Changing Today's Game Plan

Today is a day off of work for me.  Just in time though as I think my calf muscles were about to shred themselves.  My son brought home a nasty cold at the beginning of the week and I've been sprinkling holy water around him to keep the germs at bay.  Eventually I lost the fight and woke up this morning with the plague.

Since I'm sick that means I am only taking the
girls to school,
dog to the vet,
verifying my identity at Australia Post so I can open a bank account,
pick up Tessi,
take Teddy to dentist,
cook dinner.

I'm skipping the laundry, the dishes in the sink, the grocery and pet food store.

Ted has very kindly (no seriously, no sarcasm) offered to come home a little early so he can pick up Connor at Kids Club and save the remains of dinner after I start it and screw it up.  Actually he just said he would take over cooking dinner when he gets home but I believe in honesty and that's what he's really be doing.

I completed my morning tasks and rather than being a mature responsible person and laying on the bed so I can rest and recover I decided to have some computer fun.  I've covered myself with a blankie so I'm counting this as rest time.  Sitting at the desk I get both computers (We're geeks remember?  We have two computers next to each other) running the the websites I need when I notice that the monitor on the main computer isn't working.  Hmmm.  I do the traditional computer fix all - shut up and reboot - but the problem isn't solved.

Now we are at the stage of computer home troubleshooting I don't like.  I have to get on my hands and knees and look under the computer desk to check wires and hook ups.

Hard floor + angry calves ( bad back + crappy knees) /need to look up new blog designs = ability to move.

Math is ugly my friends.  This is one of Life's Truths.

It takes me a few minutes but I hunker down underneath the desk and dive into the wires.  Turns out that the cable got pulled out of the back of the computer.  Hmm, that's odd, it's one of those screw in ones; it shouldn't just fall out on it's own. Someone would have had to seriously jiggled it.

I turn my head and I'm inches away from the Jiggler.  Monty cat was hiding under the desk killing hair elastics and must have kicked the cord out.  That's not too bad.  What was unfortunate was that neither Monty nor I were expecting to see each other under the desk.  The initial surprise, shock and horror led to screeching, backpedaling, and crying. As well as the flinging of cables, computers and my head into the underside of the desk.

Great, now my head hurts, the cat is mewing this God-awful growling/warning cry and now both damn monitors aren't working.

I'll be honest.  I got up only with the intention of walking out, shutting the door and leaving the whole mess for Ted to deal with in 8 or 9 hours.  I really wanted to play on the computer though.  I have been virtual window shopping and am looking for a new iPad cover and a nice "Carry All My Crap to Work" bag.  I want to see it all on the big monitor.  Plus God knows what that crazy cat would do shut up in the room.  So I straightened myself up, checked my head for blood and went back under the desk.  I found both plugs and put them back in.  Even managed to get them to the right computers....the second time.  All good.  My knees were starting to swear viciously at me but I needed to check another power cord located right in the middle.  I swiveled around and once more, there's Monty in my face.  I kept cool and collected this time and pulled straight back before rising.  I did not want another whack on the top of my head.  What I failed to remember was computer chair sitting right behind me.

As I pulled back I drove my ass straight into the seat of the chair, scaring me so I straightened up and drove the bridge of my nose into the bridge of the desk.  Blood starts slowly trickling down my face.  I'm not to proud to admit that I said some very impressive and incredibly foul and obscene words.  Combinations of phrases that I think would offend people on at least three different continents.

Since I am a whiny cry baby I immediately begin moaning that I've broken my nose.  I am also exceptionally manipulative and opportunistic, so I quickly rationalize that no one can expect me to cook dinner if my nose is broken.  I gingerly touch my nose and see that the blood isn't coming my nostrils.  I crawl to the bathroom and look in the mirror.  Damn it.  My nose isn't broken.  The desk forced my glasses into my nose and cut it.  The blood is already starting to congeal.  I am perfectly fine to cook dinner.

Sitting on the bathroom floor with a sore head, throbbing yet-unbroken nose, pained knees,  back spasms, sore buttocks and of course, the damn sore calf muscles I look up....and there's Monty.  He's perched on top of the pool table, where he's not allowed, staring at me.  In my haze of pain I'm sure I saw him shake his head in disgust at me.  I looked around for something to throw at him. Sadly, the bloody tissues just weren't aerodynamic enough to make the impact I needed.

Twenty minutes later, I'm back at the computer typing this post.  When it's finished I'm going to start my day off again as I should have originally.  Hiding on the couch under the blankets as long as I can.