I like routines. I find comfort in knowing what's coming and what I'm supposed to do. My kids set-in-stone bed time is 50% for their benefit and 50% for mine. I have always been like that. It helps me be happy and therefore helps those around me be happy.
Today is Monday and a few weeks ago we added early morning Training Band to the calendar. We have to be at school an hour earlier than normal. It isn't fun getting up earlier but we've been managing.
By managing I mean that people related to me have been left at the correct school somewhat close to the correct time. Uniforms have been clean and some substance that carbon-based creatures can survive on has been packed as a lunch. I have lowered my standards enough to call that a win.
This morning though, we had the routine mixed up a bit and the delicate balance I hold our lives in was thrown around a bit.
First change: Going Off Daylight Savings Time.
Saturday had us return to the normal time by setting the clocks back. Getting that extra hour is great unless of course you spent 37 years knowing that when the clock changes in April you GAIN an hour. Since the seasons are switched here in Australia and we are going into Fall right now we go backwards. It takes me a couple days to change my internal clock so I can figure out what time it is. I know this sounds silly, but right now I don't know if its 11:30, 12:30, or 1:30pm. I have to keep checking a clock. This coupled with the normal confusion that normal people feel, none of us know what time it is.
This morning, both Ted and I woke up at 4 am after a night of little sleep as the possums were conducting their version of the Highland Games on our roof. Thinking about chucking Sasha up there tonight. If she's willing to murder a Guiana pig surely a couple possums aren't out her reach. Will research that....
After Ted left for the day I passed back out, only to have my bedroom door kicked in at 6 am by Teddy. I wasn't really listening but he was yammering about some note he needed and that he had to have it as its 7am and his bus was coming. It took me a minute to care enough to wake up to tell him not to panic. It's was 5 am for God's sake, relax and to go back to bed. I point to the clock to reaffirm this....and that's when I learn that its 6am, not 5am.
Drat. That was annoying because while Teddy could relax that meant I had to get moving because I had to have everyone wheels up in an hour.
Trudging downstairs I start brewing my tea and getting things going. Tessi bumbles downstairs and then I finally have to wake Connor. Even though she is always up early, of course this morning she sleeps in.
Of course she does.
With the clock ticking down I start using all my super powers to move everyone along. My powers include, but are not limited to:
1. Magic Screaming
2. Unlimited Threatening
3. (My personal favorite) Ability to herd squirming cats in a single bound.
We head out the door with just enough time to drop Teddy at train and get to band.
That's when I remember change #2. I am the volunteer parent at band this morning. I have to be there early to help set up the chairs and stands. I have to STAY there the whole time and be supportive, nurturing damnably thrilled to be there.
Holy Hell.
As I get stopped at my fourth light in a row it dawns on me that we are going to be late. Not terribly late, just a few minutes. but enough that my time-fixated daughter is going to have an ever-loving cow over being late. There stabbing pain starts up in the back of my head.
Not only is traffic thwarting me, but now I know I can't park in my usual close, but illegal spot. Since I will be there the whole stinkin time if I leave my car there it will block the buses and they will call the rangers on me.
Crud, so now...while driving, fighting with Teddy over the coolness of him quoting, "Pimp My Ride" and listening to Connor rattle off about another Warrior Cat that just died and Tessi listing all the people she DOESN'T want to come to her birthday party....now I have to figure out where I can park.
Yes, my head was spinning. I'm a little ashamed of myself, but I did start swearing pretty badly and loudly. In my defense, I put my hands over my mouth and nose and screamed the obscenities so that none of my kids could be sure what exactly I was saying.
Oh sure, they had a pretty good idea but nothing that could be testified to in a court of law. I make sure that while they have plenty of fodder for therapy sessions some day, their court room musings should be fairly mild and incomplete.
We arrive at school my head is pounding and Connor is in a tizzy. Some idiot (Teddy) has commented that we are late.
Mental note to change ringtone on Teddy's phone to "Dream Weaver" and call him 10 times while he is on school bus.
Connor is almost in tears as she calculates how many minutes and seconds late we are arriving. As we are walking towards the school she is wringing her hands and asking me if I am aware that we are late.
Oh no, Connor, I had no idea that we are late. You've only reminded me 14 times in the last five minutes. Gee, why didn't you say something?!?!
Not being one of those kind, caring and well put together mommies, I'm afraid I snapped a bit and told her to tell everyone she has a bad mother. The gets me an amused chortle from one of the high school girls walking past me.
Oh, keep laughing Miss Thang. You may still have a cute face and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of, but I don't have to wear a lame uniform and I can get get into any bar I want. Not that I do, I'm too tired anymore, but I could if I wanted to!
I try to coerce Teddy into coming into to set up band stuff as he has 15 minutes until his train and I still have to sign Tessi into NOOSH (out of school care) before I can even get to the hall.
I do applaud Teddy for not snorting out loud at me as he flung himself down the hill to get away from us. I did hear a lilting, "Yea, whatever" floating in the air as he almost pulled off a cartwheel.
Can't blame him. I wanted to run too.
Band is all set up and has started by the time we get in. Fortunately There were plenty of good parents around to pick up the slack until I decided to arrive. I hang my head in shame and turn to take Tessi to Care, which is at the top of the hill. She's running ahead of me and stopping to call behind her, "Come on Mummy! You can do it!!" I start to yell at her for making fun of me but I have to stop and catch my breath.
Rotten brat...
Once I get Tessi settled I trudge back down the hill and into the hall. I make my sincere apologies to the teacher and band director for our lateness, which both graciously accepted. It's all a lie I'm sure. I imagine they hear this same sob story twice a month. I look over and Connor is glaring at me over her flute.
Mother of the Year, here I am.
I offer my penance in the only way I knew now. I spent the hour listening cheerfully, helped handing out music, applauded every bar played and didn't check my phone once.
For me that was akin to prostrating myself and shouting Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa,Mea Maxima Culpa!!
When I pick up Connor today I'll find out if she has forgiven me. I plan on being very mature and honing up to my mistakes.
Sure that's what I'm planning to say, but most likely when I see her and she's still mad, I'll blame it on Daylight Savings Time.
I find that it's rarely a good idea to admit weakness to kids. They can smell it like blood and it causes them to swarm.
Daylight Savings Time bags another victim.
That's my story and you can't make me change it.
