I'm Not a People Person.

Not that this is a surprise to anyone.  I mean seriously, when have I ever been sociable Sally?     ...but I'm slowly realizing that I'm becoming more like Ted and truly hating my fellow man.  Nothing and I mean nothing, brings out that feeling like holiday time.  It's not a cliche and I'm not jumping on any bandwagon, I'm seriously noticing what a bunch of twits there are around the world and for some reason, they all shop at Westfield in Hornsby.

From asses who have the split the difference between the lines when entering the parking lot so we all have to wait for them to pick a line to people who live in terror of reaching wind blowing speeds of 5 mph.  Seriously, if the car scares you that much, take the train. 

I think people just take leave of their senses this time of the year.  No, you can't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look for God-knows what.  Especially now because there are more of us trying to past you and get done before we snap and kill someone.   Don't do it.  I don't even care which side of the aisle anymore...just PICK ONE!  And yes, if you don't, I WILL move your cart out the way.  I DON'T NEED your permission.  Wanna start with me?  I argue with a 9, 5 and 4-year old every.stinking.day.  Trust me, you don't have a prayer.

Don't argue with the kid at the checkout that the stores have it cheaper.  He doesn't care.  I don't care.  None of us care.  Take it to customer service.  They dont' care either but at least they'll pretend.  Cashiers, I'm sure you're nice but spare me your life story.  I don't mean the people you see every week and develop a rapor with...I mean the cashier you've never seen before in your life who carries on about how her manager has messed with her schedule and she HAS to be off to go see her boyfriend's show.  I promise you, I don't care.  I'm sure your manager doesn't care either because, honestly, drummer's girlfriends trying to sneak out of work early aren't exactly uncommon.  Hell, MY MOTHER knew people who did that.  Seriously, if you're on par with my mom...sorry...you just ain't counter culture.

All of this is of course going on with loud and fairly lame Christmas music in the background.  So Ho, Ho, Ho and leave me alone.

Unless of course you're Tessi.  Tessi who had to dress like a rainbow fairy and even while she was an obnoxious 4-year old, she was still cute and she stopped total strangers to twirl her rainbow skirt for.  And I have to give the strangers credit.  Not one threw her a look...everyone commented on how well her skirt twirled and how beautiful she looked.  Merry Christmas Tessi.  You make a beautiful fairy.

I Wonder What a Good Mother Would Do?

Teddy and Connor are in the kitchen fighting while they make sandwiches and packing lunches.  This is fine.  At least the lunches are being made.  However, I just overheard Teddy yelling at Connor apparently about some sandwiches that fell and are now on the floor.  No one bothered to pick them up and it seems that Sasha has either eaten them or simply licked the jam off.

Now they are arguing about whether or not new sandwiches even need to be made...let alone who is going to do them.  As my stomach is sitting here churning with nausea at the thought of Connor eating a dog-licked jam sandwich a part of me wonders - well, should I let them settle it or should I step in?

See it's crap like this that gets mothers into trouble.  If I step in too much then I'm the dreaded "helicopter" parent.  If I stand back too much I'm neglecting them.  Also, if I step in too much fighting with Connor my head spins and I trip over myself  getting the pretty yellow pills and a cold compress for the heartbeat over my eye.

Sigh...so either way I'm sunk. 

Wait a minute!  Teddy has come in to ask about what else to put in the lunch and SHOCK he threw out the sandwiches!!!!  He even gave me an odd look when I asked!  As if it was obvious that one throws out sandwiches that the dog has licked!!!  You have no idea how impressive this is.  This comes from a boy that for entertainment follows the dog and cat around in hopes that one of them will sneeze on him.  One of his Christmas presents is a snot making kit.  Seriously...this is big. 

So apparently somewhere, somehow at some point in time I managed to convey to Teddy that there is a level of grossness too high.  Dare I say it...is this my June Cleaver moment??!!  Is this the moment I've been waiting for that allows me to think that perhaps, I'm not the Joan Crawford of mothers?  I think I'm dizzy now.

Ahhh, they're fighting again and I can head the dog sneezing on Teddy.  Life is back to normal.  Whew.  Don't think I could have handled all that positive thought.

The Great Quest

In searching for a toy car that goes with a specific toy car carrier so I can give the damn thing away I have just found the following:
1.The poker table top that Ted and I have been searching months for
2.A box of baby toys that I had saved for reasons that can no longer be remembered
3. A lamp and lampshade with an American plug
4. A Minnesota Vikings bowling ball
5. 435 empty boxes - Saved obviously for when diligently put anything away
6. A box of my brother-in-laws books.  They are going to the trash TODAY

Suspiciously absent...my marbles.  Sadly, I think they are long gone.

It's Christmas Time, I Surrender

It's the most wonderful time of year.  I play that song a lot now because otherwise I might forget that.  Of course, I also play "The Chanukkah Song", Bob & Doug's "12 Days of Christmas" and of course, "I Am Santa Clause"   We all have our own ideas of the perfect Christmas music.

In between furiously tyring to buy presents for realities overseas, and darling husband and wonderful children, I'm getting presents for teachers, making a few of them, organizing craft days in 2 different classes - in one class I'm setting up 3-4 crafts, reading up toy area and getting rid of toys so we can make room for MORE toys, ctrying to sucker people into helping with thlass  crafts, setting up parent teacher dinners and organizing class gifts, decorating our house, coercing children to write Christmas cards to friends, ignoring that I should be doing the same.    Wrapping presents while chasing down money from people to pay for class gift, finding costume accessories for Carols Night performance, stopping parents inadvertantly from telling teacher about surprise present and arguing about Year 3's having to make a social statement at a performance instead of just having a laugh.

On top of that are my regular duties - eruptions of the piles a laundry, making of lunches - today finding out there's no ham for sandwiches, grocery shopping, children fighting mediator, dog and kitten mediator, planning of meals while husband is working death hours, trying to keep house clean for weekly house showing, 2 different days of swim lessons, cricket training, homework, dishes, trying not to kill children for screaming at me, chasing down damn dog as she runs for freedom and planning holiday events to plan.

Yep, a Merry Damn Christmas to you too.