Time for Another Parenting Award

Connor is still breathing. Yep, that's it. I get an award for allowing her to continue to breathe. Not that imppressive you mutter? Well, obviously you either have no children or you simply have not met Connor. Regardless, the fact that this child breathes is a true marvel and when other parents find out I will be lauded as the Second Coming of Greatness...or something like that.

I went to bed early (shock, I know) but this time I went because I'm sick. Ted had an important corporate basketball game so I put the kids to bed and while under the influence of cold medicine that was enough of a feat that I simply went to bed. At some point in the middle of the night Connor barged in my room and wanted to know if it was time to get up. I couldn't even turn over to check the time, I just croaked, "No! Go back to bed!" I think I threw in a "damnit" but I'm not sure. It was really good cold medicine. She stormed back out, muttering how much she loved me...or hate me, I'm not sure. Anyway, about 5:30 - I know this because this time when I opened my eyes, I was facing the clock, it began. "I WANT MY BREAKFAST! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY" Lather, rinse, repeat.

I dragged myself out of bed and out my room and kicked in her door. "WHAT are you DOING?" I shouted in a hoarse whisper, didn't want to wake Tessi. Connor starts crying and telling me her tummy is rumbling and wants her breakfast. Of course Tessi bolts up. I suggested that she lay back down and I will get her breakfast at a more civilized hour. Of course I phrased this in a most unpleasant, very non-June Cleaver-like manner. I'm sure there were some threats of bodily harm and permanent removal of Barbie dolls and burning of dress-ups. Again, I'm not really sure as the cold medicine was helping me to see the Grateful Dead dancing bears floating on the ceiling. No matter, when I left, Connor was still sobbing and I was passed out again in a few minutes.

At 6:15 I dragged myself out of bed, opened the girls room and said, "Alright you can get up now" Then I went and released the hound and let her outside. Hmmm, no girls. Odd. Got Sasha back inside and now Tessi was crawling out, literally. She likes to pretend to be a baby pussy cat first in the morning. Don't ask. We've decided to think it's cute. Still no Connor. I went into the kitchen to brew my first cup of courage and then Madame pops out. She had fallen asleep. Grrr. What does she want for breakfast? "I want nothing. I'm not hungry," she cries at me. Offended that I was annoyed at her.

She's breathing Ladies and Gentlemen. Still alive. I'm still waiting another 15 minutes before I do her hair because I'm still concerned that I might strangle her with the hair bow.

The other day a friend asked how I was doing and I responded, "I'm a SAHM with 3 kids and a dog" Her response? A very sad, "Ohhhh" Yeah. That's how I am. Just mail my award to me, I'm too tired to make it to the ceremony.