Look..my life was just offering up constant apologies to someone about something I had just said. I know for a fact that I am on at least 3 different prayer lists asking for Jesus to turn my soul back to good. My close friends back in the US have known for a while that I'm a bit out there and have, for whatever reason, decided to overlook my quirkiness. I appreciate that, I really do.
In Australia though, I am the prude of the room. No, Seriously, me. My American friends are a bit in shock right now. I am the one that gasps out loud at TV commercials and what people say in newspapers and to each other in public.
Years ago I picked Teddy up at school by the picnic tables located just outside his room. All the classrooms have outside doors that overlook a courtyard. I sat among some very proper ladies, the "good" moms as it were, and used the time to learn about Australian culture.
One day I tripped while I was walking to school. I limped to the tables so I could relay my tale of woe to the ladies sitting there. I ended my story with, "and then I fell ass over tin cups right in front of everyone!"
Ohhhhhh. I just said ASS. At school. I even said it with my funny sounding American accent so it was AAAAss instead of Ahss. Everyone heard it. They are all looking at me with pained looks on their faces.
Realizing what I had done, just next to classroom with young innocent children nonetheless, I hung my head in shame and hoped I didn't get pummeled too badly. I didn't have to wait long for the rebuking. It was a different than what I was expecting though.
"I am sorry Cecelia....but...what did you just say?" came the first comment. Damn it. It came straight from one of the more refined mothers. Ohhhh, this was going to be painful. I'm really going to cop it.
"Er, um, I said ass....ass over tin cups. I shouldn't say things like that. I'm very sorry." I tried to look very penitent and sincere. I wasn't, but I wanted to appear that way. It was too soon for everyone to be disappointed in me. Her reply was something I will remember until the day I die.
"Is that an American thing? You see, in Australia we say ass over t*ts." There was no oral asterisk there by the way. She said it loud and she said it proud. She said it 15 feet away from four different classrooms with wide open windows. My jaw dropped; which she took that to mean that I didn't believe her. With a rather regal defensive posture, she turned to the assembled crowd and began to ask for confirmation.
"Well, what do you lot have to say?" "T*ts, of course", was the fast and furious response. "What on earth does an ass have to do with a tin cup?" It helps to read that with a bit of an accent.
"Wot on irth does an ahss have to do with a teen cuhp?"
Interestingly enough, this was not the most awkward moment of the afternoon. That was walking up the steps toward us. A friend was spotted approaching and my posh and regal friend SHOUTS to her, "Oie! Finish this sentence, "The drunken sod fell ass over...pause, pause.." She responds with a even LOUDER "T*TS!" Only that's not enough for her to convey her meaning. As she's speaking, she takes both hands and palms her chest in a grotesque, over-acted manner. Just in case, I suppose, there is anyone who can't grasp her meaning.
I began to slouch under the picnic table. I figure we have about thirty seconds until a team of flying teachers with wooden rulers edged with serrated blades come swooping out at us like the fist of God. I harbored no illusions about my chances of survival but I was going to make them work for it. This time is actually not my fault!
Yes. I did start it all by saying ass, but come on! You really can't compare that to t*ts! Not at SCHOOL in my opinion. No! This is not my fault! I may be going down but they are.coming.with.me.
I wait and there is no official reprisal. No one arrives to chastise us for our profane language. I'm still doomed though as the women gather round and are laughing uproariously at me. The crazy yank says tin cups. How cute. I think someone actually ruffled the top of my hair.
One would think that this memory should have been enough to teach me that Australians are a bit more open-minded than I'm used to, but no. Apparently I needed yet another reminder.
Last week I learned that my daughter's class is using the song "Thank You" by MKTO for the school concert. I didn't recognize the song but Teddy seemed overly impressed by that so my attention was caught. "Way to make a statement" he crooned. No, I do not like this, there has to be something wrong. I get him to play the song and the first line is:
O-kay. Hmmmm. Nine and ten year olds singing about mary jane abusers? Right. I decided to do a little research on the tune. As with eveything I seem to need in life, I found the lyrics online. The song is being marketed as an anthem for today's youth. A sarcastic "thank you" to adults who have screwed everything up for them. That's fine. I'm cool with teen angst. Personally I think they are right. Also, I there's that crazy leftover "Fight the Man" attitude that isn't completely gone from me that says, "Right! Get Em!"
Then I notice some lines in the song like this:
So raise that bird up high and And them girls I'll take a few. Do what I wanna do.
Ummm, yeah. Uh, no. Sorry, not sure about this song at all.
Still, I don't want to be that pearls clutching parent. It is pretty hypocritical of ME of all people, to say a song is too controversial. I have a rather eclectic selection of music in my library. So I calmly sent an email to her teacher asking if he was aware of the lyrics, their meaning and general feelings about the song.
He responded quickly that he had vetted it for profanity, didn't see anything but that he would talk to the principal. I replied that I wasn't asking for the song to be changed, that I was fine with it. I was just insanely curious to know if this registered as a little out there to Aussies or if it was just me.
He responded today that after talking with the principal they had decided to keep the song. He was very kind and gracious as he thanked me for taking the time to look into this song. He said they selected it because it was fun for the kids to dance to and it was timely. He then gently reminded me that kids around the world once performed Puff the Magic Dragon before anyone knew the meaning.
Sigh....really? I'm lumped in the same as a bunch of up-tight twits who believed the FALSE rumor that Puff was a toker? ME?! I had to be carried out of Judas Priest concert for God's sake. I used to be fun, alright?
I responded by saying, "GOOD! I am glad that you are keeping the song. I will be one of many parents cheering the children at the concert and wholeheartedly support it." I told him that I was never interested in censorship but that I was curious if it was an Aussie or American thing to judge these songs a bit closely.
Apparently it's a "Unclench! The kids are just having fun and stop being a stick in the mud!" kind of thing.
Message received. I am down with non-conformity and I am all about keeping things real.
Nobody better ruffle my head though.
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