Really, Who Can Make This Crap Up?

Yesterday began with me noticing that my fan wasn't blowing cold air in my face. This was due to a power outage. I should have walked out of the house then and gone to a hotel. That way there could have been room service and clean sheets for the day.

No instead I got up and began the day. Got Tessi and Connor to school but kept Teddy so he could go to the dr's. He started Singular again 2 weeks ago and the dr wanted to check on him to make sure he wasn't having and side affects. No problem, I was going to race him back to school and dash to ceramics, race back and take Monty to Connor's school for News Day and spend the evening yelling at the kids.

We make plans and God laughs. Or in my case, falls to the floor in uproarious laughter; pointing and getting the angels to stamp on my head.

The dr said that Teddy was doing well with the medicine but his white-coated tongue and englarged glands meant that he had some sort of mild flu and he needed to stay home and rest. Both Teddy and I looked at each other in shock as neither of us knew he was sick. I thought he was a miserable pain in the ass on Sunday because he had slept over at a mate's the night before and had gone swimming before he came home. That and the rest of us were cleaning and he didnt' want to do that. The dr also had a lovely time trying to make me feel bad for not noticing that Teddy's tongue was what. Um Hel-lo? He's 9 - I don't check his tongue. God knows where it's been.

So home we go and there goes my plans for the day.

Pick up the girls in the late afternoon and that's when things really went to Hell. It was supposed to be 40 degrees yesterday. I had several people point out how lucky we were that it wasn't - I think it only it 38. Yes, I'm brimming with gratitude right now. As I'm cooking dinner, the power goes out. Of course. Sadly, I had already started and since it's a gas stove, I was able to finish it. Time rolls on and we go outside to eat as now it's REALLY stinkin' hot. Survive dinner...yes, we survive it here, and then Ted gets home. It turns out that the power is out because a huge tree has fallen over on the power lines up by the school and NO ONE has power. Ted is worried because he knows what an ungodly, miserable, harpie from-Hell monster I become when it's hot and the power's out so he suggests that we find other accomodations for the night.

So we did. Our friend Sally very graciously took us, the dog and the kitten into her home. Her home that has 2 kids, 2 cats and 1 dog and only air-conditioning on the top floor. Her home with one child who has just broken his arm and is still in the, "Mom, can you exhale for me? No! You didn't do it right, get me a pillow" stage. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and fully understand that now she screens her calls from me.

As we're entering the house, Sasha and Squeak (Sal's cat) exchange interspecies pleasantries, scare my kitten who had managed to work out a way to open the carrier bag he was in and the 3 of them when screaming out the front door. Sadly, I followed. Rounded up my animals, got Monty back in the bag, Sasha outside with Solly (Sals' dog) and then, the thunder began. Both Solly and Sasha are scared to death of thunder so Solly had to be brought in which scared the Hell out of Connor who wouldn't go upstairs so she sat on the arm of the couch and kept bumping Will's broken arm. Teddy was walking around to get away from Connor and managed to find the 1 piece of broken glass left from an accident a few days ago and proceeded to bleed everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere. He went between being perfectly fine and ripping and tearing around the house; therefore bleeding everywhere to feeling too injured to move and just bleeding on the floor. At least we managed to keep him out of the bedrooms upstairs as Sally had just gotten new carpet and I think she would have stabbed my eyes out if he bled on it. As it was, she and Ted spent a lot of time following me around while I mopped up the blood, "Here, you need more wine"

Let's see, what was next. Ahhh, the crowning jewel. At Sally's I learned that Teddy's big huge field trip coming up on Wed was actually Tuesday, you know, the next day. So I had brought the wrong uniform - needed the sports one. Sasha is becomming unglued so it was decided that I would take Sasha home and crate her during the storm and get Teddy's uniform. As I drove home I could see the work crews working furiously on the trees and the power lines - man - that is hard work. Thank you by the way. Your efforts are appreciated. Sorry also for having to listen to me scream and swear like that as I turned onto my street and saw that we had power.

Yep, the power was back on. We went through all of that for about 3 hours of the power being off. Dropped dog off, called Sally and said I was turning around. Dead silence greeted me as I walked in as the kids were boiling over with rage because we were now not spending the night. As soon as I spoke Tessi's head swung around like Reagan in The Exorcist and then the real screaming began.

Got everyone home eventually and finally into bed. Had to get Teddy to school by 7:15 this morning after we learned that he left his sneakers at Will's house...3 days ago. He didn't think to mention this fact. Not even when he was at Will's house last night and could have grabbed them. I found an old pair that hadn't survived a washing and told him to wear them until his feet fell off at the ankles.

Is it any wonder that I'm having a hard time finding a tv show to watch? How can I possibly find anything more creative, far-fetched and unique than what is my own life.? I'm leaving for the beach in 2 days. As of right now...I'm not coming back. And I don't like the beach. That should tell you something.

Whiney Children Plus Tired Mother =

Chaos and Carnage.


Come on, did you expect anything else? At cricket training tonight Connor lost her thongs. In America they are known as flip flops but here, much to my chagrin, thongs. Anyway, she lost them because she took them off and didn't look for them. I have to state that because to mere mortals it would seem obvious that was how they were lost. I mean aliens didn't come take them off her feet - yes, I asked.

Anyway, the point of this story comes when I cracked and I looked for them. Yes I did because Connor couldn't find them. In all fairness how could she? They were not hanging around Caitlyn's neck or on top of the playscape or even hidden around Tom's shoulders. See, those were all the places Connor was looking, anywhere BUT on the ground where they were.

Here's the kicker. As I was yelling at her for not looking, she LAUGHED....she actually LAUGHED at me. A rational person would have known that with Connor and her inability to read social cues that she had no idea that laughing at that time was the incorrect thing to do. A rational person would know that. Since I however am anything but rational I sent her to sit in the car before I snapped and killed her in front of everyone.

The kids are playing with Monty now and I am staying far, very far away from them. I think it's better this way. When I can say Connor's name without grinding my teeth to powder I will leave my sanctuary and put them to bed. I figure they'll be down by midnight.

In the End, John Lee Hooker was Right

"I Need Some Money" - truer words were never spoken. To be able to buy a crappy fixerupper house we need at LEAST $50K in the bank, another $40K for a new car that will separate the kids (third row is MANDATORY) I'll be honest, I'm eying that ipod iTouch like no one's business and would a little plastic surgery be so wrong?

Apparently. Alrighty then. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and look for some sort of gainful employment. My skill set is useless here. For some reason Australia is INSISTING on not basing there legal system on the one used in America so my paralegal skills are worth bubkis. Plus I have to be home to take the kids to and from school every work day. Plus I need to be available for swim lessons, cricket training, after school events and of course, stay home with 10 minutes warning in case any one of 3 children are sick.

What do you think? Prime Minister right? CEO of Hasbro? Editor of Cosmopolitan? No problems getting some sort of fun job that pays at least $60K a year. Yep. I'll go start buying my work clothes now.

Nice try anyway. Off to do laundry and medicate angry kitty and keep curious and annoyed dog away from said kitty.

Red Sun at Night; Salior Delight. Red Sun at Dawn; Salior Take Warn.

Ok, what does that mean for red air? In Sydney today we all woke up to a red/orange sky. It was a lot like that cheesy Schwarzenegger movie about living on Mars. The color is surreal. Driving on the street the blue traffic lights look turquoise.

It seems that we had a serious wind storm last night after the rain. Very serious and it has blown dust out from waaaayyyy out yonder into the coastal region. So we wake up with the red dawn. The schools are keeping all the kids inside today. The air smells like the inside of a closet, an OLD closet. I'm taking this a cue that I should not do laundry and hang it outside as I really don't need to wash the red dust off.

Will keep everyone posted if this turns out to be worse than I think it is now.