Connor has an incredible memory. I'm not sure if its eidetic but she has the capacity to remember some things with uncanny accuracy. She will stop and out-of-the-blue describe an event, large or small, from 2 or 3 years ago. Its usually something I can barely recall occurring and then describe it down to what everyone was wearing, the temperature of the room, the items left on the table all the way to including the order in which statements were made. It's very impressive to people outside the family who hear her.
What about me? Am I still oh so impressed? Meh, not so much. I have insider knowledge. I know that that is the same girl that can't remember that dirty clothes go in the hamper, the hair brush is kept in a special box in the kitchen and that she has to wear a hat every day for school. Every.bloody.damn.day. And yet she forgets. So no, I hold back my glee for her ability to remember that 4 years ago Teddy wore a red Star Wars LEGO shirt after school on a Tuesday before I yelled at him for not dressing correctly for rugby practice and told him to find his mouth guard. I drastically dislike wondering if Connor is going to remember which parent I called a boorish git and ask them to explain WHY I called them one. It just gets old.
Today I'm actually starting to feel a bit sorry for Connor. No, that's not right. I am feeling sorry for Connor's Autism.
That sounds funny I know. Bear with me, there is a logic to this, I promise.
See everyone spends so much time feeling sorry for my girls because they are Autistic and yes, Christ knows I wish they weren't. Now I have to say that I'm recognizing that Connor is having trouble because she has to live with us...the neuro typical ones. I say her Autism because it seems that its the Autism that allows or brings out her ability to hold onto the inanae details the rest of us forget almost instantly. It has got to be insanely annoying to see and know things that others can't. Think of it as constantly living like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory and be surrounded by the "simple folk" who have to be constantly explained to and try desperately to get them to keep up with you.
Think about yourself when you are forced to interact with stupid people. Not just dense, but the really unintelligent. The type of people that free you to speak slower and louder to. The people who just blink a lot when you and and you find yourself sim plying your sentences to simple nouns and limit the verbs.
"You.....hat....box....put...... "
Don't get defensive, we all have dealt with those kinds of people. Sometimes at work, sometimes at school with other parents, sometimes on the phone with Customer Service. We all do it. We just don't think that someone has to deal with US like that.
Today I realized that Connor is dealing with me like that.
This morning Connor announced that she had finished reading her latest Warrior Cats book. I was in the middle plaiting (braiding for the non-Australian) Tessi's hair, yelling at Teddy to pack his lunch and occasionally taking a swig from my tea. My much determined goal of doing nothing but sit and drink a cup of tea for 10 minutes every morning went to Hell fairly early in Term 1. I think I made it 3 days. But back to Memory Girl. Connor waited patiently for me to tie up Tessi's hair before she jumped with with her plea for more books.
That and in of itself is impressive because with the first 4 of these books she kicked my door in at dawn to announce her finishing them. Maybe she has been reading this blog?
Sorry, I'm getting lured by other thoughts today. Must be my simple, small mind at work.
Connor wanted more books and I told her I would get to the shops when I could. I needed to know what titles to look for. She began rattling off which books she has read. There are about 8 or so that she has and they mostly have odd sounding names. She gets to the second name before I blink hard and say, "No Honey, I need the names of books you don't have. The titles you want me to buy." "Oh, ok," she says and then begins again. This time rattling off another list of equally weird names.
"Connor. Stop! Please. I need you to write down the list of books for me" I beg. "Why?" she honestly responds, "I just told you what I want." Then she gets up and walks out, shaking her head as she goes. I tried to explain that I don't remember what she said and she says, ""Oh fine, just get the first and third one, I don't need the second, fourth or fifth."
Wait...first one? FIFTH one? I though it was just one weird long title name. It was 5 different books? Oh great, now I've forgotten the first part of what she said and now Damn Dog is barking at a vicious attacking air molecule and I have totally forgotten what I'm to get at all. A book. Yes, I'm supposed to pick up a book....but which one?!
I follow her out to the living room and ask her to again write down. "Mummy, I have already said it it twice. Why aren't you listening to me?"
Yes, that cracking, snapping sound is the sound of blood vessels popping in brains. The good news is that both Connor and I are seething. Me because my 8 year old has the GALL to suggest that I'm not listening and my 8 year old for having to deal with the incompetent troglodyte.
At this point I have no choice. I have to find something positive in all of this or else I'm going to jail. Thats when it hits me, like a big book slapping me in the face. It occurs to me then that she is treating me like I treat the terminally stupid. She is really overwhelmed with how to explain herself and trying to communicate her needs with me. Living with this frustration is what all people with Autism and Austitic-like traits do daily, along with trying to figure out life. Once I realized that I really did have a bit of sympathy for her, for her Autistic tendencies.
Of course that sympathy all went flying out the window when we get in the car and started driving to school. "Mummy, I don't think I've ever been on this street before!" Sigh..."No Connor, it's the street leaving our neighborhood. You've been on it at least twice a day for 2 1/2 years".
So much for the genius dealing with the simple folk.
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