First Hand Knowledge of Australian Health Care

I had a little accident a few days ago. We had a home inspection coming up on top of everything else going on right now. So Ted and I have been running around to clean and straighten things up. It's like cleaning for company; company that has the power to evict you.  I decided that the shelf/stand unit I built would look better on the other side of the kitchen so I rolled it over. It's on wheels you see, aren't I clever? Yes, I'm so bloody clever that the damn thing fell apart and all the kitchen appliances on it fell over; one of them on my head.

I never blacked out or fell over, however,  pretty quickly I started feeling "off"  and needed to sit down. Thank God Ted was home so he helped me to the couch, gave me some ice and some nurofen (advil in American speak). That's when I noticed my stomach coming up through my throat and how standing was now an Olympic event. After the vomiting stopped Ted drove me to Hornsby Hospital.

When you are here on a Tempory Resident Visa there is no difference between public and private hospitals.  You pay top dollar for both so you might as well go private. We learned that tidbit when Teddy trashed his arm a few years ago. When you are a Permanent Resident, it matters. Being concernend about spending any extra money right now, public hospital we went.  I have to admit I worried about that choice when we first arrived as there was no extra wheelchair to be found to take me back.  I'm clutching an ice bag to my head, walking like a drunken Quasimodo and Ted had to carry me to the triage room. I didn't have to walk too far but still, it was a little weird not having someone pounce on me as soon as I got there to throw me on a gurney.  Fortunately I was so out of it that wasn't much of a big deal to me. 

 FYI the term Punchdrunk is spot on correct.  I felt like I was drunk out of my mind. I couldn't walk a straight line or even stand up straight. People had to repeat their questions over and over and I felt I was viewing the world through foggy glasses.  Ever been so drunk that you had to sit and concentrate on sounding sober? That was me, trying to over-enunciate every word I said and sounding like Stephen Hawking's voice generator. The only thing that different from a drunken bender was me not calling everyone "Hon" or telling everyone how much I love them. At least as far as I know. I'll let you know if flowers start arriving.

A cat scan, some intravenous panadol (Tylenol for Americans) an uncomfortable neck brace and a few hours later I'm discharged with a diagnosis of a concussion. One of the things I do love about Aussie hospitals is the ease of discharge. The doctor gave me the results, made me promise to go seemy GP and to stay away from falling things, then she showed us the door.  No waiting for 6 hours for Admitting to send back paperwork and to clear things through.  No waiting for the orderly to wheelchair me out to the curb.  "You're fine, don't hit your head again. Come back if you start throwing up again.  See ya."  the doctor pointed the way out and We walked out-which I could do now without tipping over back and forth, and headed home.

For everyone in the US screaming about the horrors of socialized medicine and having yourrights to choose your doctors  let me offer this bit of wisdome.  Of all things going though my head on the way to the hospital, "How will we get the kids? Owe, my bloody head hurts. Crap I forgot my phone! Jesus, there is no damn parking! Damn, I think my brain is oozing out my ear!", know what I didn't worry about? How are we going to pay for this? We decided to go public and that was that. I was seen, got treatment and I don't have to panic about a bill coming. Think about that the next you are heading off to the hospital in the US. How many people do you know who will be panicking about a hospital bill? In Australia, not too many.

Now I'm at home, resting and trying to reconnect the synapses in my brain. Yesterday I spent 7 hours just on the couch watching Netflix on my iPad. Today I got up and planned on getting back into cleaning. Our home inspections was postponed but the realtors will be coming back soon with their checklist of issues. Unfortunately my brain is still in lolly-gagging mode I'm afraid I didn't get a lot done. That's fine. My new, swished-about brain is telling me that it doesn't matter. I think I like this new brain. Now if it could just come up with the winning lottery numbers or reveal super powers to me, now that would be cool. I think I'll play it safe another day and sit more on the couch waiting for these powers to come to me.

David Beats the Hell out of Goliath

My son Teddy plays AFL. This stands for Aussie Rules Football. Don't ask, we've decided to find it amusing. It's an Aussie only game involving throwing, kicking and running. And a ball. Some hitting comes into play as well.  I like that. Of course I think I like it most because I can follow the rules so much easier than Cricket. My needs are simple. Cricket is anything but.

Today Teddy played the Under 12's Grand Final championship against one of the greatest teams in the league. Kellyville is an incredible team that takes winning very seriously. They treat training and games as though their very life's existence depends on them. A team that wears matching rugby scrum caps to intimidate their opponents. Kellyville's coach is famous for his open disdain for minor mistakes made by his team.  This Kellyville team who sent a scout to watch our game last week to learn weeknesses for out team. This awesome AFL team has been undefeated this season and was a shoe in to waffle stomp our lowly Hornsby Bewora  Eagles into the ground.

Only...they didn't. Our guys came out charging and won the day 40-30. We led for the entire game, save about 5 minutes when Kellyville came back up and pulled ahead and then the lead returned to the Eagles. My Teddy scored the last goal. Our guys who spent 1/2 of their last training session eating pizza and the rest running in the rain...playing tag I think, they beat this war machine of rabid Under 12's. Beaten by a team made up of several players who are ambivalent about AFL.  Including my son, who announced this morning that AFL is over, Cricket is starting soon.  When I reminded him that the season was still on until the end of today's game, he responded with the clever, "whatever" 

Our boys have lost several games this year. These losses all left Teddy consumed with burning desire to...well, I can't even finish that, he didn't care one whit. Serioiusly, he'd pop-in with a "we won or we lost", and then charge head first into the xbox. He would go to training on Thursday, play the game on Sunday and not care at all about it the rest of the week.

So for all you parents and coaches that think that military-style training, abusive team pep-talks and stalking your opponents is the sure fire track to success you couldn't be more wrong. Kellyville, keep your undefeated season, your iron-cold rules of perfection and your need to win.  I'll keep my son.  My son and his equally-loved AFL, Cricket, video games and his torturing if his sisters.  I'll keep them and of course his

GRAND FINAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

am.

Reasons to be Happy My In-Laws Left

My in-laws left this morning and here is a list of reasons why I'm happy they are gone.

1.  I get to sleep in my bed again.  I've been sleeping on a couch of sections pushed in to create a bed for a month. I sleep like a Whirling Dervish so the sections move apart during the night with each of my spins. In the morning I usually awake with my body stretched out like the doll-display of the girl sawed-in-half magic trick. This made more difficult by the both the dog and cat fighting over who gets to lay on the sections under my feet. Not good.

2.  I get the tv back.  When you fight for dominance in a house consumed by iCarly, Adventure Time and Total Drama Island it's hard to also compete with Bargain Hunt and Antiques Roadshow. Especially when my selections are True Blood, QI and Falling Skies.  I like swearing in my tv, I'm a bad person, sue me.

3.  Speaking of swearing, I do that, a lot.  Now my in-laws were raised far better than I was so they don't swear. But since I do respect them I try not to use the truly blue language in front of them.  Now I've been covering up my language for years.  Back in the US I would use British curses when I didn't want people to understand me.  Nothing like a good, Bugger, Bloody, Roger or Bollocks to vent some steam. Since most of my friends in Texas didn't grow up watching Monty Python I was usually free to swear quite aggregiously and not get caught.  However, that plan went to Hell when I moved to Australia. Founded by Brits, they not only understand my standby safe-words, I've been taught some rather creative new  ones.   But the Aussies comprehending my go-to words does create a need for new obscenities. So recently I've been using some German ones. Not really in my comfort zone but hey, go with what you got.  But  my in-laws lived in Germany for 9 damn years so they understand every Scheisse that comes of my mouth.  I'd find myself in the middle of child stupid stunt induced rage cursing my head off and then quickly apologizing for my language, thus diminishing the power of my vent over the initial offense.  No shock that I've had to up my blood pressure meds.

4.  That's it.  There is no 4. I have 3 things that bring a small sense of joy when having my in-laws return to the US.

See I like my in-laws.  And when I say like, I mean love.  Never have I encountered such a limitless display of love, affection and tolerance. My two girls sit on either side of my mother-in-law, fighting over the privilege of flanking her and Mom smiles and is genuinely pleased to be the object of the fight. Teddy sits and displays his normal, "I'm cooler than anyone at this table and I've got the sarcastic jabs to prove it" and Dad cracks jokes about how he's just like Ted, giving me time to unclench my fingers around Teddy's throat. I get overwhelmed with 3 different tasks I have to complete in 3 different locations after school and Mom assures me that a store bought cooked chicken is the best dinner possible. 

When learning of my horriffic dealings with powers-that-be in this silly parking sign struggle at school do my in-laws council me to turn the other cheek, think about other's feelings or suggest I back off? No, I heard them both giggling how my opposition didt know what was going to hit them.  If that isn't an ego boost, I don't know what one is. Two weeks ago I begged for help with Connor while I had Tessi in a SLT session.  Mom took her out for the afternoon for special time with Grandma.  Then she decided that wasn't fair and made arrangements to take the other two kids out on two separate days so they could have special time. 

They willingly sat though two hours of the kids' school concert when their grandchildren were on stage less than 15 minutes. That's 105 minutes of kids they don't know and will never see again..singing about lions, secret agents and Grease. Bloody saints, they are. They let themselves be housebound for four days with three kids just so Ted and I could escape to the Hunter Valley for a badly needed break.

 I wouldn't do that for anyone in the world on a bet.

So no, I'm not happy they left.  I'll sleep on the couch, watch tv on my iPad with ear buds and learn to swear in Gaelic, but I'm sad they went home. Ted and Mary Tencza, you are the best. Thank you for your son, your grandchildren and for our presence in our lives. I love you.  

Mother Nature vs. Everyone

Mother Nature may be everywhere in the world but Austalia has a special place in her heart.  At least I hhope iit's her heart; lately I'm starting to wonder if tthere's a different part of her anatomy at work.  

I've had all sorts of unusual creatures in my house.  Mutant size cicadas, Austalia Hopping Mice, SOUS , ie Spiders of Unusual Sizes and of course our friends the slugs and possums.  No birds though, well no live ones.  But a few days ago my mother-in-law came downstairs asking for Teddy and me to go upstairs and get the baby kookaburra out of the closet.  You know, as you do.

Trudging up the stairs I had to mutter to myself,"I bet Dr. Spock and the stupid Supernanny ddidn't have to deal with this crap!" and head into my room to do battle.  Fortunely it was not a baby kookaburra but in fact an adult minor bird.  So iit's small but if I have to kill it II'm not going to get into trouble for killing some sacred native bird that is only found every 1000 years. The Aussie Minor bird is as common as the American Grackle.  Cool.

Only the poor thing is hurt, either Sasha or Monty got him.  Ugh, there are feathers everywhere.  Marvvy. Teddy, who is my Dr. Doolittle in training goes right up and picks the little guy up.  So of course the damn bird decides it can fly and is swooping around the closet and bathroom trying to escape. Being the nature lover I am, I scream and leave. Whatever, let Dr. Doolittle handle it.  I'm not sure why but he does.  Teddy very kindly and patiently herds the poor bird into the bathroom and shepherds the bird out the window to freedom.  It's like he saves up all the empathy, kindness and patience he should use with his sisters and channels it into helping this bird.  While I'm relieved to know the skills and emotions exist in his brain, I'm more  than a little pissed that he refuses rouse them with his sisters. Maybe I can convince him to share the love...but then in all honesty I should convince Connor to stop annoying the crap out of him. Yeah, there's more of a chance of me picking up the bird myself.

The other joyous bit of Aussie nature we've had to endure recently is the ever quirky weather. On Thursday we were hit with sudden massive gusts of winds that blew down trees and branches all over the place.  The poor kids at our school had to leave campus by walking around the perimeter under cover because several large trees feel down and more were hanging dangerously.  Here's a picture of one tree in my driveway after the storm.

You can see one very large branch on thr left that looks like a different tree, but it's. From this tree, only it's been ripped off and is hanging upside down.  The two skinny trees on the ground to the left are actually branches that fell.  I would guess that the trees at my kids school are a good 20 feet higher than this one.  I think you can appreciate why we are all looking skyward this week. 

Of course if you're me, you're looking skyward, downward, over the shoulder, behind your back, under books, behind curtains...pretty much spinning like a top looking for all the crazy stuff Mother Nature dumped into this continent that is actively trying to kill you.  No wonder my neck hurts all the damn time.

Making Enemies

I've apparently still good at making enemies. A marketable skill but in this case so unnecessary. All I'm trying to do is park in front of the school. I guess taking that issue straight through to the government rather than following the p&c channel ( parent committee at school) is insulting. Well that and calling the P&C president a condescending blowhole when he slammed me for pushing my personal agenda is also. The latter I can live with, the former I can't.

Mid-Life Crisis

Since the beginning of July our family has been going through some horrific turmoil.  My husband is enduring one of the most painful moments of his life at work and to say our future is murky is a bit of an understatement. Life is rough everywhere I know but in our little corner of the world it's been very difficult to look on the bright side of life. Included in that is this bloody awful war that's been going on about silly parking signs recently put up at school and between dealing with politicians, rabid hunting parking rangers,  a school committee filled with self-righteous pompous blowhards and trying to sew my 3 kids school concert consumes plus organize all the costumes for Tessi's entire  class, let's just say people are learning to move out of my way when I walk by.  My "happy face" isn't that happy on good days so now I bet I'd scare the Hell out of my mother if she were still alive.

There isn't that much to be happy about right now and I can tell you that is more draining that it looks. So after a lifetime of "Do the RightThing" and "Wait  Until Tomorrow When Things Will be Better" I said to hell with it all and went out and bought an iPad. Sure in 2 months we will have no way to pay our mortgage and it's possible we'll be on a plane back to the US but screw it...I have my cool toy.

Yes, that reads bad, I know that. Hear me out, I think this may be my mid-life crisis. I'm 42 and a majority of my life I've either been broke or just able to pay our bills. After years of raising kids I've found myself out of the job market and while I am clever I can't get a real job without serious retraining. So there is a sense of helplessness that I can't even describe accurately.  I needed to have some control in my life. Hence the iPad. I've saved up over a year for it and it's awesome. I am a selfish prat for wasting the money on it and I don't care. I don't feel guilty and I'm having a blast. 

I'm acting like a selfish teenager buying toys and picking fights with weakminded opponents. What I'm not doing is having an affair, betting the mortgage on the ponies or shaving my head and moving to Tibet. So all on all, I'm going to call that a win for me. 

One could argue that I bought the iPad to help with Tessi's dyslexia or increase the kids learning moments with the educational apps. It's total nonsense, but one could argue it. At least I'm honest and I admit it's all about me, that has to count for something. And if it doesn't, eh, I'll worry about that later. In the mean time I'm watching Netflix a shhhhh, don't ask how, reading books, posting on Facebook and hopefully blogging more; all on my new iPad.

Getting Away Before I'm Taken Away

I'm not exaggerating when I say that the last month has been one of the roughest times I've ever had. In the next few blog entries I'll be going into more detail but right now I want to concentrate on one of the nicest things that's ever happened to me.

The Hunter Valley, Australia.

When Life is at it's worse, this place can save your soul. Austalia's oldest wine region the Hunter is an oasis for me. Wine in abundance. Oddly enough, my favorite Aussie wines aren't found here. I'm a worshipper of the Coonawara region Shiraz and will happy walk on a mile of broken glass or listen to my girls sign "Call Me maybe" for the privilege of a glass.

Sadly, that region is too far for me to get to just yet but the Hunter is a mere 90 drive away so Ted and just trekked here a few days ago for some soul-searching and rejuvenating peace. And while my blessed Barrossa Valley Shiraz isn't here...man what's left isn't exactly sloppy seconds.

Pokolbin Brothers still has the best Chardonnay ever bottled. They still have zero interest in marketing and joining the business of high pressure wine selling so most people don't know about it. Good. Stay away, don't take my wine.

Peterson's has some champers (champagne to non Aussies) around and it doesn't hurt the Hunter Valley Chocolate company is next door with a chili chocolate so fabulous I don't mind the hefty $8 fee.

Don't bother looking up Pokolbin Brothers Winery on the Internet now. You wouldn't like it. Stay away.

And I have to mention our accommodation - the Billabong Moon. The first place that Ted and I agreed that want to come back to. In the Hunter there are 100's of places to stay and dozens of them are fabulous. To stand out in that crowd really means something. If you need to disappear for a few days this is the place to go. Billabongmoon.com.au

Check them out but stay way from my Pokolbin Brothers Wines. Mine!!!!

I'm home now and after 4 days of peace and quiet I can listen listen to my daughter play "Where's My Water?" and not want to gouge my ears out. That's high praise indeed.

Thank you Hunter Valley, you've saved a few lives this weekend.