It's Christmas Time, I Surrender

It's the most wonderful time of year.  I play that song a lot now because otherwise I might forget that.  Of course, I also play "The Chanukkah Song", Bob & Doug's "12 Days of Christmas" and of course, "I Am Santa Clause"   We all have our own ideas of the perfect Christmas music.

In between furiously tyring to buy presents for realities overseas, and darling husband and wonderful children, I'm getting presents for teachers, making a few of them, organizing craft days in 2 different classes - in one class I'm setting up 3-4 crafts, reading up toy area and getting rid of toys so we can make room for MORE toys, ctrying to sucker people into helping with thlass  crafts, setting up parent teacher dinners and organizing class gifts, decorating our house, coercing children to write Christmas cards to friends, ignoring that I should be doing the same.    Wrapping presents while chasing down money from people to pay for class gift, finding costume accessories for Carols Night performance, stopping parents inadvertantly from telling teacher about surprise present and arguing about Year 3's having to make a social statement at a performance instead of just having a laugh.

On top of that are my regular duties - eruptions of the piles a laundry, making of lunches - today finding out there's no ham for sandwiches, grocery shopping, children fighting mediator, dog and kitten mediator, planning of meals while husband is working death hours, trying to keep house clean for weekly house showing, 2 different days of swim lessons, cricket training, homework, dishes, trying not to kill children for screaming at me, chasing down damn dog as she runs for freedom and planning holiday events to plan.

Yep, a Merry Damn Christmas to you too.

Time Really is Man's Invention...

....because women...especially mothers...don't really need anything that measures time. Our days are long and jam packed whether or not we know what time it is.

Friday began in the normal fashion. Woke up a bit before 6am and got up and let Monty out of Teddy's room and locked him in my room so I can let Sasha out of her crate so she doesn't eat him. It's these gestures that make me PETA spokesperson of the year. Anyway, off to read email in peace to find out if the world exploded during the night.

In my email I learned that the Canteen was short a helper so I sent a response offering a hours worth of help with Tessi in tow. Then I have get the kids up and start breakfast. By starting breakfast I mean actually telling them to eat. By telling them to eat I mean, "Go to the table. Eat your breakfast. No eat now. Sit down. Eat" I say this every damn morning. Then around 8am my neighbors kids show up. My neighbor just went back to work so I'm walking her kids to school too. Not a problem but that means I have to make some breakfast for them and yell at them to not mess up the girls room...again. Re-checkemail only to be shocked and learn that my offer of help was accepted. Apparently pesky rules regarding work in the Canteen with preschoolers will be pushed aside on the busy Friday afternoon when short on help.

We get to school. Go off to Canteen. As I am Mother of the Year I gave Tessi a paddle pop (chocolate ice cream popsicle) at 9:30 in the morning so I can help prep the food for cooking. Sigh...it went as well as could be expected but Tessi was never one to sit an color calmly. Tanya, the Canteen Manager, was a good sport but we all spent more time diverting Tessi rather than cooking.

Then off to Penny's as I haven't seen her in a while and let the girls play. She takes her hubby to the train only to return with her oldest son who is sick. So much for either of our afternoons. I run to the shops while she stays with the children and then I stay with her son while she takes the girls to choir and then switches off the different kids to different activities and then back home for me to watch the remaining children while Penny does some quick grocery shopping.

After that Teddy and I head home. He's annoyed because we're leaving his friends house and I'm annoyed because it's hot and I've gotten nothing done for the the house showing I have tomorrow and the Thanksgiving dinner for which we're making the turkey. Then Teddy gets an invite to go swimming and then the girls come home. The first fight comes about 10 seconds after the front door opens; obviously. Then we order pizza, drive to get it and then wait for Ted to come home. Then I spend the evening ignoring the fighting and calling friends and settling potentially hurt feelings and continuing tomorrows plans.

Now I sit here and type this while watching, "Sense and Sensibility", drinking wine and ignoring the cleaning up that needs to be done before 2 different 8 am cricket games, one damn turkey to be cooked and of course, the laundry...the never ending laundry.

The sad part is that while today was busy - it was not insanely busy. This is the life of a mother. See what I mean, time truly has no meaning. I get up - and I spend the day putting out fires and not all of them are metaphoric ones. Sometimes I wonder why I wear a watch. Really, does it matter what time it is?

How were your Holidays?

Any time you go away on a vacation, or holiday as it is in Australia, inveribly when you come home some asks you, "How was it? or Did you get a break" This is always difficult for me to answer because I find if I'm too truthful the person asking gets disappointed or if I lie then I'm sure we both know I'm not being honest. However, let's be realistic. I went almost 3 hours away to a cabin in a caravan park with my husband and 3 children. The kids shared a room with 2 sets of bunk beds so every night, 1 had to sleep on the bottom bunk. Do YOU think I had a restful time?

Not to say there weren't some really great moments. There were. Teddy got surfing lessons and had a blast. All 3 kids loved playing on the beach. Sand castles, shell collections, wave chasing, swimming - yes it was great. Tessi actually swam with her face under water! Phenominal! Connor went into the water and while wearing a swim vest (Thank God for Penny for lending them to us!) she was able to swim by her self...meaning away from me...actually more than 5 feet away from me! Loved that part.

But, a quiet, restful, relaxing vacation? Be serious. We drove for 3 hours with 3 kids sitting right next to each other...TOUCHING EACH OTHER. The first argument came before we had gotten the car turned around in the driveway. The last one was as we were pulling up in front of the cabin. Never underestimate kids abilities to fight. There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that children will not fight over. My kids will fight over trash. I pop Panadol (Tylenol) like M&M's.

I marvel sometimes at how some parents do it. I see lots of parents who are not as frazzled as I am and I wonder how that's possible. I hope against hope that they are just drunk and good at hiding it. I just don't see how rational people can be sober and raise kids. The logic is just astounding sometimes. Connor yells at me that the pool is ugly, that she hates her dress, that I picked out the wrong shoes and that the hot chocolate is too hot. Then she turns to me and asks me to do something for her. Um,

Hel-lo? I'd cut my fingers off with your hair clips before I'd do something else for you! If I tell her this then the sobbing starts about how mean I am to her. This is where my stress blinking really comes in handy. As she's standing in front of me bellowing at me I start blinking really hard and she disappears for a second or two at a time. What I need is some sort of stress deafness. Maybe I'll start practicing walking around with my fingers in my ears. I keep stealing Connor's ear plugs from her but she keeps taking them back.

It was a good break in the routine, I'll say that. The kids really did love the pool and I have learned that the life vest may be my savior for taking the kids to the pool. I've never been brave enough to take all 3 kids to the pool myself but now I think I'll be able to go. That will help a lot as Ted is now working a million hours a week and the heat is climbing. So it was a learning holiday as well. But restful? I think not.

Only My Kids

Tomorrow we're going to 6 days and 5 nights at the beach. We're staying at a caravan park in a cabin that is a 1 minute walk from the beach, it has 2 pools, a game room, jumping pillow, is next to a farm where the kids can feed the chickens, has an on-site surf lessons school and boogie board and boat rentals. We're going on a dolphin watching cruise, may hit the local waterpark and if the worst happens and it rains - up the road is an indoor aquatic center. Sorry, centre.

Are my children happy right now? No. Teddy is annoyed because he's missing a birthday party he was invited to (he doesn't even like the kid) and OzKick. A sporting thing that apparently involves kicking. Connor isn't happy because she wants to have the fruit loops NOW and I said they were for the holidays and Tessi is crying...well, in all fairness, Tessi is always crying.

As I look out the window at them - they are outside fighting with the neigbor kids I am imagining squishing them between my fingers. Just like Dave Foley on "Kids in the Hall" - I wish they had a skit for the sound.

Time for a Vote

Just found Teddy's shoes...the ones he left at Will's house. They were in a bag that he had taken swimming the other day. Which means he not only didn't leave them at Will's house, he took them to Alexander and Oscar's house and took them to the pool. So his whole, "I've been going without shoes for days" mantra is complete and total crap. They were here the entire time.

As soon as I have a regular heartbeat again and the eye twitch goes to a slight throb do I

A) Kill him loudly and publically at school in front of all of his friends
B) Fill his shoes with all his Bakugan and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fling them into the ocean on Thursday
C) Mention to all the girls in his class that he has a picture of them under his pillow
D) Count the remaining 67.50 hours until we leave and tack on another 8 hours until they are in bed and I'm on the porch of the cabin with a glass of wine in my hand and start a bet until he actually needs shoes again?

Really, Who Can Make This Crap Up?

Yesterday began with me noticing that my fan wasn't blowing cold air in my face. This was due to a power outage. I should have walked out of the house then and gone to a hotel. That way there could have been room service and clean sheets for the day.

No instead I got up and began the day. Got Tessi and Connor to school but kept Teddy so he could go to the dr's. He started Singular again 2 weeks ago and the dr wanted to check on him to make sure he wasn't having and side affects. No problem, I was going to race him back to school and dash to ceramics, race back and take Monty to Connor's school for News Day and spend the evening yelling at the kids.

We make plans and God laughs. Or in my case, falls to the floor in uproarious laughter; pointing and getting the angels to stamp on my head.

The dr said that Teddy was doing well with the medicine but his white-coated tongue and englarged glands meant that he had some sort of mild flu and he needed to stay home and rest. Both Teddy and I looked at each other in shock as neither of us knew he was sick. I thought he was a miserable pain in the ass on Sunday because he had slept over at a mate's the night before and had gone swimming before he came home. That and the rest of us were cleaning and he didnt' want to do that. The dr also had a lovely time trying to make me feel bad for not noticing that Teddy's tongue was what. Um Hel-lo? He's 9 - I don't check his tongue. God knows where it's been.

So home we go and there goes my plans for the day.

Pick up the girls in the late afternoon and that's when things really went to Hell. It was supposed to be 40 degrees yesterday. I had several people point out how lucky we were that it wasn't - I think it only it 38. Yes, I'm brimming with gratitude right now. As I'm cooking dinner, the power goes out. Of course. Sadly, I had already started and since it's a gas stove, I was able to finish it. Time rolls on and we go outside to eat as now it's REALLY stinkin' hot. Survive dinner...yes, we survive it here, and then Ted gets home. It turns out that the power is out because a huge tree has fallen over on the power lines up by the school and NO ONE has power. Ted is worried because he knows what an ungodly, miserable, harpie from-Hell monster I become when it's hot and the power's out so he suggests that we find other accomodations for the night.

So we did. Our friend Sally very graciously took us, the dog and the kitten into her home. Her home that has 2 kids, 2 cats and 1 dog and only air-conditioning on the top floor. Her home with one child who has just broken his arm and is still in the, "Mom, can you exhale for me? No! You didn't do it right, get me a pillow" stage. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and fully understand that now she screens her calls from me.

As we're entering the house, Sasha and Squeak (Sal's cat) exchange interspecies pleasantries, scare my kitten who had managed to work out a way to open the carrier bag he was in and the 3 of them when screaming out the front door. Sadly, I followed. Rounded up my animals, got Monty back in the bag, Sasha outside with Solly (Sals' dog) and then, the thunder began. Both Solly and Sasha are scared to death of thunder so Solly had to be brought in which scared the Hell out of Connor who wouldn't go upstairs so she sat on the arm of the couch and kept bumping Will's broken arm. Teddy was walking around to get away from Connor and managed to find the 1 piece of broken glass left from an accident a few days ago and proceeded to bleed everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere. He went between being perfectly fine and ripping and tearing around the house; therefore bleeding everywhere to feeling too injured to move and just bleeding on the floor. At least we managed to keep him out of the bedrooms upstairs as Sally had just gotten new carpet and I think she would have stabbed my eyes out if he bled on it. As it was, she and Ted spent a lot of time following me around while I mopped up the blood, "Here, you need more wine"

Let's see, what was next. Ahhh, the crowning jewel. At Sally's I learned that Teddy's big huge field trip coming up on Wed was actually Tuesday, you know, the next day. So I had brought the wrong uniform - needed the sports one. Sasha is becomming unglued so it was decided that I would take Sasha home and crate her during the storm and get Teddy's uniform. As I drove home I could see the work crews working furiously on the trees and the power lines - man - that is hard work. Thank you by the way. Your efforts are appreciated. Sorry also for having to listen to me scream and swear like that as I turned onto my street and saw that we had power.

Yep, the power was back on. We went through all of that for about 3 hours of the power being off. Dropped dog off, called Sally and said I was turning around. Dead silence greeted me as I walked in as the kids were boiling over with rage because we were now not spending the night. As soon as I spoke Tessi's head swung around like Reagan in The Exorcist and then the real screaming began.

Got everyone home eventually and finally into bed. Had to get Teddy to school by 7:15 this morning after we learned that he left his sneakers at Will's house...3 days ago. He didn't think to mention this fact. Not even when he was at Will's house last night and could have grabbed them. I found an old pair that hadn't survived a washing and told him to wear them until his feet fell off at the ankles.

Is it any wonder that I'm having a hard time finding a tv show to watch? How can I possibly find anything more creative, far-fetched and unique than what is my own life.? I'm leaving for the beach in 2 days. As of right now...I'm not coming back. And I don't like the beach. That should tell you something.