My Dog has a Nose Ring

Yes, she does. Of course to say that Sasha has a nose ring you have to except a few deviations from the standard truth. First you must know that this nose ring started off as Connor's. Second you also know that instead of a nose ring that it was actually an earring. Or course then you must then realize that the earring was actually a puffy sticker from Connor's new My Little Pony sticker book. Finally and lastly you should know that Sasha ate the remaining stickers from Connor's My Little Pony sticker book and what is left is the blue sparkly love heart on her snout. As I was listening to the shrieks of horror from Connor keening for the loss of her earrings, which mercifully were being nicely drowned out by Tessi's mocking of, "Oh Sasha! You can't come to my cooking party" which was harmonized by the sound of of Teddy attempting to blow up the separatists space ships all I could think was, "Wow, a nose ring doesn't look that bad after all" I think I'll get a green one though.

And so endeth the school holidays yesterday. Today Sasha has eaten Tessi's Barbie Vet doll, 2 more of Teddy's rugby balls, a tube of Connor's lip gloss and yet another sock. All of this occurred while I was trying to sew Connor's stinkin' dancing dress for her birthday party for which she announced this morning that she wasn't having a dance party and she wanted a princess party.

I need a nap...far away from here.

Dog Vs. Kids

Growing older I have found that there really are few mysteries of Life. I think that a person is born, lives and then dies. What happens in between is a series of events that occur based upon the individuals personal beliefs, how they were raised, what random events have helped shape their personality, degree of good health, wealth, and general scenarios that shape and mold what we see and how we feel. There's no great mystery to figuring out that a poor person has to work harder at succeeding in the world than say a very wealthy person. Seriously, you don't need to be a sociology genius to figure that sucker out. Occasionally though we stumble across some situations that a bit more puzzling and that's when we all start questioning the meaning of life.

For me right now my question is to whether or not the dog is actually working with the kids to try and drive me insane of it's some sort of unholy race between the two groups. If so, what is the prize for finally driving me off the cliff?

Sasha is doing a lot better in the house and we seem to be getting along better with her. Except the chewing...the other day she ate a box of strepsils (throat lozenges) and left the chewed up remains on my bed. Today she dug out and ate Teddy's rugby league ball, rugby union ball and tried to eat the AFL ball too before I got to her. This was after I gave her hell for taking the end off of a Cinderella headband, Connor's mermaid slipper and several pieces to the kitchen set of the Barbie house. As I was skyping with my dad today he got see me dragging an ink cartridge box out of her mouth and now I have to figure HOW she managed to unlock the crate door and escape while I went to pick up Tessi from school.

Not to be outdone, Connor has picked no less than 6 fights with me today, ranging from tights, appropriate shoes for cold weather, to being willing to pick out a birthday present for her sister, to what to have for morning tea and how many times she can ask for something when I say no. Tessi was home for 2 minutes before she was in a screaming match with Connor leveling the ultimate insult, "I NOT your friend and you CAN'T come to my cooking birthday party!" Connor countered with, "I can EASILY come to your party; I LIVE HERE!" Actually, I give her props for that response. Pretty clever and she's right. Teddy, level-headed Teddy, can be counted on in these situations to help set things right. "Mommy, have you seen the remote, I want to play the Wii?" Of course all this is happening as I'm in the kitchen trying to start dinner and cleaning up the cous cous that Sasha spilled all over the floor in her 15 minute "Born Free" unchecked rampage through the house.

So I know they are deliberately trying to drive me mad, I really just wonder now how organized the plot has become. If it is fairly organized do they have t-shirts and can I get one? I'll have to see if I can sneak into one of the meetings.

Shameless Begging for Votes for Rock Band

If either of my 2 readers wouldn't mind...please consider going to this website and voting for Ted's cousin's band. The name is Suckerpunch and JT is trying really hard to get votes to win this for his band.

Thank you!


http://www.wtks.com/pages/monsterBestBand.html

Wedensday Means Rugby, Gymnastics and Preschool

Or in other words...THEY'RE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just me and the dog BA-BY!

Yesterday was supposed to be the beginning of greatness. Teddy and his friend Will were going to rugby camp and then I'd have the girls and we'd go to the shops and I'd ply them with banana bread and shoes. Unfortunately I am a complete twit and took the boys to camp 1 day early. Yeah, you read that right. Camp didn't start until Wed and here we are 24 hours early sitting in the parking lot with our noses pressed to the car windows wondering where the Hell everyone was. Sigh...and so began another memory making day.

Will's mom works so without rugby camp there was nowhere for him to go so of course he came home with us. Not a problem because I like Will, but it was too wet and soggy for everyone to play outside and we couldn't go anywhere because my car only holds 3 kids. I had actually dragged a friend out of bed to stay with the girls so I could drive the boys to camp - Oh yeah, she LOVES me now. So here we are, 4 kids in the house getting ready to kill each other. I did the only thing I could. I decided that it really wasn't that wet outside and threw them out. This of course drew the neighbor kids out of their house and then I had 6 kids traipsing in and out.

This is the stuff that drinking songs are penned about. Remember the Edmund Fitzgerald? Gordon Lightfoot made millions writing prose about this tragedy. I wonder if I can score a few bucks crooning about angry, wet and bored children?
"There once was an obnoxious child,
who lived to annoy his mother....ooooohhhhaaa
When he ran out of things to wreck and hit, (dum, dum, dummmmm)
his sisters picked up the slack and looked to find others to bother...."

Well, maybe not. Prose never was my specialty. No matter. They are gone to rugby camp (it's actually on today), gymnastics camp and Tessi is back at preschool.

I'm sooooo out of here!!!! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!

Damn Dog is a Chocolate Freak

You know chocolate - the deadly toxin to dogs? Well Sasha loves it. Is willing to risk Life and Limb to get it. Willing to in cur the wrath of children who are defending freshly made and iced cupcakes. Willing to go toe-to-toe with Tessi over Nutella toast and beat her. Willing to incur my wrath as she jumps up on the kitchen counter to drag away cupcakes

Right now she is lying passively at my feet as I type this. Or so I think. I hear rustling and munching and low and behold she's scored some paper to eat. Looks utterly confused as I swear and yank it from her. She is an eating machine. Bought her a rubber boomerang toy to chew; which she did....until she ate it. Bought her a bone to chew; which she does....until she walks around and finds a place to lose the bone and then she whimpers that she can't find it.

Good God...I've found a dog as nuts as I am. God help us all.

Hold on, I've got to rescue her. She's dug the kids vitamin jar out of the trash and has her snout stuck in it.....

For my pet lovers out there...just chill. I know dog's can't have chocolate and I dragged as much away from her as I could. I put the cupcakes out of reach and the vitamin jar was empty.

Must go now before she grows opposable thumb and can open the fridge.

Planning Girls Birthday Parties

Yep, it's that time of year again. May for Connor and June for Tessi. Ok, here we go. Connor likes crafts, music and dance. Tessi likes cooking, dance, princess and ballerinas.
For Connor I may try and hire this dance class thing I saw online that will come to your house and make the kids jump up and down for an hour. I like that. Tessi may have a Princess Chef party. Dress as a princess or prince and then make little pizzzas.

I know it sounds ridiculous but honestly those of you who have met Tessi doesn't this sound right up her alley? Teddy will avoid Connor's party like the plague because he is Ted's son and dancing...hm....well...not so much. He's not interested in the princess bit either but if he can score some pizza I bet he'll be on board.

Of course this may all change when Connor and Tessi get home today and I run these ideas by them. But we are running out of time and I have ZERO gumption towards planning parties this year. I think I may have to bribe them into this one. I may offer to let them have one whack each at Teddy.

Yet More Cuteness

My SIL was kind enough to point out that the video I posted yesterday was NOT the Bangles, but Heart. That also points out to me that I posted the wrong video. Note to Sony...next camera idea push...have camera name videos by content not 23948-193568-1....20391 or whatever it is you people type in. Yes, I know this will involve some mind-reading on the part of the camera but if the technology is as great as all you geeks are claiming this really shouldn't be a problem.

But here is the video of the girls dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian" Or as Tessi says, "Dance Like Gipson" In her world I'm sure this makes sense.

Another day of school holidays and entertaining children. Tessi mercifully is back at preschool as her school goes right through school holidays. Thank God. Tuesday wasn't the kindest one in the world to Casa Tencza. My kids ended up playing with the neighbors kids. Boys here and girls there. Then they would switch. Sounds good but it ended up be fighting screaming matches and more refereeing for me. More so with the girls than the boys. Who knew there could be such fighting and spiting over Hannah Montana and Winx Club? Another day like yesterday and Teddy's friends will be saying, "Dude, why does your mom's head twitch like that?"

Huntsman Spider Picture

Ok, for those of you, I mean the 2 of you in the world that are interested, here is a picture of the Huntsman spider I wrote about in my last post. This guy (alright, it may be a girl but I'm NOT checkin') has been living on my back patio for about 2 months now. He only comes out at night and usually stays right in this corner. I have been told by several Aussies that this is a SMALL one. Yes, ladies and gentleman, a SMALL one. You should know that the board he is resting on is a 2X6.

Now before you start scraping Australia off your globes with your finger nails please keep this in mind...while I am terrified of this sucker...he/she/it is benign. Doesn't bite at all. In fact, I saw this guy eat a cockroach, which as you know, is one of my mortal enemies. So I figure I'll just cry out "Bygones" as I race by and let this guy get to work. If it means that after dark I won't go near the carport or the shed then so be it.

Happy Easter and Passover!

Whatever you may or may not celebrate - I hope you had a pleasent one.

We had a busy weekend as usual. I already posted about the Easter Show but what I didn't mention is that we got back so late that I couldn't get the Easter Baskets out of the shed because I live in terror of seeing huntsman spiders. Huge, Hairy and so I'm told...Harmless. No matter, they come out at night and live in enclosed spaces so the shed is out. The Easter Bunny left a not explaning to the kids that he didn't mind and left the bounty on the table. As there were tons of candy, chocolates and presents, all was forgiven.

Teddy got a wii game and 2 ds games, Tessi got the Barbie Baby Doctor and Connor a CD player. I have some video of the girls dancing to the music and it was BEYOND hilarious. I'm still working out the kinks of the video camera - it's NOT as user friendly as Sony claims...

Just priceless...who knew the Bangles could be so entertaining?

Sydney Royal Easter Show

Well we've gone to another Sydney icon. The Royal Easter Show. Here's the website - http://www.eastershow.com.au/

A very large festival held at the former Sydney Olympics site. It's very similar to state fairs or rodeos or functions like that back in the States. There are the same cheesy and glitzy rides and chance games you find on every beach boardwalk on the eastern coast of the US. Hell, I think I recognize some of the hawkers from back in Seaside Heights in NJ where I used to go. The prizes only a rare few win, the rides guaranteed to make you vomit or your money back and the animal petting section. The works. The only major difference is the price. We were fortunate because my good friend Pip had some extra free passes for us to get in. We only had to pay for Connor. See if we had to pay for all of us it would have $107...just to enter the gate, then each ride cost $5 or $6 - each time. Don't even mention the food. A slice of pizza was $7.50. A bottle of Diet Coke was $4. Then the show bags. That's the real money maker. Vendors fill a hall with bags for every type of child fantasy - Barbie, Dora, The Faeries, Hannah Montana, Star Wars, Ben 10 and candy...oooh the sacred candy. These gems run anywhere from $5 for candy to $25 for the licensed stuff. Now yes, there is some good stuff in it but MAN...that's a lot of money.

We got in free and we STILL spent a fortune. How do people do this? How can you fork over $100 to get just for the privilege of paying $150 more? I'm simply at a loss. My children had fun that's true but $250 worth of fun? I don't see it. Honestly I can't say which Teddy thought was more entertaining, buying the SWAT show bag with genuine plastic shotgun and lollies or watching the dog judging and hearing grown ups use the word "bitch" over a microphone. Seriously, Teddy and his friend Seth had a BLAST giggling and shoving each other every time the announcer called for the "sire" and "bitch" competition. Hell, we could do that at home and save the money.

I hear so much about the economy and how the world is going to hell because of all the selfish excess. Maybe it is...but when you see what options are presented to us is it any wonder?

However I must the Easter Show was nice. I did like the set up and the kids did have fun. If I'm honest I'll admit that I'll probably nag Pip again next year for free tickets because the kids will be clammering. However, I just can't see us paying for the whole dog and pony show ourselves. Just rich for my blood.

Be Afraid...

...be very afraid.

I got a new phone the other day. It's very spiffy. It has a 5 mega pixel camera, mp3 player, calendar, email, messaging, photo storage, and is a touch screen. It also makes calls.

I say beware because Teddy is mastering the camera as we speak. He's taking dozens of pictures of Sasha and a few up close shots of his face. Being that he is an 8 year old boy you can imagine which type of shots amuse him the most. Every time I hear the click of the camera and inane giggling I yell out, "Just delete that one Teddy" It's best if I never know. Really some things should never cross trans-generational lines. I like living in ignorance sometimes. It helps me sleep at night.

I will post the pictures that are safe to show. That's probaby about 2 or 3. I wonder if this is house Annie Leibowitz got started.....

Gotta go, more laughter and this time Connor is laughing too. Time to hide under the house.

A Day Improved but no Less Busy

Today was better than yesterday. Then again, unless my face was caught aflame from the sparks off legos bouncing off of tiaras it was bound to be. Today I found myself waking the girls as late as possible after the late night and scurrying off to school, running up to the office to finally copy the class roster and hand out and of course dashing off to Lifestart. today Tessi had her speech assessment done. She actually took part in a two hour assessment. Wow. I wouldn't have thought that was possible. 2 hours of that plus 2.5 hours of the Lifestart session and then back home to dress for dance and pick up the other kids. Only to have daughters whisked off to dance by wonderful friend who insists it's no bother and son (still breathing after all his nonsense this week) instead of coming home goes off to Kids Club. 3 hours for $2 at a local church and they run the whole time. A thing of beauty and not too "churchy"

An afternoon at a friend's house planning our Easter party and whoosh! back home, send Ted off to take Teddy to cricket award ceremony and drop off at friends for a sleepover while I get girls bathed and off to bed. Somewhere in there we also ate dinner. This is the slower day...the one that was better than yesterday.

Are we kidding or what?!! No wonder so many moms are off their rocker. We LIMIT our kids activities and I'm pulling my hair out trying to figure out how to add more hours into the day. I'm no one to pine for the good old days but this is just not right. I'm not sure what the answer is but really, this ain't it. So many moms I talk to are tired; bone tired. I know I am. It's all moms too. Not simply SAHM's; work outside the home moms too. We are all tired and getting angry. I think there has to be a better way for society to work together and raise these children. Maybe it's my budding socialism creeping in but seriously...a little less competition between moms, more understanding between the different types of moms...Hell, families for that matter and much less judgement passing jerks who think they know more than people who are actually doing things and I bet all of our lives will improve dramatically.

This has been my diatribe for the evening. Now off to shower and have a QUIET glass of wine before the next wave hits.

Mama Told me There'd be Days Like This...

...there'll be days like this, mama said.

Utter crap. My mother NEVER, EVER told me that there'd be days like this one. Nope. Of course if she had I would have had her committed for being nutso.

Woke up early, as usual and was trying to get the 3 monkeys ready for school. I wanted to make sure Ted had his ticket to the movies as he was meeting us just before it started and in case his train was late or he had to work late he'd have. The school was having a fundraiser so we all bought tix to see Monsters V. Aliens. Well, I lost the tix morning. LOST THEM. Finally Ted had to leave or else miss his train so out he went. 10 minutes later I found the tix. Crumpled up and thrown away in the recycle bag....yeah, so good for the environment.

Start hauling kids to the car to get Tessi to preschool. Halfway there remember that I haven't done Tessi's hair. More accurately Tessi notices that she doesn't have a hair pretty. Damnit. Spend rest of car ride soothing angry child. Get home with 2 other children; one of which decides its fun to hit and kick brother. So I tell her I am taking away lolly money for the disco at school that day. Vesuvius erupts. As we walk in door I notice that I had forgotten to put Sasha, now known as Damn Dog, in her crate and yes, she's peed all over the floor. Of course, here in Australia they call it wee so Connor starts screaming that Sasha - Damn Dog - has weed. Which to see in the written form looks a little funny. So as I'm cleaning up after Damn Dog I yell at Connor to stop crying and she can earn her lolly money back. I get her to clean up some toys, sweep the floor and some other damn stuff and she gets her money back. Teddy rolls up his poster on Uluru that he's made for homework and off we go to walk to school.

Only it's POURING down rain....again. So into the car for the 200 yard walk. My neighbors give me the LOOK but I point out the homework and that I have to dash right off...doesn't matter. I get the "Oh look at the American and see her drive such a small distance" Sigh...great day. It continues to pour as I walk to the clothing pool to buy Teddy new pants as the old ones are now high waters. The gal knows me the second I walk in because I walk in so much. Sigh...at least we're out of the rain.

Of course we're out of the rain because as soon as we go inside IT STOPS RAINING. No matter. Drop Connor off at her room, take off and head to the shops. There's some sale items I need to get at Aldi and I want to make sure I get there. Only I didn't bargain for the crowd hovering at Aldi's. Over 70, looking for a bargain, and pissed about the store waiting until opening time to open. Seriously, these people made the Macy's and Filene's crowd look tame. One woman, hunched over and holding onto her cart (called trolley here) actually PLOWED through another equally hunched woman to get up to the front, all the while muttering, "I was here first" The mowed-down woman's husband came racing to her defense...well...racing is bit harsh...let's just say he got there and he started shouting at Speed Racer but apparently she had hearing problems 'cause she just kept pushing on. I kept my distance. I really wasn't interested in getting my ass kicked by the geriatric brigade over a mattress pad and copy paper.

Back home and nice afternoon with my quilting friend and then....2:55.....School is out. Pick up Connor and her friend that is coming home for a play. Grab Teddy and head to talk to his teacher about mix up with his Uluru project. Teddy originally made a diorama only to have Mr. Barling tell him it was supposed to be a poster. Today I found out why Mr. Barling was so brusque about that. Seems the worksheet with the instructions on how to do the project had the word poster written 5 DAMN TIMES. Of course I never SAW this sheet, even though it was glued into his workbook. Offer 2 different moms a free son for their family on the way home but no takers.

But kind neighbor invites Teddy over for a play to spare him from the girl fest Connor has planned. Cool. Her daughter comes over too and it's all good. Then the owner of our house stops by. No problem, everything is ok. Only it's the first time he's seeing Damn Dog - the dog he really didn't want us to have. Girls come out of Connor's room screaming and running all over the house. I let Sasha out of her crate because she's barking at Phil and I wanted her to sniff him and stop. Oh she did...and then peed all over the floor around Phil. Then of course the girls start screaming, "OH NO! SASHA IS WEEING!!!!!!"

Get everything cleaned up, placate owner, send one girl home and then other girls mother comes to collect her. Teddy comes home and then we're off to pick up Tessi and head to the movies. I go WWAAAYYY early to get parking because I've heard out of 350 tix, 296 have been sold. We park near the theater, walk through the train station and head to the shops to get dinner. Ted meets us there and it's all good. We head back to theater. I take the girls to the bathroom and Connor gets stuck in the stall. She's flicked the latch over and can't pull it back. So, not having any other choice I send Tessi underneath to open the door, which she did and back out we go and save seats for our friends and see the movie...which was hilarious by the way. Connor and Tessi did well but they got a little scared at times. Don't know if Teddy was scared because he ditched us after we paid for the ice cream and didn't see him again until after the movie.

Head out and drive home and get the girls to bed and start to put Teddy in bed and I notice that his bed is wet. I stupidly asked him what happened and he said, and I'm not kidding, "Oh, I spilled my water last night" "Last night? Did you say last night? Why didn't you tell me this morning when you got up?" And Tweedle Dum actually said, "I forgot" Now he's sleeping on the couch and I am typing this missive. Mainly because I want someone to read this before it gets hazy in my mind or that I start to think it's not really as bad I thought. I swear, if I had read this passage before I had kids...nah, I'd still have them, but mainly because I wouldn't have believed it was all possible in a single day.