How Was Your Weekend?

Our house has a very fancy alarm system. It looks fancy to me anyway. Two control panels and a light that blinks on when there is movement in the house. Normally that's all I have to say about it because we haven't bothered to set up a monitoring system. I don't see much use in alarm systems. In homes or cars.  When an alarm goes off, who looks really? I know I don't. I'm certainly not going to pay a monitoring service to keeps tabs on it.

Besides if I was really concerned about break ins I wouldn't have selected this neighborhood.  Also if I really had a house nice enough to contain awesome things I would put in aa really whizz bang system that had a direct line to the cops. Also a moat. I would put in a moat with snapping crocs in it.  But that just me.

As it is if someone gets in they would see an awesome collection of Little Pet Shops figures, Warrior Cats books and a few Xbox games. Not even the good Xbox games that apparently all the cool kids have that are bought by awesome mothers. Plus, I believe I have mentioned Sasha..the worlds craziest and LOUDEST dog. She's a big wussy once you get near her but from a distance she has a bark that peels paint. Ask they neighbors, I'm sure they will swear to it.

So no, I really don't need any alarm.  But we have one. It came with the house. Haven't really thought that much about it I n the 2 1/2 years that we've lived here. That is until this past weekend, when we have thought of little else.

Saturday was a fantastic wet day. When it decides to rain Australia Mother Nature does not muck about. It pours straight down - a real wrath of God and Noah's Ark kind of drenching.   Now most normal people will complain about this, but not me. Rain here means cold weather. Not like Texas, where rain in the summer still means hot. Nope, here in Australia it can be so hot that you can feel the skin contracting on your body but if the rain starts it drops in temperature. Of course the temp may jump back up at soon as its done, but while its bucketing rain you can feel the cool. In Texas there were times I felt like I was taking a shower outside. Reason #127 I was thrilled to leave the Lone Star State.

So it rained all day and sport was cancelled. And there was much rejoicing! We have a house inspection coming up in a few days and yes we did clean some...but moslt we did spend time goofing off. Watched movies, kids played video games and I did my best to forget there even was a laundry room.  Not a bad way to spend a Saturday in my book.

That night we went to bed and around 11ish we lost power. Annoying yes, but the house had cooled off dramatically because of the rain so it really wasn't bad. One annoying thing though, was the alarm. It started this weird chirping sound every five minutes. Kind of like when the smoke alrm battery needs to be changed, only more shrill. Since one of the control panels is in my room I heard it at its loudest. Ted of course, has heard nothing. Sometimes I am utterly impressed by his ability to sleep through the most obnoxious of sounds. Other times it just.pisses.me.off. This was one of those times.

I laid there for about 2 hours. I would listen and wait for the chirp sound and then listen to him snore. Finally I got so fed up I stormed downstairs to sleep there. I would have slept on the upstairs couch but somebody had "forgotten" to put away her collection of LEGO Friends, Barbies and Warrior Cats books away and the couch was covered the.

 A part of me wants to know what game she concocted with those 3 toys and another part of me thinks I'll hear the testimony about it in court someday.  I think I will be patient and wait a while.

Down to the couch I stumble. It's the middle of the night, no lights and I have to descend the stairs without killing or maiming myself. I'm carrying the Precious and Precious II...ie iPhone and iPad. Hey, these things are sacred to me. What if the house burns down? I can't be too far away from them.  Oh and the kids! Yes,  I can't be too far away from the kids! I forgot....

I was on the couch for maybe an hour when this god awful klaxon began. It was like the Star Trek red alert, shrieking kids when the ice cream has run out and that high pitched wail of a cat when the food bowl is empty...all rolled up in one wailing screeching sound that was deafening.  I ran to the alarm control box and just started randomly hitting buttons. 

Obviously I have watched far too much televsion and not read enough criminal justice textbooks to realize how stupid this is.  Why I thought there was even the slighest chance this would I have no idea. Come on? Any burglar that could be thwarted by the OH CRAP! Just hit anything, technique of code breaking, really isn't worth installing the alarm for in the first place. Yet I stand there. Fervently pushing buttons in hopes that somewhere, somehow the alarm will figure out it is supposed to shut up. Obviously, it didn't. Ted comes barreling downstairs and we yell possible solutions to each other. Suddenly it stops. We can breathe normally again.  Then it's up and skreetching again. So Ted runs out to the fuse box and turns power off. No luck, so back it goes on. I see a number on a card taped to the alarm and try to call them to  see if they can help us.

Normally that would be the right thing to do.  Sadly since we don't pay for the service they aren't monitoring us anymore. Oh they have the address as being a former customer alright. But since there is no contract between us there is nothing she can do. She does take a moment to ask me if I knew the code. "Um, really?  The code? I did mention that were renting and had never used a monitoring service. Wouldn't I have entered the code if I had one?"  No. I have no code. As we are renting she suggests we call the rental agency.  

We search for the number and I start dialing. Here's were the fun really starts. Connor and Tessi start stumbling downstairs asking why we've turned this loud noise on.  Yes, I can see why I would have done this on purpose. Connor really starts to freak about the noise and hides on the couch underneath a blanket. Tessi has to follow me room-to-room bombard me with questions

She asks, me what the noise is, where is it coming from, who turned it on, why is Daddy outside saying bad words, why am I saying bad words, do I know where the cat is, is it time to get up and when will I turn the sound off? 

At least I think that's all that she said. I stopped listening part way through the barrage as the recording on the phone of the real estate agency was telling me the office was now closed. 5 am on a Sunday morning, no shit Sherlock. If I had an emergency, the pleasant sounding recorded voice said, I sould contact the numbers provided in the rental agreement.

Rental agreement? Where the Hell was the rental agreement? I knew where my car keys were. Usually that's a good enough of a display of  memory for what I need. Rental agreement....oh no....that has to be somewhere in the paper abyss called "the computer room"

5 am, no sleep, Tessi clambering in one ear and a slightly quieter "The Marauders  are Here" alarm in the other ear and I have to find a document in a from exploding with paper.

At this point, I wonder if it would be better just to start a small fire and have the fire brigade come. A small one, just a little  one in the kitchen... Lot of tile in there, they'll get here before it spreads too much.  No I can't. As bad as my luck has been the joy thing that will burn is a Warrior Cat book and I'd rather have the house alarm in my ear rather than listening to Cpnnor carry on about the loss of one of her precious books.

Ted and I dive into the computer room. It's amazing what your brain can do for you sometimes. In the middle  of the chaos my mind conjured up this brief random memory of me putting some important papers into a a plastic cover and sitting it on the desk. I can not remember which day of the week is Library day or when I have to have school excursions paid for but I pulled this usually uneeded thought out of nowhere. Low and behold it was there, albeit covered with bills, a few Xbox games to sell and extra copies of Winx Club BELIEVE coloring book pages. At least it was there.

Sadly, we shouldnt have bothered. The only numbers there were for an electrician who didn't respond and a plumber, who we didn't bother to call. This is the moment when the cracking began. Not the house or the alarm but me. The horrific sound of Connor Tessi and that damn alarm have driven me off my nut.  I start to look around for something to hit and pray Tessi has backed up when it occurs to me...where is Teddy? Where is Damn Dog? I lunge across the room to Teddy's door and its locked. Using a butter knife I pry it open and there they are. Sound bloody asleep, the two of them. You cab barely hear the alarm in this room. I yell for the girls to come in here and Himself finally awakens. "Why are they coming in here, is something wrong?"  I yell something adroit and witty, "Can't you hear the damn alarm!?"  

I get the girls settled in Teddy's quieter man cave; leaving Ted and me to brainstorm. This is humorous because at this point there are more functioning brain cells in a dead politician than can be found in our combined skulls. Fortunately as in many things; in the end, might makes right. Ted went up to klaxon box and cut the wires. Now we're left with a much quieter, random chirp again. Something much, much more tolerable for us to listen to.

It's another 4 or 5 hours until Ted and I crack enough for him to completely sever the wires as we both afraid of getting dinged by the real estate agency for deliberately damaging the property. Of course it was anther 24 hours until we heard from some one there so I stopped feeling bad many, many hours ago.

It's Tuesday now. I think I' m finally able to answer the question, "How was your weekend?" without punching someone in the throat. But just in case, stand back when you ask, I do have a fairly long reach.