I think fish tanks are gorgeous and have always dreamed about having the big six-foot tank full of exotic colorful fish and plants. They take incredible work to maintain though. I'm treading water most days trying to keep 3 kids, 1 damn dog and a cat alive; I simply don't have the time to put serious effort into fish. That doesn't stop me from dreaming though and for well over a year I've been trying to keep fish as pets.
Initially I started with cold, fresh water ones. Goldfish mainly, a couple of White Widows which I called Left and Right and some tiny midget ones I just called the Zippys. Goldfish, as sturdy as they are, surprisingly die quite often. I began running out of room in the front flower bed to hold burials. Not to mention the Under 9's sobbing keeners (Gaelic professional mourners) brigade was getting old very fast. Only my girls could turn sitting Shivah into an art form.
Finally the last two fish died and I decided to go out on a limb and try a different kind of fish. I got a heater for the tank and began looking online for cooler, more attractive fish to try. After all, I had already invested in the tank. I was committed to feeding them and I learned that I could scrape the sides with an old toothbrush every so often and that was clean enough for me. There was no reason that with a little more time investment that I couldn't keep some of the more pretty fish alive.
I found this awesome little fish called a Tetra. It has an orange stripe on the bottom and and neon blue/green line on it's back. Ohhh, so pretty! Yes, this I would try. I marched into my local fish store and found that I could get them for only $2 each! Yes, cute and cheap. My favorite words combined. So pleased with the frugal fish I ended up buying a Gouramis too. I know that's his name because I just googled it 30 seconds ago. In truth I could never remember what it was called so I stuck to Annoying Orange or just Orangie. In the fish store I simply pointed and said that orange one there. As I was leaving the kid suggested that I get a plant also but I had already blown my budget and promised to come back in a week. Being the very sweet and nice kid he was, he actually believed me. It was darling, really.
10 Tetras and Orangie. A pleasant edition to our family. I actually designed and built my entertainment center to house the aquarium front and center underneath the TV. We could watch iCarly and see prancing fish all at the same time. Magic! Everything seemed to be working for a month or so. Maybe two months. Time kind of gets away from me sometimes.
I didn't see any problems and the Tetras...now renamed Zippys, were happy with my dinky fake plant. Orangie would whip around like a drunken sailor when I would drop in some food. Not too much! Months ago I had learned the hard way with Goldfish #1, that fish are stupid and will eat themselves to death. Actually, I didn't realize that was the problem until about Goldfish #4 and a few Zippy's had karked it but I finally did grasp the notion that overfeeding was bad and got the feeding under control before the new cool fish arrived.
Recently though, I noticed that a few Zippys were missing. That seemed odd as there's a lid on the aquarium so they weren't jumping out and committing suicide. They were simply gone. Yes, I knew that was unusual but no, I didn't care enough to really investigate. Looking back I do admit that this is the point I should have started investigating. At the time I just figured that Orangie was eating the corpses and quite honestly I was happy with that scenario as it meant no funerals and wailing keeners. Win win.
I remembered that the kid at the store said that Tetras like big schools so I thought I should replace the dearly departed. Last week I trekked out to my neighborhood fish store and bought some new Zippys. Then I remembered my solemn oath to return and buy plants. I didn't want to but a promise is a promise. So I bought two little plants and I listened to what I needed to do in order to care for them. Great...now I have to keep plants alive too, anyone else starting to see a problem with this?
I came home, dropped the plants in the tank, plopped the fish in and walked away. As I do. I came back 45 minutes later to release the fish from the bag.
SEE! I knew to do that! I'm not that terrible a fish owner.
I noticed then that the plants didn't stay on the ground but floated up to the top. The needles and leaves were flinging themselves off of the stalk and now the water was this weird murky green color.
You don't have to be a fish god to know that this isn't how it's supposed to work. I turned to the experts of Facebook to beg for help. "Tie the plants down" I got. "Stuff them in a rock," also. OK. Another friend said, "just let them float." I liked that idea the best because it involved significantly less effort. So float away little plants. I put in 6 drops of the fertilizer the kid at the shop recommended, turned on the light 9-11 hours a day like he said and went about my life.
Next day, every bloody fish but one Zippy and Orangie were dead. I found two bodies but the rest were gone! What?!?!?!?!? Nooooooo!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had actually put real effort into these guys. Real effort as defined by me for sure, but it was something extra, something more than the daily routine. To me that was a commitment to my relationship with the fish. I felt real betrayal at their selfish passing away. Again I turned to the Facebook pros and this time my neighbor offered to test the water in my tank with her new spiffy testing kit. I suppose I should have had one of those but they weren't pretty or sparkly so I really couldn't be bothered.
I sent Teddy over with a container of water to be tested. Well....two containers actually. Captain Cool wasn't thrilled at being asking to do menial labor so to entertain himself he flipped the container in the air to catch it while he walked. Would have been a good idea too if the lid had been sealed on the box. He came home a little moist and fairly angry to get a second box. I waited until he left to snort with laughter. I am a nice mother after all.
The water was tested and deemed to be toxic. Not just low or high in some levels but actually toxic. WHOOPS! My bad. Apparently Orangie wasn't eating the Zippys. They must have been decomposing somewhere that I couldn't see them and they've been poisoning the well so to speak. The verdict was that I needed to change out a huge part of the water and and start over.
Changing out the water of a tank is work by the way. More than a little. A HELLUVA lot more than I ever, ever wanted to do when I decided to get fish. I changed out 4 liters of fresh water, being careful of my two remaining fish, trying not to scare them to death. I even heated portions of the water in the microwave so I didn't shock and kill the remaining fish with cold water. This is love and effort, damn it.
I did this after dropping Tessi at a friend's house to make her way to basketball and dash home to a sick Connor and angry Teddy. I suffered through the trial of tank cleaning while blocking said children's view of Adventure Time. It got ugly for a few minutes. A few inappropriate names were flung out in anger. Don't worry, I said I was sorry later.
It was an ordeal and a real pain in the tush. But I was determined to fix it and get my fish back! I sent messages back and forth to Facebook Fish Gods and had a plan of action. Things were looking up. Orangie was happy. Zippy kept hiding in the rock but came out at the end to score some food. I went to bed knowing that it would be better.
This morning after determining that 2 children were now too sick to go to school and taking the third in I came back home to care for the fish. I turned on the light and....Zippy was gone....and there was Orangie...on his back, stuffed under the rock.
OH DEAR GOD NO!
Taking a deep breath I slowed down and remembered that Teddy's psychotic Betta Fish likes to play dead sometimes - no I'm not kidding - so I stuck my hand in to tap him and then screamed in pain. Now the water was not actually boiling but perilously close. It was certainly hot enough for me I to run to the kitchen sink to stick my arm under cold water and look for burns.
Returning to the living room I looked at the heater inside the tank and *WHAM* was hit with a sudden vivid memory of reading somewhere online that you can't let the heater come out of the water at all when it's plugged in. There was some line or two about it possibly breaking and then overheating the water. Yes, I distinctly remember that....NOW. Not yesterday when it could have been useful. Not yesterday when I was removing large portions of the water to replace with clean water.
So that's it. I wanted some more fish and some plants and I ended up boiling the fish alive. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that there is a Wanted Dead or Alive poster of me up in the fish store. I'm not even going to post the name of the store here because I'm confidant they do not want to be associated with me.
I think it's time for me to admit defeat. I can not keep fish alive. I surrender, call me France, I'm waiving the white flag. No more fish. I'm good with things on the internet so I think I'll just download the video of a fish tank and play that on the TV. I can get the colorful tropical fish that way at least.
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