My Dog Forces Me to Drink

Bear with me a bit.  This may seem like a bit of a stretch but you'll see the causality in a minute.

When I walk into the laundry room and I see this:

I know there that my future is already written and the words involve champers.  No, not for the obvious reasons.  I know that I will need specifically champagne.  The reason is as follows.  This bit of white fluff was once a roll of toilet paper.  A 2-ply, double length roll.  When I find it lying in shreds on the floor I know that if I walk into the downstairs bathroom there is no toilet paper and that is because somehow the cork stopper I put on the end of the roll is gone.  I know this because every time the cork stopper is gone Sashsa nicks the toilet paper off of the holder, carries it back to the laundry room and eats as much as she can.  So the above picture leads me to this:

  Now....if I see the above picture every day then I don't have to deal with the first picture.  My friend AJ of http://redomyspace.com.au/ would be absolutely horrified to see that a friend of hers would allow such an interior design gaffe to exist but then again, she has a good dog.  Lenny, a chocolate lab.  A breed FAMOUS for it's psychotic behavior and it's the good dog next to mine...but I digress.
Yes, this fix it will not win me any design awards however it works and if I may be blunt...there is no shortage of champers corks in my house.  There were a couple dead soldiers from last night so there was a selection to choose from this morning.  No, I'm not proud I'm just stating a hard truth.  I have to drink to keep my dog from eating toilet paper.  So in a way I'm protecting the environment.  Cool, I can use that.

However my soon to be labeled alcoholism does not help me deal with this site, also found this morning:

Sashsa dragged Connor's lunch bag out of her backpack, pulled the eco-friendly sandwich box, tore through the BPA free hard plastic and ate her sandwich...which Connor obviously did not eat herself yesterday during lunch.  Look a bit closer at the box, the sticker is torn because the plastic underneath of it is ripped away. 

So now I'm back to buggering the environment buy using Ziploc sandwich bags.  Should also mention that the box in question was on it's maiden run....just purchased to replace the OTHER FREAKIN BOX the damn dog ate.

I'm going back to bed now.