. Tomorrow think happy thoughts for me. I am taking the girls to Disney on Ice. I'm really nervous about this one. If I haven't been incarcerated for killing them I'll post on the happenings when we get back.

Holidays Blues

The girls are back at preschool this morning. Sometimes I can just barely hold on for Thursday morning....but that's another posting. One thing was nice this morning. When we walked into Tessi's room her teacher had this picture of her. Seems Tessi really enjoyed dress up time lat week and put everything in the box on her. It's nice to see her in cute mode. I don't get that often.

Today it's just Teddy and me. Now we're trying to figure out what to do. He wants to go to TimeZone - an arcade in the mall. That's fine, but I know we can't stay the entire day there. Even he will get bored eventually. I'm still not feeling up to snuff so long outrageous adventures are out of the question. We can't go do super tourist stuff like the Taronga zoo, or the Aquarium because of the WYD events - I really don't want any part of those crowds. So we're sort of trapped.

Too bad Teddy isn't interested in a day of hot tea and sewing. Then again, I don't really want him anywhere NEAR my sewing machine. I shiver at what he may come up with.

And the Bonus Round Goes to Me!

Yes, sorry world moms, I win the coolest mom o' the century today. Teddy has been saving his money and doing jobs around the house to earn enough to buy Kung Fu Panda for PS2. Now his over-generous grandparents already sent him it on DS, but as gamers know...you gots to have it on the big screen. Besides he was so in love with the DS game he completed it in about 5 days.
Anyway, I make up some work to be done around the house and by 9:15 this morning he had what he needed, just barely because the game is on sale. So I gathered everyone up and we drove to the shops next to us in Hornsby to EB Games - the same chain as in the States. All good.

Except that Tess decided to copy Connor about being scared to walk on escalators and I didn't notice until I was part way down (holding Connor's hand) and Tessi was standing at the top and crying. Teddy leapt backwards 4 steps to grab her and drag her on. Grrrr. "Tessi, what happened?" "I scared Mommy", she says. I respond, "No, you're not, Connor gets scared" "Oh, OK Mommy" she has the gall to reply. I did not kill her.

Then we go to K-mart to get the girls a little princess writing set so they can get something too. Drag everyone up to EB Games - took elevator this time. Get into shop and up to counter. Sold last copy yesterday. DAMNIT. I ask her to call around and see if other stores have it. She checks and 3 have it. Greenwood plaza, right next to where Ted USED to work, now totally far away. Yet another reason to hate Travelocity's guts and hope that company goes belly up. Next store is in Darling Harbour - right in the HEART of downtown and all the World Youth Day celebrants. Yeah, whatever, you couldn't get me down there with a crow bar. Finally, Rhoades Shopping Centre. About 30 minutes away, same place as the Ikea, south of the river. Still not great but I looked at Teddy's horrified face and asked the girl to call and have them hold a copy for us.

So off we go. Not fun. Not pretty. But we get there. We are home now and despite Tessi's best efforts to vex me, all 3 kids are still breathing. I think Teddy is grateful...I can't tell...he hasn't moved anything other than his hands on the controller since we've been back. I guess that means he's loves me. Damn well better...

Whoa! Wait, hold the phone. He just came in here and asked me to play with him so I guess he is grateful...either that or desperate until the neighbor kid can come over. No matter....I'll take what I can get! Off to play the game!

1001 Hits?

Wow, that is very cool. I don't believe for one second that I'm all that witty and insightful, so I think that means the 8 or 9 of you that read this really check it out a lot. I thank you all for your interest and I'll try to keep writing something funny.

No more for right now. I just heard Teddy and Connor fighting about who's going outside so I need to quick lock the door before they get back in. I'm kidding obviously....really, I am.

Driving on an Australian Road, As Easy as 1, 2, 5

Numerical order. It's been a known concept for 1 or 2 years, right? I drove the 3 kids to a putt putt golf place today. It's in Dural. Not too far, maybe 25 minutes, should be able to handle it. 787 Old Northern Road. Ok, I can find this place.
First, I went to the wrong golf spot. I found a driving range, not the putt putt. A quick call to Ted and he looks up the info online, no problem. I find the right road and start driving on it. 35 minutes in but hey, we're getting there. Looking at street addresses 347, 410 582....wait...we're at a roundabout and get diverted onto another road. Ok, the street sign says we're sill on Old Northern but I can't find any numbers. Drive about 1/4 of a mile and I see it...842. We skipped all the damn way to the 800's. Cursing, I turn around and head back. Tessi starts craying, "Turn around Mommy, turn around!" Check the numbers and once again, we're back inthe 500's.

Ok, I admit defeat and call the putt putt place. "Oh No", I hear a loving Celtic voice croon. "Turn around, and go back a wee bit" So back I turn, this time Connor begging me to turn around. Teddy decides to help the situation by starting a spitting competition with Tessi. This actually works for a few seconds until Tessi gets mad about being spit upon and starts to cry. I start to speed up in hopes that a policeman will pull me over and shoot me.

Start noticing the street signs. 842 again...851, 874, 610....610...what the Hell? 636, 646, 679, 700 and then finally 787 - the putt putt place. We have made it. 50 minutes in the car, Tessi is in tears but everyone is breathing...I'm calling this a win.

Have no idea what the Hell happened to the numbering system on this street. I'm afraid to ask anyone because I know I'll get the Crazy Yank look. I'm sure my Aussie friends will have a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why the numberline looked a crochet hook but no matter, we survived and no lives were lost. It's all good. Teddy won the mini golf game by the way. He's a master cheater....that I really, really am not good with a golf club....really not good.

Forget Money Spent on Curing Diseases

Forget time and money spent on space exploration. I want someone to finally crack aprot the mind of the 7 year old boy. Not just mine, but all of them.

Yesterday I took Teddy and his friend Charlie to the Ryde Aquatic Centre. It's an indoor swimming facility. It has a wave pool, 2 story high water slide, a heated spa pool, lap pool and during the holidays a pool with in infatable obstacle course on it. Not bad, eh?

Well we were there, the boys were having fun, did the obstacle course, took a couple laps in the lazy river, splashing each other and playing tag, you know general fun. Got out, got a snack, got back in...whatever. After 1 1/2 hours they pop out and say, "Can we go?" I said, 'What do you mean, like go to the slide?" "No, we want to leave" What are you talking about? We can stay another 2 hours! Then Charlie says, "But we're done. Really" So my understanding self said, "Get back in the water, we haven't gotten my $15 worth yet"

In they go and I watch every move they make. They are smiling, laughing and having a blast. And 5 minutes later they are out again and want to leave. Teddy has the gall to say they are bored. BORED? What could possibly be missing from this place??!! "I dunno, maybe a ball?" is my response. Sighing loudly, I concede defeat and off we go. Grab lunch at Macca's (McDonald's) and then stop to get gas. There is no pay at the pump here so I drag the boys in where they see Star Wars key chains. They were $2 each so I bought them one. Sigh...this was the hit of the day. Not the pool. Not McDonald's. But a key chain with Han Solo on it.

I just don't get them. I really don't.

At Least Now I Know

Anneliese gets rescued. Erica goes off to find herself and have singing career. When she's bored or out of money she comes home to the prince who was dutifully waiting for her. Then she and Anneliese have a double wedding. Happily ever after.

Sigh.....really need to get a life. Either that or get my girls interested in Battlestar Gallactica. Don't know how much more Barbie I can stand.

I Need a Vacation

I let Connor and Tessi stay up about 15 minutes late last night and I'm itching for them to get up early this morning. Why? Because we were watching Barbie-The Princess and the Pauper and last night and didn't get to finish it. Yep, I'm wanting my girls to get up early because apparently I can't wait to find out if Anneliese and Ericka get rescued and returned to their normal lives.

Dear Christ I need a life. Not much of one, just a little one. Here's a case where the Aussie's have life spot-on figured out. Go on vacation every chance you get. 2 days here, 2 days there, a week - 10 days as often as the budget allows. Even if it's just an hour away, you get away. That way you can appreciate your life and enjoy your every day happens more.

That way you don't feel the need to waken your daughters to watch a stinkin' movie about dolls with unrealistic body images and find out the ending to a story that's over a 100 damn years old. Sigh...I need a vacation.

Week 2 of School Holidays

And so it begins, this last week of Teddy being off from school. One more week and back he goes into the great bliss of school. No more, "I'm bored" 15 seconds after an activity ends. No more "Why can't I watch my show while the girls are up" even though he knows perfectly well that they don't like Mythbusters. No more.

Right now I am eternally grateful we don't live in the States. When I think of the kids being home for 3 months I start to hyperventilate, I admit it. These 2 weeks off in between terms is plenty, PLENTY of time I tell ya, to recharge the batteries and heave ho back into school. 12 weeks off? Good Lord, no wonder stay at home parents get a little nuts.

So everyone, keep your fingers crossed...7 more days and we're back in the swing of things. That is unless you find me drooling in the corner crying for Rosebud...then you'll know the holidays have been extended...either that or it's "droughting" again.

This could be the coolest mass produced item ever released to the public

MENTOS GEYSER TUBE
The explosive combination of MentosTM and cola has been a global science sensation from Mythbusters to YouTube and this nifty tube makes it easy. Just add ingredients, pull the trigger and watch the fountain fly metres into the air! MentosTM and cola not included. Ages 8+.

I...must...have....this....

I don't know if it will really work like it does on Mythbusters but I have to try. According to the ad the stream can go up to 25 feet. We've never been able to go beyond 3 feet or so. I don't even care if Teddy is interested in it - he is by the way. It's not even that I'm such a Mythbusters freak, I like the show but Adam...well...I think he needs help. But I have always, always thought this experiment was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

So here we go and here comes the magic credit card. I'm only going to buy one in case it is a dud, but if it works....ohhhhhh, this could make our next Halloween party the coolest thing to ever hit this continent!!!!! I'll keep you updated!

Conversations the Child Rearing Books Never Warn You About

I snapped yesterday and told Teddy we would be spending the day reorganizing his Star Wars collection. He has a bookcase that's full of Star Wars paraphnalia. Only it's been played with and God Forbid anything be put back so you can see it - it's just all shoved onto the shelves.

So we're in there, pulling stuff out, organizing it into bins, putting stuff back together and putting them back on the shelves. Nothing complicated but I find myself amused at what we're saying to each other.
"Is this Han Solo's gun from Episode IV or VII?"
"Where's Obi-Wan's boot?"
"Why does Obi-Wan have nunchucks? Why would the Jedi use nunchucks? I mean don't they have the Force?"
"Oh for the love of Christ! Don't step all over Boba Fett's Slave ship!"

I should be more concerned about explaining the facts of life to Teddy right now but instead I'm having deep conversations on whether or not it's morally ok for the Jedi to use the Force to clean up their rooms or to delibertly mess up an enemies room. 'Cause, if you really hate someone at age 7, what is more deadly revenge on an enemy than messing up their room so their mom finds it? It's a logic, I'm sure.

Kung Fu Panda...such a GUY Movie

Yes, I know...I'm supposed to love Kung Fu things and all items Jackie Chan. I understand that the "cool" people like it and I must too. Sigh...sorry this was just not my movie. No offense, it was cute and certainly not a bad way to spend the afternoon, particularly when you're still sick, beats the Hell out of doing laundry. Teddy loves it so it was a good way to get out of the house, get away from the DS and do something but oh my...this was soooooo Ted's flick, not mine.

It was humorous though having Teddy give me the play by play throughout the movie since he had already seen it. I like hearing him explain it because he hasn't already seen 10,000 different Loser gets a chance, blows it, redeems himself and saves the day flicks like I have. So he was sincere in his desire to warn me about the scary parts or tell me that Po would come back and that he would save the day. It's frefreshing to see the lack of cynicism. Unlike me who has had it with the death of orginality in Hollywood.

Yeah, can't wait to see the new Clone Wars movie, now THAT will be new! Wait....new old...ah...old new....oh never mind. Hopefully that won't have pandas sitting on a leopard's face...that's an image I'll take to the grave.

We're Back!

WOW! I'm taking the girls with us from now on! They must be in good with Karma or something. Drove into the parking lot, ONLY had to make 2 laps before a spot opened up! Got in, checked in at the clinic, walked back to the front, paid at the cashier, walked back to the clinic, proved that we paid, sat down and seriously, waited through 1 round of fairy breads )Aussie treats - hot dog rolls with a layer of icing and then sprinkles on it) No comments, it keeps them happy... and then BOOM! They called us back! Teddy doesn't need another cast, keep doing physio if we want and come back in 2 months for a final check. Then we left. 5 minutes after our scheduled appointment time. It was surreal.

I let it go to my head and tried to come home a different way and got totally buggering lost but hey, sometimes ya gotta just live a little.

Main thing is that Teddy is ok, he was terrified of getting a new cast on so now he feels like he's king of the mountain or something. Now I just have to make it through until 7:30 and the girls will be in bed and I can chalk up another day as survived. Now, if only the damn cough medicine would work and I can call this cold done...

Posting from Beyond

Hello, my name is Cecelia Tencza and I am not dead. That's about all I got right now. Still recovering from the death cold. All 3 kids are home again today and we leave in an hour to take Teddy out to the hospital for another check on his arm. Wish me luck as I will have the girls with me, an over-crowded parking lot and waiting room and me still being sick. Watch the news for reports of a lunatic woman killing an orthopod clinic receptionist by dragging her over the counter while asking, "Am I behind the line now?" and grinding her head into the duct tape on the floor. Please, send money for bail.

Post more soon when I finally feel a bit human.

Forgot Most Important Rule...

In my never ending quest to be witty in my writing, yesterday I forgot the number 1 rule of life. Things can always get worse. I finished typing my blog, sent Ted off to work and began whinning in earnest about what I had to do. Then I heard Tessi and Connor were up so I walked in to get them. Tessi was crying and then I noticed, splotchy. Horribly, horribly splotchy. I ripped off her nightgown to see hundred's of hives-like marks on her arms, legs and tush. Crap....there is NO WAY I can take her to school, in fact, these marks are scarey enough that I want her in the dr's office immediately.
So, I called Ted and he, who absolutely could not miss work, didn't get on the train and came home. I was able to rush Tessi to the dr's who said the rash was nothing, but the severe respitory infection she had was the problem. Then I got the "You're the mother of the year look" from the dr for letting her get so sick. Grrr. He then looks at Tessi and says, 'Hmmm, how can she be standing and be this sick? She should have a hard time moving (Tessi, had flung herself off my lap, shouted, "No Mommy,not fair" and was flipping books out of the toy bin. Obviously, I should have known she was sick. Ass....

Tessi is fine by the way. The hives have gone away and she's on antibiotics for the infection. I'm at death's door and Connor has a bit of a cough so us girls are hiding away in the house today. Connor did great at the psychologists office and Teddy did fabulous at the phsyio. I really think we might be ok for next weeks hospital visit.

I do want to write this...yesterday I wrote that I needed a wife and that's not true. I needed a great husband and I have that. Ted could not work from home yesterday, he had stuff he had to do, it was just impossible...and he came home anyway. Thank you Ted. I know yesterday cost you quite a bit. Thank you very much.

Girls Swimming Lessons Yesterday

Last post before I officially start the Day from Hell. Yesterday Connor and Tessi began swimming lessons. As some of you know Connor has hated water almost since birth. Really until very recently, just the mention of water would send her into a tizzy. Going to the beach she would put a few toes in the water but that was only because Tessi was doing it. But yesterday she was beautiful. Her teacher - I got a tip that this gal was THE one to get for nervous kids, Robina thought she did great and was SHOCKED, SHOCKED when I said that Connor used to scream about going into the water. After the lesson Connor asked if she did good, and I said, "No, Honey, you were GREAT!" Miss Robina can't wait until you come back next week. Connor just beamed. Tessi loved the lesson also, the down side was that Connor had the 10:30 spot and Tessi had the 11, no way to get them in the same class. As Tessi was waiting she kept shouting, "NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She though like it when Connor got out of the water and I said, "OK, now Connor has to wait for Tessi" Yep, they are sisters!

Sorry I forgot to mention

Teddy did go to bed breathing. He came home and found a baby praying mantis and got very cute about taking care of it. Strong Paternal instincts. I decided to let him grow and test out those instincts if for no other reason than I WANT him to know the joy of trying to understand a 7 year old boy.
Dear God, please, the Steelers can lose every game, I'll never win the lottery, Ted will never, ever learn that decent people don't wear white socks with dark pants and shoes, but please, let me live long enough to hear Teddy say, "Jesus, what is this kid thinking?!!" Then I can die happy.

Really Sick Today

I have the death cold. Not the puny, "My throat is sore" cold, the,"Wrap myself in sweaters and blankets and cry for my mother" type cold Really sick. Today unfortunately is one of the busiest days of the week. I have to finish cleaning the house for our jerk real estate agent to come and inspect - I really, really dislike this guy. Then I have to take Tessi to school and not Connor which will lead to a fight, listen to her cry the whole way home. Take Teddy school and then take Connor to her psychologist evaluation - 2- 3 hours at least, come back, try to get Connor into school without Tessi seeing me or else we'll really learn what crying is. Then I have to get to the shops and print out some pictures for a kid in Teddy's class who is moving away this weekend. I did the same for Jacob2 weeks ago so I can't leave this kid hanging, even though I don't know Suli at all, he's not in Year 2, he's in Year 1 and I have NO idea who his friends are but I've been taking pictures of him all week. After that I have to buy the picture frame and wrap the present
Then I have to pick up Teddy from school and take him to Physio, race out of there and come back and pick up the girls late and then have dinner...which the kids won't eat. All this while being so sick I can't stand up longer than 5 minutes.

Sigh...I need a wife....

Stay with your Sister...Unless there is a Handball game on

Today the girls and I picked up Teddy and his two friends Oscar and Alexander from school. No big deal really except today I noticed a little boy by himself crying. His family is new to our school and he's only 4. Anyway, he's lost and can't find Mom so I tell Teddy,"Stay with your sister I'm going to take Gabriel to his mom" No problem. It takes me a while to find her but everything is OK. I have Tessi with me because she's feeling very saran wrap right now. We come down the stairs and I see Teddy, Oscar, and Alexander and a few others playing handball...no Connor....she's flippin' GONE.
I yell at Teddy and he goes to look for her with Oscar in tow. Alexander can't possibly give up the game, he's in Kings - Americans, don't even ask. It's a good position in the game.

We can't find her, I'm calling all over the place, I sent Teddy up to the Top Oval where the big kids play and I'm starting to panic and just scream out her name. Then Teddy's teacher yells that she sees Connor. Here Connor, unwatched by her brother, found a class that was having a party so obviously, she crashed it. She was in the room happily stuffing her face with all the lollies she can before someone stops her.

When I calm down and can speak without stuttering (yeah, it took a few minutes and I should mention Teddy had gone back to playing the game) I explained to Teddy that when I said he should stay with his sister, I meant HE SHOULD STAY WITH HIS SISTER EVEN IF THERE IS A HANDBALL GAME PLAYING. I swear he looked at me with that, "I'll humor her, this idiot actually thinks this is going work" look on his face.

I did not kill him right there. I want that noted for future reference. When someone comments on my lack of parenting skill I'm going to hold this moment up as my qualification for the Mother of the Year Award. If he manages to go to bed tonight breathing I will henceforth be know as Mary Damn Poppins. I'll let you know in the morning how it goes.

It's Wrong to Launder Aussie Money

By wrong I mean you can't do it. So seriously, you can't. I pulled a $5 bill out of the washer this morning and the rotten ink faded!!!! Seriously, I have washed TONS of American money in my life, $1's, $5's, $10's, $20's, $....well nothing higher than that. Any denomination bigger than that I've held onto for dear life for the 10 or 15 minutes I had them. But my point is that American ink can take multiple laundering sessions. MULTIPLE!!!

So Aussies, what does this mean? Is the money useless? In the States a bill must still be accepted by a vender, even if ripped, as long as it's discernible as a bill.

No matter, I'll just slip it into Teddy's Canteen (school lunch) order on Friday. Those people will take anything.

Setting the Way Back Machine Again

School Holidays are coming up. Two weeks off in between terms. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE year round schooling! LOVE it. You nea-sayers really need to rethink this plan. It works and it's awesome.
Anyway it reminds of last year during our first Holidays break. The girls are in preschool so they go to school during the holidays (YES! YES! YES!) so Teddy and I would plan special days for just the two of us. We'd do things that we couldn't do with the girls. This day we chose to go to the Australian Reptile Park - here's the link http://www.reptilepark.com.au/ It's pretty cool.

We had bought the car about 3 weeks earlier and I was still terrified to drive. This trip involved the highway and for humor's sake we'll call them road signs. Sydney's maps are utterly insane and have nothing to do with the actual roads that are layed on the ground. Anyway, we get on the road and I can't remove my fingers from the AAA approved "2" and 10" position on the steering wheel and we're off. About 10 minutes outside of Sydney we start seeing signs for the park. THE AUSTRALIAN REPTILE PARK! THIS WAY TO SEE ERIC! It starts off. These signs are good because they actually have something to do with pointing out things that are on this road - unlike other Australian road signs. Anyway, as we move closer, more signs. COME SEE ERIC! OUR VERY OWN CROCODILE!, more down the road 5 KM UNTIL ERIC! THE AUSTRALIAN REPTILE PARK'S OWN CROC! You get the point, there are signs everywhere for the croc. And apparently for 20 or so years this croc has been the main draw for this park.

There's some massive road construction once we get off the highway so actually, I'm grateful for the big huge croc signs posted now every 100 meters. It's kind of soothing knowing that with each inch forward I drive, with every breath I take, I am closer to bonding with ERIC! OUR VERY OWN CROCODILE!

Pull into the parking lot, take the tourist pictures in the entry way, go inside and see a life size replica of Eric in the lobby. It's very cool, and I'm looking forward to meeting the big guy himself, if for no other reason than quite honestly, I'm getting a little tired of hearing the name. No offense to any Eric's or lovers of Eric, just a little done with the name.

Go up to the counter ask to pay for one child and one adult. Now read this next line with the best Michael Palin impersonation you can do.

The response is, "$22.50 for the adult, kids are free today...Eric's dead!"

Pause...pause...pause...blink...blink...

"I'm sorry, what did you say," "Kids are free....Eric's dead. He died a few days ago, want to sign his card?"

Now at this point I have Monty Python's "Dead Parrot" sketch searing through my skull. THIS IS AN EX-CROCODILE!
Of course Teddy is next to me, "Who's dead, is someone dead? Who died? How did he die? Can I see him?"
You see a few days prior Eric, may he rest in peace, caught a cold, which turned to pneumonia and thusly he perished. Crocodiles may be a dime a dozen up in Queensland but down here it takes a while to replace them. Soooooo, Teddy got in for free, signed, "Sorry you're dead. Love, Teddy" on the card to the park and inside we went. All the while I have John Clease and Michael Palin fighting over what is a dead bird screaming in my brain. When that finally dies down I get Eric Idle singing,"Always look on the Bright Side of Life" in to fill the void.

Now, one year later if someone mentions that an event or something is free for kids I say, "Oh, is Eric dead?"

Thou shalt not annoy on Youth Day

This is a headline from today's Sydney Morning Herald.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/thou-shalt-not-annoy/2008/06/30/1214677946009.html

Apparently new powers have been granted to the police in order to curb shenanigans during the World Youth Day celebrations. Anyone caught behaving in an "offensive" manner towards a World Youth Day celebrant can be subject to a $5500AUD fine. What is deemed to be offensive will be left up to the police. These extra powers will be terminated after the WYD event is over.

Allow me to put my Ugly American hat on now and say that this is complete and total CRAP. How dare the government pass special rules that limit the expression of the people? If someone hits a WYD participant, throw them in jail where they belong. If someone wears a t-shirt saying, "Thanks for the Traffic Nightmares Visiting Catholics", it's annoying but that is NOT worth a $5500 fine!

Shame on you Government of New South Wales! One of the things Ted and I have loved, absolutely LOVED about this country is it's respect for irreverence. We have been thrilled by everyone here who has a snotty comment for the powers that be, an obnoxious word for someone acting inappropriately and just a general calling a jerk a jerk.

Careful Australians, if you accept nonsense like this, you are allowing your country to move closer to the regime that the States has become. Many of you have said to me that the Yanks are too uptight about things. This is how it starts.

Ok, climbing down off of soap box now. The next entry will be funny, I promise.