Knee Deep in Down Under

A Year Has Passed By

2012-02-16T12:01:00.001+11:00

On Feb 18th last year I found out that an old dear friend committed suicide. I get confused about the exact date because he died in the US and when I got the email I stopped caring about dates. So I'm just going to say he died a year ago today and say to Hell with the International Dateline.

Time does march on and so does life. I don't cry nearly as often as I did. I go about my day whining about my kids and dealing with the woes of cricket, piano and kids who tell lies and of course, that damn Star Wars movie I had to see in 3 damn D.

But I haven't forgotten. I honestly wish I could. I'm still furious with you Rob. I can't believe you left such a mess for your sister to clean up. I still call you a stupid bastard. My new favorite team is whomever is beating Portugal. I know much it pissed you off when Portugal lost so I figure their loss means you're as angry as I am.

However I can talk about some good moments. I remember seeing, "Dances With Wolves" in the theater with you and you commented that my Indian name would be, "She Who Talks a lot During Movies" and I remember all of us going to that bar in New Brunswick for late night beers and I remember you laughing with that insanely huge smile.

I've seen pictures of your daughter Rob. She's beautiful. I wish you knew that.

I wish I had known you feel that she and the rest of your family would have been better off dead than without you. They aren't you know. None of us are.

Be at peace Rob. We all still love you. You stupid bastard.

Parenting Styles Differ

2012-02-14T11:44:00.002+11:00

I'm not sure if it's an Aussie thing or just me. I say that because one of the friends I'm thinking about is English. See! I was nice and didn't call her a Limey or a Pom, progress!! That and she's a Helluva lot taller than me. My point is that there isn't a consistency on parenting philosophies across a single plain. It's all over the plain. So I'm not sure if it's just not the American way of doing things or that everyone here is plotting to make me look like more of a hag than I really am to my kids.

When it comes to movies, tv and video games and what parents let their kids watch or play I'm constantly astounded by the differences. Teddy is 11 and despite my best efforts loves his shoot-em up, kill fuzzy bunny games and obnoxious humor. In fact, when he first saw the cover for Portal 2 he immediately wrote it off because it didn't look like anything died. Of course since one of his cool friends showed it to him it's one of his favorite games - but that's another post in and of itself. Teddy loves his death and mayhem and this is with me nixing all the really cool Call of Duty, Halo, Modern Warfare and Skyrim games. To soothe those needs he does what any decent kid does and goes behind my back to friend's houses with way cooler moms and plays them there. Every couple of months or so I make him stop and say in front of witnesses, "Yes, I understand that killing human beings is wrong. There are better ways of solving problems than blowing people or zombies heads off and the saying is not 'Speak Softly and carry a large AK-47'" That way I can safely testify in court that I had reasonable assurances that he would not go postal and start shooting people from the top of the Sydney Opera House some day.

Don't judge me. You take what you can get.

When it comes to movies there are a whole slew of awesome movies I haven't let him see it.

A Fish Called Wanda
Blazing Saddles
Kevin Smith movies
Animal House
Any of the Jason/Chuckie/Freddy Krueger genre
Any Monty Python movies -tv shows are ok.
Elvis Movies

Sorry about that last one but on the grounds that those movies are complete suckfests I'm not poisoning his mind by showing them.

Music-I let him hear some swearing. Yes, I DID put Monty Python Sings on his iPod. I have since come to regret that as Teddy has accidentally taught Connor the first verse to "Sit on My Face" But there just some very cool music out there that it's just criminal not to listen to. I have drawn the line at the South Park Movie soundtrack. I REALLY don't need him to accidentally teach Tessi the Uncle song. I will have to physically kill him.

But with my friends and their kids, some have no trouble at all with the hard core games but balk at swearing. Some completely cut out everything even slightly violent but then have Mel Brooks and Monty Python movie nights.

Back in Texas I was the shocking one. I said damn a lot and WOW I got some looks from some people. Double entendres are the bread and butter of my humor and 8 outta 10 times the second meaning is going to be obscene or insulting. I live and breathe to annoy and piss people off...I leave that to Ted...but if I'm honest, it does amuse the Hell out me most times.

But here in Australia? I've learned that many times I'm the prude of the room. Which let me tell you, is a wee bit shocking. I know for a fact my name is on at least 3 different prayer lists praying that God doesn't just smite my ass for the things I say. That's for just what I say...I actually do censor myself sometimes. Back home I know people that have their kids only watch Veggie Tales (no, I'm not knocking the show, I just think more than one show is a good thing, Backyardigans rocked!) but here? I'm overprotective because I voiced an objection because Teddy was shown a British tv show called Bottom and yes, it was everything you'd ever think a British tv show called Bottom would be.

Teddy has seen more movies and shows that I never would have even thought to let a kid watch and it's by people who are way more moral than I am. It's odd to see. I remember showing 2 of my girlfriends the movie Dogma. I warned them ahead of time that it was very controversial in the States and some scenes were really shocking. At the end of the movie both turned to me and asked what was shocking? Really? What was controversial about DOGMA? Gee, I don't know. But nope, didn't notice anything. Same friend let her young daughter watch the first season of True Blood, just covering her eyes during the more risque themes. She said no to the second season because that got a little intense. I heavily screen Teddy's viewing of The Big Bang Theory because while it does have the best writing on tv ever, there are still some phrases I don't want him learning while sitting next to me on the couch. He needs to go out and learn it from his buddies like a decent person.

I just typed the sentence Connor and Tessi are easier to manage but then I had to delete it. I banned the Disney Channel for everything except Phineas and Ferb because they were getting interested in all the pre-teen and teen shows. Banned because of constant message of sdults are idiots, best way to get what you want is go around their backs, lie to get your way and yes, you deserve all the latest and greatest. Whatever. They come with those traits built in, I've spent their childhood trying to wring it out of their necks, I sure as hell don't have to let them watch and get instructions on how to keep doing it. Nickelodeon is on my radar too. That damn iCarly....

So is it a cultural thing or am I prudish control freak? I'm really not a prude.....the rest....no comment.

Cricket is No Longer a Bug

2012-02-09T10:13:00.000+11:00

Alright, yes it is bug still but in my mind it's no longer JUST a bug. Teddy has been selected for his school's Rep Cricket team as the wickie. Also known as the wicket keeper. Which is sort of like a catcher. Sort of. Today I drove him and his mates to the field so they could play another school. He has a large kit bag for his stuff and then tonight he has cricket training for his team for the local club.

What the Hell is this nonsense? MY son plays cricket? We're Americans for Chrissake! We play football and baseball and basketball and hit things hard and laugh outrageously loud. Ted is a massive Minnesota Vikings groupie, I adore my Steelers. Ted's dad is a Giants worshipper and has even raced stock cars and the latest generation of Tencza dresses in all white to stand around for days and cheering when the bowler ALMOST gets someone out? Wha??

When we first moved to Australia Teddy tried to play baseball but it was hopeless. In Year 1 they were still playing t-ball. Just plain silly. Plus all of Teddy's friends played cricket so the following year he wanted to try it and was hooked. So now we go to cricket games and think, "Oh wow, it's a short game today, only 4 hours"

But people go for the day, even days to see these cricket games. Aussies love their cricket. The weird rules - you can run if you don't hit the ball, they stop game for tea breaks, and the team captain is supposed to turn in his own teammates for unsportsmanlike like conduct, all of it, they love it. Even the 2 or 3 Australians who don't like sports know about cricket. Ask ANYONE about Don Bradman, and you'll be gently reminded that it's SIR Don Bradman.

So here we are, Americans living in Australia and our oldest child plays cricket. 5 years ago I heard the word I thought of a chirping insect and now I think of an entire day sitting outside watching paint dry. At least I can bring my iPod.

The day I can watch without getting pissed that he's wearing all white and rolling around in the mud that's when I know I'm Australian.

Interesting Habits of Wildlife in Australia or Why I Now Use Baileys as Cream in My Tea

2012-02-08T10:51:00.000+11:00

My morning began as most do in my house. I opened my eyes and immediately grabbed the precious - my iPhone, and began checking news, weather and of course, Facebook. I know, I have a slight addiction problem. I really don't care. The girls came barging in to rat each other out, cry about having wake up, complain about the global economy....actually not sure about the last one, to be honest I stopped listening about 30 seconds into the melee. I shooed them out so I could get dressed. About 15 seconds later Connor came running in, "Mommy, do you know the tall curtains we have downstairs?" Yes Connor, I've heard of them. "Well, um, well, there's a mouse on top of them!" O-kay. Quite honestly, I was not expecting that. But then again, I couldn't say it was impossible.

So I throw on my shirt, and head down the steps. We get halfway down the steps and Connor starts screaming, "See, See, See!!!" Well, no. I don't. I bend down and peer over the railing and look about 15 feet away and damn it all, there it is. The Australian Hopping Mouse. It's about the size of an American Field Mouse only it has bigger ears and it hops like a kangaroo. Only it has a problem. It's on top of the curtain rod located near the top of our extremely high ceiling. I think about 14 feet.

Of course Connor is the one that sees it. I would have come downstairs and missed the little bastard completely. But not Connor. Nooooo. She saw it because there was Monty sitting on the floor staring up at it. Monty must have brought it in to play with and it got the best of him and ran up the curtains.

Ok. So now I have a problem.

I have a damn live mouse stuck inside my house.
It's waaaaayyy up high and no real way to get to it.
Ted has already left for work.
Connor is starting to slowly become unglued and turning into Sybil.
I have not had any tea

Right. I called Ted on the train for suggestions. Captain Genius suggests throwing cat at mouse. I was actually glad that he then went through a tunnel so it cut off the stream of profanities I vomited at him. Note to self: come up with alternative meanings for words for Tessi. So I get Teddy up and ask him if he had any ideas. Poor kid, he also needed tea and needed a few minutes to figure out his name and what the Hell I was talking about. He offered to go up the ladder and try and get it. Now, before the good mothers of the world start crying fowl at me sending my child to face the demon, bite me. Go ahead, call me names, turn me in. I don't care. It was him or me and I chose him. He offered. It wasn't coerced.

The next twenty minutes was quite possibly the most calamitous of not only my life but I dare say, most peoples lives.

I get the ladder and Teddy and I begin the process of unfolding it. It's one of those 600 different position ladders and the two of us, plus Tessi "helping" we finally get it set up to have Teddy get the mouse. Teddy starts to climb towards Mickey and then Connor bellows, 'KOOKABURRA!!!!" I start looking around the living room because I'm sure it's come in too. But no. She's pointing out the window. So Teddy, Tessi and I, like the lemmings we are stop, turn and walk towards the window. Sure enough, there's a Kookaburra outside. It takes me a full 20 seconds before I realize, "Jesus, we LIVE here, we see Kookaburras all the time! We have to get the mouse!!" Back at the task at hand.

Mice, no matter what continent they are from, do NOT like having strange people try to pick them up. This mouse started running back and forth along the curtain rod squealing it's head off. At one point he slipped and fell down a bit onto the upper window sill and Teddy (I helped!! I herded it with a long pole) was able to coax it onto his hand and he started the climb down the ladder to take it outside. Sadly though, the mouse decided to bite Teddy (no broken skin) and then Teddy yelling, flinging the mouse back onto the curtain and the bastard scurried back up to the top.

I've sent the girls out of the room to damper the sound of the screaming, Monty is running back and forth trying to glare the mouse to death, Sasha starts barking at a neighbor walking down the street and that's when I noticed that Teddy's new Siamese Fighting Fish wasn't moving. I run over, "Oh Christ, no!! Don't' be dead!!!!" Then Teddy comes over, "He's not dead, I taught him to do that" What? I look back, the damn fish wiggles 1 fin....twice. Then stops. Then the other fin...twice again. Then he starts moving for real. What. the. Hell. Never mind, I've got Mickey running around 14 feet above my head.
This is when we learned about the hopping.

The mouse began running along the curtain rods, and then hopped between them. All four. Back and forth. Speedy Gonzalez here is racing along the rods and when he gets to the end he hops to the wall, bouncing off onto the next rod. It was like watching those people in LA who spend time bouncing off of walls to climb up buildings. He's running and hopping and squealing, did I mention the squealing?

I get the super long broom and head towards the window and that's when I noticed that Damn Dog has peed on the floor. For the first time in my life, that was not the most horrifying thing in my immediate area. So I race to the window, Teddy has repositioned the ladder, has climbed up, catch reach so I put the broom by the mouse just to stop him from running. Speedy smacks into the broom, falls off onto my sewing machine and stops cold. I fling open the sliding doors and put on my best Dave Winfield stance and swing for the cheap seats. I moved him 2 feet but at least he's by the door. Teddy pops him outside and chases him out into the bush.

Connor comes out of hiding, "Yea!! We got the mouse!"

I looked at her, didn't say a word and went into the kitchen and poured my tea.

I'll admit it. After I took the kids to school I went to the shops and bought champers and a tub of chocolate frosting. Judge all you want. I'll be sitting in the corner and blinking a lot.

Living in the Twilight Zone

2012-02-07T13:20:00.003+11:00

Anyone remember the remake of the Twilight Zone tv show? It was done in the late 80's or early 90's, I can't remember for sure. The was one episode about a man going about his life and he suddenly hears a word he doesn't understand. Everyone else around him understands it but him. It's total gibberish. Then there are 2 words that are gibberish. Everyone around him starts to look at him like he's a nutter.

He starts running around frantically trying to get someone to understand him and then of course it ends up that he understands nothing and they lock him away in the nuthouse. It's a sad and depressing look into the mind of insanity.

I bet that story was written by a someone who has kids.

I shouldn't say that. Not just kids. I mean, yes it is the kids but it's also other people too. At least today anyway. Today is just one of THOSE days that every chance I've had to interact with some they've either completely ignored me, misunderstood everything I had to say or I don't know, couldn't deal with me. The kids, well Hell, that's everyday with them. Hardly worth mentioning. But the adults around me Hoo Boy. Makes me a little nervous though as I sent off 3 letters to schools teachers today with the kids. Now that I know that I am incapable of communicating my thoughts in a rational day I'm wondering if I'm going to have to go pick up expelled children at 3:00.

Sadly, this happens a lot to me. When I moved to Australia I could chalk it up to language and custom barrier. We've been here almost 5 years and I know what chuffed, nutter, struth and blimey mean now. I don't think that's it. If I was brimming with self confidence I think I'd say that my mind was running faster than my mouth. If I was being the Ugly American I'd say that Aussies just need to learn how I speak. If I'm being honest...well I dunno.

So as any reasonable person would do...and since I'm the most reasonable person I've dealt with today I will go with my suggestion, I am embracing the madness. Go ahead, hear the words coming out of my mouth and feel free to do the opposite. I am going to pretend you're doing it my way anyway. When I pick up the kids today I will tell them to do the opposite of what I want in hopes that they will either be so confused they be stunned into silence (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, damn that was a good one) or else they will do the opposite just to spite me.

Dan Murphys, the world's greatest liquor store is open until 9. That is my mantra.

And like the man in Twilight Zone I will just keep on going until lock my gorstrsap324 up in solitary confinement.

A dabbler in Everything but a Master of Nothing

2012-02-06T12:56:00.001+11:00

Ok, that's a little harsh. It's true but it's harsh. I have a lot of varied interests. Some may call me psychotic with a limited ability to commit whereas I like to think of myself as being diversified.

Not in any particular order this are the hobby's and interests right that are floating my boat.

Sewing. Yep, I really love it. I love to get fabric and pick out patterns and I love to sit at the machine and go. I swear like Hell almost the entire time I'm sewing but when I'm done, I really feel good. Feeling good isn't one of my strong points so when it happens man! It's like suddenly losing 20 pounds, finding a fifty dollar note and your favorite shoe store has a buy 1 get 2 free pair sale. Sooooo, not that often. But the feeling I get when I've made something, it works for me.
Hair Bow. I can make hair bows for the girls. Not the simple single loop with a tie in the middle but good super spiffy cheerleader sorority girls in beauty pagent bows. It's an awesome task and again I swear a lot during the process but when it's done it's a great feeling. Sadly, these bows aren't all that popular here in Australia. The phrase bow heads means nothing here. I think Aussies get a little put off sometimes when you try to bring in something from your homeland. But I will keep trying.
Woodworking. I started following this blog: www.ana-white.com last year and love it. I've built a bookcase shelf thing for my bathroom and some storage stuff. I desperately need a new bed for Ted and I and I have the plans to build a fantastic one. A bed with storage and a solid headboard that isn't wiggling and wobbling all over the place. Plus I have an idea for a kitchen table that has built in storage. When I'm out in the shed I feel like I'm accomplishing something real. Something tangible that will be around. Not like when I'm cooking dinner that I know everyone will hate and 60% of the table won't eat at all.
Computers. Not the IT web design and coding. That's insane tech crap to me. Reading 100's of lines of code to see where a T should have been capitalized? Whatever. Glad that there are folk who can do that (my husband Ted by the way-a little too awesome, it's scary sometimes what he knows) but I'm even more grateful that I'm not one of the ones doing it. No my computing interest is in the gadgets and seeing what will work and how it works. I love using the computer to download music, movies and such. All legal of course. I love having a question about something and then diving onto the Net and traveling through time and space to find the answer. Yes, I have a smart phone. Yes, I'll kill anyone who gets between it and me.

Now of course these are not all interests that go together. Well, maybe the sewing and bows but there rest are right in the middle of left field. Also Enjoying this things is NOT simpatico with ferrying kids to school, cricket, piano and gymnastics. It is the polar opposite of doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, gardening, paying bills, planning events with school and friends and well...general every other aspect of my life.

Today I need to take down 3 loads of hanging laundry. Put up another 2 at least, plan dinner, clean up the kitchen, finish cleaning out pantry, put laundry away, go to school, pick up one child - other 2 are going to friends house, drive home,feed child snack drive back out and pick up other 2, go to piano lesson, during lesson drive over to basketball place and see if there is an opening for Tessi, drive back to piano lesson, pick up Connor and drive home. Then make dinner. Argue at kids for not eating dinner. I will collapse on couch and Saint Ted will get girls to bed, then Teddy will pout and go to bed and then I will either sit and chat with Ted or just go upstairs and pass out.

See why the playing on the computer is soooooooooo appealing? Yea, I know. I'm going, I'm going. Maybe I can start working on the bed tomorrow.

Insanity Isn't Hereditary

2012-02-06T08:08:00.001+11:00

What happens is the child does something crazy, which drives the parent crazy. Then the parent does something crazy which drives the child crazy. See? It's not hereditary, it's a freakin' infinite loop. I came to this realization at 5:50 am today. I being sound asleep, was not expecting there to be a tall, dark shadowy figure standing a foot away from my face. Well in my defense, she was tall because I was laying down and quite honestly, she was pretty menacing. Did I mention also that I was sound asleep?

A voice suddenly popped, "Mommy, you LIED to me" Ok...I lied. Sure. Who the Hell are you? She steps closer and I can see it's Connor. A pissed off Connor. "You lied to ME!"

Suddenly it returns to me. Ted and I promised Connor that Ted would put Monty the cat to sleep in her room when he went to bed. Now apparently when Ted went to bed he couldn't find the damn cat so he just came to bed. I mumbled something about not seeing Monty and then low and behold the little bastard appeared and Connor took him to her room for the remaining 30 minutes until she decided we were getting up.

Now the crazy part in this scenario, in case you missed it, is how did I end up being the liar when Ted is the one who didn't put the damn cat in the kid's damn room? It's the same kid logic that convinced Tessi to argue with her father that he didn't know how to make porridge, walk past him out of the kitchen out to me in the living room to ask how to do it. This is also the same mentality that let's Teddy think he can fool me when he says he just walked the dog when it's raining and both he and Damn Dog are dry.

The logic is that they are insane. I'm not making a judgement, just a statement. They are barking mad. Off their nut. Loonier than a tune. Any euphemism you want. It's the only reasonable explanation for their ability to remember you calling a classmate's mom a bit of a tart 3 years ago and mentioning that fact in front of her and still being unable to remember you saying find your school hat 30 minutes before you leave for school. Or telling Grandma that Mommy's iPhone has an app that says the F word but won't say a single bloody word about the award they earned at school that week.

You can see it now, can't you? That's just not normal. And the dealing with that insanity, that incredible lunacy well....there really is no choice. A loop of bat crap craziness is begun. I can see all of this clearly now as I'm blundering my way through the morning. I'm hiding in the computer room typing my missive and drinking my tea. Once I get through the tea I should be able handle the inmates a bit better.

Wait, I can hear it from here, the first fight has started. Hmmm, may hide in here a bit more.

Problem or Not

2012-02-02T08:04:00.001+11:00

An old dear friend contacted me the other day because she was concerned about her son. He's quite young and his teacher mentioned that she was concerned he was on the Spectrum. I was happy to talk to her because well, I feel I have to. I knew nothing when we started on our journey and if I could help her in any way then by God, I would. After a few rounds of email it seems in my ever humble opinion, that the carer is really pulling this out of her butt. That being said, a major carer has raised a concern and I believe that should be respected so my friend is taking her little one to the dr.

That really has gotten me to thinking. Which is of course good and inherently dangerous. Where is the line drawn between whinning about every possible thing a toddler does and being aggressive and advocating for your child's care?

Autism is in the news almost daily now. That is a good thing. It is. So many children have just been labeled mentally retarded, slow, dim-witted or the all-encompassing, "Bad" yet they have managable issues. When we got our diagnosis I was stunned by the dozens of indicators Autism mentioned because I thought they were normal toddler pain in the ass things. Tantrumming, refusal to eat, inability to share, difficulty grasping pencils and scissors. The scissors question used to crack me up. At 17 and 18 months for Connor and Tessi I was asked if they could use scissors correctly. I responded the same way every time, "How the Hell would I know? You think I'm stupid enough to let them hold scissors?" But all of this was very important but in levels and degrees. All kids throw hissy fits. That's normal. Throwing a hissy fit for hours is not. Refusing to eat is normal. Eating things only of one type of texture (all puddings or creams, or nothing cold) is not. Not sharing toys is normal. Not understanding that there are other creatures in the room who are just like you is not.

But none of this is instinctual! June Cleaver woudn't have had the first buggering clue what to do if the Beav was Autistic. Who the Hell knows if a behavior is normal or excessive? For Christ's sake, at that time I had 3 children under the age of 7, the last two were 13 months apart, my husband was working 12 hour days and we had just moved 5 hours away from our family and friends. The first 2 years of Tessi's life are an absolute blur. That's with the normal stuff. Throw in diagnosing 2 toddlers with Autism and well....I honestly didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground.

Knowing what I went through I usually explode into unprintable obscenities when I hear some jackass complain about all the Autism and kids were allowed be kids when we were young and the best one....the kid would be fine if you'd just discipline them. That one...ooooh, I've got a few stories about dealing with assholes who were dumb enough to say that in front of me. Just me people, if there was anyone in the planet who wanted to be able to solve my girls problems with a couple whacks on the bottom and a few more time outs, it was me. Listening to these people pontificate about the demise of society because so many kids were being labeled Autistic as if it's such a great club to be included in. "Ooooh, see Lauren! Her son just got his dsm iv criteria met! He's on the Spectrum! Wow, can you imagine the celebrating tonight? There won't be a goat safe for miles!! Damn, I wish I could get one for my kid!" Yeah, what-freakin-ever. You can have mine. We have two.

No one just goes out and gets a diagnosis. No, no, no. Your loser neighbor who sits all day watching her stories and hasn't seen the inside of her kitchen for a year and her kids run around beating animals with sticks does not count. She didn't get a diagnosis. She watched Jerry Springer or Montel and heard the fancy word and is using it. You know how you can tell? 'Cause she hasn't been asking you and everyone else, "Something just seems odd, I can't put my finger on it. Did your child do "name weird behavior" or you mean your child doesn't sit and bang his head over and over" Those people are jumping on bandwagons. They aren't ever caught crying because their kids has been kicking them in the leg for 4 hours no matter what you do to stop them. And you know what, for every 1 of them there are 50 at least, real cases of Austism. You can't call your dr and ask for a refill of your blood pressure meds and oh, by the way, can I get you to type a letter saying Miss Thang is on the Autistic Spectrum." It's months of appointments with several EXPENSIVE therapists, drs and clinicians before you get that bad boy. So if you're hearing about a kid going through treatment for Spectrum related issues - they freakin need it.

However, if I'm honest, there is another side. The side my friend presented to me. Her child's teacher raised a concern that he might be on the Spectrum. He's a loner. He's still engaged in Parallel Play. That's really it. Really? This gets a conference with a parent? A 2-year old prefers to play alone at school rather than with friends? He has excellent, developing speech, he sits and plays longer than 30 seconds, he interacts with his twin sister very well and does communicate with the teachers and his parents. THIS?

What? As my friend was describing the symptoms all I could do was compare mine at the same age. Speech? Connor maxed out at 5 words and then lost all but 1 of them. Connor and Tessi both could have someone call their names from 2 feet away and they would ignore them. Tantrums? Christ....Tessi would follow me from room to room so she could kick me.

But what is my friend to do? Go to the dr. Yes, I know. I don't think the boy is in danger either. But then again, I avoided med school like the plague. A person responsible for providing a large amount of his care has raised a concern. I'll willing to bet money it's pointless, but so my friend can sleep at night without wondering if she's done enough I say go to the dr.

Sadly, with Autism it's really better to have people a bit jumpy and examining the absurd. If the hairs are prickling on the back of your neck...then go. Don't say, "I think my child has Autism" Say, "Something is strange. I don't know what." If your dr laughs at your or tells you to unclench, then you are at the wrong dr. You can get a free evaluation from ECI - Early Childhood Intervention in the US. In Australia you can get a gp referral to an evaluation center. The closet one to me is in Chatswood, but they are all over.

Get it checked out. THEN we can come up with jokes about what the hell was the teacher thinking.

Tip for People Wanting to Become Parents

2012-02-01T08:16:00.002+11:00

Stay away from the baby books. Don't waste your money on learn how to diaper a baby classes. Pass by the books on how to nurture and support your child's feelings. While there is usful information in these items they really aren't going to be able to give you the in depth knowledge you'll need to survive...of course I mean joyfully raise your child.

What you need is advanced coursework in psychological nursing. Think Nurse Ratchett type stuff. I don't mean the ins and outs of pharmaceuticals, I leave that to doctors. I'm talking about the skill set of listening to the ramblings of deranged, psychotic, pathological liars while restraining the desire to choke the living shit out of them. To be able to temper your own need to vomit after listening to their paranoid delusions of persecution and to quite honestly fake expressions of compassion, sympathy and of course understanding. If none of that works it would also be handy to know how to get someone in a head lock quickly and usher them to their rooms to contain them for your safety and theirs.

You may be wondering why I'm mentioning the need for these skills. Well, it turns out that I am woefully lacking in them. My son, the pre-teen God of the house, greeted me this morning with one of the more lame and ridiculous lies I've ever had the misfortune to endure. And since I am not the developmentally challanged tree sloth he believes me to be, I knew he was lying. I hadn't even had my tea yet and I knew he lied, that is saying something.

He lied about making his sandwich or not for lunch. I said, "Really, that's nice, I was going to make it. What did you think of the new container I put the salami in?" Instead of the usual, "Why would you put it a container? Jees, that's silly" he turned away from me, walked out and said, "It was nice." I followed him asking what he thought, he finally said, "Oh didn't see container I found a bag of it in the drawer" Really? I used up the last bit of that the other day to make his sandwiches and just bought more yesterday. There was no bag. "Teddy, if I checked your bag would I find a salami sandwich?" Teddy, "Well, there's a sandwich" After getting the bag, yes there are 2 slices of bread in the container but that's it.

I sit down at the kitchen table, send Connor and Tessi out of the room, turn to Teddy and in my best calm voice (still sans tea), "Um, Teddy...What the Hell?"

Silence.

Head turns away.

Again I ask. Annoyance is rapidly turning to rage. He says he was tired. Right. He lied because he was tired. Try again kid. Then he just wasn't thinking. That one made me smile. He concocted a story about seeing a bag of salami and he wasn't thinking? That's impressive. Not too many people can make that claim.

I mention how he was always the kid who told the truth and over the past few months he's been lying about everything but his name. Really stupid stuff. Like, "Oh, you watching tv and playing the Touch" "No, I"m not!" He's sitting on the couch watching tv and the touch is lit up while in his hands. Oh, ok. My bad.

As I'm wheedling him down and trying to break his reserve I notice that his jaw is clenching and he's snorting his nose a bit. Wait...sorry...you are mad at me?

Winner!!!!! He's mad at me because I never believe him! Now my rage has turned to a near fit like spasm in my brain and my words start slurring. He is in his room right now furious that I never believe him and I don't trust him. This has all ended up as my fault! Sheer Genius on his part!

This is the part where being a psych nurse would have been helpful. Perhaps if I could have keep calm and impassive rather than having the contempt and rage ooze out of my face it would have ended a wee bit more rationally. Sadly, I was a Communications Major with a Minor in Criminal Justice in college. So I my skills lay in being able to communicate that I know how to catch him being a lying little shit.

I would like to go on record as saying that I do love him and yes, he is breathing right now. That's all I got.

Stupid Websites and Even More Stupid Web Design

2012-01-30T17:22:00.001+11:00

Ok, I'm trying here. I really am. I spent 2 hours earlier today and I'm trying again now. I can NOT get this page to do what I want. UGHHHHHH!!!! Flippin web developers who love to make things complicated. See THIS is why people love Apple and iPods. I don't have to know the ins and outs of computer principles, the crap just works. That's all I care about.

I know my loving, caring geek husband will gently explain in his "deal with stupid user" voice that it does work just fine, I just have to learn how to tell it what to do.

Bite me.

Put picture here. Type text here. Use this color pallette. Done, the end. That's all I want. Grrr.

Alright I'll keep plugging away. Be patient. Maybe I'll get this sorted by the end of term.

And Then There was One

2012-01-30T10:58:00.000+11:00

January 30, 2012. The first day of school. Australia is on a year round schedule and it starts in January. And to that I say THANK GOD! I know so many people in the US love their 9 months of school and 3 months off but I can honestly say YOU ARE WRONG! Yes, I'm judging!

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

This is the best way to do it. Hands down, no contest. 4 terms, 2 weeks off in between each term and 6 weeks off at the end of the year. Sheer brilliance. My mom was a teacher and she always said she had to spend the month of September doing a review. An entire month. So 8 months of school. Ugh. No thanks.

All jokes aside about me being giddy to be on my own again, it's really better for the kids. I know at least my kids need the structure of routine. It's their security blanket. More so with Connor and Tessi than with Teddy, obviously. Being on the Spectrum they do need that rigidity. They just think better with choices reduced. Christ Connor gets flummoxed by having more than 3 things to chose to have for breakfast. An entire day trying to figure out what to do? Please, it's a flippin nightmare. Teddy is better about handling free time but even he in the end needs the security of having someone else tell him what to do. Making all your own choices can be scary. They also need the interaction with other kids, especially those who aren't their friends. I believe that they need to be around kids they don't like. After all, some day they are going to have to work with people they don't like, time to learn now how to play nice and not plot the death of a co-worker. At least not where people can hear you.

I'm not one of those maudlin moms. I'm not a mushy, gushy person. Sometimes I wish I was, it would certainly make me fit in better and be part of the MOM crowd but I'm not. I don't live for my kids. I don't even want to. My mom used to tell me how much she lived for me and without me she had no life and let me tell you that didn't make me feel loved. I felt responsible for her very happiness and smothered. So I cringe when I hear parents talk about how their kids are their lives and how they hate to send them to school because they can't stand to be away from them for even a few hours. Trust me you are not doing your kids any favors with that attitude. I swore when Teddy was born that none of my kids would be responsible for my happiness. If I end up living and doing just for them it's my damn fault, not theirs.

So what did the evil troll mom do this morning with her poor children? I dropped them off. I forced them to stand for the obigatory picture and then I said, "Ok, shove off' Teddy ran like Hell to get to the top quad and be SAFE. Connor ran to see if her new BFF had arrived and Tessi has ambushed by her besties. I *think* they noticed I was still there. Nahhh, actually I don't think they gave a rats ass. Tessi found me when the bell rang and gave me a quick hug but I think that's because she saw one little girl crying and felt like that's what she should do. Otherwise she was fine.

I said I loved them and to have fun but I made no secret about being happy that they were off. I waited until the bell rang and then I left. I skipped and sang the whole way to the car. Ted can be happy about being off work but for some reason I'm not allowed to be. Bollocks. Of course I am. We've had 6 weeks of being in each others faces, Connor and Tessi taking turns attaching themselves to my hips, Teddy being a pre-teen and my equal. Damn Dog being, well Damn Dog. Hell, we all need a change. So rather than 3 months off and month spent trying to get back into the swing of things we all get a break in the routine but then are right back in.

Today I'm doing nothing of consequence save a trip to the post office. Tomorrow I'll be a bit more productive. Today...I'm on holiday.

High Stupidity Level is Probable

2012-01-29T11:35:00.000+11:00

Yep, I'm doing it again. Adding another factor into the fray and seeing what happens. I'm buying a fish tank. It's small. It's pre-owned and cheap. In fact, here's a link to it.
http://sydney.gumtree.com.au/c-Pets-pet-supplies-pet-products-Aquarium-Starter-Set-Fish-Tank-W0QQAdIdZ346801218

All I will need to do is get water, fish and some fish food and we should be good. Now the real reason...why. No real easy answer. I'm not in love with fish, but I do find it soothing to watch them. That's about all for my interest. The kids will like buying the fish and fighting over which fish to get and which cool tank accessory to get. They will argue over you gets to feed the fish for about 3 days and then I will be yelling at them to feed the fish. Ted couldn't care less if he actively tried.

Probably it will be Monty the cat who likes the fish the most. I figure it will be his new big screen tv since the pot-bellied stove broke. He's not one for water so I'm hoping he doesn't take up diving for his lunch.

So maybe the real reason is that I'm looking for something new. School is starting, everyone will be back off into their own schedules and I can't do all the big changes I want. No money for new couches or university classes I want to take, the diamonds for my wedding ring, an iPad, holiday in Melbourne or to buy a new house but fish...yeah, I can do a couple fish. Especially as cheap as this. But I do have to watch because I don't want to turn this into another money drainer. That's where the stupidity factor comes in. A couple fish to watch putter around and listen to the pump make noise. That's it. Well, maybe a cool ship wreck statue for the fish to swim around. That's definitely it. A light. A small one so I can watch it at night. Absolutely the end. Nothing else.

I was wrong, I'm willing to bet that Ted does care right now. A lot.

Changes

2012-01-28T12:28:00.000+11:00

Well, here goes. I'm playing with the new design template. It's easier than it used to be. I like the templates that make me feel knowledgeable. It helps wash that "stupid user" taste out of my mouth. Not sure I like what I'm putting up, but it's different. Right now different has to be better simply 'cause its' different.

Not much of a philosophy but it'll do. When I think of a really cool name for it I'll put it on a t-shirt.

Back to working with computers. That seems to me my next goal. I've snowed a lot of my friends into thinking I'm computer saavy. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. There I laughed for you. Enough. That being said I'm always helping some one out it seems with either downloading music (legally of course) or setting up a Facebook page or just teaching someone how to send email. But I like doing it. I never feel like the person I'm talking to is the dreaded STUPID USER, the one that plagues help desks around the world. I understand why they are confused by the keyboard and the monitor and why they are afraid to ask for help.

No one wants to look stupid. Isn't that why we end up doing most of the things we do? A way to avoid looking stupid or cleaning up the mess made by out stupidity? Well, that seems to be a driving force in my life anyway. I see people looking at the computer and I can see it in their faces, "I don't know what to do, this thing was too damn expensive to play and learn. I'd better just leave it" Which is a good idea, many times. However with computers....there is this tricky middle ground. Sure, you don't want to in swinging and reformat the hard drive (which erases everything by the way) and launch missles - I haven't done that but sometimes I do look out the window to make sure and then the opposite, just sit and stare at the keyboard and wait for it to talk to you.

I'm hoping I can work with some of my friends and help them feel more comfortable. Maybe helping them will help me get my nerve to do something I'm intrigued by, maybe teaching people how to do some tasks on the computer.

My kids are in school, I'm 8000 miles away from the nearest Wal-Mart, Half Priced Books and 9000 miles from from Steelers. So, time to think of something I can do.

So I guess I'd better figure out how to make this blog designer work or else no one is going to listen to me. It'll be like teaching a class to my kids.

Back to Reality

2012-01-27T18:21:00.000+11:00

Friday Night brings us back to normal. Only normal a little better, I hope. Ted and went on our holiday and were actually able to leave Sydney. It was good to see more of Australia- even the tiny bit it was. We have yet to see any terrain of Australia that doesn't at least in some way, remind me of parts of the US. The flowers, bugs, spiders snakes and trees, sure those are really different. However the small hills and rolling pastures are combinations of Texas and Central Pennsylvania to me. Since I am an non-beach person all beaches look alike to me. I'm still picking sand out of bits I'd rather not think about, doesn't matter if I'm in Australia or New Jersey. Heresy I know. You beach people...well we're different, let's just say that. I think Ted and I will have to build our dream house down south of Sydney some day. Around the Kiama or abouts. There we can build a house with 2 solid walls of windows. One overlooking the beach and water and directly on the other side windows facing hills and trees. I think we'll put the tv in the middle so we can see each other sometimes.

Today is one of those days it feels good to have some of the normal normal going. Most days I'm utterly bogged down in the details and just getting through the next 15 minutes. Today the girls came home after their sleepover adventure and now Ted is cooking them dinner. If nothing else, this short jaunt away has helped me feel better about my day-day grind. Or I should say, it helps me see some of the better parts.

When you are a SAHM mother it's different than a paying job. You personalize everything and therefore what isn't done or done right isn't something that slips to tomorrow's do list. It is because you are A BAD MOTHER/WIFE. Too many of those days and you really start to hate what you do. Getting a break- even just for 2 nights let me ignore my work for a bit. Everyone needs to do that. Here in Australia the workin' folks "chuck a sickie". Back in US, it's Mental Health day or just call in. It's hard for moms to do that. I think though I can work on planning more short holidays. Maybe set up some babysitting trades and see where the kids can go off to just so Ted and I can get out. Then maybe when I get my resolve back up I can start planning on bigger family trips. Someplace outside the state and someplace where we've all never been.

My son Teddy has been to New Zealand and I haven't. That hardly seems fair. I think we'll need to make some changes to that and get Mommy back up in the ranks.

Time to Speak

2012-01-25T10:18:00.000+11:00

8 months or so since my last blog. Not a new league record, but it'll do. I communicate mainly by FB and IM and TXT (SMS) now. However lately several people have been trying to encourage me to blog again. Maybe because I need something kind of big, just for myself. I love my sewing and my woodworking but there never seems to be enough time. I'm at the computer a lot anyway, maybe 5 minutes here and there would help me get my voice back.

You see, I'm funny. Everyone tells me so. I'm a master of one liners, particularly smart ass ones. But it's all a front. I come up with my funny quips so most people won't think to or care to ask about what's really going on. I think if I tell people the truth well...I'm pretty sure they will go running off into the street screaming. Run away screaming from shock of what I really think or disgust. At least that's what I think will happen. Too gutless really to actually talk to anyone. My friend Penny knows some of my truths. She's the one who really wants me to write more. I wonder though if she would be able to handle all of my thoughts. Ted knows the most but even he is sheltered. We will see.

I'm off today for a 1 night night trip to Mudgee with Ted. We haven't been alone together away since we were in Texas a year and 4 months ago. I have to say I'm really nervous. I hope we come back still liking each other.

Teddy is off on a camping trip - one which he does NOT want to go to. Homo Novis is too evolved to rough it. At least he'll be out with friends and away from the computer. A bug for him but a feature for me. Connor and Tessi will be staying with Penny. I hope Penny will be speaking to me when we get back.

My next go with this blog is to redesign the site. I want to incorporate American and Australian pictures and thoughts. I'm been working on becoming more tech saavy. Hopefully I can figure out something!

I'm still a mom. I'm still an American living in Australia. I'm hoping that will be enough fodder to write something intelligent and entertaining. If you've met my 3 kids you'd know that they certainly give me enough material!

Return to Blogging?

2011-04-07T13:26:00.000+10:00

I don't know. Blogging fell by the way side for a while for me. Facebook really took over for me and assuaged my need to talk about myself. However no less than 6, count 6 different people have said to me in the last week or so that I should have a blog. I had to remind myself that I do.

Hmm, why blog? It's not that my life is that inhearently interesting. I mean seriously, I have 3 kids, 1 husband, 1 damn dog and 1 cat. There are only so many stories. We'll see. Maybe if I get a new design for the blog...YES TED, YOU MAY CONSIDER THIS A SUBTLE HINT, I might feel more inclined.

Then again, maybe it's time for me to just think of something interesting to say. Something longer than Facebook or Twitter will let me write. Would be nice to be known for having an opinion again.

New Kind of Mothers Day

2010-11-02T19:07:00.001+11:00

I miss you Mom. November 2nd is always going to be a terrible day.

Teddy has become a great speller, I wish you knew that.

Its thw Future

2010-10-21T10:50:00.001+11:00

Here I go, blogging while mobile. Of course in still sitting at the computer....baby steps. If this works I think a whole world may be opening up for me, one where I am considered tech saavy.

Shut up Ted, you'll scare people with laughter.

I Do Blog...I Swear to God

2010-10-21T10:44:00.002+11:00

We moved, dealt with hellish real estate agents - Laing and Simmons Hornsby - you are evil! We went to the US for a month and WOW it was intence. Just fantastic. Right now I'm really in mobile stuff - well since I got the ipod Touch - so until I figure out how to make the blog on the go apps work my blogging is a bit off.

Bear with me. I'm a work in progress. As usual.

Today is the First Day of the New House

2010-06-29T08:16:00.000+10:00

Sigh...we're here. Today we sign the lease and get the keys. The movers come on Saturday so we're spending the rest of the week making as many trips as possible to get a lot done so hopefully the movers will just be moving the heavy stuff.

I've moved a lot in my life. Much more than most people. My entire life I've been asked if my family was military because we moved around so much. That's humorous because I married a man whose family was military. There are a lot of downsides to moving...a LOT but there are some good things.

1. Fresh Start. There's something revitalizing about beginning again. You can reinvent things and do things differently if you chose. It's a physical and mental cleansing I guess. Every time I move I try to do something different. This last move I had to learn to do more things differently than I was comfortable with but in the end change can be good. I still haven't seen the inside of the new house and I'm a bit giggly inside trying to imagine what it could all be like. What wall can I place things on - how will I set up Connor's room.

2. Ritualistic Cleaning. There is nothing like the feeling you get when you're throwing out at least 10 garbage bags of stuff. I've given a ton of stuff away to friends and to charity. I found a drop-off box that is solely for Aboriginal families and that has eased my social conscience mind a bit. Well, a little bit anyway. Not saying it makes up for things...just that I feel like I've done something - not matter how minuscule. But there still is a lot to get rid of. I've really inherited my father's pack rack abilities; but I am trying.

3. Seeing a new area. We're moving from Normanhurst to Hornsby Heights. Not very far from each other but enough that there are new people. new shops, new parks and new things to see. I will have a beautiful view of the bush - forest to my American readers. That is one of my favorite landscapes and when I daydream of my lottery money house it always has a few of trees. Not bad. Something new and beautiful.

Here is my last post for a few days I'm sure. The moving frenzy is about to overtake me and I'll be cursing and swearing with the best of them. I will post pictures of the house as soon as I can. I can't wait to see it too!

Return to Basics

2010-06-22T09:02:00.000+10:00

Of sorts anyway. The move is in full swing and while there is always something going on with that until it's over...I mean really...who wants to hear about how I back a box or throw out the Build a Bear box behind Connor's back? Seriously, I just bored myself typing that.

So a new topic today. One I know. Children. I won't say I understand them, but I have them. I listen to them talk and I can repeat what they say. Well, some of it anyway.

Today's topic: Siblings Need to Fight

Let me just start off by saying this, these kids are insane. Not your normal average kid who test boundaries and try to define themselves in the workings of a family. No, I firmly believe that my kids are special and suffer from an unique brand of lunacy. That has to explain it. Really it does. These kids are nuts. This is not my fault and my role as a mother is not to lovingly nurture them but to survive and keep the house standing...and laundry apparently one of my covenants is to laundry. Hmmm, that might be tomorrow's topic. But I digress.

Fighting. I remember fighting with my brother as a child but in all honesty, he was an idiot and deserved everything he got. Note to Fate - "No, I am STILL not sorry for taking the wooden train over his forehead. Maybe that's why you keep coming at me with a 2x4 but I don't care. You've met him. You know he earned it" So when we decided to have kids I really wasn't shocked at the idea that brothers and sisters fight. What I was not prepared for was WHAT they will fight about. I grew up fighting about important matters, burning issues that ensured my role in the family and ownership over my own belongings. I was staking claim and protecting territory. Noble things, quest-like honor involved here.

My kids? Tessi and Connor fought the other day about which box they would put their Polly Pocket toys away in. The two boxes are.exactly.the.same. They have fought over who gets to name their baby doll Baby Zoe - after a friend of theirs. Teddy and Connor have fought over whether or not Shun is all-powerful in Bakugan. Teddy and Tessi have fought over who can tell Connor she can't watch a show. Connor fought with be about loving the Shrek movies but had to be told to sit and watch them. Then she argued that even if she didn't like them she still loved Shrek 4 and it is her favorite movie of all time...and she hasn't seen it. Tessi then cried that she didn't want to go see Shrek and when I said fine, she didn't have go, that I would take the other two during school holidays she threw herself on the ground sobbing hysterically that I didn't love her and that she had to go.

I take Panadol and/or Nurofen (Tylenol and Advil) almost every day in case you were wondering.

Tessi has screamed at Connor for selecting the wrong spoon from the drawer. Yesterday Teddy yelled at Tessi for letting Connor tell her how to color in her princess homework book. Both Tessi and Connor have bellowed indignantly for applause and thanks for helping to create meals - meaning they stirred the pot on the stove - and then cry that the food was too yucky to eat. And last night, Tessi argued with me about whether or not she argues or not. The good part about that was it got the Monty Python argument clinic sketch stuck in my mind and that distracted me from climbing over my seat in the car to get at her to wring her neck.

There's no way this is normal. I don't believe it.

Odd Moving Vibe

2010-06-21T08:38:00.000+10:00

I've moved a lot in my lifetime. A lot. I used to get asked if my family was military. We just moved. So, I do have a little experience with moving and I know what's coming. What's suprising to me is how little I am stressed about the move right now. I have never in my life been LESS annoyed about packing things up, throwing stuff out and tripping over boxes in my life. It's an odd feeling. Or I should say it's odd not to have the feeling.

With a move less than 2 weeks away I should be marginally hysterical now. Fighting with Ted over the need to save items that most rational people would have thrown out or desperately trying to find people to give some of the kids stuff to because I can't bear the thought of moving it somewhere to sit on the floor. Or maybe just trying to buy less food and supplies because I don't want to move, or know that I can't move it but still buy enough to be able to make stuff and not have to order out. I'm doing of lot of this stuff but not stressing about it.

Our last move was a killer one. But not the packing up bit. We had movers pack us. The stress in that came from getting rid of stuff they wouldn't pack (propane tank, alcohol, cleaning products) and of course the stuff we wanted to get rid of. That was a nightmare. I lucked out though and had some great friends help us out by getting stuff out. The real nightmare was the landing in a foreign country and being overwhelmed by the differences and figuring out how to do things. That and also try to raise children. Not good. Not fun.

But this move...well this move is different. For one thing, the new house is 20 minutes away. That's it. Not everything has to go into a box. I can just pick up clothes on the hanger and chuck them in the car and drive them up and hang in the closet. Done. Poof. No unpacking. We don't have enough boxes for all our books. Not worrying though because we can just take the ones we have, unpack and bring them back and reuse them. Wow. What a thought. As for learning the new neighborhood, all the major shops are the same and I know how to drive back and forth. All done.

We have friends willing to help us take car loads of stuff over a few days so we have less for the movers to do and therefore less to pay the movers. We've been packing stuff up for a month so there is a lot packed up or toys that are large enough just to be carried in a car.

So I am well on track for moving and not concerned at all.

Which is starting to scare the Hell out of me. I mean, I live my life from one disaster to another. I'm not one of those live and let live, smell the flowers, enjoy each moment because I know damn well that something is in fact, hiding around the corner just waiting for me to come close and jump out and get me. No, I'm not paranoid, just practical. As a former Girl Scout I'm just trying to be prepared. At least that's what the voices in my head tell me.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that the obligatory glitch for this mission was the actual finding of the house and that finally, for once, we will be able to get through this without most of us sitting on a box of glassware and crying.

VICTORY! THY NAME IS MY HOUSE!!!!

2010-06-18T11:26:00.000+10:00

In a more calmer voice, we have found a house. Not just a house but it is not the 3 bedroom, 1 bath, with iron bars, an 1hour drive from school and no heat slum that I was starting to think we'd have to get. No, no, no. We got a H.O.U.S.E!!!

It's beautitful. At least it is from the outside and the pictures on the internet. You see, I haven't actually been inside the house. On the day of 7 open houses that one was in the group that Ted did by himself.

Sidebar: When cracking up and having a snarling, pissy, hissy fit about doing every god damn thing about finding a house and demanding that your spouse get off of his ass and DO SOMETHING try not lump the house you end up getting in his group. Just saying...

Anyway. I could tell it has a roof, a kitchen, is off of a main road and Ted can walk to the bus to get to the train and get to work. So honestly, I don't care.....but...THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!!! There is a pool. Yes, a swimming pool! The yard is twice the size as the house AND there is a gated park right accross the street. The owner is leaving his POOL TABLE because it's too heavy to move!!!! He's also leaving a desk and some book cases in the study because he doesn't want to move them. There is a work shed and 2 carports. It is completely gated...the kids are TRAPPED...er, um I mean secure.

This house is amazing!!!!! It's incredibly expensive and we'll be cutting back even more on things BUT I DON'T CARE. We have a house and we get the keys next week!

Here We Go

2010-06-07T08:06:00.000+10:00

A debilitating head cold, an agonizing wait to hear about the house we want plus a 4-soon-to-be 5 year old looking for a fight are not the elements to a harmonious life.

Tessi's Horse Party

2010-06-05T18:52:00.002+10:00

I have made the rain stop!! By the shear force of will and mind powers I stopped the onslaught of rain in Sydney! I think we had 7 days straight where it rained daily and then about 3 weeks where it rained at least 5 days in the week.
But not today! Nooooo, not for Tessi's outdoor horseback riding party. It threatened..the skies wanted to open up but NO! I stopped it! I swore, stomped my feet, pouted, shook my fist and then in shear desperation turned my back to the sky and ignored it.

Obviously, I was not to be messed with today. We got through the riding and everything and the girls were happy and oh yes, they were DRY! HOT DAMN!

Let's just hope my will has a bit left over to make us get the house I want to rent.

But no matter, my baby had her party today and she was thrilled. She got to ride a horse, she got to eat cake and she got presents. Life is good.

Anyone Know Any Good Swear Words that I don't Already Know?

2010-06-03T12:03:00.000+10:00

After all the hassle of getting the application for the house in 5 days before the open house - trying to snake the house away from anyone and I learn to day that the real estate agent is holding our application until after the open house so all the apps can be sent together. Why? Well because the owner of the house is overseas and they don't want to spend the money on more than one contact. Ummm, We sent our applications in by email. I know, I know, FORWARD THE EMAIL we sent on to the owner. NO EXPENSE.

I need new curse words. The ones I know just aren't filthy enough.

As I Txted to Some Friends Last Night...

2010-06-02T08:36:00.000+10:00

Whether it's God, Yehway, Vishnu, the Easter Bunny or Our Lord Jack Daniels, please offer up some positive thoughts for us. I turned down a house we were approved for - it wasn't good, it was waaaaayyyyyy out and the house wasn't great, for a chance for a fabulous house.

I don't know when we'll hear. I have no idea. But I WANT THIS HOUSE. Please, please, please, please. It's perfect for us.

I'll suffer my oncoming head cold with unprecented grace, style and silence.

I'll be super sweet and nice to every moron that crosses my path.

I'll recycle more.

I won't use the dryer for 2 weeks. At all.

I won't point out that Teddy's an idiot when he trips over his shoe laces.

I will gleefully watch High School Musical and Big Cook Little Cook.

I start calling the dog Sasha again, rather than Damn Dog.

Please let us get this house.

More Homes Less Choices

2010-06-01T08:37:00.000+10:00

Ah real estate in Sydney. I love it. Well, actually I don't. I grit my teeth every time I head to the computer. I marvel at real estate agents and how they act here. Each office is just responsible for a certain area. If you know what area you want that's great. If you don't, well, learn which one you want and quickly.

It's definitely NOT a renter's market right now and it shows. Realtors don't return phone calls. They don't worry about open houses advertising what time they'll be on. They have that blase attitude that is humorous...or bloody annoying if you're in a hurry to find a house.

I called about a house yesterday and was informed that an application was in and she would call if it didn't go through. She asked if I was willing to spend more a week because she had another house to go online. As we have already upped our maximum I said no. Then she said ok and we hung up. Today I checked online and that same office, that same agent has listed another house and it's UNDER my price limit. She had to have known about it but didn't see the need in mentioning it too me. UGH. I'm going to call this woman back and swallow my tongue and my toes to keep myself from asking her if she swallowed the entire bottle of stupid pills or if it was natural.

1 have 3 houses that I'm desperate for 1 to work out. One is really far out, but nice and huge. 1 is nice, medium distance away, the last is a little far away, no yard but brand new. I have never been inside any of these houses and right now I want to put applications in on all 3...site unseen. Desperation is a bad, bad thing.

Real estate agents in Hornsby area - here is what I need.

House large enough so that my children have space not to kill each other. That means 4 bedrooms. Please. I need at least 2 bathrooms. Not the laundry plus spare toilet. 2 bathrooms. I need some kind of yard. Doesn't have to be huge. Has to exist. Must be in walking distance to train or bus. Real walking distance. Not something that Cain would look askance at. I'm not a snob but can use a stove larger than a hibachi grill. I can live with an external laundry. Let me keep my dog. I'll put her outside. Just let me keep her. It must be within 20 minutes of Normanhurst Public School.

Come on out there. SOMEONE must be getting ready to rent my house!

Gloom and Doom

2010-05-31T08:27:00.000+10:00

Alright, maybe not doom. That's a bit melodramatic. It's just rained every day for a week, the laundry has really piled up and of course, there's no news on the home front. It's hard not to get a little dejected. I have a house to call about this morning - only because we're raising our weekly price maximum. Not excited about that but we really have to find something now.

The good news is that the packing is coming along and Ted picked up a ton off boxes from his office yesterday. So we're on our way. Tessi's birthday party is this weekend so I really have to get going on getting everything organized. At least she's pretty easy on the toy front still. I wonder if I can sucker her into having a donut cake too? Doubt it...she's in FULL horse mode. Hmmm, maybe I can get her to let me serve a trough of hay? I mean, we want to be authentic don't we? Better not try, she's not one to be crossed lightly.

Ren Your Houses People!

2010-05-28T13:17:00.002+10:00

ACK! Sydneysiders!! Don't you listen to the news? It's a bad time to try and sell property! Just rent it! Rent it, I say!

Especially if you live within a 20 minute drive of Normanhurst, are within walking distance to a major bus line or train, have 4 bedrooms and allow pets and will rent for under $700 a week.

Thank you.

New Look for The Blog

2010-05-27T06:18:00.000+10:00

Thank you Ted for helping get the new template for the blob. I still have to fix some things and get my fancy widgets back as I really did like that revolving globe I had found. But no matter, at least it's different looking. A little more cutesy than I normally like but I am happy it's something new.

Today's plans. Pack. Pack like there is no tomorrow. Well, pack until I'm out of boxes, which isn't too long as I only have 4 or 5 left. I did get rid of a bunch of the girls toys the other day. Some very sacred stuffed animals that they really, really don't care about anymore. Of course, with Tessi's birthday just around the corner I'm sure a few more will be making an appearance.

The other goal for today is some bow-making. That's the fun part of the day. Seems silly I know, but it's one of the few things I feel I can do well and that I have complete control over. Control....sigh...that is something that is sorely lacking in my life right now. The move, the kids, LIFE. Ack. When you're a control freak and you don't have control over things - well BOOM!

Hopefully today I can get some things accomplished and that will make me feel a bit more in charge. Not to worry though, the more I think about it I must be in charge. Why else would Connor and Tessi be constantly trying to overthrow me if I wasn't? Hmmm, maybe I need to wear a fake military uniform with a cool sash....

I Take it Back....

2010-05-26T09:25:00.000+10:00

Even if the house isn't exactly what I wanted....it sucks to be rejected.

So much for being Penny's neighbor.

D-Day

2010-05-26T09:02:00.001+10:00

Well sort of. Today we should hear about the 3 applications we put in this weekend. I'm really blase about all 3 of them. I want a house but none of them were Shangri-La so I just can't get too excited. Would be nice to have something though.

Wish us luck!

Sometimes a Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing

2010-05-26T00:00:00.000+10:00

So I'm up again in the middle of the night. Reaccuring Acid Reflux can be helpful in that it does make me sit up and not want to do anything constructive, so I sit at the computer. I just added a few fun widget thingys to my blog and I thought I'd get a new template. It's a shame I'm not married to anyone who knows how to design a webpage or anything.....

So I know a little bit about computers. Not a lot, but a little. I've decided that is is way more dangerous than knowing nothing. I've just spent 20 minutes trying to download a cool, spiffy, free template and all I've gotten is more acid churning in my stomach. Just what I needed. I would have been better off knowing nothing and sticking with what I had but nooooooo, God forbid I do that.

Now I'm going to spend some more time trying to fix what I changed and hope I can get it to look a little more normal. Suppose it's better than looking at more more house listings...which I did already...but that's another posting.

How to Pack A House

2010-05-25T09:27:00.000+10:00

It's really not hard. The best way to do it is get into a really, and I mean REALLY bad mood. Then as you are looking at the beautiful stuffed animal lovingly given to your daughter 4 years ago when she was 2 you can say, "Oh to Hell with it. She doesn't play with it" and chuck that bad boy into the trash. It helps also to be packing the things that belong to the child or spouse who has most recently pissed you off. Swear to God, you can get it done in an hour or so. Right now I could pack up Connor and Sasha and have no real proof of their exsistence in a matter of minutes.

Easy Peasy.

Now, people you like or stuff you care about...well....that can take a while.

Finding a House

2010-05-24T09:26:00.000+10:00

I've moved around my whole life. Enough times, in fact, that a lot of people assumed we were military. We're not. My folks just moved a lot. As an adult, I move too. The sad thing is most times I don't even want to...it just works out that way.

I really had hoped to only move one more time in my life. But no joy. We're going to another rental. Ok, so here we are searching and once again I have found the perfect house. Sadly, it's in 3 different locations. Every house we lok at has "something" off about it. Something that really doesn't work for us. Unfortunatley time is running out for us and I hyperventilate every time I see the calendar so perfect is no longer a goal, manageable is what we need.

House #1 - Perfect location. It's in Normanhurst, it's the same street as 3 people I know, one of whom is a dear friend. PENNY, this is you. Seriously, it's a dream. Ted can still walk to the train, I could conceivably walk the kids to school. I won't, but I can say that I can. The downside is that it's a bit small. There are enough rooms but it's small. The fridge won't fit in the kitchen but it'll work in the dining area. I have a nice fridge and I'm NOT giving it up. The laundry is below the house and thanks to my elbow I won't be able to carry laundry up and down the steps...so that will be an issue. But it's a nice house, with a nice yard.

House#2 _ House is great. Huge, extra rooms, Gigantic master bedroom with REAL closets. Yard is good, not great but a good size. Locations is eh. Not sure how Ted will catch the bus, have to work on that.

House #3. House is mirror image of house #2 - must be same designer. Only, it's ever so much smaller. It doesn't have 2nd living area and upstairs feels cramped. It has a pool. This would be a dream for the kids. A living dream. The bus stop is 2 houses away. Bad side is that it's on a very busy street. Really busy.

So if we take the second house, plus the pool of the 3rd house and put it on the location of the 1st house, we're good.

Since that's not going happen we have to learn to settle. I'm hoping we get the Normo one. Dear God, please don't anyone ever tell Teddy about the house with the pool. I'll never live that one down.

More False Advertising

2010-05-21T07:58:00.000+10:00

Moving boxes are expensive here. I mean EXPENSIVE. The small book size ones are anywhere from $4-$5. There's an online place that will do them cheaper but they want a 100% deposit and you get that back when you return the boxes. What the Hell? Don't know about you but it takes me a LONG DAMN time to unpack everything. In fact, a very long damn time. I say with pride and with shame that there is a box in my bedroom right now that was packed in San Antonio, 2 moves ago. No way I'd betting a deposit back.

So, I'm looking for cheap boxes. I see an ad in yesterday's Bunning's catalog. That's the local Home Depot. Lo and Behold!!! Boxes, many sizes and a fancy, wizz bang tape dispenser. And the boxes are almost cheap! Hot damn! After school drop off I race out to my local, grab a trolley and march in. I decide to not be a guy and cheat and ask where the boxes are from the first employee I see.

And that's where my good luck end abruptly.

The employee gives me the blink hard, and look here little missy look that you can only get from a home improvement store employee. "We don't have 'em" He decides to censer himself and responds. I roll my eyes and point out the flyer. Plain as day, there they are! He grunts, nods that he can read too but then in his best, you damn fool voice, "A large Bunnings would have them, not us"

Ahhh, yes, this is not a LARGE Bunnings. I forget that in Australia, home improvements stores the size of the ones back home are LARGE ones and few and far in between.

My thoughts vacilate between, "Jesus, I'm a dumb ass, I've lived here 3 years and I don't know that?" and "Jesus, you people are dumb asses, why don't you print that those are only available at certain stores?"

Now I have to plan a trek out to the LARGE store. No problem, I have nothing else to do. Except pack. Except pack and find a new house. Except pack, find a new house, get laundry done. Except pack, find a new house, get laundry done and get the kids to school. Excecpt pack, find a new house, get the laundry done, get the kids to school and get Connor to her special class after school in Chatswood. Except...oh to Hell with it. There's way too much to do.

I quit. I may spend the day unpacking the wine.

Guidelines for Renting a House in Sydney

2010-05-20T07:25:00.000+10:00

Dear all Home owners trying to rent property in Sydney,

When listing a property for rent please take a moment to consider proper wording for your home listing. This will help make the process of finding renters as smooth as possible.

As you think about the selling features of your property please do not entice families in with your beautiful rooms, your huge kitchen, your built-in backyard cubby house and your sparkling clean in ground pool and then accept a family only to learn they have pets and then tell them they are welcome to rent as long as they give away their animals. It will save you a lot of time if you simply put the words, "No pets" on your listing. The real estate agent who spent the day checking the references of the applying family and drawing up the contracts because in his words, "This is the winner" will thank you. Particularly since he had already emailed the family prior to the home inspection saying that pets were ok. The family, who dragged 3 children to your open house and pried their fingers off the gate to the pool, and waited for 4 days for approval: only to learn they could have their dream home if they give away 2 members of their family, will thank you.

To the Home Owner of the home in question in Hornsby Heights. I know you will find a suitable family soon. There's no way a house as beautiful as yours will be vacant for long. Forgive me for being less than charitable when I wish beyond hope that your new, pet-less family has children that cover your beautiful built-in closets with fairy stickers, fills all the power points with play dough, has bowling practice through your picturesque lounge room window and decides to make the pool the biggest mud pie making facility in NSW.

Signed with Love and Regards,

Future Renters in Sydney

Oh Dear God

2010-05-19T07:22:00.000+10:00

How the HELL do people move in this country? Box size cardboard moving boxes are $4-$5 and mid-size ones are $5-$6 a piece. WHAT??!!! Where is the U-HAUL store when I need it?

I'm going to go buy a few boxes and beg for the rest.

Australia, someday you people are going to realize that you don't have to pay an arm and leg for everything. When that happens the revolution is coming my friend, it's coming!

Return of the Blogger

2010-05-18T09:20:00.000+10:00

Ok, I'm going to make an effort to blog again. Not because so many of you are pining for my words of wisdom but more in a attempt to try see if I have any.

Unfortunatley we have a new and dominating theme for the blog for the next weeks or even 2 months. Today's magic word kids is MOVING. Blah. The owner of our house has decided to try and cash in on rampant commercialism and is reclaiming the house to sell it. GOOD LUCK BUDDY! That first inspection report showing what is usually referred to as electrical wiring is going to take a few $1000 off that asking price. HA!

No, I'm not bitter. Thank you for asking.

So today the packing has officially done. I did one box. Teddy one after having to re-do it 3 times. Umm, sorry Hon, you can't pack heavy hardbound books in a box that's 2 feet tall. No, YOU pick it up. Oh, you can't....see??? No? Just take the books out and but the rugby ball in. Sigh....Boys are special....

Connor attempted to pack. She got 1 doll about 4 inches long, 1 Littlest Pet Shop diary and and 3 stuffed animals. Apparently she's not too trusting of me and thinks that I'm throwing it out. I wonder where she gets this notion....could be from me threatening to throw out any toys I see left on the living room floor. I least I know she can hear me. She doesn't care what I say, but she hears it.

The house hunting has begun and we've found a place I want but 4000 other people want it so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Failing miserably but I'm trying. We'll know soon and I have 2 open houses tomorrow and another in the works. So we're not panicking yet. By we I mean Ted. He's fine. "It'll work out" Tencza thinks everything will be fine. I, on the other hand, my myself hyperventilating a lot. I don't like change. An odd thing to say from a woman who has moved enough times to be confused with being military and willingly moved around the world, but there it is.

Well, wish us luck, let me know if you know of a nice house in NW Sydney, within a 20 minute drive of Normanhurst Public School and whatever you do, save me your boxes and newspaper.

Why Don't I Blog Anymore?

2010-03-10T20:35:00.000+11:00

Tessi breaks her 3-week old glasses after, "I did not nothing. They fell off my face" Glasses have to sent off and welded together again.

Connor begs to have new little girl from school over after school. New girl picks fights with Connor's BFF from preschool and with older neighbor girl. Very, very long afternoon.

Teddy has to have clarinet tutor. Everyone around us booked out. Have to hire guy 35 minutes away. Start to panic but manage to find someone 3 streets away! Whew!

Speaking of Band, Teddy now has to be at school an hour early on Monday's for band practice. First morning, Teddy sits and stares at his Nutella Toast without eating for 5 mintues before I caought on and asked why he wasn't eating. Wasn't what he wanted that morning. Ate the same thing ever day for 3 months but I should have known THAT morning he wanted Milo cereal. Had a minor meltdown...me, not him.

Ted has spent the last 3 months gone an incredible amount. Reward? He gets to go to the States for a week and work even harder.

Week before he leaves I come down with Strep Throat. Hardly able to move. Beg for help from friends.

Friday Ted leaves, he trims the tree blocking the new place the tv satelittle receiver has to go. I help move branches. Start to feel sore in elbow, blame arthritus and swear about wrongly being considered old.

Drive Ted to airport. Elbow really hurting bad. Notice red patch on leg. Think it's allergic reaction. Teddy spends night at friends house and handle angry girls at bed time. Both very, very angry that Daddy is gone. So am I.

Get up early and pretend to read that Connor's cricket game is cancelled. Take girls to indoor play place and get swallowed in noise. Meet up with Teddy at birthday party friend has taken him to and race him to last cricket game...for which he complains that he's late. Suddenly notice that sun is out and it's hot. Damn hot. Texas hot. No sun screen excellent. Proceed to roast to death for 2 hours. Fortunately have Dora on my iPod for Tessi. Connor is still at playplace with one of her friends.

Go home make some dinner and go to park to have end of season cricket party. take kids home. Wow..arm, really hurts and can't straighten it but still not sure if I'm just a wuss. Leg still looks bad, spend time looking up Australian trees to see if any are deadly. Don't laugh. Wouldn't shock me if they were.

Muddle through Sunday. Go to shops. Yell at kids. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Hmmm. Leg mark is now the size of my open hand, purple, burning up, ankle is swollen and it hurts to walk. Also have strep throat reaccuring and what's that? Is that a sinus infection brewing? Ok.

Monday begins early and I have Tessi. Too sick to go to swim lessons, I cancell all 3 for the day. Good thing as I get phone call to get Teddy from school. Seems he's sick. He comes home and we all sit and wait for Foxtel. The company that runs the tv. He never shows. Hours later and after I have a friend walk Connor down from school I find note in mailbox saying sorry he missed me. Um missed me? How the Hell did I miss Sasha barking her head off at a stranger at the door? Oh that's right, I DIDN'T. He wasn't there. I called bellowing and regp basically calls me a liar, saying tech doesn't get paid unless he shows - so they always show. then he reads me the notes of the tech describing my house. Excellent discription too....of my NEIGHBORS house. Too bad, so sad. Tech is gone now and he can't come back. I can be inconvenienced all day, but not the tech. I'm too angry to reschedule. I know I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face but I don't care. Damn, my leg really hurts. Call dr and make appoint for next day. Also elbow is spasming and can't grip anything.

Go to drs after drop off and WHOOPS. Not an allergic reaction. I have a staph infection on the skin of my leg. A pretty good one considering that I've been on 500 mg of Keflex for 10 days. Have to return to dr's tomorrow to make sure leg is still attached (it is) and that I don't have to be hospitaliezed (I don't) Later that day I go to my friend the physiotherapist. Apparently my elbow felt like it had rice crispies in it. Not news I want to hear. She proceedes to manipulate my elbow into positions that most yoga masters would scoff at. Arm does improve but DAMN! That hurt! Now she wants me to give arm a rest and try not to re-aggravate it. I try not to giggle in her face. Rest, she says, ah, that's a good one. But she really did help my arm so I am grateful. I take this as a sign that I am to never, ever do yard work again. Ever.

That afternoon I have Connor's gymnastics and then Teddy has a clarinet lesson. A girlfriend takes pity on me and cooks dinner for us all. Bless her. Today? A haircut!! Ceramics class 'cause I'm finally starting to feel a little better. Then after schol AFL practice and then I managed to offend and upset yet another friend! Whoo hoo. On a roll. Pretty soon we'll be needing Ted to make friends for the family 'cause I keep driving everyone away.

Tomorrow, Teddy has AFL again. Friday another sleepover here. Saturday Connor has cricket again and then Sunday Ted comes home.

Why don't I blog that much anymore? It's a mystery.

Autism Discussions

2010-02-03T13:56:00.000+11:00

I've been talking on FB about the Autism article and I've even just had someone post a comment here...someone I don't even know! A first for me.

In the end, I can not believe that all of us...parents, people living with Autism, strangers who see Autistics, governments who are being foreced to doll out money do not have the same goal. Fundamentally we all want to live the lives we choose; not the one we have to settle for. Why does this concept have to some sort of Uptopian ideal? I'm not asking for chocolate covered strawberries to grown on the wall...I just want my daughters to be happy. Hell, I want my son to be happy too. I just want to know that when there is a problem there is a way to deal with it.

Please don't confuse this as some rant crying for everyone to come help me. I don't need your charity; neither do my girls. But if millions of dollars can be poured into a pill to help cure low libidos why can't that same amount go into helping my children; ALL CHILDREN be able to live a normal, happy life. One that let's them contribute to society.

So much time, money and effort has been wasted, just WASTED on this fighting amongst ourselves. It's the vaccines! It's wheat! Gluten! It's Mommy not wanting baby - yes, I was asked that for Connor's first evaluation. It's Mommy taking Zoloft during pregnancy. It's an excess of peanut butter!

No more. Please. No more fighting. Here it is. I'm sorry, it wasn't vaccines, I wish it was...it would have been great to have some tangible to blame. Something concrete to hold accountable...but this wasn't it. And now there's so mcuch dischord that we're all arguing with each other and the pool is being diluted.

That's it you know. The pool of resources has been diluted so much that it wouldn't shock me to find out there's a government grant to study Jimmy Hoffa's role in the Autism plot to tamper with drinking water.

Enough. There has to be a singular source of educated people...people who do more than study at the University of Google to sit down and really cut down the list of what we're looking at and parents, caregivers....we have to come together and support it. So scientists, researchers, doctors - give us something concrete to believe in. Our childrens lives are on the line.

Well, well, well

2010-02-03T07:53:00.000+11:00

So the study that came out and said that Autism was links to MMR immunization shots was done under flawed conditions. The paper that printed it, The Lancet, had to retract it.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/02/02/lancet.retraction.autism/index.html?hpt=T1

My, my, my. So Autim isn't caused by the shots. I'm going to refrain from my usual tirades and just say this, "NOW CAN WE ALL STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AND FIND OUT WHAT DOES CAUSE IT?!

It would be nice if ONCE, just ONCE I could enjoy my daughters without having to scrutinize their every action and wonder how I need to teach them to do things the "right way" I do this so they can survive childhood and not be traumatized by other children for being different. I would LOVE to only have to explain something one time because even at 5 1/2 Connor needs constant repetition for even the simplest of concepts to sink in.

So please, now can we all just get along? Let's fight the problem; not each other.

Good Good its Hot!

2010-01-21T09:03:00.000+11:00

Let me repeat...this is why I LEFT Texas. I HATE the heat. HATE it! Almost 36 today, 40 tomorrow and then well over 40 on Sat. W.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l. Just soooo not what I need.

Here in Australia we hear a lot about gloabl warming and them impact of running the a/c on the environment. I DON'T CARE! I'M RUNNING IT ALL DAY HA!!!

Sorry, going a be crazy from the heat. And it's only 9am. Sigh....ice blocks for dinner again.

Good news for me is that I do get to stay inside for most of the day. Teddy, poor kid has cricket camp until 1pm today and tomorrow. Will be stopping for emergency gatorade and ice blocks afterwards. Think it's time to start looking at the weather in Anchorage and day dreaming.

Joys of School Holidays

2010-01-19T09:10:00.000+11:00

It's an old tale I know. Mom has kids home from school for holidays. Kids go crazy. Mom goes crazy. Shoots up post office. Film at 11. I know.

But dear GOD, are you kidding me? This is child rearing? Listening to Teddy and Connor argue the finer points of proper driving skills while playing Need for Speed on the Wii? Get serious. I keep turning around and shouting, "Unless you're playing for money, there's no need to shout and call names" Unless it's me...then I get to shout and call names all I want. Price they pay for me NOT using the really good drugs during childbirth.

I must say, this is yet another reason why I'm glad we're not in the States anymore. Summer holidays are 6 weeks here. BOOM! That's it and they are back in school. I could.not.survive. 3 months off. Nope, I wouldn't make it. I would end up on the news. I'm just not one of THOSE mothers. The ones who go on and on about how they live for their kids and cry when they go back to school. I grew up with one of those moms and believe me there is a down side. Most people never think of this but moms who tell their kids how much they live for them should know that the kids believe them. In my case I grew up thinking that I was responsible for my mother's happiness and every time I screwed up I "damaged" her in some way. I would be panic struck about doing the right thing and making sure I did things so Mom could be happy. It really had a negative impact on my life. I know that only I can let myself feel guilty...but I do feel guilty about the impact of my moving had on my mother's life and her death. I shouldn't be because I do have as much a right to have a life as the next person but growing up knowing that if I was sad, my mother was sad did change me.

I'm not doing that to my kids. I love them. I care about their happiness; I want them to be happy. But the'll never hear,"I don't want to live without you" or"I live for when you're home" I don't do everything I possibly can for them. I'm the evil troll mom who never carries their kids' backpacks. No kid is leaving my house not being able to sew a button on shirt, do a load of laundry, cook a meal (albeit a crappy one if I teach them) and change a tire on a car...which I still haven't done. My point today is that seperation can be a good thing. Why does saying, "I want my children to go back to school so I can have peace in quiet" make me a bad mother to a lot of people? I don't ever want to live for my kids and therefore die without them. They shouldn't ever have to worry if messing up in school is going to ruin my life. They should worry that messing up in school is going to make me end theirs.

Of course, if I don't get away from this damn Wii game some endings may be in order...

New design

2010-01-15T13:59:00.001+11:00

No, no, no. This isn't the new design. The new one isn't ready but I can't handle seeing the Christmas junk anymore. Sooooooo over Christmas and everything associated with it. So now I have blue. Very blue. Will update with real website soon......

Just so You Know...

2010-01-12T22:11:00.000+11:00

If it's 40 degrees (well over 100) and you take your youngest child out of preschool an hour early to go swimming and she's mad. Mad because this means she has to get up off the couch. Then you go to the friends house and take her swimming and she steps in the pool and says it's cold and gets out. Gets out, sits on your lap, eats a few chips then falls asleep on the floor while a cricket game is played on PS3 for an hour then yes, she's sick.

Just saying...in case anyone was wondering.

Well, so much for MY plans tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T22:58:00.000+11:00

It's Christmas Eve now. Everything is wrapped and under the tree and we're about to head off to bed. I hope the holidays...whatever you celebrate, bring you peace and happiness. If not that...at least a new iPod.

Love and happiness to you all. Merry Christmas from way Down Under.....

Wine Recommendation

2009-12-23T21:15:00.000+11:00

I owe my life to a Houghton Quill Pinot Noir Chardonnay sparkling wine this evening. I thought I would recommend it to you all. Here's why...

At about 3:15ish my son's friend, visiting from Wales took him to bowling. The boys haven't seen each other in almost 2 years. I pomised Jacob's parents that we would be home waiting, whenever they returned. Julie thought they would be back in about 2 hours. No problem, it's hot. I didn't want to go anywhere. I had spent 2 hours grocery shopping this morning with crazed Christmas shoppers, I was done.

At about 4:30 I notice that Tessi has a red line in the corner of her eye. Normally this wouldn't phase me as Tessi is...well...Tessi. However, I know this red line. This red line has been the bane of my exsistence for a few weeks. It's ring worm. I know it because we've been battling it with Monty and several of us in the family for 2 weeks. Honestly, I don't know how Monty has anything alive on him with all the pills, creams and twice weekly baths with basicially a turpentine substance but it's hearty stuff and now it's hit Tessi.

Now, I do know what to do. I have the cream but I'm concerned because it's RIGHT in the crease of her eye and I'm not sure if I can give her the over the counter medicine I have. So, I call the pharmacist (pharmacists are WAY cooler in Australia by the way, they are like a dr - light. It's pretty aweseme, most of the imte) However today, the chemist says, no go...anything near the eye I should go to the dr. Ok, I call my madly busy dr's office and first the gal at the phone tries to put me off but when she hears my tale of woe she says to bring Tessi in NOW and she' ll work me in.

Ok-ey. I can't call Julie. I don't have a number for her so I can't be sure Teddy has someplace to go. I call my friend Penny and concoct a convelouted plan for me to take Connor to her and have her grab Teddy but as I'm leaving I see my neighbor Sue is home from work so she agrees to grab Teddy when Julie brings him home and I decide to just keep Connor with me as we race to the drs, of course on my way I go to the bowling alley in case I can see them. Which of course I can't, so now Connor is in a real tizzy over the noise and confusion of the bowling alley.

Get to the dr's and wait 30 min only to hear that the dr is stumped too. Lovely. He can't find any anti-fungal med for the eye but it must be treated as it could contaminate the eyelid and really cause damage. He instructs me to use the over-the-coutner medicine only I should be careful, if it gets in her eye I'll blind her. Ok, so no pressure. Not like Tessi is known for random, unexpected crying hissy fits that could wash the medicine into her eye. No problem. In the hands of a mere mortal this might be a problem but I am in fact, me...so No Worries.

At this point, Julie has returned Teddy to my house and found my note and called me in a panic. The lovely woman wants to stay and help even though she's an hour away from where she's spending the night. God bless her. She's a lovely soul. I assure her that all's well and to send Teddy to the neighbor house - Sue's expecting him. I race home with the girls and of course...Teddy is annoyed that I got home sooner than expected.

By this time it's 6:45 and I'm NOT cooking. I order pizza. Only there's a glich in the system and it won't let me order online so I have to call and for that I get charged an extra $4 a pizza, even though it's THEIR COMPUTERS PROGRAMMING ERROR. STINKIN PROGRAMMERS!!!! YOU'RE USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter, we got paid yesterday so I don't mind throwing money away. Pizza arrives, only had to referr 3 fights while waiting. Sat down to eat and Teddy decides THAT'S a good time to ask if Santa is real. I blow it off until the girls go to bed and after my friend calls to ask about Tessi and I have to warn her to watch for ringworm signs in her kids as she watched mine today. She LOVES me right now.

After the girls go to bed I brace myself for the talk with Teddy, cause Ted is still out at his corporate kegger so it's up to me to destroy Teddy's childhood and explain Santa to him. He's fine, Hell, he just wanted to make sure he still gets presents. We comiserate the end of an era with a few reditions of "Eye of the Tiger" and "Living On a Prayer" on Guitar Hero.

It's then I that I found this lovely bottle of sparkling wine. Most of the way through it and I can unclench my teeth again. It has a lovely bouquet. Not pretentious at all. I highly recommend it. In fact, I insist on it.

I Hate Technology

2009-12-21T12:42:00.000+11:00

If I had a sense of humor right now I would see the irony in someone who is using a computer to write a blog lamenting the woes of modern technology. Like I said, IF I had a sense of humor right now.

I have my friend Penny's kids coming over to join 2 of my cherubs today. In an effort to entertain I planned to make snowflakes. I wanted to print out different cool patterns but apparently my computer has decided the my printer's USB cable is sooooo passe. I didn't know this was even a possibility. I've unplugged and plugged, rebooted and sworn and shook cables around but it's no go. The printer is yesterday's news. Yep, this is sooooo what I need today.

Sigh....no rest for the wicked I suppose.

An Evening of Quiet

2009-12-20T18:33:00.000+11:00

Ted took the kids and went to a friends party. I suppose that's all I need to write. I doubt highly there's a single person who reads this and knows me can't understand what that entails for me. I'm just so exhusted right now...I know who isn't, but over the weekends I just step back at leave it all to Ted. Not fair I know but I can't think of what else to do.

Connor is too much right now. I'm really seeing that. At least too much for me. Sooo, tomorrow starts a great search for some activities for Madam. Maybe if I get her mind off of Kindy ending and being scared about change I can get her to tone down a bit. Did find out who her new teacher is and while I'm not 100% sure what I think...at least it's a name I can start throwing out to her. It's a start.

I realized last night part of why I was so upset about Connor turning her daily tirade on Teddy. I'm supposed to protect my children. What do I do when I have to protect my children from my children? If someone lays into Teddy it's simple...I stop them. Always have, I know what to do and I do it. But when the aggressor is Connor...what am I supposed to do? Connor's not a monster. She's terrified about her world around her and has no real way of telling us...at least not in a manner that the rest of us can understand. But she's vicious and relentless..2 qualities which combined are too much for Teddy. Hell, they're too much for me.
I can't stop Connor in the way I need to protect Teddy. I can't continue to be Connor's whipping post either.

I've taken to reading some blogs written by adults with Asperger's. Some of it's pretty brutal. Such bluntness, such critisizm, such...I don't know the right words...disquieting perhaps? My daughter is a member of a community that I know nothing about...honestly, one in which I am vocally not welcome. Sadly, when reading their thoughts, I'm not sure I want to be.

Yet, I have to find a way. I can't handle the thought of Connor living her life separated from her family. She maybe different..I dunno, maybe she is fine and we're different...but we are family...there has to be some way. I don't want her grown up feeling like the world is plotting against her, that she is "owed" something and everything would be fine if we all just did things her way.

Jesus...reading that does make me wonder if she is fine and I'm the one with the problem.

Posting #112

2009-12-17T16:26:00.000+11:00

I can't title the posting what I would like to because my father and mother and father-in-law read this and I can't have them know I use that kind of language.

Connor is in rare form today and for once it's not going after me. Sadly, she's going after Teddy. I have to say, I really feel bad for Teddy but he is really taking one for the team today. Today is the first day of school holidays and Connor is overwhelmed by the change of leaving Kindergarden, not being in school, having Christmas coming, knowing she's going into Year One and it's tearing her off her rocker. Every time Teddy brushes past her she falls apart in hysterics sobbing about how he's done it on purpose and how he's always hitting and hurting her.

It's all nonsense. Teddy has never teed off and hit her and I give him full credit for it because she really has earned it today. Connor has to learn the difference between small infractions and large, huge problems. To her, they are all they same. I had a psychologist tell me just yesterday how lucky we are to know this about Connor now - so we have time to teach her all of this before it gets rough. I shudder when I think that because NOW is pretty rough. Her sobbing and hysteria is so draining.

I just had a long talk with Teddy to calm him down as he's finally cracked and crying. He's 9 and he can't figure out why his sister hates him so much...and then loves him so much. I said, "I'm an adult and I know why...and it still hurts. There's no way in this world you should understand. The truth is Teddy, Autism, no matter how severe or mild, simply sucks"

If you know someone with an Autistic person in your life, please, don't tell them it'll get better...just hold their hand and tell them it's ok to be tired and they are not a bad person for wishing things were different. Sometimes even 5 minutes of knowing you're not a bad person can make all the difference in the world.

Now I get to go and spend some time with Connor...who has already forgotten what happened...and try to teach her how she's supposed to act and try to get her brother to still try and love her. He does, he just doesn't know it right now.

I'm Not a People Person.

2009-12-15T12:46:00.000+11:00

Not that this is a surprise to anyone. I mean seriously, when have I ever been sociable Sally? ...but I'm slowly realizing that I'm becoming more like Ted and truly hating my fellow man. Nothing and I mean nothing, brings out that feeling like holiday time. It's not a cliche and I'm not jumping on any bandwagon, I'm seriously noticing what a bunch of twits there are around the world and for some reason, they all shop at Westfield in Hornsby.

From asses who have the split the difference between the lines when entering the parking lot so we all have to wait for them to pick a line to people who live in terror of reaching wind blowing speeds of 5 mph. Seriously, if the car scares you that much, take the train.

I think people just take leave of their senses this time of the year. No, you can't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle and wander off to look for God-knows what. Especially now because there are more of us trying to past you and get done before we snap and kill someone. Don't do it. I don't even care which side of the aisle anymore...just PICK ONE! And yes, if you don't, I WILL move your cart out the way. I DON'T NEED your permission. Wanna start with me? I argue with a 9, 5 and 4-year old every.stinking.day. Trust me, you don't have a prayer.

Don't argue with the kid at the checkout that the stores have it cheaper. He doesn't care. I don't care. None of us care. Take it to customer service. They dont' care either but at least they'll pretend. Cashiers, I'm sure you're nice but spare me your life story. I don't mean the people you see every week and develop a rapor with...I mean the cashier you've never seen before in your life who carries on about how her manager has messed with her schedule and she HAS to be off to go see her boyfriend's show. I promise you, I don't care. I'm sure your manager doesn't care either because, honestly, drummer's girlfriends trying to sneak out of work early aren't exactly uncommon. Hell, MY MOTHER knew people who did that. Seriously, if you're on par with my mom...sorry...you just ain't counter culture.

All of this is of course going on with loud and fairly lame Christmas music in the background. So Ho, Ho, Ho and leave me alone.

Unless of course you're Tessi. Tessi who had to dress like a rainbow fairy and even while she was an obnoxious 4-year old, she was still cute and she stopped total strangers to twirl her rainbow skirt for. And I have to give the strangers credit. Not one threw her a look...everyone commented on how well her skirt twirled and how beautiful she looked. Merry Christmas Tessi. You make a beautiful fairy.

I Wonder What a Good Mother Would Do?

2009-12-07T08:02:00.000+11:00

Teddy and Connor are in the kitchen fighting while they make sandwiches and packing lunches. This is fine. At least the lunches are being made. However, I just overheard Teddy yelling at Connor apparently about some sandwiches that fell and are now on the floor. No one bothered to pick them up and it seems that Sasha has either eaten them or simply licked the jam off.

Now they are arguing about whether or not new sandwiches even need to be made...let alone who is going to do them. As my stomach is sitting here churning with nausea at the thought of Connor eating a dog-licked jam sandwich a part of me wonders - well, should I let them settle it or should I step in?

See it's crap like this that gets mothers into trouble. If I step in too much then I'm the dreaded "helicopter" parent. If I stand back too much I'm neglecting them. Also, if I step in too much fighting with Connor my head spins and I trip over myself getting the pretty yellow pills and a cold compress for the heartbeat over my eye.

Sigh...so either way I'm sunk.

Wait a minute! Teddy has come in to ask about what else to put in the lunch and SHOCK he threw out the sandwiches!!!! He even gave me an odd look when I asked! As if it was obvious that one throws out sandwiches that the dog has licked!!! You have no idea how impressive this is. This comes from a boy that for entertainment follows the dog and cat around in hopes that one of them will sneeze on him. One of his Christmas presents is a snot making kit. Seriously...this is big.

So apparently somewhere, somehow at some point in time I managed to convey to Teddy that there is a level of grossness too high. Dare I say it...is this my June Cleaver moment??!! Is this the moment I've been waiting for that allows me to think that perhaps, I'm not the Joan Crawford of mothers? I think I'm dizzy now.

Ahhh, they're fighting again and I can head the dog sneezing on Teddy. Life is back to normal. Whew. Don't think I could have handled all that positive thought.

The Great Quest

2009-12-01T08:34:00.000+11:00

In searching for a toy car that goes with a specific toy car carrier so I can give the damn thing away I have just found the following:
1.The poker table top that Ted and I have been searching months for
2.A box of baby toys that I had saved for reasons that can no longer be remembered
3. A lamp and lampshade with an American plug
4. A Minnesota Vikings bowling ball
5. 435 empty boxes - Saved obviously for when diligently put anything away
6. A box of my brother-in-laws books. They are going to the trash TODAY

Suspiciously absent...my marbles. Sadly, I think they are long gone.

It's Christmas Time, I Surrender

2009-11-30T10:33:00.000+11:00

It's the most wonderful time of year. I play that song a lot now because otherwise I might forget that. Of course, I also play "The Chanukkah Song", Bob & Doug's "12 Days of Christmas" and of course, "I Am Santa Clause" We all have our own ideas of the perfect Christmas music.

In between furiously tyring to buy presents for realities overseas, and darling husband and wonderful children, I'm getting presents for teachers, making a few of them, organizing craft days in 2 different classes - in one class I'm setting up 3-4 crafts, reading up toy area and getting rid of toys so we can make room for MORE toys, ctrying to sucker people into helping with thlass crafts, setting up parent teacher dinners and organizing class gifts, decorating our house, coercing children to write Christmas cards to friends, ignoring that I should be doing the same. Wrapping presents while chasing down money from people to pay for class gift, finding costume accessories for Carols Night performance, stopping parents inadvertantly from telling teacher about surprise present and arguing about Year 3's having to make a social statement at a performance instead of just having a laugh.

On top of that are my regular duties - eruptions of the piles a laundry, making of lunches - today finding out there's no ham for sandwiches, grocery shopping, children fighting mediator, dog and kitten mediator, planning of meals while husband is working death hours, trying to keep house clean for weekly house showing, 2 different days of swim lessons, cricket training, homework, dishes, trying not to kill children for screaming at me, chasing down damn dog as she runs for freedom and planning holiday events to plan.

Yep, a Merry Damn Christmas to you too.

Time Really is Man's Invention...

2009-11-27T21:55:00.007+11:00

....because women...especially mothers...don't really need anything that measures time. Our days are long and jam packed whether or not we know what time it is.

Friday began in the normal fashion. Woke up a bit before 6am and got up and let Monty out of Teddy's room and locked him in my room so I can let Sasha out of her crate so she doesn't eat him. It's these gestures that make me PETA spokesperson of the year. Anyway, off to read email in peace to find out if the world exploded during the night.

In my email I learned that the Canteen was short a helper so I sent a response offering a hours worth of help with Tessi in tow. Then I have get the kids up and start breakfast. By starting breakfast I mean actually telling them to eat. By telling them to eat I mean, "Go to the table. Eat your breakfast. No eat now. Sit down. Eat" I say this every damn morning. Then around 8am my neighbors kids show up. My neighbor just went back to work so I'm walking her kids to school too. Not a problem but that means I have to make some breakfast for them and yell at them to not mess up the girls room...again. Re-checkemail only to be shocked and learn that my offer of help was accepted. Apparently pesky rules regarding work in the Canteen with preschoolers will be pushed aside on the busy Friday afternoon when short on help.

We get to school. Go off to Canteen. As I am Mother of the Year I gave Tessi a paddle pop (chocolate ice cream popsicle) at 9:30 in the morning so I can help prep the food for cooking. Sigh...it went as well as could be expected but Tessi was never one to sit an color calmly. Tanya, the Canteen Manager, was a good sport but we all spent more time diverting Tessi rather than cooking.

Then off to Penny's as I haven't seen her in a while and let the girls play. She takes her hubby to the train only to return with her oldest son who is sick. So much for either of our afternoons. I run to the shops while she stays with the children and then I stay with her son while she takes the girls to choir and then switches off the different kids to different activities and then back home for me to watch the remaining children while Penny does some quick grocery shopping.

After that Teddy and I head home. He's annoyed because we're leaving his friends house and I'm annoyed because it's hot and I've gotten nothing done for the the house showing I have tomorrow and the Thanksgiving dinner for which we're making the turkey. Then Teddy gets an invite to go swimming and then the girls come home. The first fight comes about 10 seconds after the front door opens; obviously. Then we order pizza, drive to get it and then wait for Ted to come home. Then I spend the evening ignoring the fighting and calling friends and settling potentially hurt feelings and continuing tomorrows plans.

Now I sit here and type this while watching, "Sense and Sensibility", drinking wine and ignoring the cleaning up that needs to be done before 2 different 8 am cricket games, one damn turkey to be cooked and of course, the laundry...the never ending laundry.

The sad part is that while today was busy - it was not insanely busy. This is the life of a mother. See what I mean, time truly has no meaning. I get up - and I spend the day putting out fires and not all of them are metaphoric ones. Sometimes I wonder why I wear a watch. Really, does it matter what time it is?

How were your Holidays?

2009-11-24T19:39:00.003+11:00

Any time you go away on a vacation, or holiday as it is in Australia, inveribly when you come home some asks you, "How was it? or Did you get a break" This is always difficult for me to answer because I find if I'm too truthful the person asking gets disappointed or if I lie then I'm sure we both know I'm not being honest. However, let's be realistic. I went almost 3 hours away to a cabin in a caravan park with my husband and 3 children. The kids shared a room with 2 sets of bunk beds so every night, 1 had to sleep on the bottom bunk. Do YOU think I had a restful time?

Not to say there weren't some really great moments. There were. Teddy got surfing lessons and had a blast. All 3 kids loved playing on the beach. Sand castles, shell collections, wave chasing, swimming - yes it was great. Tessi actually swam with her face under water! Phenominal! Connor went into the water and while wearing a swim vest (Thank God for Penny for lending them to us!) she was able to swim by her self...meaning away from me...actually more than 5 feet away from me! Loved that part.

But, a quiet, restful, relaxing vacation? Be serious. We drove for 3 hours with 3 kids sitting right next to each other...TOUCHING EACH OTHER. The first argument came before we had gotten the car turned around in the driveway. The last one was as we were pulling up in front of the cabin. Never underestimate kids abilities to fight. There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that children will not fight over. My kids will fight over trash. I pop Panadol (Tylenol) like M&M's.

I marvel sometimes at how some parents do it. I see lots of parents who are not as frazzled as I am and I wonder how that's possible. I hope against hope that they are just drunk and good at hiding it. I just don't see how rational people can be sober and raise kids. The logic is just astounding sometimes. Connor yells at me that the pool is ugly, that she hates her dress, that I picked out the wrong shoes and that the hot chocolate is too hot. Then she turns to me and asks me to do something for her. Um,

Hel-lo? I'd cut my fingers off with your hair clips before I'd do something else for you! If I tell her this then the sobbing starts about how mean I am to her. This is where my stress blinking really comes in handy. As she's standing in front of me bellowing at me I start blinking really hard and she disappears for a second or two at a time. What I need is some sort of stress deafness. Maybe I'll start practicing walking around with my fingers in my ears. I keep stealing Connor's ear plugs from her but she keeps taking them back.

It was a good break in the routine, I'll say that. The kids really did love the pool and I have learned that the life vest may be my savior for taking the kids to the pool. I've never been brave enough to take all 3 kids to the pool myself but now I think I'll be able to go. That will help a lot as Ted is now working a million hours a week and the heat is climbing. So it was a learning holiday as well. But restful? I think not.

Only My Kids

2009-11-18T17:26:00.002+11:00

Tomorrow we're going to 6 days and 5 nights at the beach. We're staying at a caravan park in a cabin that is a 1 minute walk from the beach, it has 2 pools, a game room, jumping pillow, is next to a farm where the kids can feed the chickens, has an on-site surf lessons school and boogie board and boat rentals. We're going on a dolphin watching cruise, may hit the local waterpark and if the worst happens and it rains - up the road is an indoor aquatic center. Sorry, centre.

Are my children happy right now? No. Teddy is annoyed because he's missing a birthday party he was invited to (he doesn't even like the kid) and OzKick. A sporting thing that apparently involves kicking. Connor isn't happy because she wants to have the fruit loops NOW and I said they were for the holidays and Tessi is crying...well, in all fairness, Tessi is always crying.

As I look out the window at them - they are outside fighting with the neigbor kids I am imagining squishing them between my fingers. Just like Dave Foley on "Kids in the Hall" - I wish they had a skit for the sound.

Time for a Vote

2009-11-17T14:25:00.002+11:00

Just found Teddy's shoes...the ones he left at Will's house. They were in a bag that he had taken swimming the other day. Which means he not only didn't leave them at Will's house, he took them to Alexander and Oscar's house and took them to the pool. So his whole, "I've been going without shoes for days" mantra is complete and total crap. They were here the entire time.

As soon as I have a regular heartbeat again and the eye twitch goes to a slight throb do I

A) Kill him loudly and publically at school in front of all of his friends
B) Fill his shoes with all his Bakugan and Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fling them into the ocean on Thursday
C) Mention to all the girls in his class that he has a picture of them under his pillow
D) Count the remaining 67.50 hours until we leave and tack on another 8 hours until they are in bed and I'm on the porch of the cabin with a glass of wine in my hand and start a bet until he actually needs shoes again?

Really, Who Can Make This Crap Up?

2009-11-17T08:01:00.000+11:00

Yesterday began with me noticing that my fan wasn't blowing cold air in my face. This was due to a power outage. I should have walked out of the house then and gone to a hotel. That way there could have been room service and clean sheets for the day.

No instead I got up and began the day. Got Tessi and Connor to school but kept Teddy so he could go to the dr's. He started Singular again 2 weeks ago and the dr wanted to check on him to make sure he wasn't having and side affects. No problem, I was going to race him back to school and dash to ceramics, race back and take Monty to Connor's school for News Day and spend the evening yelling at the kids.

We make plans and God laughs. Or in my case, falls to the floor in uproarious laughter; pointing and getting the angels to stamp on my head.

The dr said that Teddy was doing well with the medicine but his white-coated tongue and englarged glands meant that he had some sort of mild flu and he needed to stay home and rest. Both Teddy and I looked at each other in shock as neither of us knew he was sick. I thought he was a miserable pain in the ass on Sunday because he had slept over at a mate's the night before and had gone swimming before he came home. That and the rest of us were cleaning and he didnt' want to do that. The dr also had a lovely time trying to make me feel bad for not noticing that Teddy's tongue was what. Um Hel-lo? He's 9 - I don't check his tongue. God knows where it's been.

So home we go and there goes my plans for the day.

Pick up the girls in the late afternoon and that's when things really went to Hell. It was supposed to be 40 degrees yesterday. I had several people point out how lucky we were that it wasn't - I think it only it 38. Yes, I'm brimming with gratitude right now. As I'm cooking dinner, the power goes out. Of course. Sadly, I had already started and since it's a gas stove, I was able to finish it. Time rolls on and we go outside to eat as now it's REALLY stinkin' hot. Survive dinner...yes, we survive it here, and then Ted gets home. It turns out that the power is out because a huge tree has fallen over on the power lines up by the school and NO ONE has power. Ted is worried because he knows what an ungodly, miserable, harpie from-Hell monster I become when it's hot and the power's out so he suggests that we find other accomodations for the night.

So we did. Our friend Sally very graciously took us, the dog and the kitten into her home. Her home that has 2 kids, 2 cats and 1 dog and only air-conditioning on the top floor. Her home with one child who has just broken his arm and is still in the, "Mom, can you exhale for me? No! You didn't do it right, get me a pillow" stage. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and fully understand that now she screens her calls from me.

As we're entering the house, Sasha and Squeak (Sal's cat) exchange interspecies pleasantries, scare my kitten who had managed to work out a way to open the carrier bag he was in and the 3 of them when screaming out the front door. Sadly, I followed. Rounded up my animals, got Monty back in the bag, Sasha outside with Solly (Sals' dog) and then, the thunder began. Both Solly and Sasha are scared to death of thunder so Solly had to be brought in which scared the Hell out of Connor who wouldn't go upstairs so she sat on the arm of the couch and kept bumping Will's broken arm. Teddy was walking around to get away from Connor and managed to find the 1 piece of broken glass left from an accident a few days ago and proceeded to bleed everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere. He went between being perfectly fine and ripping and tearing around the house; therefore bleeding everywhere to feeling too injured to move and just bleeding on the floor. At least we managed to keep him out of the bedrooms upstairs as Sally had just gotten new carpet and I think she would have stabbed my eyes out if he bled on it. As it was, she and Ted spent a lot of time following me around while I mopped up the blood, "Here, you need more wine"

Let's see, what was next. Ahhh, the crowning jewel. At Sally's I learned that Teddy's big huge field trip coming up on Wed was actually Tuesday, you know, the next day. So I had brought the wrong uniform - needed the sports one. Sasha is becomming unglued so it was decided that I would take Sasha home and crate her during the storm and get Teddy's uniform. As I drove home I could see the work crews working furiously on the trees and the power lines - man - that is hard work. Thank you by the way. Your efforts are appreciated. Sorry also for having to listen to me scream and swear like that as I turned onto my street and saw that we had power.

Yep, the power was back on. We went through all of that for about 3 hours of the power being off. Dropped dog off, called Sally and said I was turning around. Dead silence greeted me as I walked in as the kids were boiling over with rage because we were now not spending the night. As soon as I spoke Tessi's head swung around like Reagan in The Exorcist and then the real screaming began.

Got everyone home eventually and finally into bed. Had to get Teddy to school by 7:15 this morning after we learned that he left his sneakers at Will's house...3 days ago. He didn't think to mention this fact. Not even when he was at Will's house last night and could have grabbed them. I found an old pair that hadn't survived a washing and told him to wear them until his feet fell off at the ankles.

Is it any wonder that I'm having a hard time finding a tv show to watch? How can I possibly find anything more creative, far-fetched and unique than what is my own life.? I'm leaving for the beach in 2 days. As of right now...I'm not coming back. And I don't like the beach. That should tell you something.

Whiney Children Plus Tired Mother =

2009-10-29T19:38:00.002+11:00

Chaos and Carnage.

Come on, did you expect anything else? At cricket training tonight Connor lost her thongs. In America they are known as flip flops but here, much to my chagrin, thongs. Anyway, she lost them because she took them off and didn't look for them. I have to state that because to mere mortals it would seem obvious that was how they were lost. I mean aliens didn't come take them off her feet - yes, I asked.

Anyway, the point of this story comes when I cracked and I looked for them. Yes I did because Connor couldn't find them. In all fairness how could she? They were not hanging around Caitlyn's neck or on top of the playscape or even hidden around Tom's shoulders. See, those were all the places Connor was looking, anywhere BUT on the ground where they were.

Here's the kicker. As I was yelling at her for not looking, she LAUGHED....she actually LAUGHED at me. A rational person would have known that with Connor and her inability to read social cues that she had no idea that laughing at that time was the incorrect thing to do. A rational person would know that. Since I however am anything but rational I sent her to sit in the car before I snapped and killed her in front of everyone.

The kids are playing with Monty now and I am staying far, very far away from them. I think it's better this way. When I can say Connor's name without grinding my teeth to powder I will leave my sanctuary and put them to bed. I figure they'll be down by midnight.

In the End, John Lee Hooker was Right

2009-10-29T07:59:00.003+11:00

"I Need Some Money" - truer words were never spoken. To be able to buy a crappy fixerupper house we need at LEAST $50K in the bank, another $40K for a new car that will separate the kids (third row is MANDATORY) I'll be honest, I'm eying that ipod iTouch like no one's business and would a little plastic surgery be so wrong?

Apparently. Alrighty then. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and look for some sort of gainful employment. My skill set is useless here. For some reason Australia is INSISTING on not basing there legal system on the one used in America so my paralegal skills are worth bubkis. Plus I have to be home to take the kids to and from school every work day. Plus I need to be available for swim lessons, cricket training, after school events and of course, stay home with 10 minutes warning in case any one of 3 children are sick.

What do you think? Prime Minister right? CEO of Hasbro? Editor of Cosmopolitan? No problems getting some sort of fun job that pays at least $60K a year. Yep. I'll go start buying my work clothes now.

Nice try anyway. Off to do laundry and medicate angry kitty and keep curious and annoyed dog away from said kitty.

Red Sun at Night; Salior Delight. Red Sun at Dawn; Salior Take Warn.

2009-09-23T10:13:00.004+10:00

Ok, what does that mean for red air? In Sydney today we all woke up to a red/orange sky. It was a lot like that cheesy Schwarzenegger movie about living on Mars. The color is surreal. Driving on the street the blue traffic lights look turquoise.

It seems that we had a serious wind storm last night after the rain. Very serious and it has blown dust out from waaaayyyy out yonder into the coastal region. So we wake up with the red dawn. The schools are keeping all the kids inside today. The air smells like the inside of a closet, an OLD closet. I'm taking this a cue that I should not do laundry and hang it outside as I really don't need to wash the red dust off.

Will keep everyone posted if this turns out to be worse than I think it is now.

Gonna Pay for This One...

2009-09-14T03:17:00.003+10:00

It's 3:15 am and I've been up for over 2 hours. The death cold/flu/plague/seasonal allergies that has a grip on me woke me up to remind that my throat hurt and that my eyes are watery. Lovely, Now, I can't sleep. I've done nothing to prep for school tomorrow so it's 3 kids off to 2 different schools, make lunches, do bank books, Connor's home reader, doing the girls' hair and I think I left a load of laundry in the washer.

Nice. Can't even crawl back to bed after drop off because I need to help a friend. No Judie, don't even tell me never mind, I'm showing up. I'll be whinning and generally annoying but I'll be there.

I'm thinking I'll go back to bed now and wake up at 6. Maybe if I'm lucky I can force myself to be in a good mood. I doubt it, but I hope. Good news is that Teddy's birthday is this week. My little man is going to be 9. That doesn't seem possible. Of course, if doesn't lose some of his attitude and grossness, he may not make it to 9. It's a day by day challenge around here. I may have to do a daily recap - just a simple, "He Lived" at 8pm. Maybe Teddy is the original "The Boy who lived," I hope he is, then maybe he could use some magic to send away my cold.

So much for the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave

2009-09-13T18:46:00.002+10:00

I just read an article in the Sydney paper today that just chapped my hide completely. Apparently there is a movie about Charles Darwin that is not going to be picked up by American movie theaters not because it's a crap film; no, no, because it's too controversial. Apparently a movie depicting Charles Darwin's life is just too shocking for most Americans because only 39% believe in Evolution. I wonder if the polls interviewed anyone OUTSIDE the Bible Belt states.

There is a website - don't bother, I'm not giving them press here, that discusses and rates films for their Christian audience. Fair enough, I think it's fine to have your own views; however they have the audacity to imply that Darwin's theories regarding evolution are somehow a direct link to Hitler's attempt to butcher an entire group of people. Yep, according to these folks, Darwin gave Hitler food for thought and that let to his atrocities.

Apparently it's websites and groups like these nut jobs who are persuading the theaters not to run this movie. They'll buy crap like, "Dude, Where's My Car, "Starship Troopers" and "Hannah Montana," but a biography about an important historical figure - whether you agree with him or not; you have to concede he was significant, this film gets pushed back.

What a bunch of lame asses. I am disgusted that people like this get to run the show for everyone. So much for free thought. If you're part of the majority Christian group it's all good, hell you can even claim to be a persecuted minority. For the rest of us, we have to sit and lump it and "tolerate" your backwards opinions otherwise we get labeled as persecutors.

So just when I think it's good to be in the States I get reminded of why I wanted to move to Australia. Not even sure I want to see the film. Doesn't matter, at least I get to decide, for myself. Just like I USED to be able to do back home. Shame you. Shame on all of you who allow this nonsense.

Ah-Choooo

2009-09-11T19:43:00.002+10:00

Sick for a solid month now. Yep, a month. I've got some sort of cold/flu/allergies/swine flu/schistosomiosis thing that is reapidly sucking the will to live right out of me. Every couple of days a fever comes out, the sore throat, cough, body aches and it just repeats. Now I have this eye gunk thing happening that's either pink eye or allergies to the new spring. I give up. I've been pouring every drug down my throat that's nothing legal left to try. Tomorrow after cricket I may go out and score my first hit of crack.

Hey, don't judge me. My laundry room is exploding, there are clothes on the line from days ago. The dishes in the sink? I think most are from today - I remember doing some washing up earlier but I can't be sure if that was today or 3 days ago. Cooking dinner? Ha, ha, ha. You're funny. Tonight we had the ever entertaining and nutritious cold cereal. Take Sasha to the dog park? Fun-ny! Now I'm just opening the front door and only slightly hoping she comes back. Of course that is doing WONDERS for my campaign to get a kitten. Ted is really confidant about my abilities to care for yet another living creature right now. If he would count the dust bunnies as living creatures my stats would be WAY up.

It's 7:51pm on a Friday night. Ted's out gallivanting around and I'm counting the seconds until 8:30 when I can finally get Teddy down and I can crawl off to bed. We have an 8am cricket game tomorrow. The first of the season. I'm so not ready. I plan on sleeping through the game. Considering how exciting cricket is...Under 9's cricket nonetheless this should not be that difficult.

Time for Another Parenting Award

2009-08-27T07:37:00.002+10:00

Connor is still breathing. Yep, that's it. I get an award for allowing her to continue to breathe. Not that imppressive you mutter? Well, obviously you either have no children or you simply have not met Connor. Regardless, the fact that this child breathes is a true marvel and when other parents find out I will be lauded as the Second Coming of Greatness...or something like that.

I went to bed early (shock, I know) but this time I went because I'm sick. Ted had an important corporate basketball game so I put the kids to bed and while under the influence of cold medicine that was enough of a feat that I simply went to bed. At some point in the middle of the night Connor barged in my room and wanted to know if it was time to get up. I couldn't even turn over to check the time, I just croaked, "No! Go back to bed!" I think I threw in a "damnit" but I'm not sure. It was really good cold medicine. She stormed back out, muttering how much she loved me...or hate me, I'm not sure. Anyway, about 5:30 - I know this because this time when I opened my eyes, I was facing the clock, it began. "I WANT MY BREAKFAST! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST! MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY" Lather, rinse, repeat.

I dragged myself out of bed and out my room and kicked in her door. "WHAT are you DOING?" I shouted in a hoarse whisper, didn't want to wake Tessi. Connor starts crying and telling me her tummy is rumbling and wants her breakfast. Of course Tessi bolts up. I suggested that she lay back down and I will get her breakfast at a more civilized hour. Of course I phrased this in a most unpleasant, very non-June Cleaver-like manner. I'm sure there were some threats of bodily harm and permanent removal of Barbie dolls and burning of dress-ups. Again, I'm not really sure as the cold medicine was helping me to see the Grateful Dead dancing bears floating on the ceiling. No matter, when I left, Connor was still sobbing and I was passed out again in a few minutes.

At 6:15 I dragged myself out of bed, opened the girls room and said, "Alright you can get up now" Then I went and released the hound and let her outside. Hmmm, no girls. Odd. Got Sasha back inside and now Tessi was crawling out, literally. She likes to pretend to be a baby pussy cat first in the morning. Don't ask. We've decided to think it's cute. Still no Connor. I went into the kitchen to brew my first cup of courage and then Madame pops out. She had fallen asleep. Grrr. What does she want for breakfast? "I want nothing. I'm not hungry," she cries at me. Offended that I was annoyed at her.

She's breathing Ladies and Gentlemen. Still alive. I'm still waiting another 15 minutes before I do her hair because I'm still concerned that I might strangle her with the hair bow.

The other day a friend asked how I was doing and I responded, "I'm a SAHM with 3 kids and a dog" Her response? A very sad, "Ohhhh" Yeah. That's how I am. Just mail my award to me, I'm too tired to make it to the ceremony.

Shakespere was Wrong...

2009-08-24T16:23:00.002+10:00

Don't kill all the lawyers, get the weathermen, forecasters, meteorologists or whatever they want to be called now. How the Hell does anyone with an IQ over 80 look at a computer weather prediction program and get high of 27 and windy (which is the mid 80's) and end up with 17 ( mid 60's) and rainy?
I sent two children to school in summer uniforms today and hung out 3 loads of laundry. Thank you twits, I hope you choke on my wet laundry. When I spend an hour tonight listening to Connor sob at me about how cold she was today I will be thinking of you.

A Wii Game Not for the Masses

2009-08-22T07:05:00.003+10:00

I just read an article about a Wii game called, "House of the Dead -Overkill" Mainly I skip info about games like this because there isn't a chance in Hell it'll be played on my Wii anyway. But this was on the Sydney Morning Herald and I thought I'd just glance at it. Apparently a parent bought the game, with it's MA+ warning and was shocked that it was really profane and inappropriate for his teenager who normally is ok with this stuff. So I guess it should have come with an extra label, "No, this one is REALLY MA+, we're serious!"

I understand being caught unaware if you're not into gaming and you didn't expect to see blood and gore on a Strawberry Shortcake game but come on. Give me a break. This game comes with a damn corpse on the cover. What did this guy think the game was going to be, Monopoly? Use your head. Don't pull the, "But the rating system didn't warn me, I've played other games with that warning and it was ok" It's a generic label meant to loosely inform, it can not, tell you what you need to know in order to make a correct decision for your family. It's people like you, the whiners about labels that force us ALL to have to go the extra mile to get things. We get labels, warnings, games behind special counters that you have to have permission to buy. If YOU had looked into it first and YOU knew what you were buying then the rest of us wouldn't have to go through so much hassle.

Parents, we are NOT on the same side as our children. You do NOT need to be their friend. They have enough friends and so do you. I consider it a badge of HONOR that my son is pissed at me right now because I will not let him take his "Rise of Nations game online"; he can only play it on the computer and not hook up with his friends until I can determine how safe the online community is for him. In fact he and his mates are all walking around, muttering about "Ted's damn mother" - I smile with pride.

Do some research. There is a miracle invention called the Internet. Really, it's kind of spiffy. Google the name of the game BEFORE you buy it and see what reviews are of it. For Christ's sake, you can look at screen shots of the games online and SEE if your precious angel can see images of bodies climbing in and out of tombs before you buy the game and then return it in a huff.

Quick! A chance to Blog!

2009-08-17T10:04:00.002+10:00

I'm here! At the computer, nothing else to do, nowhere to go just yet and all alone. A perfect chance for me to sit and share my reflections of life with the masses. Obviously, now would be a good time to have some reflections. Perhaps even just a small musing? Apparently not.

Sigh...writer's block and nothing to say. Can any of us stand another rant about Teddy? That kid is totally off his tree by the way, he's not going to be happy until I'm completely nuts too. Connor? She's a 5 year old female, 'nuff said. Tessi? Yeah, she's still Tessi. Last night we had friends over and at the end of the evening she stood in the doorway and yelled outside, "You need to leave NOW!" Yep, that's my girl.

Today I'm off to enjoy some sans kinder time. I'm going to a ceramics class. Apparently one can be a talentless fop and still be taught to do something creative with paint. I can sew, scrapbook, quilt a bit and other crafts of that ilk but paint? Not so much. The woman running the class assurred me that she "makes the talentless talented" but we'll see. If nothing else I'll be out of the house and will not have to be concerned with the latest happenings of Miley Cyrus - whom Connor has just figured out is Hannah Montana. Nor will I have to hear one.more.stinking.word about "Rise of Nations", which apparently Teddy wants more than the ability to breathe.

Wish me luck! Let's hope it doesn't look too much like Picasso's stuff.

All Princess All the Time

2009-08-02T15:52:00.005+10:00

>Wow. Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes. Do I really have to explain this one? Didn't think so. The Disney Machine is a forced to be reckoned with, that's for sure. These people are masters, absolute masters at getting people to part with their money.

My friend Penny and I took our girls to see the Princess show and the girls were in their element. The girls are both dressed as Belle although Connor refused to wear the crenalin underneath so the dress screams of “barmaid” to me, but she was happy. We participated in the face painting and nail polish as they were the only free things there. I'm still in awe of what Australians are willing to pay this stuff. This stuff is expensive in the States but here. Yikes!!!

The girls loved seeing Ariel, of course, who doesn't? No one liked seeing the dragon and Malificent from Sleeping Beauty but all was forgiven when Cinderella appeared. Mulan also did a performance wmade Connor happy as that's one of her favorites and isn't as popular as the Holy Trinity: Ariel, Belle and Cinderella.

I didn't get too many shots inside the theatre; too busy handing out popcorn. But back at the car Tinkerbelle and the other princesses heard that the mean mommies didn't stop at the incredibly overpriced merchandising stalls after the show and left bags of toys and lollies for the girls. All 3 loved getting the dolls and read along CD's but honestly, I think they were more thrilled with the lollies and chocolates. Take that Disney!

The princesses left a bag of kit kats for the mommies too...unfortunately no wine. Next year we're bringing a flask.

Why, why, WHY

2009-07-27T12:49:00.003+10:00

does my twit son not understand that hiding apples he doesn't want to eat in his backpack does not work? Getting ready for school to start tomorrow and I just dug out 4, count 'em, FOUR damn apples in his bag from 3 weeks ago!!!!!!!!!!! One is so rotten my fingers just went through it to the core. Still scrubbing my fingers.

All I need to know I really did learn in Kindergarden. BOYS ARE GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Think We May Have a Winner....

2009-07-23T08:20:00.002+10:00

Just dropped Tessi off at preschool and soon will be taking Connor to dance camp and then Teddy to CSI camp. Dare I say it? I will be child-free. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Sorry, was that outloud? I have to go to Connor's camp early to watch their show so in essence, it's just a few hours but I don't care. I can go to any store I want, I can go home, I can stand in the middle of the street and cry if I want! No one shouting, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

And there was much rejoicing.

Rejoicing also because I'm also going to pick the new Wii game Wii Sports Resort today. I wasn't going to buy it because of the obvious Nintendo price gauging...$50 in US but $100-$125 in Australia but good 'ole Toys R Us has come through with $70. That I can live with...sort of. It's still a LOT of money but the entertainment for the masses should balance it. That I and I WANT TO PLAY IT! It has jet ski for God's sake.

I'm off to start the day! Whooo Hooo!!

Technology Is Amazing

2009-07-20T17:06:00.002+10:00

Right now, as I type this blog, I am educating myself. I am listening to an audiobook on the computer while I waste time writing my blog. Outstanding. New and inventive ways to waste while enriching my mind. Well, it would be enriched if the book had some sort of academic merit. But the point is that if I CHOOSE to I can become intellectual again.

I have the technology.....

Manic Mondays

2009-07-20T07:52:00.003+10:00

Here we are....the second week of school holidays. So far no one has called the cops on me...at least as far as I know, there may be a backlog. So I'm calling it good. Just took Tessi to school and Teddy and Connor are fighting over...as God as my witness, I have no idea. I just here yelling and I'm tuning it out. I'm going to wait until actually bleeding starts before I do anything. I'm not even 1/2 through my 2nd cup of tea for God's sake....no jury would convict.

Today we are meeting with Connor's pediatrician. In OZ you only see the pediatrician for serious things...everything else is done by a gp. Today I want to talk to the dr about Connor and her anxiety issues. I'm trying to get her looked at by Children's Westmeade Development Center, as suggested by her Kindy teacher. I would swear on my limited knowledge of Autism that Connor has Asperger's. This should be impossible since she started with a profound speech delay. But everything about her screams Asperger's. Inappropriate emotions, savant-like memory of the obscure and inane and zero memory of what the rest of us perceive as important.

I'm hoping to find some more insight into this insane affliction. 4 years of living in the Spectrum really hasn't taught me all I need to know. In fact, not even close. One of my favorite pearls of wisdom about all of this, "Something may be a definate sign of Autism; unless it isn't" I love that one. Meaning that lining up toys all in a row can be a massive red flag for Autism; unless of course your child just likes to line things up...then it isn't a sign. No wonder so many of us parents go barking mad.

So we'll see what Dr. Cohen says today. If anything. He may just tell me to unclench and relax. Oh so helpful. Another pearl of wisdom people have for parents of Autistics. Please do me one favor, those of you who do NOT have a loved one on the Spectrum. If only just today, if you meet someone who's child is Autistic, do NOT tell them to relax, that everything will be alright. As helpful as you think you are being; you really are being the opposite. We don't get to relax. We have to on guard all the time, watchful for new signs and symptoms to start therapy for and have to constantly explain our child's odd behavior and try to plan for the future. You see, for your children at ages 5 and 4, they still have boundless options. Mine do not. Mine already have limits and the more I do now...at a young age...the more of a chance they have in the future to exceed those limits.

Well, that turned out to be more of a rant than I was planning. Must be the cold medicine and the fighting over...sigh...still don't know what that was all about. If I'm honest though, I really don't want to know.

Rugger Died Yesterday

2009-07-17T16:42:00.002+10:00

Sara sent me a frantic message to contact her this morning. She didn't want to tell me by email. Rugger has been sick for a long time. She and Trip did everything they could. I don't even know what they spent trying to save this poor dog but they tried. Finally the vet said enough. Rugger was put to sleep yesterday to stop her pain. She was 11 years old. I'm grateful to them for having the courage to not allow that beautiful creature to suffer.

Ted and I adopted Rugger when she was 3 months old. She had already lived in the shelter for 1 1/2 months and was so timid. The lady who introduced us said she never saw that dog go up to anyone. We laughed, just assuming that she would say anything to get the dog a home. We sat on the floor and she came right up to me and put her snout on my shoulder. That was it. She was ours. The girl at the counter was writing it all up and said that she was all black. Ted piped up, 'All Black? She's an All Black? She's a rugby player!" And Rugger came home with us.

Turns out the woman was right, Rugger hated everyone, but us. She was afraid of her own shadow. It wasn't until Teddy was born 2 years later that Rugger came around and became a great kids dog. She was the most ball obsessed animal I ever encountered. Chip came over once and threw the ball up the stairs for the entire time of a football game...over 3 hours and Rugger ran for it every time.

Sadly, we lost Rugger when we moved to Australia because of Ted's idiot company and a dishonest vet technician. But our neighbors Sara and Trip stepped up and took her in. I felt so guilty about losing Rugger, I thought I might lose my mind, but it helped knowing that she was with a great family. Sara and Trip made a beautiful life for her and I know she was a happy dog.

Rugger could be the biggest pain in the ass around but she loved us all and was desperate to please. I will miss her.

Rugger came to us because some human was irresponsible with her or her parents. Please, stop the cycle. Spay or neuter your pets. There are too many animals lying alone in shelters right now. Your dog does not NEED to have at least one litter of puppies. There are too many. Grow up, take care of your dog now.

Another Day in the Trenches

2009-07-15T06:35:00.002+10:00

I suppose really, this is what motherhood is....a kind of a battlefront. Each day I wake up, survey the damage of the field, prioritize resources, rouse the troops, deploy, battle the day on multiple front lines, in variably retreat and recoup and then rest a bit and plan for another attack. Sounds good but we'll never get anywhere until the government gives me real defense funding.

Anyway, here we are again. Took kids to Darling Harbour yesterday and went to Wild Life World. Not too bad. A couple issues with crying and whining, not all from me. By far the funniest moment was when Tessi asked to go stand by a wall and I THOUGHT look at a empty outback exhibit. Turns out she didn't see the glass wall and BOOM hit it full force with her forehead. She wanted to sit on the pretty red rocks. It took everything I had not to fall apart laughing. She was so mad that she refused to sit on the wombat statue for a picture. I'm sorry, I'm aware this makes me a bad mother, but man was that funny.

We came home exhausted, as you do and now of course, I'm sick. Nothing serious, just a cold with a huge dose of laryngitis. Should make the kids happy as I don't have a sound over a course whisper. Fortunately I have one in preschool and one in a cricket camp. That will help.

Good news, found out that Damn Dog is not now a ferocious killer. Well she is, just not a danger to humans. The vet called last night and talked to Ted. Apparently the unfortunate guinea pig massacre has no bearing on her status as a kids dog. He's known many a dog of Sasha's breed to be perfect for kids and family yet be on wanted posters for rodents and the like. Still thinking of changing her name to Cujo. It just seems to work.

Off to rouse the troops. I wonder if Patton ever had laryngitis?

What is Etiquette Regarding Your Dog Killing Animals?

2009-07-13T13:31:00.002+10:00

Just curious. Not like I need to know or anything. Nope, not me. But however, if I did need to know what to do if, oh I don't know, my dog kills a friend's guinea pig. I mean, what does Emily Post say about a friend being willing to watch your dog at her place and within 5 minutes of being there said dog charges out the back yard, rips open the guinea pig hutch, drags a poor rodent out and shakes it to death...all in front of the sobbing little girl who owns the animal? Is there a card for that? Is there anything socially acceptable to do other than drowning myself in a bucket of water on her front porch?

Nahhh, I didn't think so either. Yep, Sasha pulled a good one on Saturday. Killed my friend's daughter's pet. Nice one. Pip doesn't want me replace the guinea pig either. Trying desperately to replace the hutch (there are 2 other guinea pigs left...apparently Sasha is slow) but she's fighting me on that one too. She really doesn't want me to be upset about this. Not sure how not to be. I mean come, what kind of whack job dog does this? Oh yeah, MY dog, that's right. Googled "dog kills guinea pig" and found a LOT of hits so apparently this is not uncommon. Still feel awful though. Reminds me of watching my dog get hit and killed by a car when I was 6...ah yes, good times. Apparently Pip's daughter is alright. Cried for a bit and is beyond it. Much healthier mentally this kid is than I am.

Am trying to decide if we should change Sasha's name to Killer, Bundy or Cujo. Cujo has a nice ring to it.

Oh God, I'm really not good at this macabre humor. Everyone else around me is making jokes and I just feel so damn guilty. Sigh...next pet is going to be an imaginary one. I swear it.

Why Can't Parenting Be Fun?

2009-07-10T08:13:00.002+10:00

Or should I say disciplining children? I mean why do I have to sit and listen to shrieks upon shrieks upon shrieks just because Connor has decided that she's going to teach me a lesson? She's been crying since last night; ever since I had she needed to eat her veggies. By veggies I mean two kernals of corn. She went to bed early, she's had no breakfast this morning, she's lost her canteen order, she's sitting in the hall while her siblings play game and she is determined to win.

I offered a compromise, eat one kernal and her response that she think it would be more fair for her to not eat the corn and to get her canteen order today. So by fair I'm guessing she's shooting for a total win. Not exactly the compromise I had in mine. In 30 minutes she will be Mrs. Kayes' problem. Kindergarden teachers deserve combat pay.

To All of Those Who are Sick With Laughter...

2009-07-08T12:54:00.002+10:00

...I mean sick with concern over the cake baking incident.

I don't know what the Hell I was thinking when I was pouring the oil. I got done and suddenly thought, man, I don't remember EVER using that much oil in a cake mix before. Then I thought, "Maybe it's an Aussie thing" Then I remembered that it was one of the mixes that Ted brought over so it was a regular cake.

Yes, I did bake it. There was a little batter left over so I also baked a very small cake to taste. Yes it did form a solid-like substance. Definitely solid. Almost a gelatinous form. I gave it to the kids to try. No, I wasn't going to try it myself first. They wolfed it down and asked for more. But to be fair unless I said it was broccoli cake they would do that. Not seeing kids drop over I knew it was safe to try so I did as they say, give it a go. Not bad but a decidedly odd texture.

So I'm going to use to make birthday boy's cake. I took the big cake and froze it so I could get it ready to frost in a few days. He said he didn't want a whole lot of cake this year so as the ever-dutiful wife I am humbly compliant.

Daddy's Girl

2009-07-08T08:06:00.002+10:00

If ever there was any doubt whose Connor's father is...this should kill it. Connor had to get new glasses...our last effort at avoiding surgery and what does she pick? The purple ones. Blunt about it too. "I'm picking purple because it's my daddy's favorite color" Yep, Daddy's girl. Always has been too.

Cake Baking Query

2009-07-07T12:56:00.002+10:00

So, just because I'm curious, not because I have first hand experience or anything....how bad is it to put 1 1/3 cups of oil into cake batter when it turns out the very, very, very small print actually said 1/3 cup of oil?

One could hope that it means that the cake will be very, very moist. One could also hope that the cake would still become something scientists would agree could be classified as a solid. One could also hope for the Easter Bunny to tag team with Santa and drop off $50 million in non-traceable cash.

Bugger.

I hate cooking, I really do.

When I Hit the Lottery, Send the First Check Here...

2009-07-05T23:03:00.002+10:00

http://www.southernoceanlodge.com.au/

Just click on this link and you'll see why. It's 11pm and I've just been woken up to help with Tessi. She's thrown up all over everything and now after the washing machine has been started, I am now awake. Of course. Sasha, who has been doing so well on be house trained, just blew her first evening out of the crate by of course, going potty on the floor. So here I am, in the computer room, surfing for paradise.

Well, I'm not sure if this is it...but it's pretty damn close. The Southern Ocean Lodge is on Kangaroo Island, which is off of the Australian southern coast line, just near Adelaide. For my American friends - on the bottom, right in the middle. This place is just amazing to me. I am not a beach person but this is how I would love to watch the ocean. No sand in my swimsuit, no stepping on jellyfish, no worrying about sharks and no freezing water. Just a comfy couch, next to a roaring fire and the view of a lifetime.

Of course at $3600 a night these pictures are about as close as I'm going to get. They do offer a 4 night package which would only be $5200 and you do get a complimentary bottle of champagne. I know, I can't even justify it to myself in my dreams. But it is certainly pretty to look at...and dream through the computer.

Sigh...do the kids really need to go to college?

Why Does He Force Me to Kill Him?

2009-07-01T11:34:00.002+10:00

I just posted on Facebook a long list of the odd looking and smelling things I just removed from Teddy's room. I'm not going to list it again here because I'm so annoyed now I'm afraid that posting it again will force me to go up to school now to kill him rather than wait until after wards.

But for the love of God, why, why, WHY does he does this?! How can he NOT know that I will find rotting apples in his room? Who doesn't know that? Other than my son? I don't even want to give him a chance to explain. I swear if I tell him what I found I'll hear, "Oh, you found that, huh? I wondered what that smell was." Or worse.."Something smells bad in my room? Hm, I didn't know that."

That's it. I quit for the day. I think a foot massage is in order. Got to get primed before I kick his little tush home.

Must Remember to Blog

2009-06-30T20:24:00.002+10:00

New mantra. Must remember to blog. hmmmmm Must remember to blog. hmmmmmm

We'll see how that goes. It would help if I had something interesting to say other than the latest twitisms of my children. Yes, I did just make that word up and no, you can't use it.

Will work harder on blogging. After I get the house cleaned, do the laundry, train the dog not to steal and eat rolls of toilet paper (please, don't ask), get Teddy to remember to either change his socks more often then every 24 hours or to put on socks just before he leaves for school, get Connor's hair done to her satisfaction and convince Tessi she doesn't have to start planning for her birthday party...in 11 months. Yeah, after all of that.

Maybe I'll just start copying Cathy cartoons here....either that or Baby Blues.

$62 to Learn She has a Cold.

2009-06-19T12:53:00.002+10:00

Plus I got a lecture on how fever is good for the body and how over the counter decongestants and antihistamines are counter-productive and should not be used.

Great. Tessi has a fever of 102 (39) for 3 days, hacking cough that's getting worse, not eating and by her standards lethargic but I get the new mom treatment. Honestly. I have 3 children. I know that fevers are good and I have NEVER complained about a child that was lethargic. Hell, I've begged for them. This guy wasn't our regular dr but he could see that her chart was very light...only about 3 visits in over 2 years and again, she's the youngest of 3. Come on. Give me a break.

So stay home, drink liquids and take panadol (tylenol) At least he could have offered me the token cough syrup that makes them sleep. That's too much to ask?

And the Troll Mommy of the Year Award Goes to...

2009-06-18T16:16:00.002+10:00

Yep ME!!!!!!!!! Whooo Hooooo!!! I don't even know who to thank first for this honor! What was it that finally tipped me over my compete tors you ask? Well I manage to get not 1, not 2 but ALL 3 children sobbing in the car on the way to McDonald's to buy them ice cream! I even threatened that no crying child would receive ice cream and that STILL wasn't enough to get them to stop! Oh yes, Ladies and Gentlemen....I am that good. Not many people can make children cry while driving them to get ice cream. All you moms out there who whine about having your children hate you. Please, step back. You are mere pretenders to the throne.

As you can guess, I am in a daze right now. Honestly, I thought I was doing a nice thing. How was I supposed to know that Tessi (who has been sick at home for 2 days with a fever) would throw a Mega Block Cinderella swan at Connor and split her lip open and then fall to the ground sobbing because Connor didn't say, "That's ok" when she said sorry? How was I supposed to know that Tessi would get made at Teddy for teasing me in the car by saying I was mean and start to sob? Then again maybe I should have known that Teddy would lean over to Connor and whisper, "You're weird" and then look SHOCKED when she started to cry. However NO ONE could have planned that we would see Delaney (Connor's BFF) and Kassie walking down the street and when I rolled down the window to see if they needed a lift (it's pouring rain) that Connor would scream out the window, "We're going to McDonald's because my sister hit me in the lip and it's bleeding and my brother called me weird" and that of course made Teddy burst into tears because Connor just told all of Normanhurst what happened.

As I'm trying to plan how best to drive the car into the medium at top speed to cut down on the crying noise I made the mistake of pointing out to Teddy that he did, in fact, call his sister weird. As you would guess that made him cry more. I just pulled the car over and waited for the sobbing to cease. In the end we did get ice cream....manly because I wanted it and because I really didn't want to go home yet.

Connor has just informed me that she is now happy about the swan flinging incident because now her tooth is loose and the tooth fairy will be coming soon. It's not but hey, if it stops some crying I have no problem perpetuating the lie. Now If I can just Ted that all the pain will go away as soon as I get a spa vacation somewhere then yes, Life will be complete.

Sick Days are No Fun

2009-05-25T09:44:00.002+10:00

Even knowing that being home sick will bring no joy to his life, Teddy is home. So, he must be sick. I'm not one of those cool moms...if you're sick, you're in bed, no tv, no DS, no computer. In short...it sucks. A lot. Teddy started catching a cold yesterday and this morning woke up feverish and miserable. His education week concert is tomorrow so I figured keep him home today loaded up on drugs and maybe he'll be ok tomorrow.

I saw a friend at school, still had to take Connor in, who also has sick children. The one who wasn't sick was trying to convince that she was. Explained how I do things and both looked horror struck. Poor sick Teddy looked up at them with the, "Can I go to your house?" look. See, they get a free day. Home sick and you can do whatever you want. It's party time. Then again, her kids all like her and mine are actively plotting to drive me insane. She's a good mom. I'm a troll. That's cool. I'm ok with being the troll. Being the cool mom is overrated anyway.

I'm not totally heartless. I'll make cheese melts for lunch for him...he really likes those. And in the afternoon he can watch a little tv or but computer time. But not a lot. If I lose a child-free day; it has to cost someone something.

New Parenting Moment

2009-05-20T08:11:00.002+10:00

I'm really annoyed at Teddy right now. I mean really. He accused me this morning of lying to him. What did I lie about? Well, last night I said we'd have pasta for dinner and when he got home from rugby we had tacos. I said I couldn't find the pasta so I made tacos. This was all while I was having a killer sinus headache.

This morning he opens the pantry and low and behold there is the pasta. We were just all joking about the best way to score more food from me while I'm working the canteen at school today. Next thing I know he's calling me a liar and that there was pasta there all the time. He was honestly angry with me for lying about the pasta. Only I didn't, I couldn't find it in the pantry and Ted last night dug it out for me and put it where I could find it.

When did we leave the point where he loved me unconditionally and believed in me 100% and move to the point where I'm a liar and hoarding the pasta? Honestly, this is one of those sad moments for me. Obviously I still love him but I feel that there is now a little divide between us that wasn't there before.

I'm soooooo not giving him any freebies at the canteen today unless he says, "I love you Mommy Darling" in front of his friends.

Things that Damn Dog Eats

2009-05-16T17:20:00.003+10:00

I really didn't want a puppy. I believe I've mentioned that before. Sasha, the 5 year old puppy, has reached new levels of absurdity in her eating.
Apples - she jumped up and grabbed an apple that Teddy was dangling in front of her ran back to her crate and snarfed it down...core and all.
Cupcakes in ice cream cones - hit the motherload with this one. Popped up on the counter and found tray with cupcakes going to Connor's class party and very daintily ripped out 2 of them and snarfed them down before anyone was the wiser. Yes, I know dogs can't eat chocolate. Easy there PETA....I'm doing my best to keep it away from her.
Cricket training ball - fortunately it's made of sturdy stuff and I was able to rescue it before she really went to town.
Rolls - any random hot dog rolls, hamburger rolls, dinner rolls.
Cinderella dress shoes - self explanatory
LEGOS - again, you can figure this one out.
Barbie Pediatrician doll - ripped the legs off and spit the bits all over...making a statement?
Hair Bows, Hairbands, etc...again, I think you can figure that out
Any cardboard she can find. Wrappers to things, boxes she rips up
Water, soda, fabric softener bottles - ooooh, these are winners to her. Walks around with them in her mouth before sitting down and ripping them to shreds.
Kids expensive school water bottles - Anything we pay extra for seems to be very yummy.
Egg Shells - Yeah, that one surprised me too. She went into the trash and pulled them out and I found what was left in her crate.
Connor's underwear - So far it's only Connor's; not sure why she's playing favorites.
Socks - All manner and form of socks but especially the tasty $8 a pair school socks of Teddy's. Personally, I think Teddy is feeding her these ones.
Oh, and her dog food. Go figure.

What she doesn't like -
Leftover tea leaves from my cups of tea. I knocked the strainer off the counter and they spilled all over the floor and Damns Dog trotted up happily, gave a sniff, and walked off.
And that's it. She eats EVERYTHING ELSE.

At least she's cute...that's why she still breathes...

Here's The Party Girl

2009-05-15T17:19:00.003+10:00

It's a week later and I finally have put some pictures here. Sorry. It's been a LONG week. Connor turned 5 on Saturday and we had 17 girls over for a party. WHEW! Mercifully I have yet again made friends with someone with an amazingly marketable skill and my friend Kassie ran and dance class party. It was amazing. Connor and Tessi had a blast and Teddy ran for the hills to a friends house. Which was a massive disappointment to the little blonde twin girls who were there because they are in love with him.

Connor was the belle of the ball and had an amazing time. I made the dresses that she, Tessi, Kassie's daugher and Connor's BFF Delaney and Zoe's wore. It was such a girl fest it wasn't even funny. Don't even ask how loud the screaming was when Connor opened the High School Musical CD...dear God - there are cats that can't screetch that loud. God help us during the teen years......

Inherent Failing in the System...

2009-05-06T12:11:00.002+10:00

The problem with "manning up" and having an amazingly constructive day is that the next day is bound to be less constructive and therefore disappointing. Yesterday I had Tessi with me all day. Do I need to list what I got done? 2 kids to school, Tessi's swim lesson, read up 1/3 of one room, picked up kids from school, argued, drove to rugby practice, argued again, drove home had dinner and went to bed right after the girls. Not exactly the uber day I had before.
Today isn't shaping up much better. I have SO much a I have to do and I'm really in danger of stuffing everything up.
Grrrrr. I never wanted to be a super mom. Right now I'd settle for a marginally passing one.

To be Blunt...I Rule.

2009-05-04T18:44:00.005+10:00

It's amazing what 10 hours of continuous sleep and a day with no children can do for you and your abilities to do things. Waking up at 6:50 am (yes, Friends, that IS sleeping in) I managed to feed and water 3 kids and a dog. I had a 20 minute argument with Connor about letting me do her hair, set out hers and Teddy's lunches for THEM to pack in their backpacks. Only told Teddy 4 times to put his shoes on and helped Connor fill out her News Day slip. Get 3 children to different schools.
Then the work began. I went to the shops, sent my cell phone back to be repaired, bought food to make for dinner, had a chat with neighbors MIL who is very nice and very lonely, shopped for remaining goody bag fillers for Connor's party and drove home.
Did 3 loads of laundry and hung them. Yes, they're still on the line...stuff it..I'm on a roll. Then I worked on the 4th dress I have to make and now I'm within 1 hours work of having all 4 princess/dance dresses done for the party. I baked one of the cakes needed for Connor's dance floor cake. Then I rearranged the living room and moved 3 book cases - including two 7 footers onto opposite walls and cleaned and swept the room. Then I went and picked up 3 children from 2 different schools and for I grilled chicken and sun-dried tomatoes on the GRILL (I NEVER do this) and had dinner and even got the kids to eat a bite...then fed them cabonossi...again stuff it...at least they ate something and I was by myself because Ted had to work late. I have the second cake in the oven and it should be done in 10 minutes. I have 30 minutes until the girls go to bed, another 30 after that until Teddy is down and then I may colapse on the floor in a messy heap.
But at least I can say I did SOMETHING today.

My Dog has a Nose Ring

2009-04-29T11:52:00.003+10:00

Yes, she does. Of course to say that Sasha has a nose ring you have to except a few deviations from the standard truth. First you must know that this nose ring started off as Connor's. Second you also know that instead of a nose ring that it was actually an earring. Or course then you must then realize that the earring was actually a puffy sticker from Connor's new My Little Pony sticker book. Finally and lastly you should know that Sasha ate the remaining stickers from Connor's My Little Pony sticker book and what is left is the blue sparkly love heart on her snout. As I was listening to the shrieks of horror from Connor keening for the loss of her earrings, which mercifully were being nicely drowned out by Tessi's mocking of, "Oh Sasha! You can't come to my cooking party" which was harmonized by the sound of of Teddy attempting to blow up the separatists space ships all I could think was, "Wow, a nose ring doesn't look that bad after all" I think I'll get a green one though.

And so endeth the school holidays yesterday. Today Sasha has eaten Tessi's Barbie Vet doll, 2 more of Teddy's rugby balls, a tube of Connor's lip gloss and yet another sock. All of this occurred while I was trying to sew Connor's stinkin' dancing dress for her birthday party for which she announced this morning that she wasn't having a dance party and she wanted a princess party.

I need a nap...far away from here.

Dog Vs. Kids

2009-04-27T16:56:00.002+10:00

Growing older I have found that there really are few mysteries of Life. I think that a person is born, lives and then dies. What happens in between is a series of events that occur based upon the individuals personal beliefs, how they were raised, what random events have helped shape their personality, degree of good health, wealth, and general scenarios that shape and mold what we see and how we feel. There's no great mystery to figuring out that a poor person has to work harder at succeeding in the world than say a very wealthy person. Seriously, you don't need to be a sociology genius to figure that sucker out. Occasionally though we stumble across some situations that a bit more puzzling and that's when we all start questioning the meaning of life.

For me right now my question is to whether or not the dog is actually working with the kids to try and drive me insane of it's some sort of unholy race between the two groups. If so, what is the prize for finally driving me off the cliff?

Sasha is doing a lot better in the house and we seem to be getting along better with her. Except the chewing...the other day she ate a box of strepsils (throat lozenges) and left the chewed up remains on my bed. Today she dug out and ate Teddy's rugby league ball, rugby union ball and tried to eat the AFL ball too before I got to her. This was after I gave her hell for taking the end off of a Cinderella headband, Connor's mermaid slipper and several pieces to the kitchen set of the Barbie house. As I was skyping with my dad today he got see me dragging an ink cartridge box out of her mouth and now I have to figure HOW she managed to unlock the crate door and escape while I went to pick up Tessi from school.

Not to be outdone, Connor has picked no less than 6 fights with me today, ranging from tights, appropriate shoes for cold weather, to being willing to pick out a birthday present for her sister, to what to have for morning tea and how many times she can ask for something when I say no. Tessi was home for 2 minutes before she was in a screaming match with Connor leveling the ultimate insult, "I NOT your friend and you CAN'T come to my cooking birthday party!" Connor countered with, "I can EASILY come to your party; I LIVE HERE!" Actually, I give her props for that response. Pretty clever and she's right. Teddy, level-headed Teddy, can be counted on in these situations to help set things right. "Mommy, have you seen the remote, I want to play the Wii?" Of course all this is happening as I'm in the kitchen trying to start dinner and cleaning up the cous cous that Sasha spilled all over the floor in her 15 minute "Born Free" unchecked rampage through the house.

So I know they are deliberately trying to drive me mad, I really just wonder now how organized the plot has become. If it is fairly organized do they have t-shirts and can I get one? I'll have to see if I can sneak into one of the meetings.

Shameless Begging for Votes for Rock Band

2009-04-22T16:48:00.002+10:00

If either of my 2 readers wouldn't mind...please consider going to this website and voting for Ted's cousin's band. The name is Suckerpunch and JT is trying really hard to get votes to win this for his band.

Thank you!

http://www.wtks.com/pages/monsterBestBand.html

Wedensday Means Rugby, Gymnastics and Preschool

2009-04-22T07:58:00.002+10:00

Or in other words...THEY'RE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just me and the dog BA-BY!

Yesterday was supposed to be the beginning of greatness. Teddy and his friend Will were going to rugby camp and then I'd have the girls and we'd go to the shops and I'd ply them with banana bread and shoes. Unfortunately I am a complete twit and took the boys to camp 1 day early. Yeah, you read that right. Camp didn't start until Wed and here we are 24 hours early sitting in the parking lot with our noses pressed to the car windows wondering where the Hell everyone was. Sigh...and so began another memory making day.

Will's mom works so without rugby camp there was nowhere for him to go so of course he came home with us. Not a problem because I like Will, but it was too wet and soggy for everyone to play outside and we couldn't go anywhere because my car only holds 3 kids. I had actually dragged a friend out of bed to stay with the girls so I could drive the boys to camp - Oh yeah, she LOVES me now. So here we are, 4 kids in the house getting ready to kill each other. I did the only thing I could. I decided that it really wasn't that wet outside and threw them out. This of course drew the neighbor kids out of their house and then I had 6 kids traipsing in and out.

This is the stuff that drinking songs are penned about. Remember the Edmund Fitzgerald? Gordon Lightfoot made millions writing prose about this tragedy. I wonder if I can score a few bucks crooning about angry, wet and bored children?
"There once was an obnoxious child,
who lived to annoy his mother....ooooohhhhaaa
When he ran out of things to wreck and hit, (dum, dum, dummmmm)
his sisters picked up the slack and looked to find others to bother...."

Well, maybe not. Prose never was my specialty. No matter. They are gone to rugby camp (it's actually on today), gymnastics camp and Tessi is back at preschool.

I'm sooooo out of here!!!! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!

Damn Dog is a Chocolate Freak

2009-04-19T19:41:00.002+10:00

You know chocolate - the deadly toxin to dogs? Well Sasha loves it. Is willing to risk Life and Limb to get it. Willing to in cur the wrath of children who are defending freshly made and iced cupcakes. Willing to go toe-to-toe with Tessi over Nutella toast and beat her. Willing to incur my wrath as she jumps up on the kitchen counter to drag away cupcakes

Right now she is lying passively at my feet as I type this. Or so I think. I hear rustling and munching and low and behold she's scored some paper to eat. Looks utterly confused as I swear and yank it from her. She is an eating machine. Bought her a rubber boomerang toy to chew; which she did....until she ate it. Bought her a bone to chew; which she does....until she walks around and finds a place to lose the bone and then she whimpers that she can't find it.

Good God...I've found a dog as nuts as I am. God help us all.

Hold on, I've got to rescue her. She's dug the kids vitamin jar out of the trash and has her snout stuck in it.....

For my pet lovers out there...just chill. I know dog's can't have chocolate and I dragged as much away from her as I could. I put the cupcakes out of reach and the vitamin jar was empty.

Must go now before she grows opposable thumb and can open the fridge.

Planning Girls Birthday Parties

2009-04-16T13:35:00.002+10:00

Yep, it's that time of year again. May for Connor and June for Tessi. Ok, here we go. Connor likes crafts, music and dance. Tessi likes cooking, dance, princess and ballerinas.
For Connor I may try and hire this dance class thing I saw online that will come to your house and make the kids jump up and down for an hour. I like that. Tessi may have a Princess Chef party. Dress as a princess or prince and then make little pizzzas.

I know it sounds ridiculous but honestly those of you who have met Tessi doesn't this sound right up her alley? Teddy will avoid Connor's party like the plague because he is Ted's son and dancing...hm....well...not so much. He's not interested in the princess bit either but if he can score some pizza I bet he'll be on board.

Of course this may all change when Connor and Tessi get home today and I run these ideas by them. But we are running out of time and I have ZERO gumption towards planning parties this year. I think I may have to bribe them into this one. I may offer to let them have one whack each at Teddy.