I don't have the normal pet owner/pet relationship with my dog, Sasha that most of my friends seem to have. I think of normal as enjoying having a dog, liking them and are usually genuinely happy to be around them daily. Most days with her my mantra is "Do not kill dog in front of the kids. They will give you up someday in therapy" Other days I find myself trying to use the Force to crush her larynx. So far all I've managed to do is give myself a bad headache. I think I popped a blood vessel once in my eye once. In my defense though, I was also trying to get Teddy at the same time. It's hard to pace yourself when you are caught up in awe-inspiring rage.
I consider myself animal person. No, really. I love dogs and cats and have always had them in my life. I understand that they are living creatures with distinct personalities and obviously do not act like the well-trained animals we see on TV.
That being said my dog is a raving nut case sometimes. Here is a brief video of me catching her doing something she's not supposed to. 1. She's on the boy's bed and groomed her paws so much she has SOAKED the sheets. Seriously? Who does that? 2. The boy's lunch box is magically on the bed. When I walked in she was curling her paws around the sides and essentially doing a canine belly up to the bar stance.
Note to self...must discuss with boy why the lunch box is not with him at school today.
Did you notice how she looked away when I asked what the lunch box was? She KNEW damn well that she wasn't supposed to be near it. She's like a kid who looks away from the problem. "Lunch box? What lunch box? Oh my, is that the time? Sorry, I have to go herd some cattle somewhere!"
For a few weeks now I've been having Connor and Tessi give Sasha a walk in the morning. Teddy has so much extra walking to do now I feel bad asking him to do it. Unless he's in full Pre-Teen Angst Battle mode. Then I have no problem having him walk her up and down the death hill at the end of the street. Teenagers are very similar to dogs. A good teen is a tired teen.
But Mommy Guilt has been kicking in and I've been giving the girls a turn. Now the first problem with this is that Sasha doesn't share the same view of the family hierarchy that we do. It begins with Ted and me at the top. Thank god we all can still agree on that. Then Teddy, Connor, Tessi and then Sasha.
Sasha disagrees most strenuously about this chain of command. To her it's Me, Ted when he's yelling at her, then sort of Teddy but not really, then her. Then the cat, the trees, birds, air molecules, her food bowl and THEN Connor and Tessi. One of the girls will stand in front of her and command her to sit to put the leash on and Sasha actually snorts and walks off. She will walk up to me with this, "Do you believe this crap? Someone is a bit impressed with themselves.." look on her face. Yeah, not good.
This makes the walking especially difficult as Sasha has a few issues with her fellow animal world. Manly issues with smaller members of the Animal Kingdom. When I say a few issues I mean she utterly loathes and detests all pocket, purse pooches, "rat dog" or even just small dogs. Pretty much anything smaller than her...so a lot of animals. Every other dog in my neighborhood is a Maltese. Those small white curly haired dogs that bark a lot. Sasha loves them....roasted on a spit. Corgi's? Betsy's preferred canine companion? Oh man. There is one who lives around the corner who escapes a lot. Every time Bolt comes by Sasha flings herself at the gate trying to get out at him.
Sasha's hated of the small and fluffy was well documented in the unfortunate guinea pig murder of '08. She stormed into a yard, dug through the hutch of guinea pig, ripped one out by the throat and shook it to death...all in front of the 6 year old girl who owned it. Yes....that tale was well documented in our tiny hamlet of Normanhurst that day.
The upside of that shocking horror was that I have never, ever been asked to watch guinea pigs, rabbits, ferrets or even chickens of vacationing friends. Hell, I've never been asked to watch the class fish during school holidays. So evil dog....good dog...guess it all depends on whether you call heads or tails in the coin flip.
Back to today's point. When she sees a small dog she flips her lid and chases it. She weighs almost 30 kilos and if she doesn't want to stop...she just doesn't have to. I have visions of Tessi being dragged down the street behind the running dog with Connor meandering behind them. Connor really wouldn't have the interst in actually running to save her sister but since our street is a dead end she would follow behind so we could eventually find the bodies. Ever so helpful my girl is.
To help the girls have a wee bit more control with the Beast I have invested in a harness for Sasha. I specifically use the word invested because the stinkin' thing cost enough to count as one. It does seem to help. Sasha feels pressure across her chest and back and I think it fools her into believing the girls have more control than they actually do.
They look like they are in full control right? Please?
FYI, you see Connor running with her sister and the dog here? This after I sent her back to go get them. Why wasn't she with them the entire time? She couldn't find them. Connor actually said that with a straight face. A 100 yard loop with one other girl, dressed EXACTLY like her and a dog and she couldn't find them.
Yes, I did in fact spend the rest of the morning practicing using the Force. No luck, but man did my head hurt.
