This will be a quick entry as this week is Mardi Gras, Oscars, the Olympics and Christmas all rolled up in one whirling vortex of chaos.
Thursday is Connor's Birthday, Friday is our schools's Mother's Day Stall and Saturday Connor is having a sleepover birthday party with 5 of her besties and allowing Tessi to bring a friend. 8 girls under 9. Teddy is furiously trying to make plans to move out. Ted is trying to go with him but unfortunately for him he married very poorly. I've told him that I really do feel bad for him and that I have great hopes that his second wife will be a much better person.
I have to finish making the cat pinata (which Connor generously noted that it looks like a pig) I have to finish printing and making the items I'm donating to the stall, try and find ANY cat-themed party decorations, bake a cat cake, cupcakes, get birthday snacks for school and wrap birthday presents.
Oh and then of course the weekly normal 2 AFL training session, 2 basketball sessions, flute lessons, 426 loads of laundry, cook dinners, make lunches and wade through the filth of the house because I no longer care. More than 60% of the human population lives in abject squalor, we can too.
I say that I no longer care but Saturday morning I'm going to bolt awake at 6am screaming, "Moms are bringing their daughters to our home to spend the night. They can't see that we live like this! EVERYONE GET UP!" Then I'll be hysterical for a few hours until I drop over from exhaustion...just in time for the girls to arrive.
Yes, my eye is twitching right now.
This morning Tessi started to ask about her birthday which is not for another monh. My God, that's a life time away! I can't worry about that!
Again, not the best parenting moment in my life but I may have snapped a wee bit. I did a rather impressive impersonation of Tom Hans in A League of Their Own when he was hemmoraging while not trying to kill Betty when she repeated her throwing mistake.
Hmmmm, maybe that wasn't the impressive part. Possibly what was impressive was that I didn't actually have a brain bleed as I was explaining the realities of this week to them.
I warned the girls that I am absolutely crazed this week. I am totally out of control and they haven't even done anything yet. Tessi gently suggested that I drink more tea. I told her that there wasn't enough tea in the world to reign me in and she visibly blanched. Yes truly, I am scary right now.
I went on to explain that until Sunday morning, when the last little girl who doesn't live here leaves, their manta is Don't.
Don't ask about any birthday other than Connor's.
Don't ask questions you already know the answer to.
Don't pick a fight with your brother or sister.
Don't pick a fight with Mommy.
Don't miss your bus because you're panicking that you are wearing the wrong uniform when you were right the first time.
Don't ask me for difficult hairstyles, pony tails are your friend.
Don't complain about not having a canteen order when I've just written $100 worth of checks to your school.
Don't sit and list everything you ate at band camp when I've told you 3 times eat your toast.
And for God's sake, if you can't handle any of that...
Don't try and help me at all!
That should cover it. Wish me luck this week. I really need it. If I end up on the news please try not to judge me too harshly. There is really is only so much a rational person can handle. Since I've been a mother for almost 13 years my sense of rational has long gone by the way side.
