Live by the Calendar, Die by the Calendar

  When you agree to become an incubator for nine months and grow a family in the fine print of the contract is a bit about being the family cruise director.  This the planner of activities for everyone in your life.  What this boils down to is if someone in your family has to do anything at all, it's up to you to remember not only to do it, but when, where and how often.

Let this be a lesson to you all.  ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT!

I have a family of five so I have a calendar on my phone, ipad, fridge, computer room, a small one in my purse and one in my car.  In a pinch any piece of paper can be turned into a calendar, just remember to bring the paper to one of your standard calendars and apply the information.  If you don't you'll end up with an angry friend wanting to know where the hell you are and you can't even pretend you never got an invite because she saw you write it on the back of your child's report card.

Not that I've ever done that.

No, no, of course not.  My house runs with Swiss clock precision.

If Swiss precision now means drunken midgets (stolen from Denis Leary, ie famous person) yodeling Edelweiss (stolen from James "Scooter" Summers, ie infamous person in my friends circle) while shooting random events into the air and seeing what sticks, then yes, that's us!

I get my fridge calendar for Christmas...yes, it's become of one my regular gifts. Keep your jewelry and perfume, I need my Mommy Organizer.  After the holidays I sit and write out all the regular events.  Birthdays, holidays, school calendars and the like.  Then as activities pop up, I add them to all my calendars.

Teddy's sporting schedule is pretty easy.  Cricket and AFL always have training on Thursday nights, with cricket games during the summer on Saturday and AFL during the winter on Sunday.  Both my girls did Little Athletics this year with the events on Saturday.  Ted and I split up the games with him to Little A's and me to cricket.  All worked out fine.  Tessi has basketball on Monday evenings and  so far is either at 5 or 5:45.  Not the best times for me but hey, I can adapt.  I'm flexible.

Connor did have piano but that's off this term and Tessi had her reading help on Wedensdays.  That used to be after school but she was showing up exhausted so we moved to during school, just for a few weeks to see if that helps.  Friday Connor has started Kids Club after school and I've been juggling how to get her home but hey, a little extra effort and we're good.

That had been working fine for a while.  It's hectic, but we're moving along.  Then we found out that Under 13's for AFL practice twice a week.  Tuesday and Thursday from 6:30 - 8.  Ooohhh.  Not great.  This is not good for my evenings at all.  Must be done though, we are team players and that is that.  I work it out with Ted to drive straight to the park after he gets off the train and he takes the girls home and then I stay with Teddy until 8.  Unlike all the other activities in our lives Rofe Park is just 3 minutes from our house.  It's the best compromise I can come up with right now to fit everything into the schedule. 

Now for weeks I've been trying to find a flute tutor for Connor.  Have had a bear of a time but finally I managed to get one.  6:25-6:45 on Wednesday nights. 

Ok-ay....really not good.  Not good at all.

 Again, though, there is no choice.  She has to be in lessons to stay in Training Band and I've already bought the damn flute.  So she's in. Into the calendars the entry goes.

Monday I notice that the girls school pictures are on Wednesday.  Hmmm, if Tessi is late to school for her reading help she will miss the pictures and that is a pain to reschedule.  No good, that entry can't stay.  I call her reading teacher and for one week only, we move her appointment back to Wednesday at 3:30.  Sure I've got Connor's lesson at 6:15 but I will race home to get dinner sorted and Teddy can watch Tessi until Ted gets home.  It's fine. Pencil that in.

Then a few hours later I learn that Teddy has to stay after school on Wed and I have to come get him at 4 pm because there are no buses running then.

Right.

This is bad.  Very, very bad,  I can't get to Turramurra until at least 4:30.  In a panic I ask my friend Judie who lives by the high school if Teddy can walk there after school and stay with her until I can get him.  I explain that we will need to hang out there until at least 6pm so we can go straight to Connor's lesson.  No problem she assures me.  She's a great friend like that.

I calm down, knowing that I have done my job and the week is settled.  It's time to start doing the normal chores I need to.  I go back to work on the miserable stinking bane of my exsistence...the entertainmnet center that I wanted to build.  I put wanted in the past tense because I no longer want to do it.  I want to give up and set it all on fire and just go out and buy the piece of furniture like normal people.  However since normal go running and screaming into the night from my family I'm stuck continuing the build.

Yesterday ends with AFL practice and I have an organized plan for Wednesday. Everything is as it should be. 

What I didn't count on was getting an email during the night saying that the Thursday night AFL training has now been moved to Wednesday night because some Sydney Swans (local pro team) are coming to run practice.  G..r...e..a..t...I'm so damn thrilled.  This morning I was in a panic trying to do the girls hair in cute pretty styles for the stupid school pictures and trying to figure out how to put in yet another damn event for the night.  All before I had my cup of tea.  

Unfair, un-bloody fair.

So I texted a friend and begged her watch Tessi at the AFL training while I dash to the stupid flute lesson.  Being awesome, she agrees.

There..I did it.  Every minute from 2:55 until 6:45 is perfectly planned and organized.  Dinner is chicken in a crock pot...not the KFC special (which under the circumstances would have been perfectly acceptable, by the way!) 

I am Mother, hear me roar.

Yeah, Fate heard me roar alright.  And then fell over laughing hysterically and pointing at me with the fickle finger of fate.

Rotten Cow.

Driving back from taking the girls to school I get the dreaded phone call from the high school.  Teddy is sick and wants to come home.

All my appointment swapping, friend coercing for help, map-juggling and calendar bending has all been for naught.  I have driven myself nuts for days and it all switches again.  And do you know what the best part out of all of this?

This isn't even a bad week.  That's right people.  I and every other stay at home parent in the world, go through this just about every week.  I can't speak for working parents because I don't know their routines.  I'm sure it's just as hellish....but a different kind of hellish.

So for all the pompous arrogant people out there who wonder just what we parents do all day, never mind.... you couldn't possibly understand.

Until you get excited about getting new calendars and calendars that organize calendars it just won't make any sense to you.  For those who do understand, I have extra Panadol and Tylenol this week, but I'm not sharing.  I need for when things get really bad.