Why, why, WHY

does my twit son not understand that hiding apples he doesn't want to eat in his backpack does not work? Getting ready for school to start tomorrow and I just dug out 4, count 'em, FOUR damn apples in his bag from 3 weeks ago!!!!!!!!!!! One is so rotten my fingers just went through it to the core. Still scrubbing my fingers.

All I need to know I really did learn in Kindergarden. BOYS ARE GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Think We May Have a Winner....

Just dropped Tessi off at preschool and soon will be taking Connor to dance camp and then Teddy to CSI camp. Dare I say it? I will be child-free. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Sorry, was that outloud? I have to go to Connor's camp early to watch their show so in essence, it's just a few hours but I don't care. I can go to any store I want, I can go home, I can stand in the middle of the street and cry if I want! No one shouting, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

And there was much rejoicing.

Rejoicing also because I'm also going to pick the new Wii game Wii Sports Resort today. I wasn't going to buy it because of the obvious Nintendo price gauging...$50 in US but $100-$125 in Australia but good 'ole Toys R Us has come through with $70. That I can live with...sort of. It's still a LOT of money but the entertainment for the masses should balance it. That I and I WANT TO PLAY IT! It has jet ski for God's sake.

I'm off to start the day! Whooo Hooo!!

Technology Is Amazing

Right now, as I type this blog, I am educating myself. I am listening to an audiobook on the computer while I waste time writing my blog. Outstanding. New and inventive ways to waste while enriching my mind. Well, it would be enriched if the book had some sort of academic merit. But the point is that if I CHOOSE to I can become intellectual again.

I have the technology.....

Manic Mondays

Here we are....the second week of school holidays. So far no one has called the cops on me...at least as far as I know, there may be a backlog. So I'm calling it good. Just took Tessi to school and Teddy and Connor are fighting over...as God as my witness, I have no idea. I just here yelling and I'm tuning it out. I'm going to wait until actually bleeding starts before I do anything. I'm not even 1/2 through my 2nd cup of tea for God's sake....no jury would convict.

Today we are meeting with Connor's pediatrician. In OZ you only see the pediatrician for serious things...everything else is done by a gp. Today I want to talk to the dr about Connor and her anxiety issues. I'm trying to get her looked at by Children's Westmeade Development Center, as suggested by her Kindy teacher. I would swear on my limited knowledge of Autism that Connor has Asperger's. This should be impossible since she started with a profound speech delay. But everything about her screams Asperger's. Inappropriate emotions, savant-like memory of the obscure and inane and zero memory of what the rest of us perceive as important.

I'm hoping to find some more insight into this insane affliction. 4 years of living in the Spectrum really hasn't taught me all I need to know. In fact, not even close. One of my favorite pearls of wisdom about all of this, "Something may be a definate sign of Autism; unless it isn't" I love that one. Meaning that lining up toys all in a row can be a massive red flag for Autism; unless of course your child just likes to line things up...then it isn't a sign. No wonder so many of us parents go barking mad.

So we'll see what Dr. Cohen says today. If anything. He may just tell me to unclench and relax. Oh so helpful. Another pearl of wisdom people have for parents of Autistics. Please do me one favor, those of you who do NOT have a loved one on the Spectrum. If only just today, if you meet someone who's child is Autistic, do NOT tell them to relax, that everything will be alright. As helpful as you think you are being; you really are being the opposite. We don't get to relax. We have to on guard all the time, watchful for new signs and symptoms to start therapy for and have to constantly explain our child's odd behavior and try to plan for the future. You see, for your children at ages 5 and 4, they still have boundless options. Mine do not. Mine already have limits and the more I do now...at a young age...the more of a chance they have in the future to exceed those limits.

Well, that turned out to be more of a rant than I was planning. Must be the cold medicine and the fighting over...sigh...still don't know what that was all about. If I'm honest though, I really don't want to know.

Rugger Died Yesterday

Sara sent me a frantic message to contact her this morning. She didn't want to tell me by email. Rugger has been sick for a long time. She and Trip did everything they could. I don't even know what they spent trying to save this poor dog but they tried. Finally the vet said enough. Rugger was put to sleep yesterday to stop her pain. She was 11 years old. I'm grateful to them for having the courage to not allow that beautiful creature to suffer.

Ted and I adopted Rugger when she was 3 months old. She had already lived in the shelter for 1 1/2 months and was so timid. The lady who introduced us said she never saw that dog go up to anyone. We laughed, just assuming that she would say anything to get the dog a home. We sat on the floor and she came right up to me and put her snout on my shoulder. That was it. She was ours. The girl at the counter was writing it all up and said that she was all black. Ted piped up, 'All Black? She's an All Black? She's a rugby player!" And Rugger came home with us.

Turns out the woman was right, Rugger hated everyone, but us. She was afraid of her own shadow. It wasn't until Teddy was born 2 years later that Rugger came around and became a great kids dog. She was the most ball obsessed animal I ever encountered. Chip came over once and threw the ball up the stairs for the entire time of a football game...over 3 hours and Rugger ran for it every time.

Sadly, we lost Rugger when we moved to Australia because of Ted's idiot company and a dishonest vet technician. But our neighbors Sara and Trip stepped up and took her in. I felt so guilty about losing Rugger, I thought I might lose my mind, but it helped knowing that she was with a great family. Sara and Trip made a beautiful life for her and I know she was a happy dog.

Rugger could be the biggest pain in the ass around but she loved us all and was desperate to please. I will miss her.

Rugger came to us because some human was irresponsible with her or her parents. Please, stop the cycle. Spay or neuter your pets. There are too many animals lying alone in shelters right now. Your dog does not NEED to have at least one litter of puppies. There are too many. Grow up, take care of your dog now.

Another Day in the Trenches

I suppose really, this is what motherhood is....a kind of a battlefront. Each day I wake up, survey the damage of the field, prioritize resources, rouse the troops, deploy, battle the day on multiple front lines, in variably retreat and recoup and then rest a bit and plan for another attack. Sounds good but we'll never get anywhere until the government gives me real defense funding.

Anyway, here we are again. Took kids to Darling Harbour yesterday and went to Wild Life World. Not too bad. A couple issues with crying and whining, not all from me. By far the funniest moment was when Tessi asked to go stand by a wall and I THOUGHT look at a empty outback exhibit. Turns out she didn't see the glass wall and BOOM hit it full force with her forehead. She wanted to sit on the pretty red rocks. It took everything I had not to fall apart laughing. She was so mad that she refused to sit on the wombat statue for a picture. I'm sorry, I'm aware this makes me a bad mother, but man was that funny.

We came home exhausted, as you do and now of course, I'm sick. Nothing serious, just a cold with a huge dose of laryngitis. Should make the kids happy as I don't have a sound over a course whisper. Fortunately I have one in preschool and one in a cricket camp. That will help.

Good news, found out that Damn Dog is not now a ferocious killer. Well she is, just not a danger to humans. The vet called last night and talked to Ted. Apparently the unfortunate guinea pig massacre has no bearing on her status as a kids dog. He's known many a dog of Sasha's breed to be perfect for kids and family yet be on wanted posters for rodents and the like. Still thinking of changing her name to Cujo. It just seems to work.

Off to rouse the troops. I wonder if Patton ever had laryngitis?

What is Etiquette Regarding Your Dog Killing Animals?

Just curious. Not like I need to know or anything. Nope, not me. But however, if I did need to know what to do if, oh I don't know, my dog kills a friend's guinea pig. I mean, what does Emily Post say about a friend being willing to watch your dog at her place and within 5 minutes of being there said dog charges out the back yard, rips open the guinea pig hutch, drags a poor rodent out and shakes it to death...all in front of the sobbing little girl who owns the animal? Is there a card for that? Is there anything socially acceptable to do other than drowning myself in a bucket of water on her front porch?

Nahhh, I didn't think so either. Yep, Sasha pulled a good one on Saturday. Killed my friend's daughter's pet. Nice one. Pip doesn't want me replace the guinea pig either. Trying desperately to replace the hutch (there are 2 other guinea pigs left...apparently Sasha is slow) but she's fighting me on that one too. She really doesn't want me to be upset about this. Not sure how not to be. I mean come, what kind of whack job dog does this? Oh yeah, MY dog, that's right. Googled "dog kills guinea pig" and found a LOT of hits so apparently this is not uncommon. Still feel awful though. Reminds me of watching my dog get hit and killed by a car when I was 6...ah yes, good times. Apparently Pip's daughter is alright. Cried for a bit and is beyond it. Much healthier mentally this kid is than I am.

Am trying to decide if we should change Sasha's name to Killer, Bundy or Cujo. Cujo has a nice ring to it.

Oh God, I'm really not good at this macabre humor. Everyone else around me is making jokes and I just feel so damn guilty. Sigh...next pet is going to be an imaginary one. I swear it.

Why Can't Parenting Be Fun?

Or should I say disciplining children? I mean why do I have to sit and listen to shrieks upon shrieks upon shrieks just because Connor has decided that she's going to teach me a lesson? She's been crying since last night; ever since I had she needed to eat her veggies. By veggies I mean two kernals of corn. She went to bed early, she's had no breakfast this morning, she's lost her canteen order, she's sitting in the hall while her siblings play game and she is determined to win.

I offered a compromise, eat one kernal and her response that she think it would be more fair for her to not eat the corn and to get her canteen order today. So by fair I'm guessing she's shooting for a total win. Not exactly the compromise I had in mine. In 30 minutes she will be Mrs. Kayes' problem. Kindergarden teachers deserve combat pay.

To All of Those Who are Sick With Laughter...

...I mean sick with concern over the cake baking incident.

I don't know what the Hell I was thinking when I was pouring the oil. I got done and suddenly thought, man, I don't remember EVER using that much oil in a cake mix before. Then I thought, "Maybe it's an Aussie thing" Then I remembered that it was one of the mixes that Ted brought over so it was a regular cake.

Yes, I did bake it. There was a little batter left over so I also baked a very small cake to taste. Yes it did form a solid-like substance. Definitely solid. Almost a gelatinous form. I gave it to the kids to try. No, I wasn't going to try it myself first. They wolfed it down and asked for more. But to be fair unless I said it was broccoli cake they would do that. Not seeing kids drop over I knew it was safe to try so I did as they say, give it a go. Not bad but a decidedly odd texture.

So I'm going to use to make birthday boy's cake. I took the big cake and froze it so I could get it ready to frost in a few days. He said he didn't want a whole lot of cake this year so as the ever-dutiful wife I am humbly compliant.

Daddy's Girl

If ever there was any doubt whose Connor's father is...this should kill it. Connor had to get new glasses...our last effort at avoiding surgery and what does she pick? The purple ones. Blunt about it too. "I'm picking purple because it's my daddy's favorite color" Yep, Daddy's girl. Always has been too.

Cake Baking Query

So, just because I'm curious, not because I have first hand experience or anything....how bad is it to put 1 1/3 cups of oil into cake batter when it turns out the very, very, very small print actually said 1/3 cup of oil?

One could hope that it means that the cake will be very, very moist. One could also hope that the cake would still become something scientists would agree could be classified as a solid. One could also hope for the Easter Bunny to tag team with Santa and drop off $50 million in non-traceable cash.

Bugger.

I hate cooking, I really do.

When I Hit the Lottery, Send the First Check Here...

http://www.southernoceanlodge.com.au/

Just click on this link and you'll see why. It's 11pm and I've just been woken up to help with Tessi. She's thrown up all over everything and now after the washing machine has been started, I am now awake. Of course. Sasha, who has been doing so well on be house trained, just blew her first evening out of the crate by of course, going potty on the floor. So here I am, in the computer room, surfing for paradise.

Well, I'm not sure if this is it...but it's pretty damn close. The Southern Ocean Lodge is on Kangaroo Island, which is off of the Australian southern coast line, just near Adelaide. For my American friends - on the bottom, right in the middle. This place is just amazing to me. I am not a beach person but this is how I would love to watch the ocean. No sand in my swimsuit, no stepping on jellyfish, no worrying about sharks and no freezing water. Just a comfy couch, next to a roaring fire and the view of a lifetime.

Of course at $3600 a night these pictures are about as close as I'm going to get. They do offer a 4 night package which would only be $5200 and you do get a complimentary bottle of champagne. I know, I can't even justify it to myself in my dreams. But it is certainly pretty to look at...and dream through the computer.

Sigh...do the kids really need to go to college?

Why Does He Force Me to Kill Him?

I just posted on Facebook a long list of the odd looking and smelling things I just removed from Teddy's room. I'm not going to list it again here because I'm so annoyed now I'm afraid that posting it again will force me to go up to school now to kill him rather than wait until after wards.

But for the love of God, why, why, WHY does he does this?! How can he NOT know that I will find rotting apples in his room? Who doesn't know that? Other than my son? I don't even want to give him a chance to explain. I swear if I tell him what I found I'll hear, "Oh, you found that, huh? I wondered what that smell was." Or worse.."Something smells bad in my room? Hm, I didn't know that."

That's it. I quit for the day. I think a foot massage is in order. Got to get primed before I kick his little tush home.