Learning Moments

Life lessons, learning moments, opportunities for change are all cute buzz words.  I use them with my kids when I'm trying to explain why Life is vile sometimes or even why things happen.  It's very easy to come up with these pithy phrases and try to use them to explain away the icky bits of day to day living.  So as a grown up I should already know these pearls of wisdom and should be able to wield them like a broadsword and defend myself from my own icky things that pop up.

Sadly, I don't think I remember that I'm a grown up sometimes and when a few or a dozen nasty things happen at once I can't quite seem to make myself trudge right along.  I've never been one of those, "Oh, it's ok, it doesn't matter.  My aren't the flowers pretty" type of person.  If I'm sad I'm sad.  If I'm pissed, I'm pissed.  If I'm both, well, look out.

The last few weeks have not been the poster child for good parenting, good wife, friend, American, Temporary Resident, human being...whatever the Hell I am.  So I haven't written about anything because I knew I couldn't be funny.  That's what most people see as my purpose in their lives I think.  When I'm not funny, well, what's really the point.  For a few people, my humor has lost it's appeal and I've found out that a few friends I thought I had didn't really like me at all.  Judging from their reactions of late, it would seem they never did.  I had a purpose and then I didn't.

In a normal frame of mind I could brush that off.  After all I can think of a few people that I've encountered that I honestly have zero use for.  Some family members and some people I deal with at school.  That really is a part of Life.  Survive those you have too. 

But lately while I've been assuming my evil troll mom title with Teddy and seeing myself through his eyes it's easier to feel like I am less than what I am.  Nasty words have a bit more meaning and more bite to them.  It doesn't help matter that my self-esteem level has never been the highest. 

So during the last few weeks I've been battling fair-weather friends, children who think Satan is taking notes from me and myself feeling pitted against them.  I'm trying now to look forward a bit.  Today I booked a cabin in Melbourne.  A city I've never seen and have been waiting to invesitgate.  Over the school holidays I'm going to drive 10 hours with my 3 kids and 1 friend of my son and hope we all end up there alive and with me not arrested for child abuse.  I don't care.  It's out of here.  Sydney is a great city but I need something different.  Just to see another part of Australia.  Don't know if it will look different but at least I'll know it's different.  That will help.

I'll try to write a bit more soon.  I just need to figure out what to say that isn't whining.  Many thanks to those who have asked for more blogging.  I will hope to be back soon.  AFL season is starting and there's always hope of one of the kids doing something that will drive me up my tree.  Take care all!